第50章

Unfortunately，thecarriagewasachariot，andasweweregoingthemoonshonedirectlyonus。Onthatoccasiontheplanetwascertainlynotentitledtotheappellationofthelovers’friend。Wedidallwecould，butthatwasalmostnothing，andIfoundtheattemptadesperateone，thoughmylovelypartnerendeavouredtohelpmeasmuchaspossible。Toaddtoourdiscomforts，theinquisitiveandimpudentcoachmankeptturninghisheadround，whichforcedustomoderatetheenergyofourmovements。Thesentryatthegeneral’sdoortoldourcoachmanthathisexcellencycouldseenoone，andwejoyfullyturnedtowardsmyhotel，andnowthatthemoonwasbehindusandtheman’scuriositylessinconvenient，wegotonalittlebetter，orrathernotsobadlyasbefore，butthehorsesseemedtometoflyratherthangallop；however，feelingthatitwouldbewelltohavethecoachmanonmysideincaseofanotheropportunity，IgavehimaducatasIgotdown。

Ienteredthehotelfeelingvexedandunhappy，thoughmoreinlovethanever，formyfaironehadconvincedmethatshewasnopassivemistress，butcouldexperiencepleasureaswellasgiveit。ThatbeingthecaseIresolvednottoleaveColognebeforewehaddrainedthecupofpleasuretogether，andthat，itseemedtome，couldnottakeplacetillthegeneralwasoutoftheway。

Nextday，atnoon，Iwenttothegeneral’shousetowritedownmyname，butIfoundhewasreceivingvisitorsandIwentin。Imadethegeneralanappropriatecompliment，towhichtherudeAustrianonlyrepliedbyacoldinclinationofthehead。Hewassurroundedbyagoodmanyofficers，andafterfourminutesImadeageneralbowandwentout。Theboorkepthisroomforthreedays，andasmymistressdidnotcometothetheatreIhadnotthepleasureofseeingher。

OnthelastdayofthecarnivalKettleraskedagoodmanypeopletoaballandsupper。Onmygoingtopaymycourttomymistressinherboxatthetheatre，andbeingleftforamomentalonewithher，sheaskedmeifIwereinvitedtothegeneral’ssupper。Iansweredinthenegative。

"What！"saidshe，inanimperiousandindignantvoice，"hehasnotaskedyou？Youmustgo，forallthat。"

"Considerwhatyousay，"saidI，gently，"Iwilldoanythingtopleaseyoubutthat。"

"Iknowallyoucanurge；nevertheless，youmustgo。Ishouldfeelinsultedifyouwerenotatthatsupper。Ifyoulovemeyouwillgivemethisproofofyouraffectionand（IthinkImaysay）esteem。"

"Youaskmethus？ThenIwillgo。Butareyouawarethatyouareexposingmetothedangeroflosingmylifeortakinghis？forIamnotthemantopassoveranaffront。"

"Iknowallyoucansay，"saidshe。"Ihaveyourhonouratheartasmuchasmine，orperhapsmoreso，butnothingwillhappentoyou；I

willanswerforeverything。Youmustgo，andyoumustgivemeyourpromisenow，forIamresolvedifyoudonotgo，neitherwillI，butwemustneverseeeachothermore。"

"Thenyoumayreckonuponme。"

AtthatmomentM。deCastriescamein，andIlefttheboxandwenttothepit，whereIpassedtwoanxioushoursinreflectingonthepossibleconsequencesofthestrangestepthiswomanwouldhavemetake。Nevertheless，suchwastheswayofherbeautyavermysoul，I

