第98章

IsuspectedthatDonnaIgnaziaexpectedmetomakesomeattemptonherhonour，andfeelingsurethatshewouldresistforthesakeofappearance，Ideterminedtoleaveherinpeace。NextmorningIgotupandwentintotheirroominthehopeofplayingsometrickonthem。

However，thebirdswereflown，andIhadnodoubtthattheyhadgonetohearmass。

DonnaIgnaziacamehomebyherselfatteno’clock。Shefoundmealone，dressed，andwriting。Shetoldmeshehadbeeninthechurchforthreehours。

"Youhavebeentoconfession，Isuppose？"

"No；IwentlastSunday，andIshallwaittillnextSunday。"

"IamverygladthatyourconfessionwillnotbelengthenedbyanysinsI

havehelpedyoutocommit。"

"Youarewrong。"

"Wrong？Iunderstand；butyoumustknowthatIamnotgoingtobedamnedformeredesires。Idonotwishtotormentyouortobecomeamartyrmyself。Whatyougrantedmehasmademefalldeeplyinlovewithyou，anditmakesmeshudderwhenIimaginethatourlovehasbecomeasubjectofrepentancewithyou。Ihavehadabadnight；anditistimeformetothinkofmyhealth。Imustforgetyou，buttobringaboutthateffectI

willseeyounolonger。Iwillkeeponthehouse，butIwillnotliveinit。Ifyourreligionisanintelligentone，youwillapproveofmyidea。

TellyourconfessorofitnextSunday，andyouwillseethathewillapproveit。"

"Youareright，butIcannotagreetoit。Youcangoawayifyoulike，andIshallsaynothing，butIshallbethemostunhappygirlinallMadrid。"

Asshespokethesewords，twobigtearsrolleddownhercheeks，andherfacedropped；Iwasprofoundlymoved。

"Iloveyou，dearestIgnazia，andIhopenottobedamnedformylove。I

cannotseeyouwithoutlovingyouandtothislovesomepositiveproofisessential；otherwise，Iamunhappy。IfIgoyousayyouwillbeunhappy，andifIstayitisIthatwillbeunhappy，myhealthwillberuined。

ButtellmewhichIshalldostayorgo？Say。"

"Stay。"

"Thenyoumustbeaslovingandtenderasyouwerebefore。"

"Alas！Ipromisedtocommitthatsinnomore。Itellyoutostay，becauseIamsurethatineightortendaysweshallhavebecomesoaccustomedtooneanotherthatIshallbeabletoloveyoulikeafather，andyouwillbeabletotakemeinyourarmswithoutanyamoroussentiments。"

"Areyousureofthis？"

"Yes，dearest，quitesure。"

"Youmakeamistake。"

"Letmebemistaken，andbelievemeIshallbegladtobemistaken。"

"Unhappydevotee！"

"Whyunhappy？"

"Nothing，nothing。Imaybetoolong，Ishallendanger……letussaynomoreaboutit。Iwillstay。"

Iwentoutmorepainedwithherstatethanmyown，andIfeltthatthebestthingIcoulddowouldbetoforgether，"for，"saidItomyself，"evenifIdoenjoyheronce，Sundaywillcomeagain；shewillconfess，repent，andIshallhavetobeginalloveragain。Sheconfessedherlove，andflattersherselfthatshewillbeabletosubdueit——afoolishhope，whichcouldonlyexistinamindunderthedominionofprejudice。"

Icamehomeatnoon，andDonDiegodinedwithme；hisdaughterdidnotappeartillthedessert。Ibeggedhertositdown，politely，butcoldly。

HerfatheraskedherjestinglyifIhadpaidheravisitinthenight。

"IneversuspectedDonJaimeofsuchathing，"shereplied，"andIonlyobjectedoutofshyness。"

Iinterruptedherbypraisinghermodesty，andtellingherthatshewouldhavedonequiterighttobewareofme，ifmysenseofdutyhadnotbeenstrongerthananyvoluptuousdesiresinspiredbyhercharms。

DonDiegopronouncedthisdeclarationofloveasgoodasanythingtobefoundinthe"Morted’Arthur。"

HisdaughtersaidIwaslaughingather，butDonDiegosaidhewascertainthatIwasinearnest，andthatIhadknownherbeforetakinghertotheball。

