第53章

"Theonlywaytoblindajealoushusband，"saidhe，"istomakehimyourfriend，forfriendshipwillrarelyadmitjealousy。"

Thenextdayatdinner，attheambassador’s，Madamegavemeathousandproofsofgratefulfriendship，whichmyheartinterpretedaspledgesoflove。Thehusbandandwifepromisedtopaymeathreedays’visitinthefollowingweekatmycountryhouse。

Theykepttheirwordwithoutgivingmeanyfurtherwarning，butIwasnottakenbysurpriseasIhadmadeallpreparationsfortheirreception。

Myheartleaptwithjoyonseeingmycharmergettingdownfromthecarriage，butmyjoywasnotunalloyed，asthehusbandtoldmethattheymustabsolutelyreturnonthefourthday，andthewifeinsistedonthehorriblewidowbeingpresentatallourconversation。

ItookmygueststothesuiteofroomsIhadpreparedforthem，andwhichIjudgedmostsuitableformydesigns。Itwasonthegroundfloor，oppositetomyroom。Thebedroomhadarecesswithtwobeds，separatedbyapartitionthroughwhichonepassedbyadoor。Ihadthekeytoallthedoors，andthemaidwouldsleepinaclosetbeyondtheante—chamber。

Inobediencetomydivinity’scommandswewentandcalledonthewidow，whogaveusacordialwelcome；butunderthepretextofleavingusinfreedomrefusedtobeofourcompanyduringthethreedays。However，shegaveinwhenItoldherthatouragreementwasonlyinforcewhenIwasalone。

MydearDubois，withherknowledgeoftherulesofsociety，didnotneedahinttohavehersupperinherroom，andwehadanexquisitemealasIhadgivenordersthatthefareshouldbeofthebest。

AftersupperItookmygueststotheirapartment，andfeltobligedtodothesamebythewidow。Shewantedmetoassistathertoilet，butIexcusedmyselfwithabow。Shesaid，maliciously，thatafterallthepainsIhadtakenIdeservedtobesuccessful。Igavehernoanswer。

Nextmorning，aswewerewalkinginthegarden，IwarnedmycharmerthatIhadallthekeysofthehouse，andthatIcouldintroducemyselfintoherroomatanymoment。

"Iamwaiting，"saidshe，"formyhusband’sembraces，whichhehasprefacedwithcaresses，asisusualwithhim。Wemustthereforewaittillthenightafternext，whichwilltakeawayallrisk，asIhaveneverknownhimtoembracemefortwonightsinsuccession。"

AboutnoonwehadavisitfromM。deChavigni，whocametoaskfordinner，andmadeagreatto—dowhenheheardthatmyhousekeeperdinedinherroom。Theladiessaidhewasquiteright，soweallwentandmadehersitdownattablewithus。Shemusthavebeenflattered，andtheincidentevidentlyincreasedhergoodhumour，assheamusedusbyherwitandherpiquantstoriesaboutLadyMontagu。

WhenwehadrisenfromtableMadamesaidtome，——

"Youreallymustbeinlovewiththatyoungwoman；sheisravishing。"

"IfIcouldpasstwohoursinyourcompanyto—night，IwouldprovetoyouthatIamyoursalone。"

"Itisstilloutofthequestion，asmyhusbandhasascertainedthatthemoonchangesto—day。"

"Hehastoaskleaveofthemoon，hashe，beforedischargingsosweetaduty？"

"Exactly。Accordingtohissystemofastrology，itistheonlywaytokeephishealthandtohavethesonthatHeavenwillstogranthim，andindeedwithoutaidfromaboveitishardlylikelythathiswisheswillbeaccomplished。"

"IhopetobetheinstrumentofHeaven，"saidI，laughing。

"Ionlyhopeyoumay。"

ThusIwasobligedtowait。Nextmorning，aswewerewalkinginthegarden，shesaidtome，——

"Thesacrificetothemoonhasbeenperformed，andtomakesureI

willcausehimtorenewhiscaressestonightassoonaswegotobed；

andafterthatheiscertaintosleepsoundly。Youcancomeatanhouraftermidnight；lovewillawaityou。"

Certainofmybliss，Igavemyselfuptothejoythatsuchacertaintykindlesinafieryheart。Itwastheonlynightremaining，asM。————haddecidedthatonthenextdaytheywouldreturntoSoleure。