determinedtoabidebymypromiseandtocarrythematterthrough，andtoputmyselfinthewrongaslittleaspossible。Iwenttothegeneral’sattheendoftheplay，andonlyfoundfiveorsixpeoplethere。IwentuptoacanonesswhowasveryfondofItalianpoetry，andhadnotroubleinengagingherinaninterestingdiscussion。Inhalfanhourtheroomwasfull，mymistresscominginlastonthegeneral’sarm。Iwastakenupwiththecanonessanddidnotstir，andconsequentlyKettlerdidnotnoticeme，whiletheladyingreatdelightatseeingmelefthimnotimetoexaminehisguests，andhewassoontalkingtosomepeopleattheotherendoftheroom。Inaquarterofanhourafterwardssupperwasannounced。Thecanonessrose，tookmyarm，andweseatedourselvesattabletogether，stilltalkingaboutItalianliterature。Thencamethecatastrophe。Whenalltheplaceshadbeentakenonegentlemanwasleftstanding，therebeingnoplaceforhim。"Howcanthathavehappened？"saidthegeneral，raisinghisvoice，andwhiletheservantswerebringinganotherchairandarranginganotherplacehepassedhisguestsinreview。AllthewhileIpretendednottonoticewhatwasgoingon，butwhenhecametomehesaidloudly，"Sir，Ididnotaskyoutocome。"

"Thatisquitetrue，general，"Isaid，respectfully，"butIthought，nodoubtcorrectly，thattheomissionwasduetoforgetfulness，andI

thoughtmyselfobligedallthesametocomeandpaymycourttoyourexcellency。"

WithoutapauseIrenewedmyconversationwiththecanoness，notsomuchaslookingaround。Adreadfulsilencereignedforfourorfiveminutes，butthecanonessbegantoutterwitticismswhichItookupandcommunicatedtomyneighbours，sothatinashorttimethewholetablewasingoodspiritsexceptthegeneral，whopreservedasulkysilence。Thisdidnotmuchmattertome，butmyvanitywasconcernedinsmoothinghimdown，andIwatchedformyopportunity。

M。deCastrieswaspraisingthedauphin，andhisbrothers，theComtedeLusaceandtheDucdeCourlande，werementioned；thisledtheconversationuptoPrinceBiron，formerlyaduke，whowasinSiberia，andhispersonalqualitieswerediscussed，oneoftheguestshavingsaidthathischiefestmeritwastohavepleasedtheEmpressAnne。

Ibeggedhispardon，saying，——

"HisgreatestmeritwastohaveservedfaithfullythelastDukeKettler；whoifithadnotbeenforthecourageofhimwhoisnowsounfortunate，wouldhavelostallhisbelongingsinthewar。ItwasDukeKettlerwhosoheroicallysenthimtotheCourtofSt。

Petersburg，butBironneveraskedfortheduchy。Anearldomwouldhavesatisfiedhim，asherecognizedtherightsoftheyoungerbranchoftheKettlerfamily，whichwouldbereigningnowifitwerenotfortheempress’swhim:nothingwouldsatisfyherbuttoconferadukedomonthefavourite。"

Thegeneral，whosefacehadclearedwhileIwasspeaking，said，inthemostpolitemannerofwhichhewascapable，thatIwasapersonofremarkableinformation，addingregretfully，——

"Yes，ifitwerenotforthatwhimIshouldbereigningnow。"

AfterthismodestremarkheburstintoafitoflaughterandsentmedownabottleofthebestRhinewine，andaddressedhisconversationtometillthesupperwasover。Iquietlyenjoyedtheturnthingshadtaken，butstillmorethepleasureIsawexpressedinthebeautifuleyesofmymistress。

Dancingwentonallnight，andIdidnotleavemycanoness，whowasadelightfulwomananddancedadmirably。WithmyladyIonlydancedoneminuet。Towardstheendoftheballthegeneral，tofinishupwithapieceofawkwardness，askedmeifIwasgoingsoon。IrepliedthatIdidnotthinkofleavingColognetillafterthegrandreview。

