第86章

Ibeggedthemtoseekforhereverywherewhendawnappeared，andtoletmeknowofherreturnthatImightfallatherfeettobegpardon，andneverseeherfaceagain。IalsopromisedtopayforallthedamageIhaddone，andtogivethemafullreceiptforthebillsofexchange。Aftertheseacts，donetotheeverlastingshameofmygoodsense，afterthisapologymadetoprocuresseswholaughedatmeandmyhonour，Iwenthome，promisingtwoguineastotheservantwhoshouldbringmetidingsthatheryoungmistresshadcomehome。

OnleavingthehouseIfoundthewatchmanatthedoor；hehadbeenwaitingtoseemehome。Itwastwoo’clock。Ithrewmyselfonmybed，andthesixhoursofsleepIobtained，thoughtroubledbyfearfuldreams，probablysavedmefrommadness。

Ateighto’clockIheardaknockatthedoor，andonopeningthewindowfounditwasoneoftheservantsfromthehouseofmyfoes。I

criedouttoletherin，andIbreathedagainonhearingthatMissCharpillonhadjustarrivedinasedan—chairinapitiablecondition，andthatshehadbeenputtobed。

"Imadehastetocomeandtellyou，"saidthecunningmaid，"notforthesakeofyourtwoguineas，butbecauseIsawyouweresounhappy。"

Thisdupedmedirectly。Igaveherthetwoguineas，andmadehersitdownonmybed，begginghertotellmeallabouthermistress’sreturn。Ididnotdreamthatshehadbeenschooledbymyenemies；

butduringthewholeofthisperiodIwasdeprivedoftherightuseofmyreason。

Theslutbeganbysayingthatheryoungmistresslovedme，andhadonlydeceivedmeinaccordancewithhermother’sorders。

"Iknowthat，"Isaid，"butwheredidshepassthenight？"

"Atashopwhichshefoundopen，andwhereshewasknownfromhavingboughtvariousarticlesthere。Sheisinbedwithafever，andIamafraiditmayhaveseriousconsequencesassheisinhermonthlyperiod。"

"That’simpossible，forIcaughtherintheactwithherhairdresser。"

"Oh，thatprovesnothing！thepooryoungmandoesnotlookintothingsveryclosely。"

"Butsheisinlovewithhim。"

"Idon’tthinkso，thoughshehasspentseveralhoursinhiscompany。"

"Andyousaythatshelovesme！"

"Oh，thathasnothingtodowithit！Itisonlyawhimofherswiththehairdresser。"

"TellherthatIamcomingtopassthedaybesideherbed，andbringmeherreply。"

"Iwillsendtheothergirlifyoulike。"

"No，sheonlyspeaksEnglish。"

Shewentaway，andasshehadnotreturnedbythreeo’clockIdecidedoncallingtohearhowshewas。Iknockedatthedoor，andoneoftheauntsappearedandbeggedmenottoenterasthetwofriendsofthehousewerethereinafuryagainstme，andherniecelayinadelirium，cryingout"There’sSeingalt，there’sSeingalt！He’sgoingtokillme。Help！help！""ForGod’ssake，sir，goaway，"

Iwenthomedesperate，withouttheslightestsuspicionthatitwasallalie。Ispentthewholedaywithouteatinganything；Icouldnotswallowamouthful。AllnightIkeptawake，andthoughItookseveralglassesofstrongwatersIcouldobtainnorest。

Atnineo’clockthenextmorningIknockedattheCharpillon’sdoor，andtheoldauntcameandheldithalfopenasbefore。Sheforbademetoenter，sayingthatherniecewasstilldelirious，continuallycallingonmeinhertransports，andthatthedoctorhaddeclaredthatifthediseasecontinueditscourseshehadnottwenty—fourhourstolive。"Thefrightyougaveherhasarrestedherperiods；

sheisinaterriblestate。"

"O，fatalhairdresser！"Iexclaimed。

"Thatwasamereyouthfulfolly；youshouldhavepretendednottohaveseenanything。"

"Youthinkthatpossible，youoldwitch，doyou？Donotletherlackforanything；takethat。"

WiththesewordsIgaveherabanknotefortenguineasandwentaway，likethefoolIwas。OnmywaybackImetGoudar，whowasquitefrightenedatmyaspect。IbeggedhimtogoandseehowtheCharpillonreallywas，andthentocomeandpasstherestofthedaywithme。Anhourafterhecamebackandsaidhehadfoundthemallintearsandthatthegirlwasinextremis。

"Didyouseeher？"

"No，theysaidshecouldseenoone。"

