第11章

"Well，Iwillremainuntilthedayafterto—morrow，providedyoukeepmecompanytonight。"

"Doyoulovemeverymuch？"

"Verymuchindeed，ifyoushewyourselfverykind。"

"Iwillbeverykind，forIloveyoudearlylikewise。Iwillgoandtellmymother。"

"Ofcourseyouhavealover？"

"Ineverhadone。"

Sheleftmyroom，andinashorttimecamebackfullofjoy，sayingthathermotherbelievedmeanhonestman；sheofcoursemeantagenerousone。Cecilialockedthedoor，andthrowingherselfinmyarmscoveredmewithkisses。Shewaspretty，charming，butIwasnotinlovewithher，andIwasnotabletosaytoherastoLucrezia:"

Youhavemademesohappy！"Butshesaiditherself，andIdidnotfeelmuchflattered，althoughIpretendedtobelieveher。WhenI

wokeupinthemorningIgaveheratendersalutation，andpresentingherwiththreedoubloons，whichmusthaveparticularlydelightedthemother，Isentherawaywithoutlosingmytimeinpromisingeverlastingconstancy——apromiseasabsurdasitistrifling，andwhichthemostvirtuousmanoughtnevertomakeeventothemostbeautifulofwomen。

AfterbreakfastIsentforminehostandorderedanexcellentsupperforfivepersons，feelingcertainthatDonSancio，whomIexpectedintheevening，wouldnotrefusetohonourmebyacceptingmyinvitation，andwiththatideaImadeupmymindtogowithoutmydinner。TheBolognesefamilydidnotrequiretoimitatemydiettoinsureagoodappetitefortheevening。

IthensummonedBellinotomyroom，andclaimedtheperformanceofhispromisebuthelaughed，remarkedthatthedaywasnotpassedyet，andsaidthathewascertainoftravelingwithme。

"IfairlywarnyouthatyoucannotaccompanymeunlessIamfullysatisfied。"

"Well，Iwillsatisfyyou。"

"Shallwegoandtakeawalktogether？"

"Willingly；Iwilldressmyself。"

WhileIwaswaitingforhim，Marinacameinwithadejectedcountenance，enquiringhowshehaddeservedmycontempt。

"Ceciliahaspassedthenightwithyou，Bellinowillgowithyouto—

morrow，Iamthemostunfortunateofusall。"

"Doyouwantmoney？"

"No，forIloveyou。"

"But，Marinetta，youaretooyoung。"

"Iammuchstrongerthanmysister。"

"Perhapsyouhavealover。"

"Oh！no。"

"Verywell，wecantrythisevening。"

"Good！ThenIwilltellmothertopreparecleansheetsforto—morrowmorning；otherwiseeverybodyherewouldknowthatIsleptwithyou。"

Icouldnothelpadmiringthefruitsofatheatricaleducation，andwasmuchamused。

Bellinocameback，wewentouttogether，andwetookourwalktowardstheharbour。Therewereseveralvesselsatanchor，andamongstthemaVenetianshipandaTurkishtartan。Wewentonboardthefirstwhichwevisitedwithinterest，butnotseeinganyoneofmyacquaintance，werowedtowardstheTurkishtartan，wherethemostromanticsurpriseawaitedme。ThefirstpersonImetonboardwasthebeautifulGreekwomanIhadleftinAncona，sevenmonthsbefore，whenIwentawayfromthelazzaretto。Shewasseatedneartheoldcaptain，ofwhomIenquired，withoutappearingtonoticehishandsomeslave，whetherhehadanyfinegoodstosell。Hetookustohiscabin，butasIcastaglancetowardsthecharmingGreek，sheexpressedbyherlooksallherdelightatsuchanunexpectedmeeting。

IpretendednottobepleasedwiththegoodsshewnbytheTurk，andundertheimpulseofinspirationItoldhimthatIwouldwillinglybuysomethingprettywhichwouldtakethefancyofhisbetter—half。

Hesmiled，andtheGreekslave—havingwhisperedafewwordstohim，heleftthecabin。Themomenthewasoutofsight，thisnewAspasiathrewherselfinmyarms，saying，"Nowisyourtime！"Iwouldnotbefoundwantingincourage，andtakingthemostconvenientpositioninsuchaplace，Ididtoherinoneinstantthatwhichheroldmasterhadnotdoneinfiveyears。Ihadnotyetreachedthegoalofmywishes，whentheunfortunategirl，hearinghermaster，toreherselffrommyarmswithadeepsigh，andplacingherselfcunninglyinfrontofme，gavemetimetorepairthedisorderofmydress，whichmighthavecostmemylife，oratleastallIpossessedtocompromisetheaffair。Inthatcurioussituation，IwashighlyamusedatthesurpriseofBellino，whostoodtheretremblinglikeanaspenleaf。

Thetrifleschosenbythehandsomeslavecostmeonlythirtysequins。

’Spolaitis’，shesaidtomeinherownlanguage，andtheTurktellingherthatsheoughttokissme，shecoveredherfacewithherhands，andranaway。Ilefttheshipmoresadthanpleased，forIregrettedthat，inspiteofhercourage，sheshouldhaveenjoyedonlyanincompletepleasure。Assoonaswewereinourrowboat，Bellino，whohadrecoveredfromhisfright，toldmethatIhadjustmadehimacquaintedwithaphenomenon，therealityofwhichhecouldnotadmit，andwhichgavehimaverystrangeideaofmynature；that，asfarastheGreekgirlwasconcerned，hecouldnotmakeherout，unlessIshouldassurehimthateverywomaninhercountrywaslikeher。"Howunhappytheymustbe！"headded。

"Doyouthink，"Iasked，"thatcoquettesarehappier？"