"Youareutterlymistaken，"saidDonnaIgnazia，withsomedegreeoffire。

"Yourfatheriswiserthanyou，senora，"Ireplied。

"What！Howandwhendidyouseeme？"

"AtthechurchwhereIheardmass，andyoucommunicated，whenyouwentoutwithyourcousin。Ifollowedyouatsomedistance；youcanguesstherest。"

Shewasspeechless，andherfatherenjoyedtheconsciousnessofhissuperiorintellect。

"Iamgoingtoseethebullfight，"saidhe；"it’safineday，andallMadridwillbethere，soonemustgoearlytogetagoodplace。Iadviseyoutogo，asyouhaveneverseenabullfight；askDonJaimetotakeyouwithhim，Ignazia。"

"Wouldyouliketohavemycompanionship？"saidshe，tenderly。

"CertainlyIwould，butyoumustbringyourcousin，asIaminlovewithher。"

DonDiegoburstoutlaughing，butIgnaziasaid，slyly，"Itisnotsoimpossibleafterall。"

WewenttoseethesplendidbutbarbarousspectacleinwhichSpaniardstakesomuchdelight。Thetwogirlsplacedthemselvesinfrontoftheonlyvacantbox，andIsatbehindonthesecondbench，whichwasafootandahalfhigherthanthefirst。Therewerealreadytwoladiesthere，andmuchtomyamusementoneofthemwasthefamousDuchessofVilladorias。Shewasinfrontofme，andsatinsuchapositionthatherheadwasalmostbetweenmylegs。Sherecognizedme，andsaidwewerefortunateinmeetingoneanother；andthennoticingDonnaIgnazia，whowasclosetoher，shecongratulatedmeinFrenchonhercharms，andaskedmewhethershewasmymistressormywife。IrepliedthatshewasabeautybeforewhomIsighedinvain。Shereplied，withasmile，thatshewasratherascepticalperson；andturningtoDonnaIgnaziabeganapleasantandamorousdiscourse，thinkingthegirltobeaslearnedinthelawsofloveasherself。ShewhisperedsomethinginherearwhichmadeIgnaziablush，andtheduchess，becomingenthusiastic，toldmeIhadchosenthehandsomestgirlinMadrid，andthatshewouldbedelightedtoseeusbothathercountryhouse。

Ipromisedtocome，asIwasobligedtodo，butIbeggedtobeexcusednamingtheday。Nevertheless，shemademepromisetocallonheratfouro’clockthenextday，tellingme，muchtomyterror，thatshewouldbealone。Shewasprettyenough，buttoonotoriousacharacter；andsuchavisitwouldhavegivenrisetotalk。

Happilythefightbegan，andsilencebecamegeneral，fortheSpaniardsarepassionatelydevotedofbullfighting。

Somuchhasbeenwrittenonthesubjectthatmyreaderswillpardonmygivingadetailedaccountofthefight。Imaysaythatthesportis，inmyopinion，amostbarbarousone，andlikelytooperateunfavourablyonthenationalmorals；thearenaissometimesdrenchedinthebloodofbulls，horses，andevenoftheunfortunatepicadoresandmatadores，whosesoledefenceistheredragwithwhichtheyirritatethebull。

WhenitwasoverIescortedthegirls——whohadenjoyedthemselvesimmensely——backtothehouse，andmadetheuglycousinstaytosupper，asIforesawthattheywouldagainsleeptogether。

Wesuppedtogether，butitwasamelancholyaffair，forDonDiegowasaway，andIdidnotfeelinthehumourtoamusemycompany。

DonnaIgnaziabecamepensivewhen，inreplytoaquestionofhers，Isaidthatitwouldbeabsolutelyrudeofmenottogototheduchess’s。

"Youwillcomewithmesomeday，"Iadded，"todineathercountryhouse。"

"Youneednotlookforthat。"

"Whynot？"

"Becausesheisamadwoman。ShetalkedtomeinawaythatwouldhaveoffendedmeifIdidnotknowthatshefanciedshewashonouringmebylayingasideherrank。"

Werosefromtable，andafterIhaddismissedmymanwesatonthebalconytowaitforDonDiegoandtoenjoythedeliciouseveningbreezes。

Aswesatneartoeachotherinthetwilight，sofavourabletolovers’

vows，IlookedintoDonnaIgnazia’seyes，andsawtherethatmyhourhadcome。Iclaspedhertomewithonearm，Iclungwithmylipstohers，andbythewayshetrembledIguessedtheflamewhichconsumedher。