AftersupperItooktheladiestotheirapartments，andonreturningtoldmyhousekeeperthatIhadagooddealofwritingtodo，andthatsheshouldgotobed。

Justbeforeoneo’clockIleftmyroom，andthenightbeingadarkoneIhadtofeelmywayhalfroundmyhouse，andtomysurprisefoundthedooropen；butIdidnotpayanyattentiontothiscircumstance。Iopenedthedoorofthesecondante—chamber，andthemomentIshutitagainahandseizedmine，whilstanotherclosedmylips。Ionlyheardawhispered"hush！"whichbademesilent。Asofawasathand；wemadeitouraltarofsacrifice，andinamomentIwaswithinthetempleoflove。ItwassummertimeandIhadonlytwohoursbeforeme，soIdidnotloseamoment，andthinkingIheldbetweenmyarmsthewomanIhadsolongsighedforIrenewedagainandagainthepledgesofmyardentlove。InthefulnessofmyblissIthoughthernotawaitingmeinherbedanadmirableidea，asthenoiseofourkissesandthelivelinessofourmotionsmighthaveawakenedthetroublesomehusband。Hertenderecstasiesequalledmine，andincreasedmyblissbymakingmebelieve（oh，fatalerror！）

thatofallmyconqueststhiswastheoneofwhichIhadmostreasontoboast。

Tomygreatgrieftheclockwarnedmethatitwastimeformetobegone。Icoveredherwiththetenderestkisses，andreturningtomyroom，inthegreatestgladness，Iresignedmyselftosleep。

Iwasrousedatnineo’clockbyM。————，whoseemedinahappyframeofmind，andshewedmealetterhehadjustreceived，inwhichhisrelativethankedmeforrestoringhimtohisregiment。Inthisletter，whichwasdictatedbygratitude，hespokeofmeasifIhadbeenadivinity。

"Iamdelighted，"Isaid，"tohavebeenofservicetoyou。"

"AndI，"saidhe，"amequallypleasedtoassureyouofmygratitude。

Comeandbreakfastwithus，mywifeisstillathertoilette。Comealong。"

Irosehastily，andjustasIwasleavingtheroomIsawthedreadfulwidow，whoseemedfullofglee，andsaid，——

"Ithankyou，sir；Ithankyouwithallmyheart。Ibegtoleaveyouatlibertyagain；IamgoingbacktoSoleure。"

"Waitforaquarterofanhour，wearegoingtobreakfastwithMadame。"

"Ican’tstopamoment，Ihavejustwishedhergoodday，andnowI

mustbegone。Farewell，andrememberme。"

"Farewell，madam。"

ShehadhardlygonebeforeM。————askedmeifthewomanwasbesideherself。

"Onemightthinkso，certainly，"Ireplied，"forshehasreceivednothingbutpolitenessatmyhands，andIthinkshemighthavewaitedtogobackwithyouintheevening。"

Wewenttobreakfastandtodiscussthisabruptleave—taking，andafterwardswetookaturninthegardenwherewefoundMadameDubois。

M。————tookpossessionofher；andasIthoughthiswifelookingratherdowncastIaskedherifshehadnotsleptwell。

"Ididnotgotosleeptillfouro’clockthismorning，"shereplied，"aftervainlysittingupinbedwaitingforyoutillthattime。Whatunforeseenaccidentpreventedyourcoming？"

Icouldnotanswerherquestion。Iwaspetrified。Ilookedatherfixedlywithoutreplying；Icouldnotshakeoffmyastonishment。AtlastadreadfulsuspicioncameintomyheadthatIhadheldwithinmyarmsfortwohoursthehorriblemonsterwhomIhadfoolishlyreceivedinmyhouse。Iwasseizedwithaterribletremor，whichobligedmetogoandtakeshelterbehindthearbourandhidemyemotion。IfeltasthoughIshouldswoonaway。IshouldcertainlyhavefallenifI

