第51章

"Assoonasyouweregone，sir，Icarriedoutyourinstructions，andhelpedthepoordevilofasentrytoemptyhisbottle，thoughhewouldhavewillinglydispensedwithmyassistanceinthematter；I

thentoldhimyouhadgonetobed，andhelockedthedoorasusual，andwentawayaftershakingmebythehand。AfterhehadgoneIwenttobed。Nextmorningtheworthymanwasathispostbynineo’clock，andattenthethreeofficerscame，andonmytellingthemthatyouwerestillasleeptheywentaway，biddingmecometoacoffee—house，andsummonthemwhenyougotup。Astheywaitedandwaitedtonopurpose，theycameagainatnoon，andtoldthesoldiertoopenthedoor。Whatfollowedamusedme，thoughIwasinsomedangerinthemidstoftherascals。

"Theywentin，andtakingthewig—blockforyourheadtheycameuptothebedandpolitelywishedyougoodmorning。Youtooknonotice，sooneofthemproceededtogiveyouagentleshake，andthebaublefellandrolledalongthefloor。Iroaredwithlaughteratthesightoftheiramazement。

"’Youlaugh，doyou，rascal？Telluswhereyourmasteris。’Andtogiveemphasistotheirwordstheyaccompaniedthemwithsomestrokesofthecane。

"Iwasnotgoingtostandthissortofthing，soItoldthem，withanoath，thatiftheydidnotstopIshoulddefendmyself，addingthatI

wasnotmymaster’skeeper，andadvisingthemtoaskthesentry。

"Thesentryonhispartsworebyallthesaintsthatyoumusthaveescapedbythewindow，butinspiteofthisacorporalwassummoned，andthepoormanwassenttoprison。

"Theclamourthatwasgoingonbroughtupthelandlord，whoopenedyourmails，andonfindingthememptysaidthathewouldbewellenoughpaidbyyourpostchaise，replyingonlywithagrintotheofficerwhopretendedyouhadgivenithim。

"Inthemidstofthetumultasuperiorofficercameup，whodecidedthatyoumusthaveescapedthroughthewindow，andorderedthesentrytobesetatlibertyonthespot。Thencamemyturn，for，asIkeptonlaughingandansweredallquestionsby’Idon’tknow，’thesegentlemanhadmetakentoprison，tellingmeIshouldstaytheretillIinformedthemwhereyou，oratleastyoureffects，couldbefound。

"Thenextdayoneofthemcametotheprison，andtoldmethatunlessIconfessedIshouldundoubtedlybesenttothegalleys。

"’OnthefaithofaSpaniard，’Ianswered，Iknownothing，butifI

diditwouldbeallthesametoyou，fornoonecanmakeanhonestservantbetrayhismaster。

"Atthistherascaltoldtheturnkeytogivemeatasteofthelash，andafterthishadbeendoneIwassetatliberty。

"Mybackwassomewhatscarified，butIhadtheproudconsciousnessofhavingdonemyduty，andIwentbackandsleptattheinn，wheretheyweregladtoseeme。Nextmorningeveryoneknewyouwerehereandhadsentachallengetothethreesharpers，buttheuniversalopinionwasthattheyweretooknowingtorisktheirlivesbymeetingyou。

Nevertheless，MadameBalettitoldmetobegyoutoleaveFurstenburg，astheymightverylikelyhaveyouassassinated。ThelandlordsoldyourchaiseandyourmailstotheAustrianambassador，who，theysay，letyouescapefromawindowintheapartmentoccupiedbyhismistress。Nooneofferedtopreventmecominghere:

ThreehoursafterLeDuc’sarrivalItookpostandwenttoSchaffhaus，andfromtheretoZurich，withhiredhorses，astherearenopostsinSwitzerland。AtZurichIputupatthe"Sward，"anexcellentinn。