Iwenttobedfullofjoyathavinggiventheburgomaster’swifesuchasignalproofofmylove，andfullofgratitudetofortunewhohadhelpedmesoindealingwithmydoltishgeneral，forGodknowswhatI

shouldhavedoneifhehadforgottenhimselfsofarastotellmetoleavethetable！ThenexttimeIsawthefairshetoldmeshehadfeltamortalpangoffearshootthroughherwhenthegeneralsaidhehadnotaskedme。

"Iamquitesure，"saidshe，"thathewouldhavegonefurther，ifyourgrandanswerhadnotstoppedhismouth；butifhehadsaidanotherword，mymindwasmadeup。"

"Todowhat？"

"Ishouldhaverisenfromthetableandtakenyourarm，andweshouldhavegoneouttogether。M。deCastrieshastoldmethathewouldhavedonethesame，andIbelievealltheladieswhomyouaskedtobreakfastwouldhavefollowedourexample。"

"Buttheaffairwouldnothavestoppedthen，forIshouldcertainlyhavedemandedimmediatesatisfaction，andifhehadrefuseditI

shouldhavestruckhimwiththeflatofmysword。"

"Iknowthat，butprayforgetthatitwasIwhoexposedyoutothisdanger。Formypart，IshallneverforgetwhatIowetoyou，andI

willtrytoconvinceyouofmygratitude。"

Twodayslater，onhearingthatshewasindisposed，Iwenttocallonherateleveno’clock，atwhichtimeIwassurethegeneralwouldnotbethere。Shereceivedmeinherhusband’sroom，andhe，inthefriendliestmannerpossible，askedmeifIhadcometodinewiththem。Ihastenedtothankhimforhisinvitation，whichIacceptedwithpleasure，andIenjoyedthisdinnerbetterthanKettler’ssupper。Theburgomasterwasafine—lookingman，pleasant—manneredandintelligent，andaloverofpeaceandquietness。Hiswife，whomheadored，oughttohavelovedhim，sincehewasbynomeansoneofthosehusbandswhosemottois，"Displeasewhomyoulike，solongasyoupleaseme。"

Onherhusband’sgoingoutforashorttime，sheshewedmeoverthehouse。

"Hereisourbedroom，"saidshe；"andthisistheclosetinwhichI

sleepforfiveorsixnightsineverymonth。Hereisachurchwhichwemaylookuponasourprivatechapel，aswehearmassfromthosetwogratedwindows。OnSundayswegodownthisstairandenterthechurchbyadoor，thekeytowhichisalwaysinmykeeping。"

ItwasthesecondSaturdayinLent；wehadanexcellentfastingdinner，butIdidnotforoncepaymuchattentiontoeating。Toseethisyoungandbeautifulwomansurroundedbyherchildren，adoredbyherfamily，seemedtomeabeautifulsight。IleftthematanearlyhourtowritetoEsther，whomIdidnotneglect，alloccupiedasI

waswiththisnewflame。

NextdayIwenttohearmassatthelittlechurchnexttotheburgomaster’shouse。Iwaswellcloakedsoasnottoattractattention。Isawmyfaironegoingoutwearingacapuchin，andfollowedbyherfamily。Inotedthelittledoorwhichwassorecessedinthewallthatitwouldhaveescapedthenoticeofanyonewhowasunawareofitsexistence；itopened，Isaw，towardsthestaircase。

Thedevil，who，aseverybodyknows，hasmorepowerinachurchthananywhereelse，putintomyheadtheideaofenjoyingmymistressbymeansofthedoorandstair。Itoldhermyplanthenextdayatthetheatre。

"Ihavethoughtofitaswellasyou，"saidshe，laughing，"andI

willgiveyouthenecessaryinstructionsinwriting；youwillfindtheminthefirstgazetteIsendyou。"

Wecouldnotcontinuethispleasantinterview，asmymistresshadwithheraladyfromAix—la—Chapelle，whowasstayingwithherforafewdays。Andindeedtheboxwasfullofcompany。