"No，butIthinkthatwhenawomanyieldstolove，sheshouldnotbeconqueredbeforeshehasfoughtwithherowndesires；sheshouldnotgivewaytothefirstimpulseofalustfuldesireandabandonherselftothefirstmanwhotakesherfancy，likeananimal——theslaveofsense。YoumustconfessthattheGreekwomanhasgivenyouanevidentproofthatyouhadtakenherfancy，butthatshehasatthesametimegivenyouaproofnotlesscertainofherbeastlylust，andofaneffronterywhichexposedhertotheshameofbeingrepulsed，forshecouldnotpossiblyknowwhetheryouwouldfeelaswelldisposedforherasshefeltforyou。Sheisveryhandsome，anditallturnedoutwell，buttheadventurehasthrownmeintoawhirlpoolofagitationwhichIcannotyetcontrol。"

ImighteasilyhaveputastoptoBellino’sperplexity，andrectifiedthemistakehewaslabouringunder；butsuchaconfessionwouldnothaveministeredtomyself—love，andIheldmypeace，for，ifBellinohappenedtobeagirl，asIsuspected，IwantedhertobeconvincedthatIattached，afterall，butverylittleimportancetothegreataffair，andthatitwasnotworthwhileemployingcunningexpedientstoobtainit。

Wereturnedtotheinn，and，towardsevening，hearingDonSancio’stravellingcarriagerollintotheyard，Ihastenedtomeethim，andtoldhimthatIhopedhewouldexcusemeifIhadfeltcertainthathewouldnotrefusemethehonourofhiscompanytosupperwithBellino。HethankedmepolitelyforthepleasureIwassodelicatelyofferinghim，andacceptedmyinvitation。

Themostexquisitedishes，themostdeliciouswinesofSpain，and，morethaneverythingelse，thecheerfulnessandthecharmingvoicesofBellinoandofCecilia，gavetheCastilianfivedelightfulhours。

Heleftmeatmidnight，sayingthathecouldnotdeclarehimselfthoroughlypleasedunlessIpromisedtosupwithhimthenexteveningwiththesameguests。Itwouldcompelmetopostponemydepartureforanotherday，butIaccepted。

AssoonasDonSanciohadgone，IcalleduponBellinotofulfilhispromise，butheansweredthatMarinettawaswaitingforme，andthat，asIwasnotgoingawaythenextday，hewouldfindanopportunityofsatisfyingmydoubts；andwishingmeagoodnight，helefttheroom。

Marinetta，ascheerfulasalark，rantolockthedoorandcamebacktome，hereyesbeamingwithardour。ShewasmoreformedthanCecilia，althoughoneyearyounger，andseemedanxioustoconvincemeofhersuperiority，but，thinkingthatthefatigueoftheprecedingnightmighthaveexhaustedmystrength，sheunfoldedallthearmorousideasofhermind，explainedatlengthallsheknewofthegreatmysteryshewasgoingtoenactwithme，andofallthecontrivancesshehadhadrecoursetoinordertoacquireherimperfectknowledge，thewholeinterlardedwiththefoolishtalknaturaltoherage。I

madeoutthatshewasafraidofmynotfindingheramaiden，andofmyreproachingheraboutit。Heranxietypleasedme，andIgaveheranewconfidencebytellingherthatnaturehadrefusedtomanyyounggirlswhatiscalledmaidenhood，andthatonlyafoolcouldbeangrywithagirlforsuchareason。

Mysciencegavehercourageandconfidence，andIwascompelledtoacknowledgethatshewasverysuperiortohersister。

"Iamdelightedyoufindmeso，"shesaid；"wemustnotsleepatallthroughoutthenight。"

"Sleep，mydarling，willproveourfriend，andourstrengthrenewedbyreposewillrewardyouinthemorningforwhatyoumaysupposelosttime。"

Andtruly，afteraquietsleep，themorningwasforherasuccessionoffreshtriumphs，andIcrownedherhappinessbysendingherawaywiththreedoubloons，whichshetooktohermother，andwhichgavethegoodwomananinsatiabledesiretocontractnewobligationstowardsProvidence。

Iwentouttogetsomemoneyfromthebanker，asIdidnotknowwhatmighthappenduringmyjourney。Ihadenjoyedmyself，butIhadspenttoomuch:yettherewasBellinowho，ifagirl，wasnottofindmelessgenerousthanIhadbeenwiththetwoyoungsisters。Itwastobedecidedduringtheday，andIfanciedthatIwassureoftheresult。

Therearesomepersonswhopretendthatlifeisonlyasuccessionofmisfortunes，whichisasmuchastosaythatlifeitselfisamisfortune；butiflifeisamisfortune，deathmustbeexactlythereverseandthereforedeathmustbehappiness，sincedeathistheveryreverseoflife。Thatdeductionmayappeartoofinelydrawn。

Butthosewhosaythatlifeisasuccessionofmisfortunesarecertainlyeitherillorpoor；for，iftheyenjoyedgoodhealth，iftheyhadcheerfulnessintheirheartandmoneyintheirpurse，iftheyhadfortheirenjoymentaCecilia，aMarinetta，andevenamorelovelybeautyinperspective，theywouldsoonentertainaverydifferentopinionoflife！Iholdthemtobearaceofpessimists，recruitedamongstbeggarlyphilosophersandknavish，atrabilioustheologians。Ifpleasuredoesexist，andiflifeisnecessarytoenjoypleasure，thenlifeishappiness。Therearemisfortunes，asI

knowbyexperience；buttheveryexistenceofsuchmisfortunesprovesthatthesum—totalofhappinessisgreater。Becauseafewthornsaretobefoundinabasketfullofroses，istheexistenceofthosebeautifulflowerstobedenied？No；itisaslandertodenythatlifeishappiness。WhenIaminadarkroom，itpleasesmegreatlytoseethroughawindowanimmensehorizonbeforeme。

Assupper—timewasdrawingnear，IwenttoDonSancio，whomIfoundinmagnificently—furnishedapartments。Thetablewasloadedwithsilverplate，andhisservantswereinlivery。Hewasalone，butallhisguestsarrivedsoonafterme——Cecilia，Marina，andBellino，who，eitherbycapriceorfromtaste，wasdressedasawoman。Thetwoyoungsisters，prettilyarranged，lookedcharming，butBellino，inhisfemalecostume，socompletelythrewthemintotheshade，thatmylastdoubtvanished。