Aftersupper，powderingovermyarrivalinZurichwhereIhaddroppedfromthecloudsasitwere，Ibegan，toreflectseriouslyuponmypresentsituationandtheeventsofmypastlife。Irecalledmymisfortunesandscrutinizedmyconduct；andwasnotlonginconcludingthatallIhadsufferedwasthroughmyownfault，andthatwhenfortunewouldhavecrownedmewithhappinessIhadpersistentlytrifledthathappinessaway。IhadjustsucceededinescapingfromatrapwhereImighthaveperished，oratleasthavebeenoverwhelmedwithshame，andIshudderedatthethought。Iresolvedtobenomorefortune’splaything，buttoescapeentirelyfromherhands。I

calculatedmyassetsandfoundIwaspossessedofahundredthousandcrowns。"Withthat，"saidI，"Icanlivesecureamidstthechangesandchancesofthislife，andIshallatlastexperiencetruehappiness。"

Iwenttobedponderingoverthesefancies，andmysleepwasfullofhappydreams。Isawmyselfdwellinginaretiredspotamidstpeaceandplenty。IthoughtIwassurroundedonallsidesbyafairexpanseofcountrywhichbelongedtome，whereIenjoyedthatfreedomtheworldcannotgive。Mydreamshadalltheforceofreality，tillasuddenawakeningatday—breakcametogivethemthelie。ButtheimaginaryblissIhadenjoyedhadsotakenmyfancythatIcouldnotresttillIrealizedit。Iarose，dressedmyselfhastily，andwentout，fasting，withoutknowingwhereIwasgoing。

Iwalkedonandon，absorbedincontemplation，anddidnotreallyawaketillIfoundmyselfinaravinebetweentwoloftymountains。

SteppingforwardIreachedavalleysurroundedbymountainsonallsides，andinthedistanceafinechurch，attachedtoapileofbuildings，magnificentlysituated。Iguessedittobeamonastery，andImademywaytowardsit。

Thechurchdoorwasopen，andIwentinandwasamazedattherichmarblesandthebeautyofthealtars；and，afterhearingthelastmass，IwenttothesacristyandfoundmyselfinacrowdofBenedictines。

Theabbot，whomIrecognizedbyhiscross，cametowardsmeandaskedifIwishedtoseethechurchandmonastery。IrepliedthatIshouldbedelighted，andhe，withtwootherbrethren，offeredtoshewmeall。Isawtheirrichornaments，chasublesembroideredwithgoldandpearls，thesacredvesselsadornedwithdiamondsandotherpreciousstones，arichbalustrade，etc。

AsIunderstoodGermanveryimperfectlyandtheSwissdialect（whichishardtoacquireandbearsthesamerelationtoGermanthatGenoesehastoItalian）notatall，IbegantospeakLatin，andaskedtheabbotifthechurchhadbeenbuiltforlong。Thereupontheveryreverendfatherenteredintoalonghistory，whichwouldhavemademerepentmyinquisitivenessifhehadnotfinishedbysayingthatthechurchwasconsecratedbyJesusChristHimself。Thiswascarryingitsfoundationratherfarback，andnodoubtmyfaceexpressedsomesurprise，fortoconvincemeofthetruthofthestorytheabbotbademefollowhimintothechurch，andthereonapieceofmarblepavementheshewedmetheimprintofthefootofJesus，whichHehadleftthereatthemomentoftheconsecration，toconvincetheinfidelsandtosavethebishopthetroubleofconsecratingthechurch。

Theabbothadhadthisdivinelyrevealedtohiminadream，andgoingintothechurchtoverifythevisionhesawtheprintoftheDivineFoot，andgavethankstotheLord。

EndMEMOIRSOFJACQUESCASANOVAdeSEINGALT1725—1798

THEETERNALQUEST，Volume3d——SWITZERLAND

THERAREUNABRIDGEDLONDONEDITIONOF1894TRANSLATEDBYARTHUR

MACHENTOWHICHHASBEENADDEDTHECHAPTERSDISCOVERED

BYARTHURSYMONS。

THEETERNALQUEST

SWITZERLAND

CHAPTERXIII

IResolvetoBecomeaMonk——IgotoConfession——DelayofaFortnight——Giustiniani，theApostleCapuchin——IAltermyMind；MyReasons——MyPranksattheInn——IDineWiththeAbbotThecoolwayinwhichtheabbottoldthesecock—and—bullstoriesgavemeaninclinationtolaughter，whichtheholinessoftheplaceandthelawsofpolitenesshadmuchdifficultyinrestraining。AllthesameIlistenedwithsuchanattentiveairthathisreverencewasdelightedwithmeandaskedwhereIwasstaying。

