第87章

Sarablushed，saidnothing，andthemotherlookedkindlyatus；butafteramoment’ssilenceshespokeatsomelength，andwiththeutmostcandourandwisdom。Shegavemecircumstantialinformationastothepositionofthefamilyandherhusband’srestrictedmeans，sayingthatunderthecircumstanceshecouldnothaveavoidedrunningintodebt，butthathehaddonewrongtobringthemallwithhimtoLondon。

"Ifhehadbeenbyhimself，"shesaid，"hecouldhavelivedherecomfortablyenoughwithonlyoneservant，butwithafamilytoprovideforthetwothousandcrownsperannumprovidedbytheGovernmentarequiteinsufficient。MyoldfatherhassucceededinpersuadingtheStatetodischargemyhusband’sdebts，buttomakeuptheextraexpensetheywillnotemployaCharged’affaires；abankerwiththetitleofagentwillcollecttheinterestontheirEnglishsecurities。"

SheendedbysayingthatshethoughtSarawasfortunatetohavepleasedme，butthatshewasnotsurewhetherherhusbandwouldconsenttothemarriage。

Theword"marriage"madeSarablush，andIwaspleased，thoughitwasevidenttherewouldbedifficultiesintheway。

M————F————camebackandtoldhiswifethattwoclothesdealerswouldcometopurchasetheirsuperfluousclothesintheafternoon；

butafterexplainingmyideasIhadnotmuchtroubleinconvincinghimthatitwouldbebetternottosellthem，andthathecouldbecomemydebtortotheamountoftwohundredpounds，onwhichhecouldpayinteresttillhewasabletoreturnmemycapital。Theagreementwaswrittenoutthesameday，butIdidnotmentionthemarriagequestion，ashiswifehadtoldmeshewoulddiscussitwithhiminprivate。

Onthethirddayhecamedownbyhimselftotalkwithme。

"Mywife，"hebegan，"hastoldmeofyourintentions，andItakeitasagreathonour，Iassureyou；butIcannotgiveyoumySara，assheispromisedtoM。deW————，andfamilyreasonspreventmefromgoingbackfrommyword。Besidesmyoldfather，astrictCalvinist，wouldobjecttothedifferenceinreligion。HewouldneverbelievethathisdearlittlegrandchildwouldbehappywithaRomanCatholic"

AsamatteroffactIwasnotatalldispleasedatwhathesaid。I

wascertainlyveryfondofSara，buttheword"marriage"hadadisagreeablesoundtome。Iansweredthatcircumstancesmightchangeintime，andthatinthemeanwhileIshouldbequitecontentifhewouldallowmetobethefriendofthefamilyandtotakeuponmyselfalltheresponsibilityofthejourney。Hepromisedeverything，andassuredmethathewasdelightedathisdaughterhavingwonmyaffection。

AfterthisexplanationIgaveSaraaswarmmarksofmyloveasdecencywouldallowinthepresenceofherfatherandmother，andI

couldseethatallthegirlthoughtofwaslove。

ThefifthdayIwentuptoherroom，andfindingherinbedallthefiresofpassionflamedupinmybreast，forsincemyfirstvisittotheirhouseIhadnotbeenalonewithher。Ithrewmyselfuponher，coveringherwithkisses，andsheshewedherselfaffectionatebutreserved。InvainIendeavouredtosucceed；sheopposedagentleresistancetomyefforts，andthoughshecaressedme，shewouldnotletmeattainmyend。

"Why，divineSara，"saidI，"doyouopposemylovingecstasy？"

"Dearest，IentreatofyounottoaskforanymorethanIamwillingtogive。"

"Thenyounolongerloveme？"

"Cruelman，Iadoreyou！"

"Thenwhydoyoutreatmetoarefusal，afterhavingoncesurrenderedunreservedly？"

"Ihavegivenmyselftoyou，andwehavebothbeenhappy，andIthinkthatshouldbeenoughforus。"

"Theremustbesomereasonforthischange。Ifyouloveme，dearestSara，thisrenunciationmustbehardforyoutobear。"

"Iconfessit，butneverthelessIfeelitismyduty。Ihavemadeupmymindtosubduemypassionfromnoweakmotive，butfromasenseofwhatIowetomyself。Iamunderobligationstoyou，andifIweretorepaythedebtIhavecontractedwithmybodyIshouldbedegradedinmyowneyes。Whenweenjoyedeachotherbeforeonlylovewasbetweenus——therewasnoquestionofdebitandcredit。MyheartisnowthethrallofwhatIoweyou，andtothesedebtsitwillnotgivewhatitgavesoreadilytolove。"