"Areyousatisfied，"IsaidtoDonSancio，"thatBellinoisawoman？"

"Womanorman，whatdoIcare！Ithinkheisaverypretty’castrato’，and’Ihaveseenmanyasgood—lookingasheis。"

"Butareyousureheisa’castrato’？"

"’ValgameDios’！"answeredthegraveCastilian，"Ihavenottheslightestwishtoascertainthetruth。"

Oh，howwidelydifferentourthoughtswere！IadmiredinhimthewisdomofwhichIwassomuchinneed，anddidnotventureuponanymoreindiscreetquestions。Duringthesupper，however，mygreedyeyescouldnotleavethatcharmingbeing；myviciousnaturecausedmetofeelintensevoluptuousnessinbelievinghimtobeofthatsextowhichIwantedhimtobelong。

DonSancio’ssupperwasexcellent，and，asamatterofcourse，superiortomine；otherwisetheprideoftheCastilianwouldhavefelthumbled。Asageneralrule，menarenotsatisfiedwithwhatisgood；theywantthebest，or，tospeakmoretothepoint，themost。

Hegaveuswhitetruffles，severalsortsofshell—fish，thebestfishoftheAdriatic，drychampagne，peralta，sherryandpedroximeneswines。

AfterthatsupperworthyofLucullus，Bellinosangwithavoiceofsuchbeautythatitdeprivedusofthesmallamountofreasonleftinusbytheexcellentwine。Hismovements，theexpressionofhislooks，hisgait，hiswalk，hiscountenance，hisvoice，and，aboveall，myowninstinct，whichtoldmethatIcouldnotpossiblyfeelforacastratowhatIfeltforBellino，confirmedmeinmyhopes；yetitwasnecessarythatmyeyesshouldascertainthetruth。

Aftermanycomplimentsandathousandthanks，wetookleaveofthegrandSpaniard，andwenttomyroom，wherethemysterywasatlasttobeunravelled。IcalleduponBellinotokeephisword，orI

threatenedtoleavehimalonethenextmorningatday—break。

Itookhimbythehand，andweseatedourselvesnearthefire。I

dismissedCeciliaandMarina，andIsaidtohim，"Bellino，everythingmusthaveanend；youhavepromised:itwillsoonbeover。Ifyouarewhatyourepresentyourselftobe，Iwillletyougobacktoyourownroom；ifyouarewhatIbelieveyoutobe，andifyouconsenttoremainwithmeto—night，Iwillgiveyouonehundredsequins，andwewillstarttogethertomorrowmorning。"

"Youmustgoalone，andforgivemeifIcannotfulfilmypromise。I

amwhatItoldyou，andIcanneitherreconcilemyselftotheideaofexposingmyshamebeforeyou，norlaymyselfopentotheterribleconsequencesthatmightfollowthesolutionofyourdoubts。"

"Therecanbenoconsequences，sincetherewillbeanendtoitatthemomentIhaveassuredmyselfthatyouareunfortunateenoughtobewhatyousay，andwithoutevermentioningthecircumstancesagain，Ipromisetotakeyouwithmeto—morrowandtoleaveyouatRimini。"

"No，mymindismadeup；Icannotsatisfyyourcuriosity。"

Driventomadnessbyhiswords，Iwasverynearusingviolence，butsubduingmyangryfeelings，Iendeavoredtosucceedbygentlemeansandbygoingstraighttothespotwherethemysterycouldbesolved。

Iwasverynearit，whenhishandopposedaverystrongresistance。

Irepeatedmyefforts，butBellino，risingsuddenly，repulsedme，andIfoundmyselfundone。Afterafewmomentsofcalm，thinkingI

shouldtakehimbysurprise，Iextendedmyhand，butIdrewbackterrified，forIfanciedthatIhadrecognizedinhimaman，andadegradedman，contemptiblelessonaccountofhisdegradationthanforthewantoffeelingIthoughtIcouldreadonhiscountenance。

Disgusted，confused，andalmostblushingformyself，Isenthimaway。

Hissisterscametomyroom，butIdismissedthem，sendingwordtotheirbrotherthathemightgowithme，withoutanyfearoffurtherindiscretiononmypart。Yet，inspiteoftheconvictionIthoughtI

hadacquired，Bellino，evensuchasIbelievehimtobe，filledmythoughts；Icouldnotmakeitout。

EarlythenextmorningIleftAnconawithhim，distractedbythetearsofthetwocharmingsistersandloadedwiththeblessingsofthemotherwho，withbeadsinhand，mumbledher’paternoster’，andrepeatedherconstanttheme:’Dioprovedera’。

ThetrustplacedinProvidencebymostofthosepersonswhoearntheirlivingbysomeprofessionforbiddenbyreligionisneitherabsurd，norfalse，nordeceitful；itisrealandevengodly，foritflowsfromanexcellentsource。WhatevermaybethewaysofProvidence，humanbeingsmustalwaysacknowledgeitinitsaction，andthosewhocalluponProvidenceindependentlyofallexternalconsiderationmust，atthebottom，beworthy，althoughguiltyoftransgressingitslaws。

’PulchraLaverna，Damihifallere；dajustosanctoquevideri；

Noctempeccatis，etfraudibusobjicenubem。’

Suchwasthewayinwhich，inthedaysofHorace，robbersaddressedtheirgoddess，andIrecollectaJesuitwhotoldmeoncethatHoracewouldnothaveknownhisownlanguage，ifhehadsaidjustosanctoque:buttherewereignorantmenevenamongsttheJesuits，androbbersmostlikelyhavebutlittlerespectfortherulesofgrammar。