hadnotrestedmyheadagainstatree。

Myfirstideahadbeenafearfulthought，whichIhastenedtorepel，thatMadame，havingenjoyedme，wishedtodenyallknowledgeofthefact——adevicewhichisinthepowerofanywomanwhogivesupherpersoninthedarktoadopt，asitisimpossibletoconvictheroflying。However，IknewthedivinecreatureIhadthoughtIpossessedtoowelltobelievehercapableofsuchbasedeceit。Ifeltthatshewouldhavebeenlackingindelicacy，ifshehadsaidshehadwaitedformeinvainbywayofajest；asinsuchacaseasthistheleastdoubtisadegradation。Iwasforced，then，totheconclusionthatshehadbeensupplantedbytheinfernalwidow。Howhadshemanagedit？Howhadsheascertainedourarrangements？Icouldnotimagine，andIbewilderedmyselfwithpainfulsurmises。Reasononlycomestotheaidofthemindwhentheconfusionproducedbypainfulthoughtshasalmostvanished。Iconcluded，then，thatIhadspenttwohourswiththisabominablemonster；andwhatincreasedmyanguish，andmademeloatheanddespisemyselfstillmore，wasthatI

couldnothelpconfessingthatIhadbeenperfectlyhappy。Itwasanunpardonablemistake，asthetwowomendifferedasmuchaswhitedoesfromblack，andthoughthedarknessforbademyseeing，andthesilencemyhearing，mysenseoftouchshouldhaveenlightenedme——

afterthefirstset—to，atallevents，butmyimaginationwasinastateofecstasy。Icursedlove，mynature，andabovealltheinconceivableweaknesswhichhadallowedmetoreceiveintomyhousetheserpentthathaddeprivedmeofanangel，andmademehatemyselfatthethoughtofhavingdefiledmyselfwithher。Iresolvedtodie，afterhavingtorntopieceswithmyownhandsthemonsterwhohadmademesounhappy。

WhileIwasstrengtheningmyselfinthisresolutionM。————cameuptomeandaskedmekindlyifIwereill；hewasalarmedtoseemepaleandcoveredwithdropsofsweat。"Mywife，"saidtheworthyman，"isuneasyaboutyou，andsentmetolookafteryou。"ItoldhimI

hadtoleaveheronaccountofasuddendizziness，butthatIbegantofeelbetter。"Letusrejoinher。"MadameDuboisbroughtmeaflaskofstrongwaters，sayingpleasantlythatshewassureitwasonlythesuddendepartureofthewidowthathadputmeout。

Wecontinuedourwalk，andwhenwewerefarenoughfromthehusband，whowaswithmyhousekeeper，IsaidIhadbeenovercomebywhatshehadsaid，butthatithaddoubtlessbeenspokenjestingly。

"Iwasnotjestingatall，"saidshe，withasigh，"tellmewhatpreventedyourcoming。"

AgainIwasstruckdumb。Icouldnotmakeupmymindtotellherthestory，andIdidnotknowwhattosaytojustifymyself。Iwassilentandconfusedwhenmyhousekeeper’slittleservantcameupandgavemealetterwhichthewretchedwidowhadsentherbyanexpress。

Shehadopenedit，andfoundanenclosureaddressedtomeinside。I

putitinmypocket，sayingIwouldreaditatmyleisure。OnMadamesayinginjokethatitwasalove—letter，Icouldnotlaugh，andmadenoanswer。Theservantcametotellusthatdinnerwasserved，butI

couldtouchnothing。Myabstinencewasputdowntomybeingunwell。

Ilongedtoreadtheletter，butIwishedtobealonetodoso，andthatwasadifficultmattertocontrive。

Wishingtoavoidthegameofpiquetwhichformedourusualafternoon’samusement，Itookacupofcoffee，andsaidthatI

thoughtthefreshairwoulddomegood。Madamesecondedme，andguessingwhatIwantedsheaskedmetowalkupanddownwithherinashelteredalleyinthegarden。Iofferedhermyarm，herhusbandofferedhistomyhousekeeper，andwewentout。

Assoonasmymistresssawthatwewerefreefromobservation，shespokeasfollows，——

"Iamsurethatyouspentthenightwiththatmaliciouswoman，andI

amafraidofbeingcompromisedinconsequence。Tellmeeverything；

confideinmewithoutreserve；’tismyfirstintrigue，andifitistoserveasalessonyoushouldconcealnothingfromme。Iamsureyoulovedmeonce，tellmethatyouhavenotbecomemyenemy。"