"Doyouthinkitisalltrue？"

"Idon’tknowwhattothink；butoneofthemaids，whotellsmethetruthasarule，assuredmethatshehadbecomemadthroughhercoursesbeingstopped，whileshehasalsoafeverandviolentconvulsions。Itisallcredibleenough，forthesearetheusualresultsofashockwhenawomanisinsuchasituation。Thegirltoldmeitwasallyourfault。"

Ithentoldhimthewholestory。Hecouldonlypityme，butwhenheheardthatIhadneithereatennorsleptforthelastforty—eighthourshesaidverywiselythatifIdidnottakecareIshouldlosemyreasonormylife。Iknewit，butIcouldfindnoremedy。Hespentthedaywithmeanddidmegood。AsIcouldnoteatIdrankagooddeal，andnotbeingabletosleepIspentthenightinstridingupanddownmyroomlikeamanbesidehimself。

Onthethirdday，havingheardnothingpositiveabouttheCharpillon，Iwentoutatseveno’clockinthemorningtocallonher。AfterI

hadwaitedaquarterofanhourinthestreet，thedoorwaspartlyopened，andIsawthemotherallintears，butshewouldnotletmecomein。Shesaidherdaughterwasinthelastagony。Atthesameinstantapaleandthinoldmancameout，tellingthemotherthatwemustresignourselvestothewillofGod。Iaskedtheinfamouscreatureifitwerethedoctor。

"Thedoctorisnogoodnow，"saidtheoldhypocrite，weepinganew，"heisaministeroftheGospel，andthereisanotherofthemupstairs。Mypoordaughter！Inanotherhourshewillbenomore。"

Ifeltasifanicyhandhadcloseduponmyheart。Iburstintotearsandleftthewoman，saying，——

"Itistruethatmyhanddealttheblow，butherdeathliesatyourdoor。"

AsIwalkedawaymykneesseemedtobendunderme，andIenteredmyhousedeterminedtocommitsuicide，——

Withthisfearfulidea，IgaveordersthatIwasnotathometoanyone。AssoonasIgottomyroomIputmywatches，rings，snuff—

boxes，purseandpocket—bookinmycasket，andshutitupinmyescritoire。IthenwrotealettertotheVenetianambassador，informinghimthatallmypropertywastogotoM。deBragadinaftermydeath。Isealedtheletterandputitwiththecasket，andtookthekeywithme，andalsosilvertotheamountofafewguineas。I

tookmypistolsandwentoutwiththefirmintentionofdrowningmyselfintheThames，neartheTowerofLondon。

Ponderingovermyplanwiththeutmostcoolness，Iwentandboughtsomeballsofleadaslargeasmypocketswouldhold，andasheavyasIcouldbear，tocarrytotheTower，whereIintendedtogoonfoot。

OnmywayIwasstrengthenedinmypurposebythereflection，thatifIcontinuedtoliveIshouldbetormentedfortheremainderofmydaysbythepaleshadeoftheCharpillonreproachingmeashermurderer。Ievencongratulatedmyselfonbeingabletocarryoutmypurposewithoutanyeffort，andIalsofeltasecretprideinmycourage。

IwalkedslowlyonaccountoftheenormousweightIbore，whichwouldassuremeaspeedypassagetothebottomoftheriver。

ByWestminsterBridgemygoodfortunemadememeetSirEdgar，arichyoungEnglishman，wholivedacarelessandjoyouslife。IhadmadehisacquaintanceatLordPembroke’s，andhehaddinedwithmeseveraltimes。Wesuitedoneanother，hisconversationwasagreeable，andwehadpassedmanypleasanthourstogether。Itriedtoavoidhim，buthesawme，andcameupandtookmebythearminafriendlymanner。

"Whereareyougoing？Comewithme，unlessyouaregoingtodeliversomecaptive。Comealong，weshallhaveapleasantparty。"

"Ican’tcome，mydearfellow，letmego。"

"What’sthematter？Ihardlyrecognizedyou，youlookedsosolemn。"

"Nothingisthematter。"

"Nothing？Youshouldlookatyourfaceintheglass。NowIfeelquitesurethatyouaregoingtocommitafoolishaction。"

"Notatall。"

"It’snogooddenyingit。"

"Itellyouthere’snothingthematterwithme。Goodbye，Ishallseeyouagain。"

"It’snogood，Iwon’tleaveyou。Comealong，wewillwalktogether。"

Hiseyeshappeningtofallonmybreechespocket，henoticedmypistol，andputtinghishandontheotherpockethefelttheotherpistol，andsaid，——