ThenextmorningIstartedwithBellino，who，believingmetobeundeceived，couldsupposethatIwouldnotshewanymorecuriosityabouthim，butwehadnotbeenaquarterofanhourtogetherwhenhefoundouthismistake，forIcouldnotletmylooksfalluponhissplendideyeswithoutfeelinginmeafirewhichthesightofamancouldnothaveignited。Itoldhimthatallhisfeatureswerethoseofawoman，andthatIwantedthetestimonyofmyeyesbeforeIcouldfeelperfectlysatisfied，becausetheprotuberanceIhadfeltinacertainplacemightbeonlyafreakofnature。"Shoulditbethecase，"Iadded，"Ishouldhavenodifficultyinpassingoveradeformitywhich，inreality，isonlylaughable。Bellino，theimpressionyouproduceuponme，thissortofmagnetism，yourbosomworthyofVenusherself，whichyouhaveonceabandonedtomyeagerhand，thesoundofyourvoice，everymovementofyours，assuremethatyoudonotbelongtomysex。Letmeseeformyself，and，ifmyconjecturesareright，dependuponmyfaithfullove；if，onthecontrary，IfindthatIhavebeenmistaken，youcanrelyuponmyfriendship。Ifyourefuseme，Ishallbecompelledtobelievethatyouarecruellyenjoyingmymisery，andthatyouhavelearnedinthemostaccursedschoolthatthebestwayofpreventingayoungmanfromcuringhimselfofanamorouspassionistoexciteitconstantly；butyoumustagreewithmethat，toputsuchtyrannyinpractice，itisnecessarytohatethepersonitispractisedupon，and，ifthatbeso，Ioughttocalluponmyreasontogivemethestrengthnecessarytohateyoulikewise。"

Iwentonspeakingforalongtime；Bellinodidnotanswer，butheseemeddeeplymoved。AtlastItoldhimthat，inthefearfulstatetowhichIwasreducedbyhisresistance，Ishouldbecompelledtotreathimwithoutanyregardforhisfeelings，andfindoutthetruthbyforce。Heansweredwithmuchwarmthanddignity:"Recollectthatyouarenotmymaster，thatIaminyourhands，becauseIhadfaithinyourpromise，andthat，ifyouuseviolence，youwillbeguiltyofmurder。Orderthepostilliontostop，Iwillgetoutofthecarriage，andyoumayrelyuponmynotcomplainingofyourtreatment。"

Thosefewwordswerefollowedbyatorrentoftears，asightwhichI

nevercouldresist。Ifeltmyselfmovedintheinmostrecessesofmysoul，andIalmostthoughtthatIhadbeenwrong。Isayalmost，because，hadIbeenconvincedofit，Iwouldhavethrownmyselfathisfeetentreatingpardon；but，notfeelingmyselfcompetenttostandinjudgmentinmyowncause，Isatisfiedmyselfbyremainingdullandsilent，andIneverutteredoneworduntilwewereonlyhalfamilefromSinigaglia，whereIintendedtotakesupperandtoremainforthenight。Havingfoughtlongenoughwithmyownfeelings，I

saidtohim；

"WemighthavespentalittletimeinRiminilikegoodfriends，ifyouhadfeltanyfriendshipforme，for，withalittlekindcompliance，youcouldhaveeasilycuredmeofmypassion。"

"Itwouldnotcureyou，"answeredBellino，courageously，butwithasweetnessoftonewhichsurprisedme；"no，youwouldnotbecured，whetheryoufoundmetobemanorwoman，foryouareinlovewithmeindependentlyofmysex，andthecertaintyyouwouldacquirewouldmakeyoufurious。Insuchastate，shouldyoufindmeinexorable，youwouldverylikelygivewaytoexcesseswhichwouldafterwardscauseyoudeepsorrow。"

"Youexpecttomakemeadmitthatyouareright，butyouarecompletelymistaken，forIfeelthatIshouldremainperfectlycalm，andthatbycomplyingwithmywishesyouwouldgainmyfriendship。"

"Itellyouagainthatyouwouldbecomefurious。"

"Bellino，thatwhichhasmademefuriousisthesightofyourcharms，eithertoorealortoocompletelydeceiving，thepowerofwhichyoucannotaffecttoignore。Youhavenotbeenafraidtoignitemyamorousfury，howcanyouexpectmetobelieveyounow，whenyoupretendtofearit，andwhenIamonlyaskingyoutoletmetouchathing，which，ifitbeasyousay，willonlydisgustme？"

"Ah！disgustyou；Iamquitecertainofthecontrary。Listentome。

WereIagirl，IfeelIcouldnotresistlovingyou，but，beingaman，itismydutynottograntwhatyoudesire，foryourpassion，nowverynatural，wouldthenbecomemonstrous。Yourardentnaturewouldbestrongerthanyourreason，andyourreasonitselfwouldeasilycometotheassistanceofyoursensesandofyournature。

Thatviolentclearing—upofthemystery，wereyoutoobtainit，wouldleaveyoudeprivedofallcontroloveryourself。Disappointedinnotfindingwhatyouhadexpected，youwouldsatisfyyourpassionuponthatwhichyouwouldfind，andtheresultwould，ofcourse，beanabomination。Howcanyou，intelligentasyouare，flatteryourselfthat，findingmetobeaman，youcouldallatonceceasetoloveme？

Wouldthecharmswhichyounowseeinmeceasetoexistthen？

Perhapstheirpowerwould，onthecontrary，beenhanced，andyourpassion，becomingbrutal，wouldleadyoutotakeanymeansyourimaginationsuggestedtogratifyit。Youwouldpersuadeyourselfthatyoumightchangemeintoawoman，or，whatisworse，thatyoumightchangeyourselfintoone。Yourpassionwouldinventathousandsophismstojustifyyourlove，decoratedwiththefineappellationoffriendship，andyouwouldnotfailtoallegehundredsofsimilarlydisgustingcasesinordertoexcuseyourconduct。Youwouldcertainlyneverfindmecompliant；andhowamItoknowthatyouwouldnotthreatenmewithdeath？"

"Nothingofthesortwouldhappen，Bellino，"Ianswered，rathertiredofthelengthofhisargument，"positivelynothing，andIamsureyouareexaggeratingyourfears。YetIamboundtotellyouthat，evenifallyousayshouldhappen，itseemstomethattoallowwhatcanstrictlybeconsideredonlyasatemporaryfitofinsanity，wouldprovealessevilthantorenderincurableadiseaseofthemindwhichreasonwouldsooncutshort。"