"Thisisastrangephilosophy，Sara；believemeitisfallacious，andtheenemyofyourhappinessaswellasmine。Thesesophismsleadyouastrayandwoundmetotheheart。Givemesomecreditfordelicacyoffeeling，andbelievemeyouowemenothing。"

"Youmustconfessthatifyouhadnotlovedmeyouwouldhavedonenothingformyfather。"

"CertainlyIwillconfessnothingofthekind；Iwouldreadilydoasmuch，andmaybemore，outofregardforyourworthymother。Itisquitepossible，indeed，thatindoingthissmallserviceforyourfatherIhadnothoughtsofyouatall。"

"Itmightbeso；butIdonotbelieveitwasso。Forgiveme，dearest，butIcannotmakeupmymindtopaymydebtsinthewayyouwish。"

"Itseemstomethatifyouaregratefultomeyourloveoughttobestillmoreardent。"

"Itcannotbemoreardentthanitisalready。"

"Doyouknowhowgrievouslyyoumakemesuffer？"

"Alas！Isuffertoo；butdonotreproachme；letusloveeachotherstill。"

Thisdialogueisnotthehundredthpartofwhatactuallypassedbetweenustilldinner—time。Themothercamein，andfindingmeseatedatthefootofthedaughter’sbed，laughed，andaskedmewhyI

keptherinbed。Iansweredwithperfectcoolnessthatwehadbeensointerestedinourconversationthatwehadnotnoticedtheflightoftime。

Iwenttodress，andasIthoughtovertheextraordinarychangewhichhadtakenplaceinSaraIresolvedthatitshouldnotlastforlong。

Wedinedtogethergaily，andSaraandIbehavedinallrespectsliketwolovers。IntheeveningItookthemtotheItalianOpera，cominghometoanexcellentsupper。

ThenextmorningIpassedinthecity，havingaccountstosettlewithmybankers。IgotsomelettersofexchangeonGeneva，andsaidfarewelltotheworthyMr。Bosanquet。IntheafternoonIgotacoachforMadameM————F————topaysomefarewellscalls，andIwenttosaygood—byetomydaughteratschool。Thedearlittlegirlburstintotears，sayingthatshewouldbelostwithoutme，andbeggingmenottoforgether。Iwasdeeplymoved。SophiebeggedmetogoandseehermotherbeforeIleftEngland，andIdecidedondoingso。

Atsupperwetalkedoverourjourney，andM。M————F————agreedwithmethatitwouldbebettertogobyDunkirkthanOstend。Hehadverylittlemorebusinesstoattendto。Hisdebtswerepaid，andhesaidhethoughthewouldhaveamatteroffiftyguineasinhispocketatthejourney’send，afterpayingathirdshareofallthetravellingexpenses。Ihadtoagreetothis，thoughImadeupmymindatthesametimenottolethimseeanyoftheaccounts。IhopedtowinSara，inonewayoranother，whenwegottoBerne。

Thenextday，afterbreakfast，Itookherhandinpresenceofhermother，andaskedherifshewouldgivemeherheartifIcouldobtainherfather’sconsentatBerne。

"Yourmother，"Iadded，"haspromisedmethathersshallnotbewanting。"

Atthisthemothergotup，andsayingthatwehadnodoubtagooddealtotalkover，sheandhereldestdaughterwentouttopaysomecalls。

AssoonaswewerealoneSarasaidthatshecouldnotunderstandhowIcouldhavethesmallestdoubtastowhetherherconsentwouldbegiven。

"IhaveshewnyouhowwellIloveyou，"saidshe，tenderly；"andIamsureIshouldbeveryhappyasyourwife。Youmaybesurethatyourwisheswillbemine，andthat，howeverfaryouleadme，Switzerlandshallclaimnothoughtofmine。"

IpressedtheamorousSaratomybosominatransportofdelight，whichwassharedbyher；butasshesawmegrowmoreardentshebeggedmetobemoderate。Claspingmeinherarmssheadjuredmenottoaskherforthatwhichshewasdeterminednottogranttillshewasminebylawfulwedlock。

"Youwilldrivemetodespair！Haveyoureflectedthatthisresistancemaycostmemylife？Canyoulove，andyetentertainthisfatalprejudice？AndyetIamsureyouloveme，andpleasuretoo。"

"Yes，dearestone，Idoloveyou，andamorouspleasurewithyou；butyoumustrespectmydelicacy。"