Ihadnotlongtowait，fornextdayshegavemebackthegazetteopenly，tellingmethatshehadnotfoundanythingtointerestherinit。Iknewthatitwouldbeexceedinglyinterestingtome。Hernotewasasfollows:

"Thedesignwhichloveinspiredissubjectnottodifficultybutuncertainty。Thewifeonlysleepsintheclosetwhenherhusbandasksher——aneventwhichonlyoccursatcertainperiods，andtheseparationdoesnotlastformorethanafewdays。Thisperiodisnotfaroff，butlongcustomhasmadeitimpossibleforthewifetoimposeonherhusband。Itwill，therefore，benecessarytowait。

Lovewillwarnyouwhenthehourofblisshascome。Theplanwillbetohideinthechurch；andtheremustbenothoughtofseducingthedoor—keeper，forthoughpoorheistoostupidtobebribed，andwouldbetraythesecret。Theonlywaywillbetohidesoastoeludehiswatchfulness。Heshutsthechurchatnoononworkingdays；onfeastdaysheshutsitatevening，andhealwaysopensitagainatdawn。

Whenthetimecomes，allthatneedbedoneistogivethedooragentlepush—itwillnotbelocked。Astheclosetwhichistobethesceneoftheblissfulcombatisonlyseparatedfromtheroombyapartition，theremustbenospitting，coughing，nornose—blowing:itwouldbefatal。Theescapewillbeamatterofnodifficulty；onecangodowntothechurch，andgooutassoonasitisopened。Sincethebeadlehasseennobodyintheevening，itisnotlikelythathewillseemoreinthemorning。"

Ikissedagainandagainthischarmingletter，whichIthoughtshewedgreatpowerofmentalcombination，andIwentnextdaytoseehowthecoastlay:thiswasthefirstthingtobedone。TherewasachairinthechurchinwhichIshouldneverhavebeenseen，butthestairwasonthesacristyside，andthatwasalwayslockedup。Idecidedonoccupyingtheconfessional，whichwasclosetothedoor。Icouldcreepintothespacebeneaththeconfessor’sseat，butitwassosmallthatIdoubtedmyabilitytostaythereafterthedoorwasshut。Iwaitedtillnoontomaketheattempt，andassoonasthechurchwasemptyItookupmyposition。Ihadtorollmyselfupintoaball，andeventhenIwassobadlyconcealedbythefoldingdoorthatanyonehappeningtopassbyattwopacesdistancemighteasilyhaveseenme。HoweverIdidnotcareforthat，forinadventuresofthatnatureonemustleaveagreatdealtofortune。DeterminedtorunallrisksIwenthomehighlypleasedwithmyobservations。IputeverythingIhaddetermineddowninwriting，andsentittoherboxatthetheatre，enclosedinanoldgazette。

AweekaftersheaskedthegeneralinmypresenceifherhusbandcoulddoanythingforhimatAix—la—Chapelle，wherehewasgoingonthemorrow，withtheintentionofreturninginthreedays。Thatwasenoughforme，butaglancefromheraddedmeaningtoherwords。I

wasallthemoregladasIhadaslightcold，andthenextdaybeingafeastdayIcouldtakeupmypositionatnightfall，andthusavoidapainfulvigilofseveralhours’duration。

Icurledmyselfupintheconfessionalatfouro’clock，hidingmyselfasbestIcould，andcommendingmyselftothecareofallthesaints。

Atfiveo’clockthebeadlemadehisusualtourofinspection，wentoutandlockedthedoor。AssoonasIheardthenoiseofthekeyI

cameoutofmynarrowcellandsatdownonabenchfacingthewindows。Soonaftermymistress’sshadowappearedonthegratedpanes，andIknewshehadseenme。

Isatonthebenchforaquarterofanhourandthenpushedopenthelittledoorandentered。Ishutitandsatdownontheloweststepofthestair，andspenttherefivehourswhichwouldprobablyhavenotbeenunpleasantonesifIhadnotbeendreadfullytormentedbytheratsrunningtoandfroclosetome。Naturehasgivenmeagreatdisliketothisanimal，whichiscomparativelyharmless；butthesmellofratsalwayssickensme。