"Youaregoingtofightaduel；Ishouldliketoseeit。Iwon’tinterferewiththeaffair，butneitherwillIleaveyou。"

Itriedtoputonasmile，andassuredhimthathewasmistaken，andthatIwasonlygoingforawalktopassthetime。

"Verygood，"saidEdgar，"thenIhopemysocietyisaspleasanttoyouasyoursistome；Iwon’tleaveyou。Afterwehavetakenawalkwewillgoanddineatthe’Canon。’Iwillgettwogirlstocomeandjoinus，andweshallhaveagaylittlepartyoffour。"

"Mydearfriend，youmustexcuseme；Iaminamelancholymood，andI

wanttobealonetogetoverit。"

"Youcanbealoneto—morrow，ifyoulike，butIamsureyouwillbeallrightinthenextthreehours，andifnot，whyIwillshareyourmadness。Wheredidyouthinkofdining？"

"Nowhere；Ihavenoappetite。Ihavebeenfastingforthelastthreedays，andIcanonlydrink。"

"Ah！Ibegintoseedaylight。Somethinghascrossedyou，andyouaregoingtoletitkillyouasitkilledoneofmybrothers。Imustseewhatcanbedone。"

Edgarargued，insisted，andjokedtillatlastIsaidtomyself，"A

daylongerwillnotmatter，Icandothedeedwhenheleavesme，andIshallonlyhavetobearwithlifeafewhourslonger。"

WhenEdgarheardthatIhadnoparticularobjectincrossingthebridgehesaidthatwehadbetterturnback，andIletmyselfbepersuaded；butinhalfanhourIbeggedhimtotakemesomewherewhereIcouldwaitforhim，asIcouldnotbeartheweightoftheleadanylonger。IgavehimmywordofhonourthatIwouldmeethimatthe"Canon。"

AssoonasIwasaloneIemptiedmypockets，andputtheleadenballsintoacupboard。ThenIlaydownandbegantoconsiderwhetherthegood—naturedyoungmanwouldpreventmecommittingsuicide，ashehadalreadymademepostponeit。

Ireasoned，notasonethathopes，butratherasonethatforesawthatEdgarwouldhindermefromshorteningmydays。ThusIwaitedinthetavernfortheyoungEnglishman，doubtfulwhetherhewasdoingmeaserviceoraninjury。

Hecamebackbeforelong，andwaspleasedtofindme。

"Ireckonedonyourkeepingyourword，"saidhe。

"YoudidnotthinkthatIwouldbreakmywordofhonour。"

"That’sallright；Iseeyouareonthewaytorecovery。"

Thesensibleandcheerfultalkoftheyoungmandidmegood，andI

begantofeelbetter，whenthetwoyoungwantons，oneofwhomwasaFrenchwoman，arrivedinhighspirits。Theyseemedintendedforpleasure，andNaturehaddoweredthemwithgreatattractions。I

appreciatedtheircharms，butIcouldnotwelcometheminthemannertowhichtheywereaccustomed。Theybegantothinkmesomepoorvaletudinarian；butthoughIwasintorments，afeelingofvanitymademeendeavourtobehavesensibly。IgavethemsomecoldkissesandbeggedEdgartotellhisfellow—countrywomanthatifIwerenotthreepartsdeadIwouldprovehowlovelyandcharmingIthoughther。

Theypitiedme。Amanwhohasspentthreedayswithouteatingorsleepingisalmostincapableofanyvoluptuousexcitement，butmerewordswouldnothaveconvincedthesepriestessesofVenusifEdgarhadnotgiventhemmyname。Ihadareputation，andIsawthatwhentheyheardwhoIwastheywerefullofrespect。TheyallhopedthatBacchusandComuswouldpleadthecauseofLove，andIletthemtalk，knowingthattheirhopeswerevain。

WehadanEnglishdinner；thatis，adinnerwithouttheessentialcourseofsoup，soIonlytookafewoystersandadraughtofdeliciouswine，butIfeltbetter，andwaspleasedtoseeEdgaramusinghimselfwiththetwonymphs。

TheyoungmadcapsuddenlyproposedthatthegirlsshoulddanceahornpipeinthecostumeofMotherEve，andtheyconsentedontheconditionthatwewouldadoptthedressofFatherAdam，andthatblindmusiciansweresummoned。ItoldthemthatIwouldtakeoffmyclothestoobligethem，butthatIhadnohopesofbeingabletoimitatetheseductiveserpent。Iwasallowedtoretainmydress，ontheconditionthatifIfelttheprickofthefleshIshouldimmediatelyundress。Iagreedtodoso，andtheblindmusiciansweresentfor，andwhiletheytunedtheirinstrumentstoilettesweremade，andtheorgybegan。