"Willyougoandseetheduchess？"

"No，ifyouwillpromisemenottogotoconfessionnextSunday。"

"ButwhatwillhesayifIdonotgo？"

"Nothingatall，ifheunderstandshisbusiness。Butletustalkitoveralittle。"

Weweresotightlyclaspedtogetherthatthecousin，likeagoodgirl，leftus，andwenttotheotherendofthebalcony，takingcaretolookawayfromus。

Withoutchangingmyposition，inspiteofthetemptationtodoso，I

askedherifshefeltinthehumourtorepentofthesinshewasreadytocommit。

"Iwasnotthinkingofrepentancejustthen，butasyouremindmeofit，ImusttellyouthatIshallcertainlygotoconfession。"

"Andafteryouhavebeentoconfessionwillyoulovemeasyoulovemenow？"

"IhopeGodwillgivemestrengthtooffendHimnomore。"

"IassureyouthatifyoucontinuelovingmeGodwillnotgiveyougrace，yetIfeelsurethatonSundayeveningyouwillrefusemethatwhichyouarenowreadytogrant。"

"IndeedIwill，sweetheart；butwhyshouldwetalkofthatnow？"

"BecauseifIabandonmyselftopleasurenowIshallbemoreinlovewithyouthanever，andconsequentlymoreunhappythanever，whenthedayofyourrepentancecomes。SopromisemethatyouwillnotgotoconfessionwhilstIremainatMadrid，orgivethefatalordernow，andbidmeleaveyou。Icannotabandonmyselftoloveto—dayknowingthatitwillberefusedmeonSunday。"

AsIremonstratedthus，Iclaspedheraffectionatelyinmyarms，caressinghermostardently；butbeforecomingtothedecisiveactionI

askedheragainwhethershewouldpromisenottogotoconfessionnextSunday。

"Youarecruel，"saidshe，"Icannotmakeyouthatpromiseformyconsciencesake。"

Atthisreply，whichIhadquiteexpected，Iremainedmotionless，feelingsurethatshemustbeinastateofdesperateirritationattheworkhalfbegunandnotconcluded。I，too，suffered，forIwasatthedoorofthesanctuary，andaslightmovementwouldhavesentmeintotheinmostshrine；butIknewthathertormentsmustbegreaterthanmine，andthatshecouldnotresistlong。

DonnaIgnaziawasindeedinaterriblestate；Ihadnotrepulsedher，butIwasperfectlyinactive。Modestypreventedheraskingmeopenlytocontinue，butsheredoubledhercaresses，andplacedherselfinaneasierposition，reproachingmewithmycruelty。IdonotknowwhetherIcouldhaveheldoutmuchlonger，butjustthenthecousinturnedroundandtoldusthatDonDiegowascomingin。

Wehastenedtoarrangeourtoilette，andtositinadecentposition。

Thecousincameuptous，andDonDiego，aftermakingafewremarks，leftusonthebalcony，wishingusagoodnight。Imighthavebegunoveragain，butIclungtomysystemofrepression，andafterwishingthegirlsgoodnightwithamelancholyair，Iwenttobed。

IhopedDonnaIgnaziawouldrepentandcomeandkeepmecompany，butI

wasdisappointed。Theylefttheirroomearlyinthemorning，andatnoonDonDiegocametodinewithme，sayinghisdaughterhadsuchabadheadachethatshehadnotevengonetomass。

"Wemustgethertoeatsomething。"

"No，Ithinkabstinencewilldohergood，andintheeveningIdaresayshewillbeabletosupwithyou。"

IwenttokeephercompanybyherbedsideafterIhadtakenmysiesta。

Ididmybestforthreehourstoconvinceherofherfolly；butshekepthereyesclosed，andsaidnothing，onlysighingwhenIsaidsomethingverytouching。

IlefthertowalkinSt。Jerome’sPark，andtoldherthatifshedidnotsupwithmeIshouldunderstandthatshedidnotwishtoseemeagain。

Thisthreathaditseffect。Shecametotableatsupper—time，butshelookedpaleandexhausted。Sheatelittle，andsaidnothing，forsheknewnotwhattosay。Isawthatshewassuffering，andIpitiedherfrommyheart。