Myeyeswerewetwithtears，andshewassoaffectedthatshefellfaintingtotheground。Iliftedherupandgentlylaidheronthebed。Herpalloralarmedme。Ibroughtsmelling—salts，IrubbedherforeheadwithSavoy—water，andshesoonopenedhereyes，andseemeddelightedtofindmecalmagain。

Thethoughtoftakingadvantageofherhelplessnesswouldhavehorrifiedme。Shesatuponthebed，andsaid，——

"Youhavejustgivenatrueproofofthesincerityofyouraffection。"

"Didyouthink，sweetheart，thatIwasvileenoughtoabuseyourweakness？CouldIenjoyapleasureinwhichyouhadnoshare？"

"Ididnotthinkyouwoulddosuchathing，butIshouldnothaveresisted，thoughitispossiblethatIshouldnothavelovedyouafterwards。"

"Sara，thoughyoudonotknow，youcharmmysouloutofmybody。"

AfterthisIsatdownsadlyonthebed，andabandonedmyselftothemostmelancholyreflections，fromwhichSaradidnotendeavourtorouseme。

Hermothercameinandaskedwhyshewasonthebed，butnotatallsuspiciously。Saratoldherthetruth。

M。M————F————cameinsoonafter，andwedinedtogether，butsilently。WhatIhadheardfromthegirl’slipshadcompletelyoverwhelmedme。IsawIhadnothingtohopefor，andthatitwastimeformetolooktomyself。Sixweeksbefore，Godhaddeliveredmefrommybondagetoaninfamouswoman，andnowIwasindangerofbecomingtheslaveofanangel。SuchweremyreflectionswhilstSarawasfainting，butitwasnecessaryformetoconsiderthematteratmyleisure。

Therewasasaleofvaluablearticlesinthecity，themeanstakenfordisposingofthembeingalottery。Sarahadreadtheannouncement，andIaskedherwithhermotherandsistertocomewithmeandtakepartinit。Ihadnotmuchtroubleinobtainingtheirconsent，andwefoundourselvesindistinguishedcompany，amongthepersonspresentbeingtheCountessofHarrington，LadyStanhope，andEmilieandherdaughters。Emiliehadastrangecasebeforethecourts。Shehadgiveninformationtothepolicethatherhusbandhadbeenrobbedofsixthousandpounds，thougheveryonesaidthatsheherselfwasthethief。

MadameM————F————didnottakeaticket，butsheallowedmetotaketicketsforherdaughters，whowereinhighglee，sincefortenortwelveguineastheygotarticlesworthsixty。

EverydayIwasmoretakenwithSara；butfeelingsurethatIshouldonlyobtainslightfavoursfromher，Ithoughtitwastimetocometoanexplanation。SoaftersupperIsaidthatasitwasnotcertainthatSaracouldbecomemywifeIhaddeterminednottoaccompanythemtoBerne。ThefathertoldmeIwasverywise，andthatIcouldstillcorrespondwithhisdaughter，Sarasaidnothing，butIcouldseeshewasmuchgrieved。

Ipassedadreadfulnight；suchanexperiencewasaltogethernewtome。IweighedSara’sreasons，andtheyseemedtometobemerelyfrivolous，whichdrovemetoconcludethatmycaresseshaddispleasedher。

ForthelastthreedaysIfoundmyselfmorethanoncealonewithher；

butIwasstudiouslymoderate，andshecaressedmeinamannerthatwouldhavemademyblissifIhadnotalreadyobtainedtheonegreatfavour。ItwasatthistimeIlearntthetruthofthemaximthatifabstinenceissometimesthespuroflove，ithasalsothecontraryeffect。Sarahadbroughtmyfeelingtoapitchofgentlefriendship，whileaninfamousprostituteliketheCharpillon，whoknewhowtorenewhopeandyetgrantnothing，endedbyinspiringmewithcontempt，andfinallywithhatred。

ThefamilysailedforOstend，andIaccompaniedthemtothemouthoftheThames。IgaveSaraaletterforMadamedeW————。ThiswasthenameofthelearnedHedvigwhomshedidnotknow。Theyafterwardsbecamesisters—in—law，asSaramarriedabrotherofM。deW————，andwashappywithhim。

EvennowIamgladtoheartidingsofmyoldfriendsandtheirdoings，buttheinterestItakeinsuchmattersisnottobecomparedtomyinterestinsomeobscurestoryofancienthistory。Forourcontemporaries，thecompanions，ofouryouthfulfollies，wehaveakindofcontempt，somewhatsimilartothatwhichweentertainforourselves。FouryearsagoIwrotetoMadameG————atHamburg，andmyletterbegan:

"Afterasilenceoftwenty—oneyears……"

Shedidnotdeigntoreply，andIwasbynomeansdispleased。Wecarednolongerforoneanother，anditisquitenaturalthatitshouldbeso。

WhenItellmyreaderwhoMadameG————is，hewillbeamused。TwoyearsagoIsetoutforHamburg，butmygoodgeniusmademeturnbacktoDux；whathadItodoatHamburg？

AftermyguestsweregoneIwenttotheItalianOperaatCoventGarden，andmetGoudar，whoaskedmeifIwouldcometotheSartori’sconcert。HetoldmeIshouldseeabeautifulyoungEnglishwomantherewhospokeItalian。AsIhadjustlostSaraIdidnotmuchcareaboutmakingnewacquaintances，butstillIwascurioustoseetheyoungmarvel。Iindulgedmycuriosity，andIamgladtosaythatinsteadofbeingamusedIwaswearied，thoughtheyoungEnglishwomanwasprettyenough。AyoungLivonian，whocalledhimselfBaronofStenau，seemedextremelyinterestedinher。Aftersuppersheofferedusticketsforthenextconcert，andItookoneformyselfandoneforGondar，givinghertwoguineas，buttheLivonianbarontookfiftytickets，andgaveherabanknoteforfiftyguineas。Isawbythisthathewantedtotaketheplacebystorm，andIlikedhiswayofdoingit。Isupposedhimtoberich，withoutcaringtoenquireintohismeans。Hemadeadvancestomeandwebecamefriends，andthereaderwillseeinduetimewhatafatalacquaintancehewas。

OnedayasIwaswalkingwithGoudarinHydeParkheleftmetospeaktotwoladieswhoseemedpretty。

Hewasnotlongabsent，andsaid，whenherejoinedme，——

"AHanoverianlady，awidowandthemotheroffivedaughters，cametoEnglandtwomonthsagowithherwholefamily。Shelivescloseby，andisoccupiedinsolicitingcompensationfromtheGovernmentforanyinjurythatwasdoneherbythepassageoftheDukeofCumberland’sarmy。Themotherherselfissickandandneverleavesherbed；shesendshertwoeldestdaughterstopetitiontheGovernment，andtheyarethetwoyoungladiesyouhavejustseen。

Theyhavenotmetwithanysuccess。Theeldestdaughteristwenty—

two，andtheyoungestfourteen；theyareallprettyandcanspeakEnglish，French，andGermanequallywell，andarealwaysgladtoseevisitors。Ihadbeentovisitthemmyself，butasIgavethemnothingIdonotcaretogotherealoneasecondtime。Ifyoulike，however，Icanintroduceyou。"

"Youirritatemycuriosity。Comealong，butiftheonethatpleasesmeisnotcomplaisantsheshallhavenothing。"

"Theywillnotevenallowonetotakethembythehand。"

"TheyareCharpillons，Isuppose。"

"Itlookslikeit。Butyouwon’tseeanymenthere:"

WewereshewnintoalargeroomwhereInoticedthreeprettygirlsandanevil—lookingman。Ibeganwiththeusualcompliments，towhichthegirlsrepliedpolitely，butwithanairofgreatsadness。

Goudarspoketotheman，andthencametomeshrugginghisshoulders，andsaying，——

"Wehavecomeatasadtime。Thatmanisabailiffwhohascometotakethemothertoprisonifshecan’tpayherlandlordthetwentyguineas’rentsheoweshim，andtheyhaven’tgotafarthing。Whenthemotherhasbeensenttoprisonthelandlordwillnodoubtturnthegirlsoutofdoors。"

"Theycanlivewiththeirmotherfornothing。"

"Notatall。Iftheyhavegotthemoneytheycanhavetheirmealsinprison，butnooneisallowedtoliveinaprisonexcepttheprisoners。"

Iaskedoneofthemwherehersisterswere。

"Theyhavegoneout，tolookformoney，forthelandlordwon’tacceptanysurety，andwehavenothingtosell。"

"Allthisisverysad；whatdoesyourmothersay？"

"Sheonlyweeps，andyet，thoughsheisillandcannotleaveherbed，theyaregoingtotakehertoprison。Bywayofconsolationthelandlordsayshewillhavehercarried。"

"Itisveryhard。Butyourlookspleaseme，mademoiselle，andifyouwillbekindImaybeabletoextricateyoufromthedifficulty。"