"Nowhere，"saidI；"IcamefromZurichonfoot，andmyfirstvisitwastoyourchurch。"

IdonotknowwhetherIpronouncedthesewordswithanairofcompunction，buttheabbotjoinedhishandsandliftedthemtoheaven，asiftothankGodfortouchingmyheartandbringingmetheretolaydowntheburdenofmysins。Ihavenodoubtthatthesewerehisthoughts，asIhavealwayshadthelookofagreatsinner。

TheabbotsaiditwasnearnoonandthathehopedIwoulddohimthehonourofdiningwithhim，andIacceptedwithpleasure，forIhadhadnothingtoeatandIknewthatthereisusuallygoodcheerinsuchplaces。IdidnotknowwhereIwasandIdidnotcaretoask，beingwillingtoleavehimundertheimpressionthatIwasapilgrimcometoexpiatemysins。

Onourwayfromthechurchtheabbottoldmethathismonkswerefasting，butthatweshouldeatmeatinvirtueofadispensationhehadreceivedfromBenedictXIV。，whichallowedhimtoeatmeatalltheyearroundwithhisguests。IrepliedthatIwouldjoinhimallthemorewillinglyastheHolyFatherhadgivenmeasimilardispensation。Thisseemedtoexcitehiscuriosityaboutmyself，andwhenwegottohisroom，whichdidnotlookthecellofapenitent，hehastenedtoshewmethebrief，whichhehadframedandglazedandhungupoppositethetablesothatthecuriousandscrupulousmighthaveitinfullview。

Asthetablewasonlylaidfortwo，aservantinfullliverycameinandbroughtanothercover；andthehumbleabbotthentoldmethatheusuallyhadhischancellorwithhimatdinner，"for，"saidhe，"I

haveachancery，sinceasabbotofOurLadyofEinsiedelIamaprinceoftheHolyRomanEmpire。"

Thiswasarelieftome，asInowknewwhereIwas，andInolongerrantheriskofshewingmyignoranceinthecourseofconversation。

Thismonastery（ofwhichIhadheardbefore）wastheLorettooftheMountains，andwasfamousforthenumberofpilgrimswhoresortedtoit。

Inthecourseofdinnertheprince——abbotaskedmewhereIcamefrom，ifIweremarried，ifIintendedtomakeatourofSwitzerland，addingthatheshouldbegladtogivemelettersofintroduction。

IrepliedthatIwasaVenetian，abachelor，andthatIshouldbegladtoacceptthelettersofintroductionhehadkindlyofferedme，afterIhadhadaprivateconferencewithhim，inwhichIdesiredtotakehisadviceonmyconscience。

Thus，withoutpremeditation，andscarcelyknowingwhatIwassaying，Iengagedtoconfesstotheabbot。

Thiswasmyway。WheneverIobeyedaspontaneousimpulse，wheneverI

didanythingofasudden，IthoughtIwasfollowingthelawsofmydestiny，andyieldingtoasupremewill。WhenIhadthusplainlyintimatedtohimthathewastobemyconfessor，hefeltobligedtospeakwithreligiousfervour，andhisdiscoursesseemedtolerableenoughduringadelicateandappetisingrepast，forwehadsnipeandwoodcock；whichmademeexclaim，——

"What！gamelikethatatthistimeofyear？"

"It’sasecret，"saidhe，withapleasedsmile，"whichIshallbegladtocommunicatetoyou。"

Theabbotwasamanoftaste，forthoughheaffectedsobrietyhehadthechoicestwinesandthemostdeliciousdishesonthetable。A

splendidsalmon—troutwasbrought，whichmadehimsmilewithpleasure，andseasoningthegoodfarewithajest，hesaidinLatinthatwemusttasteitasitwasfish，andthatitwasrighttofastalittle。