Thusdoesapoorphilosopherreasonwhenhetakesitintohisheadtoargueatthoseperiodsduringwhichapassionraginginhissoulmakesallitsfacultieswander。Toreasonwell，wemustbeundertheswayneitheroflovenorofanger，forthosetwopassionshaveonethingincommonwhichisthat，intheirexcess，theylowerustotheconditionofbrutesactingonlyundertheinfluenceoftheirpredominatinginstinct，and，unfortunately，wearenevermoredisposedtoarguethanwhenwefeelourselvesundertheinfluenceofeitherofthosetwopowerfulhumanpassions。

WearrivedatSinigaglialateatnight，andIwenttothebestinn，and，afterchoosingacomfortableroom，orderedsupper。Astherewasbutonebedintheroom，IaskedBellino，inascalmatoneasI

couldassume，whetherhewouldhaveafirelightedinanotherchamber，andmysurprisemaybeimaginedwhenheansweredquietlythathehadnoobjectiontosleepinthesamebedwithme。Suchananswer，however，unexpected，wasnecessarytodispeltheangryfeelingsunderwhichIwaslabouring。IguessedthatIwasnearthedenouementoftheromance，butIwasveryfarfromcongratulatingmyself，forIdidnotknowwhetherthedenouementwouldproveagreeableornot。Ifelt，however，arealsatisfactionathavingconquered，andwassureofmyself—control，incasethesenses，mynaturalinstinct，ledmeastray。ButifIfoundmyselfintheright，IthoughtIcouldexpectthemostpreciousfavours。

Wesatdowntosupperoppositeeachother，andduringthemeal，hiswords，hiscountenance，theexpressionofhisbeautifuleyes，hissweetandvoluptuoussmile，everythingseemedtoannouncethathehadhadenoughofplayingapartwhichmusthaveprovedaspainfultohimastome。

Aweightwasliftedoffmymind，andImanagedtoshortenthesupperasmuchaspossible。Assoonaswehadleftthetable，myamiablecompanioncalledforanight—lamp，undressedhimself，andwenttobed。Iwasnotlonginfollowinghim，andthereaderwillsoonknowthenatureofadenouementsolongandsoardentlydesired；inthemeantimeIbegtowishhimashappyanightastheonewhichwasthenawaitingme。

CHAPTERXII

Bellino’sHistory——IAmPutUnderArrest——IRunAwayAgainstMyWill——MyReturnToRimini，andMyArrivalInBolognaDearreader，Isaidenoughattheendofthelastchaptertomakeyouguesswhathappened，butnolanguagewouldbepowerfulenoughtomakeyourealizeallthevoluptuousnesswhichthatcharmingbeinghadinstoreforme。ShecameclosetomethemomentIwasinbed。Withoututteringonewordourlipsmet，andIfoundmyselfintheecstasyofenjoymentbeforeIhadhadtimetoseekforit。Aftersocompleteavictory，whatwouldmyeyesandmyfingershavegainedfrominvestigationswhichcouldnotgivememorecertaintythanIhadalreadyobtained？Icouldnottakemygazeoffthatbeautifulface，whichwasallaflamewiththeardouroflove。

Afteramomentofquietrapture，asparklightedupinourveinsafreshconflagrationwhichwedrownedinaseaofnewdelights。

Bellinofeltboundtomakemeforgetmysufferings，andtorewardmebyanardourequaltothefirekindledbyhercharms。

ThehappinessIgaveherincreasedminetwofold，forithasalwaysbeenmyweaknesstocomposethefour—fifthsofmyenjoymentfromthesum—totalofthehappinesswhichIgavethecharmingbeingfromwhomIderivedit。Butsuchafeelingmustnecessarilycausehatredforoldagewhichcanstillreceivepleasure，butcannolongergiveenjoymenttoanother。Andyouthrunsawayfromoldage，becauseitisitsmostcruelenemy。

Anintervalofreposebecamenecessary，inconsequenceoftheactivityofourenjoyment。Oursenseswerenottiredout，buttheyrequiredtherestwhichrenewstheirsensitivenessandrestoresthebuoyancynecessarytoactiveservice。

Bellinowasthefirsttobreakoursilence。

"Dearest，"shesaid，"areyousatisfiednow？Haveyoufoundmetrulyloving？"

"Trulyloving？Ah！traitressthatyouare！Doyou，then，confessthatIwasnotmistakenwhenIguessedthatyouwereacharmingwoman？Andifyoutrulylovedme，tellmehowyoucouldcontrivetodeferyourhappinessandminesolong？ButisitquitecertainthatIdidnotmakeamistake？"

"Iamyoursallover；seeforyourself。"

Oh，whatdelightfulsurvey！whatcharmingbeauties！whatanoceanofenjoyment！ButIcouldnotfindanytraceoftheprotuberancewhichhadsomuchterrifiedanddisgustedme。

"Whathasbecome，"Isaid，"ofthatdreadfulmonstrosity？"

"Listentome，"shereplied，"andIwilltellyoueverything。

"MynameisTherese。Myfather，apoorclerkintheInstituteofBologna，hadletanapartmentinhishousetothecelebratedSalimberi，acastrato，andadelightfulmusician。Hewasyoungandhandsome，hebecameattachedtome，andIfeltflatteredbyhisaffectionandbythepraisehelavisheduponme。Iwasonlytwelveyearsofage；heproposedtoteachmemusic，andfindingthatIhadafinevoice，hecultivateditcarefully，andinlessthanayearI

couldaccompanymyselfontheharpsichord。Hisrewardwasthatwhichhisloveformeinducedhimtoask，andIgrantedtherewardwithoutfeelinganyhumiliation，forIworshippedhim。Ofcourse，menlikeyourselfaremuchabovemenofhisspecies，butSalimberiwasanexception。Hisbeauty，hismanners，histalent，andtherarequalitiesofhissoul，madehimsuperiorinmyeyestoallthemenI

hadseenuntilthen。Hewasmodestandreserved，richandgenerous，andIdoubtwhetherhecouldhavefoundawomanabletoresisthim；

yetIneverheardhimboastofhavingseducedany。Themutilationpractiseduponhisbodyhadmadehimamonster，buthewasanangelbyhisrarequalitiesandendowments。