BeforegoingtobedsheaskedmeifIhadbeentoseetheduchess。SheseemedsomewhatcheeredwhenIansweredinthenegative。ItoldherthatshemightsatisfyherselfofthetruthofmyreplybyaskingPhilippe，whohadtakenmynotebegginghergracetoexcusemeforthatday。

"Butwillyougoanotherday？"

"No，dearest，becauseIseeitwouldgrieveyou。"

Shegaveasighofcontent，andIembracedhergently，andsheleftmeassadasIwas。

IcouldseethatwhatIaskedofherwasagreatdeal；butIhadgoodgroundsforhope，asIknewherardentdisposition。ItwasnotGodandI

thatweredisputingforher，butherconfessorandI。IfshehadnotbeenaCatholicIshouldhavewonherthefirstday。

Shehadtoldmethatshewouldgetintotroublewithherconfessorifshedidnotgotohimasusual；shehadtoomuchoffineSpanishhonourinhertotellhimwhatwasnottrue，ortoendeavourtocombineherlovewithherreligion。

TheFridayandtheSaturdaypassedwithoutanyeventsofconsequence。

Herfather，whocouldnotblindhimselftoourloveanylonger，trusted，Isuppose，tohisdaughter’svirtue，andmadeherdineandsupwithmeeveryday。OnSaturdayeveningDonnaIgnazialeftmesadderthanever，andturnedherheadawaywhenIwouldhavekissedherasusual。

Isawwhatwasthematter；shewasgoingtocommunicatethenextday。

Iadmiredherconsistency，inspiteofmyself，andpitiedherheartily；

forIcouldguessthestormthatmustberaginginherbreast。Ibegantorepenthavingdemandedall，andwishedIhadbeencontentedwithalittle。

Iwishedtobesatisfiedwithmyowneyes，andgotupearlyonSundaymorningandfollowedher。Iknewthatshewouldcallforhercousin，soIwentontothechurch。Iplacedmyselfbythesacristy—door，whereI

couldseewithoutbeingseen。

Iwaitedaquarterofanhour，thentheycamein，andafterkneelingdownforafewmoments，separated，eachgoingtoherownconfessor。

IonlynoticedDonnaIgnazia；Isawhergoingtotheconfessional，andtheconfessorturningtowardsher。

Iwaitedpatiently。Ithoughttheconfessionwouldnevercometoanend。

"Whatishesaying？"IrepeatedtomyselfasIsawtheconfessorspeakingtohernowandagain。

Icouldbearitnolonger，andIwasonthepointofgoingawaywhenI

sawherrisefromherknees。

DonnaIgnazia，lookinglikeasaint，cametokneelinthechurch，butoutofmysight。IthoughtshewouldcomeforwardtoreceivetheHolyCommunionattheendoftheMassthatwasbeingsaid，butinsteadofthatshewenttowardsthedoor，rejoinedhercousinandtheyleftthechurch。

Iwasastonished。Myheartwasseizedwithapangofremorse。

"It’sallover，"Isaidtomyself。"Thepoorgirlhasmadeasincereandfullconfession，shehasavowedherlove，andthepriest’scrueldutyhasmadehimrefuseherabsolution。

"Allislost。Whatwillcomeofit？"

"Mypeaceofmindandhersrequiremetoleaveher。

"WretchthatIam，tohavelostallforall！IshouldhavemadeallowanceforthepeculiarSpanishcharacter。

"Imighthaveenjoyedherbysurprisenowandagain；thedifficultywouldhaveaddedpiquancytotheintrigue。IhavebehavedasifIwereoncemoretwenty，andIhavelostall。

"Atdinnershewillbeallsadandtearful。Imustfindsomewayoutofthisterriblesituation。"

Thussoliloquising，IcamehomeillpleasedwiththelineofconductI

hadadopted。

Myhairdresserwaswaitingforme，butIsenthimaway，andtoldmycooknottoservemydinnertillIorderedit；then，feelingtheneedofrest，Iflungmyselfonmybedandsleptprofoundlytilloneo’clock。

Igotupandordereddinnertobebroughtin，andsentamessagetothefatheranddaughterthatIwasexpectingthem。

MysurprisemaybeimaginedwhenDonnaIgnaziaappearedinacostumeofblackvelvet，adornedwithribbonsandlace。InmyopinionthereisnomoreseductivecostumeinEuropewhenthewearerispretty。