Ittaughtmesameusefullessons。Ilearntfromitthatamorouspleasuresaretheeffectandnotthecauseofgaiety。Isatgazingatthreenakedbodiesofperfectgraceandbeauty，thedanceandthemusicwereravishingandseductive，butnothingmadeanyimpressiononme。Afterthedancewasoverthemaledancertreatedthetwofemales，oneaftertheother，untilhewasforcedtorest。TheFrenchgirlcameuptoascertainwhetherIskewedanysignsoflife，butfeelingmyhopelessconditionshepronouncedmeuseless。

WhenitwasalloverIbeggedEdgartogivetheFrenchgirlfourguineas，andtopaymyshare，asIhadverylittlemoneyaboutme。

WhatshouldIhavesaidifIhadbeentoldinthemorningthatinsteadofdrowningmyselfIshouldtakepartinsopleasantanentertainment？

ThedebtIhadcontractedwiththeyoungEnglishmanmademeresolvetoputoffmysuicidetoanotherday。AfterthenymphshadgoneI

triedtogetridofEdgar，butinvain；hetoldmeIwasgettingbetter，thattheoystersIhadtakenskewedmystomachwasimproving，andthatifIcamewithhimtoRanelaghIshouldbeabletomakeagooddinnerthenextday。Iwasweakandindifferentandletmyselfbepersuaded，andgotintoacoachwithEdgarinobediencetotheStoicmaximIhadlearntinthehappydaysofmyyouth:’SequereDeum’。

Weenteredthefinerotundawithourhatsoff，andbegantowalkroundandround，ourarmsbehindourbacks——acommoncustominEngland，atleastinthosedays。

Aminuetwasbeingdanced，andIwassoattractedbyaladywhodancedextremelywellthatIwaitedforhertoturnround。WhatmademenoticehermoreparticularlywasthatherdressandhatwereexactlylikethoseIhadgiventotheCharpillonafewdaysbefore，butasIbelievedthepoorwretchtobedeadordyingthelikenessdidnotinspiremewithanysuspicion。Buttheladyturnedround，liftedherface，andIsaw——theCharpillonherself！

Edgartoldmeafterwardsthatatthatmomenthethoughttoseemefalltothegroundinanepilepticfit；Itrembledandshudderedsoterribly。

However，IfeltsosureshewasillthatIcouldnotbelievemyowneyes，andthedoubtbroughtmetomysenses。

"Shecan’tbetheCharpillon，"Isaidtomyself，"sheissomeothergirllikeher，andmyenfeebledsenseshaveledmeastray。"Inthemeanwhilethelady，intentonherdancing，didnotglanceinmydirection，butIcouldaffordtowait。Atlastsheliftedherarmstomakethecurtsyattheendoftheminuet，IwentupinstinctivelyasifIwereabouttodancewithher；shelookedmeintheface，andfled。

Iconstrainedmyself；butnowthattherecouldbenodoubtmyshudderingfitreturned，andImadehastetositdown。Acoldsweatbedewedmyfaceandmywholebody。EdgaradvisedmetotakeacupofteabutIbeggedhimtoleavemealoneforafewmoments。

IwasafraidthatIwasonthepointofdeath；Itrembledallover，andmyheartbeatsorapidlythatIcouldnothavestooduphadI

wished。

Atlast，insteadofdying，Igotnewlife。WhatawonderfulchangeI

experienced！Littlebylittlemypeaceofmindreturned，andIcouldenjoytheglitterofthemultitudinouswaxlights。ByslowdegreesI

passedthroughalltheshadesoffeelingbetweendespairandanecstasyofjoy。MysoulandmindweresoastonishedbytheshockthatIbegantothinkIshouldneverseeEdgaragain。

"Thisyoungman，"Isaidtomyself，"ismygoodgenius，myguardianangel，myfamiliarspirit，whohastakentheformofEdgartorestoremetomysensesagain。"

Ishouldcertainlyhavepersistedinthisideaifmyfriendhadnotreappearedbeforeverylong。

Chancemighthavethrownhiminthewayofoneofthoseseductivecreatureswhomakeoneforgeteverythingelse；hemighthaveleftRanelaghwithouthavingtimetotellmehewasgoing，andIshouldhavegonebacktoLondonfeelingperfectlycertainthatIhadonlyseenhisearthlyshape。ShouldIhavebeendisabusedifIhadseenhimafewdaysafter？Possibly；butIamnotsureofit。Ihavealwayshadahankeringaftersuperstition，ofwhichIdonotboast；

butIconfessthefact，andleavethereadertojudgeme。

However，hecamebackinhighspirits，butanxiousaboutme。Hewassurprisedtofindmefullofanimation，andtohearmetalkinginapleasantstrainonthesurroundingobjectsandpersons。