"Salimberiwasatthattimeeducatingaboyofthesameageasmyself，whowasinRiminiwithamusicteacher。Thefatheroftheboy，whowaspoorandhadalargefamily，seeinghimselfneardeath，hadthoughtofhavinghisunfortunatesonmaimedsothatheshouldbecomethesupportofhisbrotherswithhisvoice。ThenameoftheboywasBellino；thegoodwomanwhomyouhavejustseeninAnconawashismother，andeverybodybelievesthatsheismine。

"IhadbelongedtoSalimberiforaboutayear，whenheannouncedtomeoneday，weepingbitterly，thathewascompelledtoleavemetogotoRome，buthepromisedtoseemeagain。Thenewsthrewmeintodespair。Hehadarrangedeverythingforthecontinuationofmymusicaleducation，but，ashewaspreparinghimselfforhisdeparture，myfatherdiedverysuddenly，afterashortillness，andI

wasleftanorphan。

"Salimberihadnotcourageenoughtoresistmytearsandmyentreaties；hemadeuphismindtotakemetoRimini，andtoplacemeinthesamehousewherehisyoung’protege’waseducated。WereachedRimini，andputupataninn；afterashortrest，Salimberileftmetocallupontheteacherofmusic，andtomakeallnecessaryarrangementsrespectingmewithhim；buthesoonreturned，lookingsadandunhappy；Bellinohaddiedthedaybefore。

"Ashewasthinkingofthegriefwhichthelossoftheyoungmanwouldcausehismother，hewasstruckwiththeideaofbringingmebacktoBolognaunderthenameofBellino，wherehecouldarrangeformyboardwiththemotherofthedeceasedBellino，who，beingverypoor，wouldfindittoheradvantagetokeepthesecret。’Iwillgiveher，’hesaid，’everythingnecessaryforthecompletionofyourmusicaleducation，andinfouryears，IwilltakeyoutoDresden（hewasintheserviceoftheElectorofSaxony，KingofPoland），notasagirl，butasacastrato。Therewewilllivetogetherwithoutgivinganyonecauseforscandal，andyouwillremainwithmeandministertomyhappinessuntilIdie。AllwehavetodoistorepresentyouasBellino，anditisveryeasy，asnobodyknowsyouinBologna。Bellino’smotherwillaloneknowthesecret；herotherchildrenhaveseentheirbrotheronlywhenhewasveryyoung，andcanhavenosuspicion。Butifyoulovemeyoumustrenounceyoursex，loseeventheremembranceofit，andleaveimmediatelyforBologna，dressedasaboy，andunderthenameofBellino。Youmustbeverycarefullestanyoneshouldfindoutthatyouareagirl；youmustsleepalone，dressyourselfinprivate，andwhenyourbosomisformed，asitwillbeinayearortwo，itwillonlybethoughtadeformitynotuncommonamongst’castrati’。Besides，beforeleavingyou，Iwillgiveyouasmallinstrument，andteachhowtofixitinsuchmannerthat，ifyouhadatanytimetosubmittoanexamination，youwouldeasilybemistakenforaman。Ifyouacceptmyplan，I

feelcertainthatwecanlivetogetherinDresdenwithoutlosingthegoodgracesofthequeen，whoisveryreligious。Tellme，now，whetheryouwillacceptmyproposal？

"Hecouldnotentertainanydoubtofmyconsent，forIadoredhim。

AssoonashehadmadeaboyofmeweleftRiminiforBologna，wherewearrivedlateintheevening。AlittlegoldmadeeverythingrightwithBellino’smother；Igaveherthenameofmother，andshekissedme，callingmeherdearson。Salimberileftus，andreturnedashorttimeafterwardswiththeinstrumentwhichwouldcompletemytransformation。Hetaughtme，inthepresenceofmynewmother，howtofixitwithsometragacanthgum，andIfoundmyselfexactlylikemyfriend。Iwouldhavelaughedatit，hadnotmyheartbeendeeplygrievedatthedepartureofmybelovedSalimberi，forhebademefarewellassoonasthecuriousoperationwascompleted。Peoplelaughatforebodings；Idonotbelieveinthemmyself，buttheforebodingofevil，whichalmostbrokemyheartashegavemehisfarewellkiss，didnotdeceiveme。Ifeltthecoldshiveringofdeathrunthroughme；IfeltIwaslookingathimforthelasttime，andIfaintedaway。Alas！myfearsprovedonlytooprophetic。

SalimberidiedayearagointheTyrolintheprimeoflife，withthecalmnessofatruephilosopher。Hisdeathcompelledmetoearnmylivingwiththeassistanceofmymusicaltalent。Mymotheradvisedmetocontinuetogivemyselfoutasacastrato，inthehopeofbeingabletotakemetoRome。Iagreedtodoso，forIdidnotfeelsufficientenergytodecideuponanyotherplan。InthemeantimesheacceptedanofferfortheAnconaTheatre，andPetroniotookthepartoffirstfemaledancer；inthiswayweplayedthecomedyof’TheWorldTurnedUpsideDown。’

"AfterSalimberi，youaretheonlymanIhaveknown，and，ifyoulike，youcanrestoremetomyoriginalstate，andmakemegiveupthenameofBellino，whichIhatesincethedeathofmyprotector，andwhichbeginstoinconvenienceme。Ihaveonlyappearedattwotheatres，andeachtimeIhavebeencompelledtosubmittothescandalous，degradingexamination，becauseeverywhereIamthoughttohavetoomuchtheappearanceofagirl，andIamadmittedonlyaftertheshamefultesthasbroughtconviction。Untilnow，fortunately，I

havehadtodealonlywitholdpriestswho，intheirgoodfaith，havebeensatisfiedwithaveryslightexamination，andhavemadeafavourablereporttothebishop；butImightfallintothehandsofsomeyoungabbe，andthetestwouldthenbecomeamoresevereone。