Ialsonoticedthateveryfeatureofherfacebreathedpeaceandcalm；I

hadneverseenherlookingsowell，andIcouldnothelpcongratulatingher。Sherepliedwithasmile，andIgaveherakiss，whichshetookasmeeklyasalamb。

Philippearrived，andwesatdowntotable。IsawthatmyfairsweethearthadcrossedtheRubicon；thedaywaswon。

"Iamgoingtobehappy，"saidshe，"butletussaynothing，anditwillcomeofitself。"

However，Ididnotconcealmybliss，andmadelovetoherwhenevertheservantwasoutoftheroom。Shewasnotonlysubmissive，butevenardent。

BeforeweleftthetablesheaskedmeifIstilllovedher。

"Morethanever，darling；Iadoreyou。"

"Thentakemetothebullfight。"

"Quick！Fetchthehairdresser。"

WhenmyhairwasdoneImadeanelaboratetoilette，andburningwithimpatiencewesetoutonfoot，asIwasafraidweshouldnotsecureagoodplaceifwewaitedtillthecarriagewasready。Wefoundafineboxwithonlytwopersonsinit，andIgnazia，afterglancinground，saidshewasgladthatthedetestableduchesswasnotanywherenearus。

AftersomefinesportmymistressbeggedmetotakehertothePrado，whereallthebestpeopleinMadridaretobeseen。

DonnaIgnazialeantonmyarm，seemedproudtobethoughtmine，andfilledmewithdelight。

AllatoncewemettheVenetianambassadorandhisfavourite，Manucci。

TheyhadjustarrivedfromAranjuez。WegreetedeachotherwithdueSpanishpoliteness，andtheambassadorpaidmeahighcomplimentonthebeautyofmycompanion。DonnaIgnaziapretendednottounderstand，butshepressedmyarmwithSpanishdelicacy。

AfterwalkingashortdistancewithusM。deMocenigosaidhehopedI

woulddinewithhimonthefollowingday，andafterIhadnoddedacquiescenceintheFrenchstyleweparted。

Towardstheeveningwetooksomeicesandreturnedhome，andthegentlepressureofmyarmonthewaypreparedmefortheblissIwastoenjoy。

WefoundDonDiegoonthebalconywaitingforus。Hecongratulatedhisdaughteronherpleasantappearanceandthepleasureshemusthavetakeninmysociety。

Charmedwithpapa’sgoodhumour，Iaskedhimtosupwithus，andheaccepted，andamuseduswithhiswittyconversationandamultitudeoflittletalesthatpleasedmeexceedingly。Hemadethefollowingspeechonleavingus，whichIgivewordforword，butIcannotgivethereaderanyideaoftheinimitableSpanishgravitywithwhichitwasdelivered。

"AmigoSeniorDonJaime，Ileaveyouheretoenjoythecoolairwithmydaughter。Iamdelightedatyourlovingher，andyoumaybeassuredthatIshallplacenoobstacleinthewayofyourbecomingmyson—in—lawassoonasyoucanshewyourtitlesofnobility。"

Whenhewasgone，Isaidtohisdaughter，——

"Ishouldbeonlytoohappy，ifitcouldbemanaged；butyoumustknowthatinmycountrytheyonlyarecallednobleswhohaveanhereditaryrighttorulethestate。IfIhadbeenborninSpainIshouldbenoble，butasitisIadoreyou，andIhopeyouwillmakemehappy。"

"Yes，dearest，butwemustbehappytogether；Icannotsufferanyinfidelity。"

"IgiveyoumywordofhonourthatIwillbewhollyfaithfultoyou。"

"Comethen，’corazonmio’，letusgoin。"

"No，letusputoutthelights，andstayhereaquarterofanhour。Tellme，myangel，whencecomesthisunexpectedhappiness？"

"Youoweittoapieceoftyrannywhichdrovemetodesperation。Godisgood，andIamsureHewouldnothavemebecomemyownexecutioner。WhenItoldmyconfessorthatIcouldnothelplovingyou，butthatIcouldrestrainmyselffromallexcessoflove，herepliedthatthisself—

confidencewasmisplaced，asIhadalreadyfallen。Hewantedmetopromisenevertobealonewithyouagain，andonmyrefusingtodosohewouldnotgivemeabsolution。

Ihaveneverhadsuchapieceofshamecastonme，butIlaiditallinthehandsofGod，andsaid，’Thywillbedone。’

"