"Goodheavens！whatareyousaying？Iyourenemy！"

"Thentellmeall，andbeforeyoureadthatwretchedcreature’sletter。Iadjureyouinthenameoflovetohidenothingfromme。"

"Well，divinecreature，Iwilldoasyoubidme。Icametoyourapartmentatoneo’clock，andassoonasIwasinthesecondante—

chamber，Iwastakenbythearm，andahandwasplaceduponmylipstoimposesilence；IthoughtIheldyouinmyarms，andIlaidyougentlyonthesofa。YoumustrememberthatIfeltabsolutelycertainitwasyou；indeed，Icanscarcelydoubtitevennow。Ithenpassedwithyou，withoutawordbeingspoken，twoofthemostdelicioushoursIhaveeverexperienced。Cursedhours！ofwhichtheremembrancewilltormentmefortheremainderofmydays。Ileftyouataquarterpastthree。Therestisknowntoyou。"

"Whocanhavetoldthemonsterthatyouweregoingtovisitmeatthathour？"

"Ican’tmakeout，andthatperplexesme。"

"YoumustconfessthatIamthemosttobepitiedofusthree，andperhaps，alas！theonlyonewhomayhaveajusttitletothename’wretched。’"

"Ifyouloveme，inthenameofHeavendonotsaythat；Ihaveresolvedtostabher，andtokillmyselfafterhavinginflictedonherthatpunishmentshesowelldeserves。"

"Haveyouconsideredthatthepublicityofsuchanactionwouldrendermethemostunfortunateofwomen？Letusbemoremoderate，sweetheart；youarenottoblameforwhathashappened，andifpossibleIloveyouallthemore。Givemethelettershehaswrittentoyou。Iwillgoawayfromyoutoreadit，andyoucanreaditafterwards，asifwewereseenreadingittogetherweshouldhavetoexplainmatters。"

"Hereitis。"

Ithenrejoinedherhusband，whommyhousekeeperwassendingintofitsoflaughter。TheconversationIhadjusthadhadcalmedmealittle，andthetrustfulwayinwhichshehadaskedfortheletterhaddonemegood。Iwasinafevertoknowthecontents，andyetI

dreadedtoreadit，asitcouldonlyincreasemyrageandIwasafraidoftheresults。

Madamerejoinedus，andafterwehadseparatedagainshegavemetheletter，tellingmetokeepittillIwasalone。Sheaskedmetogivehermywordofhonourtodonothingwithoutconsultingher，andtocommunicateallmydesignstoherbymeansofhernurse。

"Weneednotfeartheharpysayinganythingaboutit，"sheremarked，"asshewouldfirsthavetoproclaimherownprostitution，andasforus，concealmentisthebestplan。AndIwouldhaveyounotethatthehorriblecreaturegivesyouapieceofadviceyouwoulddowelltofollow。"

Whatcompletelytoremyheartasunderduringthisinterviewwastoseegreattears——tearsofloveandgrief——fallingfromherbeautifuleyes；thoughtomoderatemyanguishsheforcedasmile。Iknewtoowelltheimportancesheattachedtoherfairfamenottoguessthatshewastormentedwiththeideathattheterriblewidowknewoftheunderstandingbetweenus，andthethoughtaddedfreshpoignancytomysorrow。

Thisamiablepairleftmeatsevenintheevening，andIthankedthehusbandinsuchamannerthathecouldnotdoubtmysincerity，and，intruth，IsaidnomorethanIfelt。Thereisnoreasonwhytheloveonefeelsforawomanshouldhinderonefrombeingthetruefriendofherhusband——ifshehaveahusband。Thecontraryviewisahatefulprejudice，repugnantbothtonatureandtophilosophy。AfterIhadembracedhimIwasabouttokissthehandofhischarmingwife，buthebeggedmetoembracehertoo，whichIdidrespectfullybutfeelingly。

Iwasimpatienttoreadtheterribleletter，andassoonastheyweregoneIshutmyselfupinmyroomtopreventanyinterruptions。Theepistlewasasfollows:

"Ileaveyourhouse，sir，wellenoughpleased，notthatIhavespentacoupleofhourswithyou，foryouarenobetterthananyotherman，butthatIhaverevengedmyselfonthemanyopenmarksofcontemptyouhavegivenme；foryourprivatescornIcarelittle，andI

willinglyforgiveyou。Ihaveavengedmyselfbyunmaskingyourdesignsandthehypocrisyofyourprettyprude，whowillnolongerbeabletotreatmewiththatirritatingairofsuperioritywhichshe，affectingavirtuewhichshedoesnotpossess，hasdisplayedtowardsme。Ihaveavengedmyselfinthefactthatshemusthavebeenwaitingforyouallthenight，andIwouldhavegivenworldstohaveheardtheamusingconversationyoumusthavehadwhenshefoundoutthatIhadtakenforvengeance’ssake，andnotforlove，theenjoymentwhichwasmeantforher。Ihaveavengedmyselfbecauseyoucannolongerpretendtothinkheramarvelofbeauty，ashavingmistakenmeforher，thedifferencebetweenusmustneedsbeslight；

butIhavedoneyouaservice，too，asthethoughtofwhathashappenedshouldcureyouofyourpassion。Youwillnolongeradoreherbeforeallotherwomenwhoarejustasgoodasshe。ThusIhavedisabusedyou，andyououghttofeelgratefultome；butIdispenseyoufromallgratitude，anddonotcareifyouchoosetohateme，providedyourhatredleavesmeinpeace；butifIfindyourconductobjectionableinthefuture，IwarnyouthatIwilltellall，sinceI

donotcareformyownfameasIamawidowandmistressofmyownactions。Ineednoman’sfavour，andcarenotwhatmenmaysayofme。Yourmistress，ontheotherhand，isinquiteadifferentposition。

"AndhereIwillgiveyouapieceofadvice，whichshouldconvinceyouofmygenerosity。ForthelasttenyearsIhavebeentroubledwithalittleailmentwhichhasresistedallattemptsattreatment。

Youexertedyourselftosuchanextenttoprovehowwellyoulovedmethatyoumusthavecaughtthecomplaint。Iadviseyou，then，toputyourselfundertreatmentatoncetoweakentheforceofthevirus；

butabovealldonotcommunicateittoyourmistress，whomightchancetohanditontoherhusbandandpossiblytoothers，whichwouldmakeawretchedwomanofher，tomygriefandsorrow，sinceshehasneverdonemeanyharm。Ifeltcertainthatyoutwowoulddeceivetheworthyhusband，andIwishedtohaveproof；thusImadeyoutakemein，andthepositionoftheapartmentyougavethemwasenoughtoremovealldoubts；stillIwantedtohaveproofpositive。

Ihadnoneedofanyhelptoarriveatmyends，andIfounditapleasantjoketokeepyouinthedark。Afterpassingtwonightsonthesofaallfornothing，Iresolvedonpassingthethirdnightthere，andmyperseverancewascrownedwithsuccess。Noonesawme，andmymaidevenisignorantofmynocturnalwanderings，thoughinanycasesheisaccustomedtoobservesilence。Youare，then，atperfectlibertytoburythestoryinoblivion，andIadviseyoutodoso。

"Ifyouwantadoctor，tellhimtokeephiscounsel，forpeopleatSoleureknowofmylittleindisposition，andtheymightsayyoucaughtitfromme，andthiswoulddousbothharm。"

HerimpudencestruckmesogiganticinitsdimensionsthatIalmostlaughed。IwasperfectlyawarethatafterthewayIhadtreatedhershemusthateme，butIshouldnothavethoughtshewouldhavecarriedherperversehatredsofar。Shehadcommunicatedtomeaninfectiousdisease，thoughIdidnotsofarfeelanysymptoms；

however，theywouldnodoubtappear，andIsadlythoughtIshouldhavetogoawaytobecured，toavoidthegossipofmaliciouswits。

Igavemyselfuptoreflection，andaftertwohours’thoughtIwiselyresolvedtoholdmytongue，buttoberevengedwhentheopportunitypresenteditself。

Ihadeatennothingatdinner，andneededagoodsuppertomakemesleep。Isatdowntotablewithmyhousekeeper，but，likeamanashamedofhimself，Idarednotlookherintheface。

CHAPTERXVI

ContinuationofthePrecedingChapter——ILeaveSoleureWhentheservantshadgoneawayandleftusalone，itwouldhavelookedstrangeifwehadremainedasdumbastwoposts；bu