Besides，Ifindmyselfexposedtothedailypersecutionsoftwosortsofbeings:thosewho，likeyou，cannotandwillnotbelievemetobeaman，andthosewho，forthesatisfactionoftheirdisgustingpropensities，aredelightedatmybeingso，orfinditadvantageoustosupposemeso。Thelastparticularlyannoyme！Theirtastesaresoinfamous，theirhabitssolow，thatIfearIshallmurderoneofthemsomeday，whenIcannolongercontroltherageinwhichtheirobscenelanguagethrowsme。Outofpity，mybelovedangel，begenerous；and，ifyouloveme，oh！freemefromthisstateofshameanddegradation！Takemewithyou。Idonotasktobecomeyourwife，thatwouldbetoomuchhappiness；Iwillonlybeyourfriend，yourmistress，asIwouldhavebeenSalimberi’s；myheartispureandinnocent，IfeelthatIcanremainfaithfultomyloverthroughmywholelife。Donotabandonme。TheloveIhaveforyouissincere；

myaffectionforSalimberiwasinnocent；itwasbornofmyinexperienceandofmygratitude，anditisonlywithyouthatIhavefeltmyselftrulyawoman。"

Heremotion，aninexpressiblecharmwhichseemedtoflowfromherlipsandtoenforceconviction，mademeshedtearsofloveandsympathy。Iblendedmytearswiththosefallingfromherbeautifuleyes，anddeeplymoved，Ipromisednottoabandonherandtomakeherthesharerofmyfate。Interestedinthehistory，assingularasextraordinary，thatshehadjustnarrated，andhavingseennothinginitthatdidnotbearthestampoftruth，IfeltreallydisposedtomakeherhappybutIcouldnotbelievethatIhadinspiredherwithaverydeeppassionduringmyshortstayinAncona，manycircumstancesofwhichmight，onthecontrary，havehadanoppositeeffectuponherheart。

"Ifyoulovedmetruly，"Isaid，"howcouldyouletmesleepwithyoursisters，outofspiteatyourresistance？"

"Alas，dearest！thinkofourgreatpoverty，andhowdifficultitwasformetodiscovermyself。Ilovedyou；butwasitnotnaturalthatIshouldsupposeyourinclinationformeonlyapassingcaprice？

WhenIsawyougosoeasilyfromCeciliatoMarinetta，Ithoughtthatyouwouldtreatmeinthesamemannerassoonasyourdesiresweresatisfied，Iwaslikewiseconfirmedinmyopinionofyourwantofconstancyandofthelittleimportanceyouattachedtothedelicacyofthesentimentoflove，whenIwitnessedwhatyoudidonboardtheTurkishvesselwithoutbeinghinderedbymypresence；hadyoulovedme，Ithoughtmybeingpresentwouldhavemadeyouuncomfortable。I

fearedtobesoondespised，andGodknowshowmuchIsuffered！Youhaveinsultedme，darling，inmanydifferentways，butmyheartpleadedinyourfavour，becauseIknewyouwereexcited，angry，andthirstingforrevenge。Didyounotthreatenmethisverydayinyourcarriage？Iconfessyougreatlyfrightenedme，butdonotfancythatIgavemyselftoyououtoffear。No，IhadmadeupmymindtobeyoursfromthemomentyousentmewordbyCeciliathatyouwouldtakemetoRimini，andyourcontroloveryourownfeelingsduringapartofourjourneyconfirmedmeinmyresolution，forIthoughtIcouldtrustmyselftoyourhonour，toyourdelicacy。"

"Throwup，"Isaid，"theengagementyouhaveinRimini；letusproceedonourjourney，and，afterremainingacoupleofdaysinBologna，youwillgowithmetoVenice；dressedasawoman，andwithanothername，Iwouldchallengethemanagerheretofindyouout。"

"Iaccept。Yourwillshallalwaysbemylaw。Iammyownmistress，andIgivemyselftoyouwithoutanyreserveorrestriction；myheartbelongstoyou，andItrusttokeepyours。"

Manhasinhimselfamoralforceofactionwhichalwaysmakeshimoverstepthelineonwhichheisstanding。Ihadobtainedeverything，Iwantedmore。"Shewme，"Isaid，"howyouwerewhenI

mistookyouforaman。"Shegotoutofbed，openedhertrunk，tookouttheinstrumentandfixeditwiththegum:Iwascompelledtoadmiretheingenuityofthecontrivance。Mycuriositywassatisfied，andIpassedamostdelightfulnightinherarms。

WhenIwokeupinthemorning，Iadmiredherlovelyfacewhileshewassleeping:allIknewofhercamebacktomymind；thewordswhichhadbeenspokenbyherbewitchingmouth，herraretalent，hercandour，herfeelingssofullofdelicacy，andhermisfortunes，theheaviestofwhichmusthavebeenthefalsecharactershehadbeencompelledtoassume，andwhichexposedhertohumiliationandshame，everythingstrengthenedmyresolutiontomakeherthecompanionofmydestiny，whateveritmightbe，ortofollowherfate，forourpositionswereverynearlythesame；andwishingtrulytoattachmyselfseriouslytothatinterestingbeing，Ideterminedtogivetoourunionthesanctionofreligionandoflaw，andtotakeherlegallyformywife。Suchastep，asIthenthought，couldbutstrengthenourlove，increaseourmutualesteem，andinsuretheapprobationofsocietywhichcouldnotacceptourunionunlessitwassanctionedintheusualmanner。