"Why，youarelaughing！"saidhe，"yoursadnesshasdeparted，then？"

"Yes，goodgenius，butIamhungry，andIwantyoutodomeafavour，ifyouhavenootherpressingengagements。"

"Iamfreetillthedayafterto—morrow，andtillthenyoucandowhatyoulikewithme。"

"Iowemylifetoyou，buttomakeyourgiftcompleteIwantyoutospendthisnightandthewholeofthenextdaywithme。"

"Done。"

"Thenletusgohome。"

"Withallmyheart；comealong。"

Ididnottellhimanythingaswewereinthecoach，andwhenwegothomeIfoundnothingfresh，exceptanotefromGoudar，whichIputinmypocket，intendingtoreserveallbusinessforthenextday。

Itwasanhouraftermidnight。Agoodsupperwasservedtous，andwefellto；formypartIdevouredmyfoodlikeawildbeast。Edgarcongratulatedme，andwewenttobed，andIsleptprofoundlytillnoon。WhenIawokeIbreakfastedwithEdgar，andtoldhimthewholestory，whichwouldhaveendedwithmylifeifhehadnotmetmeonWestminsterBridge，andhehadnotbeenkeenenoughtomarkmycondition。Itookhimtomyroom，andshewedhimmyescritoire，mycasket，andmywill。IthenopenedGoudar’sletter，andread:

"Iamquitesurethatthegirlyouknowofisveryfarfromdying，asshehasgonetoRanelaghwithLordGrosvenor。"

AlthoughEdgarwasaprofligate，hewasasensibleman，andmystorymadehimfurious。Hethrewhisarmsaroundmyneck，andtoldmeheshouldalwaysthinkthedayonwhichherescuedmefromdeathforsounworthyanobjectthehappiestinhislife。HecouldscarcelycredittheinfamyoftheCharpillonandhermother。HetoldmeI

couldhavethemotherarrested，thoughIhadnotgotthebillsofexchange，ashermother’sletteracknowledgingherdaughter’spossessionofthebillswassufficientevidence。

Withoutinforminghimofmyintention，Iresolvedthatmomenttohaveherarrested。Beforewepartedwesworeeternalfriendship，butthereaderwillseebeforelongwhatapenancethekindEnglishmanhadtodoforbefriendingme。

ThenextdayIwenttotheattorneyIhademployedagainstCountSchwerin。AfterhearingmystoryhesaidthatIhadanundoubtedclaim，andthatIcouldarrestthemotherandthetwoaunts。

WithoutlosingtimeIwentbeforeamagistrate，whotookmysworninformationandgrantedmeawarrant。ThesameofficialwhohadarrestedSchwerintookchargeoftheaffair；butashedidnotknowthewomenbysightitwasnecessarythatsomeonewhodidshouldgowithhim，forthoughhewascertainofsurprisingthemtheremightbeseveralotherwomenpresent，andhemightnotarresttherightones。

AsGoudarwouldnothaveundertakenthedelicatetaskofpointingthemout，Iresolvedonaccompanyinghimmyself。

ImadeanappointmentwithhimatanhourwhenIknewtheywouldbeallintheparlour。Hewastoenterdirectlythedoorwasopened，andIwouldcomeinatthesameinstantandpointoutthewomenhehadtoarrest。InEnglandalljudicialproceedingsareconductedwiththeutmostpunctuality，andeverythingwentoffasIhadarranged。ThebailiffandhissubalternsteppedintotheparlourandIfollowedintheirfootsteps。Ipointedoutthemotherandthetwosistersandthenmadehastetoescape，forthesightoftheCharpillon，dressedinblack，standingbythehearth，mademeshudder。Ifeltcured，certainly；butthewoundsshehadgivenmewerenotyethealed，andIcannotsaywhatmighthavehappenediftheCircehadhadthepresenceofmindtothrowherarmsaboutmyneckandbegformercy。

AssoonasIhadseenthesewomeninthehandsofjusticeIfled，tastingthesweetsofvengeance，whichareverygreat，butyetasignofunhappiness。TherageinwhichIhadarrestedthethreeprocuresses，andmyterrorinseeingthewomanwhohadwell—nighkilledme，