Whilehewastalkingtheabbotkeptakeeneyeonme，andasmyfinedressmadehimfeelcertainthatIhadnothingtoaskofhimhespokeatease。

Whendinnerwasoverthechancellorbowedrespectfullyandwentout。

Soonaftertheabbottookmeoverthemonastery，includingthelibrary，whichcontainedaportraitoftheElectorofCologneinsemi—ecclesiasticalcostume。Itoldhimthattheportraitwasagoodthoughuglylikeness，anddrewoutofmypocketthegoldsnuffboxtheprincehadgivenme，tellinghimthatitwasaspeakinglikeness。Helookedatitwithinterest，andthoughthishighnesshaddonewelltobetakeninthedressofagrand—master。ButIperceivedthattheeleganceofthesnuff—boxdidnoharmtotheopiniontheabbothadconceivedofme。Asforthelibrary，ifIhadbeenaloneitwouldhavemademeweep。Itcontainednothingunderthesizeoffolio，thenewestbookswereahundredyearsold，andthesubject—matterofallthesehugebookswassolelytheologyandcontroversy。TherewereBibles，commentators，theFathers，worksoncanonlawinGerman，volumesofannals，andHoffman’sdictionary。

"Isupposeyourmonkshaveprivatelibrariesoftheirown，"Isaid，"whichcontainaccountsoftravels，withhistoricalandscientificworks。"

"Notatall，"hereplied；"mymonksarehonestfolk，whoarecontenttodotheirduty，andtoliveinpeaceandsweetignorance。"

Idonotknowwhathappenedtomeatthatmoment，butastrangewhimcameintomyhead——Iwouldbeamonk，too。Isaidnothingaboutitatthemoment，butIbeggedtheabbottotakemetohisprivatechamber。

"Iwishtomakeageneralconfessionofallmysins，"saidI，"thatI

mayobtainthebenefitofabsolution，andreceivetheHolyEucharistonthemorrow。"

Hemadenoanswer，butledthewaytoaprettylittleroom，andwithoutrequiringmetokneeldownsaidhewasreadytohearme。

IsatdownbeforehimandforthreeconsecutivehoursInarratedscandaloushistoriesunnumerable，which，however，Itoldsimplyandnotspicily，sinceIfeltasceticallydisposedandobligedmyselftospeakwithacontritionIdidnotfeel，forwhenIrecountedmyfolliesIwasveryfarfromfindingtheremembranceofthemdisagreeable。

Inspiteofthat，thesereneorreverendabbotbelieved，atallevents，inmyattrition，forhetoldmethatsincebytheappointedmeansIhadoncemoreplacedmyselfinastateofgrace，contritionwouldbeperfectedinme。

Accordingtothegoodabbot，andstillmoreaccordingtome，withoutgracecontritionisimpossible。

Afterhehadpronouncedthesacramentalwordswhichtakeawaythesinsofmen，headvisedmetoretiretothechamberhehadappointedforme，topasstherestofthedayinprayer，andtogotobedatanearlyhour，butheaddedthatIcouldhavesupperifIwasaccustomedtothatmeal。HetoldmethatImightcommunicateatthefirstmassnextmorning，andwiththatweparted。

Iobeyedwithadocilitywhichhaspuzzledmeeversince，butatthetimeIthoughtnothingofit。IwasleftaloneinaroomwhichIdidnotevenexamine，andthereIponderedovertheideawhichhadcomeintomyheadbeforemakingmyconfession；andIquitemadeupmymindthatchance，orrathermygoodgenius，hadledmetothatspot，wherehappinessawaitedme，andwhereImightshelterallmydaysfromthetempestsoftheworld。

"WhetherIstayhere，"saidI，"dependsonmyselfalone，asIamsuretheabbotwillnotrefusemethecowlifIgivehimtenthousandcrownsformysupport。"

Allthatwasneededtosecuremyhappinessseemedalibraryofmyownchoosing，andIdidnotdoubtbutthattheabbotwouldletmehavewhatbooksIpleasedifIpromisedtoleavethemtothemonasteryaftermydeath。