AtlastIheardtheclockstriketen，thehourofbliss，andIsawtheformofmybelovedholdingacandle，andIwasthenfreedfrommypainfulposition。Ifmyreadershavebeeninsuchasituationtheycanimaginethepleasuresofthathappynight，buttheycannotdivinetheminutecircumstances；forifIwasanexpertmypartnerhadaninexhaustiblestoreofcontrivancesforaugmentingtheblissofthatsweetemployment。Shehadtakencaretogetmealittlecollation，whichlookeddelicious，butwhichIcouldnottouch，myappetitelyinginanotherquarter。

Forsevenhours，whichIthoughtalltooshort，weenjoyedoneanother，notresting，exceptfortalk，whichservedtoheightenourpleasure。

Theburgomasterwasnotthemanforanardentpassion，buthisstrengthofconstitutionenabledhimtodohisdutytohiswifeeverynightwithoutfailing，but，whetherfromregardtohishealthorfromareligiousscruple，hesuspendedhisrightseverymonthwhilethemoonexercisedhers，andtoputhimselfoutoftemptationhemadehiswifesleepapart。Butforonceinaway，theladywasnotinthepositionofadivorcee。

Exhausted，butnotsatiatedwithpleasure，Ileftheratday—break，assuringherthatwhenwemetagainshewouldfindmethesame；andwiththatIwenttohideintheconfessional，fearinglestthegrowinglightmightbetraymetothebeadle。However，Igotawaywithoutanydifficulty，andpassednearlythewholedayinbed，havingmydinnerservedtomeinmyroom。IntheeveningIwenttothetheatre，tohavethepleasureofseeingthebelovedobjectofwhommyloveandconstancyhadmademethepossessor。

Attheendofafortnightshesentmeanoteinwhichshetoldmethatshewouldsleepbyherselfonthenightfollowing。Itwasaferialday，andIthereforewenttothechurchateleveninthemorningaftermakinganenormousbreakfast。Ihidmyselfasbefore，andthebeadlelockedmeinwithoutmakinganydiscovery。

Ihadawaitoftenhours，andthereflectionthatIshouldhavetospendthetimepartlyinthechurchandpartlyonthedarkandrat—

hauntedstaircase，withoutbeingabletotakeapinchofsnuffforfearofbeingobligedtoblowmynose，didnottendtoenliventheprospect；however，thehopeofthegreatrewardmadeiteasytobeborne。Butatoneo’clockIheardaslightnoise，andlookingupsawahandappearthroughthegratedwindow，andapaperdroponthefloorofthechurch。Irantopickitup，whilemyheartbeatfast，formyfirstideawasthatsomeobstaclehadoccurredwhichwouldcompelmetopassthenightonabenchinthechurch。Iopenedit，andwhatwasmyjoytoreadasfollows:

"Thedoorisopen，andyouwillbemorecomfortableonthestaircase，whereyouwillfindalight，alittledinner，andsomebooks，thaninthechurch。Theseatisnotveryeasy，butIhavedonemybesttoremedythediscomfortwitha，cushion。Trustme，thetimewillseemaslongtomeastoyou，butbepatient。IhavetoldthegeneralthatIdonotfeelverywell，andshallnotgooutto—day。MayGodkeepyoufromcoughing，especiallyduringthenight，forontheleastnoiseweshouldbeundone。"

Whatstratagemsareinspiredbylove！Iopenedthedoordirectly，andfoundanicely—laidmeal，daintyviands，deliciouswine，coffee，achafingdish，lemons，spiritsofwine，sugar，andrumtomakesomepunchifIliked。Withthesecomfortsandsomebooks，Icouldwaitwellenough；butIwasastonishedatthedexterityofmycharmingmistressindoingallthiswithouttheknowledgeofanybodyinthehouse。