"Idonotknowwhatyoumeanby’kind。’"

"Yourmotherwillunderstand；goandaskher。"

"Sir，youdonotknowus；wearehonestgirls，andladiesofpositionbesides。"

Withthesewordstheyoungwomanturnedherbackonme，andbegantoweepagain。Thetwoothers，whowerequiteaspretty，stoodstraightupandsaidnotaword。GoudarwhisperedtomeinItalianthatunlesswedidsomethingforthemweshouldcutbutasorryfigurethere；andIwascruelenoughtogoawaywithoutsayingaword。

CHAPTERXV

TheHanoveriansAswewereleavingthehousewemetthetwoeldestsisters，whocamehomelookingverysad。Iwasstruckbytheirbeauty，andextremelysurprisedtohearmyselfgreetedbyoneofthem，whosaid，——

"ItisM。theChevalierdeSeingalt。"

"Himself，mademoiselle，andsorelygrievedatyourmisfortune。"

"Bekindenoughtocomeinagainforamoment。"

"IamsorrytosaythatIhaveanimportantengagement。"

"Iwillnotkeepyouforlongerthanaquarterofanhour。"

Icouldnotrefusesosmallafavour，andsheemployedthetimeintellingmehowunfortunatetheyhadbeeninHanover，howtheyhadcometoLondontoobtaincompensation，oftheirfailure，theirdebts，thecrueltyofthelandlord，theirmother’sillness，theprisonthatawaitedher，thelikelihoodoftheirbeingcastintothestreet，andthecrueltyofalltheiracquaintances。

"Wehavenothingtosell，andallourresourcesconsistoftwoshillings，whichweshallhavetospendonbread，onwhichwelive。"

"Whoareyourfriends？Howcantheyabandonyouatsuchatime？"

Shementionedseveralnames——amongothers，LordBaltimore，MarquisCarracioli，theNeapolitanambassador，andLordPembroke。

"Ican’tbelieveit，"saidI，"forIknowthetwolastnoblementobebothrichandgenerous。Theremustbesomegoodreasonfortheirconduct，sinceyouarebeautiful；andforthesegentlemenbeautyisabilltobehonouredonsight。"

"Yes，thereisareason。Theserichnoblemenabandonuswithcontempt。Theyrefusetotakepityonusbecausewerefusetoyieldtotheirguiltypassion。"

"Thatistosay，theyhavetakenafancytoyou，andasyouwillnothavepityonthemtheyrefusetohavepityonyou。Isitnotso？"

"Thatisexactlythesituation。"

"ThenIthinktheyareintheright。"

"Intheright？"

"Yes，Iamquiteoftheiropinion。Weleaveyoutoenjoyyoursenseofvirtue，andwespendourmoneyinprocuringthosefavourswhichyourefuseus。Yourmisfortunereallyisyourprettiness，ifyouwereuglyyouwouldgettwentyguineasfastenough。Iwouldgiveyouthemoneymyself，andtheactionwouldbeputdowntobenevolence；

whereas，asthecasestands，ifIweretogiveyouanythingitwouldbethoughtthatIwasactuatedbythehopeoffavourstocome，andI

shouldbelaughedat，anddeservedly，asadupe。"

Ifeltthatthiswastheproperwaytospeaktothegirl，whoseeloquenceinpleadinghercausewassimplywonderful。

Shedidnotreplytomyoration，andIaskedherhowshecametoknowme。

"IsawyouatRichmondwiththeCharpillon。"

"Shecostmetwothousandguineas，andIgotnothingformymoney；

butIhaveprofitedbythelesson，andinfutureIshallneverpayinadvance。"

Justthenhermothercalledher，and，beggingmetowaitamoment，shewentintoherroom，andreturnedalmostdirectlywiththerequestthatIwouldcomeandspeaktotheinvalid。

Ifoundhersittingupinherbed；shelookedaboutforty—five，andstillpreservedtracesofherformerbeauty；hercountenanceboretheimprintofsadness，buthadnomarksofsicknesswhatsoever。Herbrilliantandexpressiveeyes，herintellectualface，andasuggestionofcraftabouther，allbademebeonmyguard，andasortoffalselikenesstotheCharpillon’smothermademestillmorecautious，andfortifiedmeinmyresolutiontogivenoheedtotheappealsofpity。

"Madam，"Ibegan，"whatcanIdoforyou？"

"Sir，"shereplied，"Ihaveheardthewholeofyourconversationswithmydaughters，andyoumustconfessthatyouhaven