Astothesocietyofthemonks，thediscord，envy，andallthebickeringsinseparablefromsuchamodeoflife，IthoughtIhadnothingtopassinthatway，sinceIhadnoambitionswhichcouldrousethejealousyoftheothermonks。Nevertheless，despitemyfascination，Iforesawthepossibilityofrepentance，andIshudderedatthethought，butIhadacureforthatalso。

"WhenIaskforthehabit，"Isaid，"Iwillalsoaskthatmynovitiatebeextendedfortenyears，andifrepentancedonotcomeintenyearsitwillnotcomeatall。IshalldeclarethatIdonotwishforanycureoranyecclesiasticaldignity。AllIwantispeaceandleavetofollowmyowntastes，withoutscandalisinganyone。"

Ithought:Icouldeasilyremoveanyobjectionswhichmightbemadetothelongtermofmynovitiate，byagreeing，incaseIchangedmymind，toforfeitthetenthousandcrownswhichIwouldpayinadvance。

IputdownthisfineideainwritingbeforeIwenttobed；andinthemorning，findingmyselfunshakeninmyresolve，afterIhadcommunicatedIgavemyplantotheabbot，whowastakingchocolateinhisroom。

Heimmediatelyreadmyplan，andwithoutsayinganythingputitonthetable，andafterbreakfasthewalkedupanddowntheroomandreaditagain，andfinallytoldmethathewouldgivemeananswerafterdinner。

Iwaitedtillnightwiththeimpatienceofachildwhohasbeenpromisedtoysonitsbirthday——socompletelyandsuddenlycananinfatuationchangeone’snature。Wehadasgoodadinnerasonthedaybefore，andwhenwehadrisenfromthetablethegoodabbotsaid，"MycarriageisatthedoortotakeyoutoZurich。Go，andletmehaveafortnighttothinkitover。Iwillbringmyanswerinperson。

Inthemeanwhileherearetwosealedletters，whichpleasedeliveryourself。"

IrepliedthatIwouldobeyhisinstructionsandthatIwouldwaitforhimatthe"Sword，"inthehopethatbewoulddeigntograntmywishes。Itookhishand，whichheallowedmetokiss，andIthensetoutforZurich。

AssoonasmySpaniardsawmetherascalbegantolaugh。Iguessedwhathewasthinking，andaskedhimwhathewaslaughingat。

"IamamazedtoseethatnosoonerdoyouarriveinSwitzerlandthanyoucontrivetofindsomeamusementwhichkeepsyouawayfortwowholedays。"

"Ah，Isee；goandtellthelandlordthatIshallwanttheuseofagoodcarriageforthenextfortnight，andalsoaguideonwhomIcanrely。"

Mylandlord，whosenamewasOte，hadbeenacaptain，andwasthoughtagreatdealofatZurich。Hetoldmethatallthecarriagesintheneighbourhoodwereuncovered。Isaidtheywoulddo，astherewasnothingbettertobehad，andheinformedmeIcouldtrusttheservanthewouldprovidemewith。

NextmorningItooktheabbot’sletters。OnewasforM。OrelliandtheotherforaM。Pestalozzi，neitherofwhomIfoundathome；butintheafternoontheybothcalledonme，askedmetodinner，andmademepromisetocomewiththemthesameeveningtoaconcert。ThisistheonlyspeciesofentertainmentallowedatZurich，andonlymembersofthemusicalsocietycanbepresent，withtheexceptionofstrangers，whohavetobeintroducedbyamember，andarethenadmittedonthepaymentofacrown。ThetwogentlemenbothspokeinveryhightermsoftheAbbotofEinsiedel。

Ithoughttheconcertabadone，andgotboredatit。Themensatontherighthandandthewomenontheleft。Iwasvexedwiththisarrangement，forinspiteofmyrecentconversationIsawthreeorfourladieswhopleasedme，andwhoseeyeswanderedagooddealinmydirection。Ishouldhavelikedtomakelovetothem，tomakethebestofmytimebeforeIbecameamonk。

Whentheconcertwasover，menandwomenwentouttogether，andthetwocitizenspresentedmetotheirwivesanddaughters，wholookedpleasant，andwereamon