Ispentthreehoursinreading，andthreemoreineating，andmakingcoffeeandpunch，andthenIwenttosleep。Atteno’clockmydarlingcameandawokeme。Thissecondnightwasdelicious，butnotsomuchsoastheformer，aswecouldnotseeeachother，andtheviolenceofourecstaticcombatswasrestrainedbythevicinityofthegoodhusband。Wesleptpartofthetime，andearlyinthemorningIhadtomakegoodmyretreat。Thusendedmyamourwiththislady。ThegeneralwenttoWestphalia，andshewassoontogointothecountry。IthusmademypreparationsforleavingCologne，promisingtocomeandseehertheyearfollowing，whichpromisehoweverIwasprecluded，asthereaderwillsee，fromkeeping。I

tookleaveofmyacquaintanceandsetout，regrettedbyall。

ThestayoftwomonthsandahalfwhichImadeinColognedidnotdiminishmymonetaryresources，althoughIlostwheneverIwaspersuadedtoplay。However，mywinningsatBonnmadeupalldeficiencies，andmybanker，M。Franck，complainedthatIhadnotmadeanyuseofhim。However，Iwasobligedtobeprudentsothatthosepersonswhospiedintomyactionsmightfindnothingreprehensible。

IleftCologneaboutthemiddleofMarch，andIstoppedatBonn，topresentmyrespectstotheElector，buthewasaway。IdinedwithCountVeritaandtheAbbeScampar，afavouriteoftheElector’s。

AfterdinnerthecountgavemealetterofintroductiontoacanonessatCoblentz，ofwhomhespokeinveryhighterms。ThatobligedmetostopatCoblentz；butwhenIgotdownattheinn，IfoundthatthecanonesswasatManheim，whileinhersteadIencounteredanactressnamedToscani，whowasgoingtoStuttgartwithheryoungandprettydaughter。ShewasonherwayfromParis，whereherdaughterhadbeenlearningcharacter—dancingwiththefamousVestris。IhadknownheratParis，buthadnotseenmuchofher，thoughIhadgivenheralittlespanieldog，whichwasthejoyofherdaughter。Thisdaughterwasaperfectjewel，whohadverylittledifficultyinpersuadingmetocomewiththemtoStuttgart，whereIexpected，forotherreasons，tohaveaverypleasantstay。Themotherwasimpatienttoknowwhatthedukewouldthinkofherdaughter，forshehaddestinedherfromherchildhoodtoservethepleasuresofthisvoluptuousprince，who，thoughhehadatitularmistress，wasfondofexperimentingwithalltheballet—girlswhotookhisfancy。

Wemadeupalittlesupper—party，anditmaybeguessedthattwoofusbelongingtotheboardstheconversationwasnotexactlyacourseinmoraltheology。TheToscanitoldmethatherdaughterwasaneophyte，andthatshehadmadeuphermindnottolettheduketouchhertillhehaddismissedhisreigningmistress，whoseplaceshewasdesignedtotake。ThemistressinquestionwasadancernamedGardella，daughterofaVenetianboatman，whosenamehasbeenmentionedinmyfirstvolume——infine，shewasthewifeofMicheld’Agata，whomIfoundatMunichfleeingfromtheterribleLeads，whereImyselflanguishedforsolong。

AsIseemedtodoubtthemother’sassertion，andthrewoutsomeratherbroadhintstotheeffectthatIbelievedthatthefirstbloomhadbeenpluckedatParis，andthattheDukeofWurtemburgwouldonlyhavethesecond，theirvanitywastouched；andonmyproposingtoverifythematterwithmyowneyesitwassolemnlyagreedthatthisceremonyshouldtakeplacethenextday。Theykepttheirpromise，andIwaspleasantlyengagedfortwohoursthenextmorning，andwasatlastobligedtoextinguishinth