ThetalentsofThereseprecludedthefearofourbeingeverinwantofthenecessariesoflife，and，althoughIdidnotknowinwhatwaymyowntalentsmightbemadeavailable，Ihadfaithinmyself。Ourlovemighthavebeenlessened，shewouldhaveenjoyedtoogreatadvantagesoverme，andmyself—dignitywouldhavetoodeeplysufferedifIhadallowedmyselftobesupportedbyherearningsonly。Itmight，afteratime，havealteredthenatureofourfeelings；mywife，nolongerthinkingherselfunderanyobligationtome，mighthavefanciedherselftheprotecting，insteadoftheprotectedparty，andIfeltthatmylovewouldsoonhaveturnedintouttercontempt，ifithadbeenmymisfortunetofindherharbouringsuchthoughts。AlthoughItrusteditwouldnotbeso，Iwanted，beforetakingtheimportantstepofmarriage，toprobeherheart，andIresolvedtotryanexperimentwhichwouldatonceenablemetojudgetherealfeelingsofherinmostsoul。Assoonasshewasawake，Ispoketoherthus:

"DearestTherese，allyouhavetoldmeleavesmenodoubtofyourloveforme，andtheconsciousnessyoufeelofbeingthemistressofmyheartenhancesmyloveforyoutosuchadegree，thatIamreadytodoeverythingtoconvinceyouthatyouwerenotmistakeninthinkingthatyouhadentirelyconqueredme。IwishtoprovetoyouthatIamworthyofthenobleconfidenceyouhavereposedinmebytrustingyouwithequalsincerity。

"Ourheartsmustbeonafootingofperfectequality。Iknowyou，mydearestTherese，butyoudonotknowmeyet。Icanreadinyoureyesthatyoudonotmindit，anditprovesourgreatlove，butthatfeelingplacesmetoomuchbelowyou，andIdonotwishyoutohavesogreatanadvantageoverme。Ifeelcertainthatmyconfidenceisnotnecessarytoyourlove；thatyouonlycaretobemine，thatyouronlywishistopossessmyheart，andIadmireyou，myTherese；butI

shouldfeelhumiliatedifIfoundmyselfeithertoomuchaboveortoomuchbelowyou。Youhaveentrustedyoursecretstome，nowlistentomine；butbeforeIbegin，promisemethat，whenyouknoweverythingthatconcernsme，youwilltellmecandidlyifanychangehastakenplaceeitherinyourfeelingsorinyourhopes。"

"Ipromiseitfaithfully；Ipromisenottoconcealanythingfromyou；

butbeuprightenoughnottotellmeanythingthatisnotperfectlytrue，forIwarnyouthatitwouldbeuseless。IfyoutriedanyartificeinordertofindmelessworthyofyouthanIaminreality，youwouldonlysucceedinloweringyourselfinmyestimation。I

shouldbeverysorrytoseeyouguiltyofanycunningtowardsme。

HavenomoresuspicionofmethanIhaveofyou；tellmethewholetruth。"

"Hereitis。Yousupposemewealthy，andIamnotso；assoonaswhatthereisnowinmypurseisspentIshallhavenothingleft。

YoumayfancythatIwasbornapatrician，butmysocialconditionisreallyinferiortoyourown。Ihavenolucrativetalents，noprofession，nothingtogivemetheassurancethatIamabletoearnmyliving。Ihaveneitherrelativesnorfriends，norclaimsuponanyone，andIhavenoseriousplanorpurposebeforeme。AllI

possessisyouth，health，courage，someintelligence，honour，honesty，andsometinctureofletters。Mygreatesttreasureconsistsinbeingmyownmaster，perfectlyindependent，andnotafraidofmisfortune。Withallthat，Iamnaturallyinclinedtoextravagance。

LovelyTherese，youhavemyportrait。Whatisyouranswer？"

"Inthefirstplace，dearest，letmeassureyouthatIbelieveeverywordyouhavejustuttered，asIwouldbelieveintheGospel；inthesecond，allowmetotellyouthatseveraltimesinAnconaIhavejudgedyousuchasyouhavejustdescribedyourself，butfarfrombeingdispleasedatsuchaknowledgeofyournature，Iwasonlyafraidofsomeillusiononmypart，forIcouldhopetowinyouifyouwerewhatIthoughtyoutobe。Inoneword，dearone，ifitistruethatyouarepoorandaverybadhandateconomy，allowmetotellyouthatIfeeldelighted，because，ifyouloveme，youwillnotrefuseapresentfromme，ordespisemeforofferingit。Thepresentconsistsofmyself，suchasIam，andwithallmyfaculties。Igivemyselftoyouwithoutanycondition，withnorestriction；Iamyours，Iwilltakecareofyou。Forthefuturethinkonlyofyourloveforme，butlovemeexclusively。FromthismomentIamnolongerBellino。LetusgotoVenice，wheremytalentwillkeepusbothcomfortably；ifyouwishtogoanywhereelse，letusgowhereyouplease。"

"ImustgotoConstantinople。"

"ThenletusproceedtoConstantinople。Ifyouareafraidtolosemethroughwantofconstancy，marryme，andyourrightovermewillbestrengthenedbylaw。IshouldnotloveyoubetterthanIdonow，butIshouldbehappytobeyourwife。"

"Itismyintentiontomarryyou，andIamdelightedthatweagreeinthatrespect。Thedayafterto—morrow，inBologna，youshallbemademylegal—wifebeforethealtarofGod；IswearittoyouhereinthepresenceofLove。Iwantyoutobemine，Iwanttobeyours，Iwantustobeunitedbythemostholyties。"

"Iamthehappiestofwomen！WehavenothingtodoinRimini；

supposewedonotgetup；wecanhaveourdinnerinbed，andgoawayto—morrowwellrestedafterourfatigues。"

WeleftRiminithenextday，andstayedforbreakfastatPesaro。Asweweregettingintothecarriagetoleavethatplace，anofficer，accompaniedbytwosoldiers，presentedhimself，enquiredforournames，anddemandedourpassports。Bellinohadoneandgaveit，butIlookedinvainformine；Icouldnotfindit。

Theofficer，acorporal，ordersthepostilliontowaitandgoestomakehisreport。Halfanhourafterwards，hereturns，givesBellinohispassport，sayingthathecancontinuehisjourney，buttellsmethathisordersaretoescortmetothecommandingofficer，andI

followhim。

"Whathaveyoudonewithyourpassport？"enquiresthatofficer。

"Ihavelostit。"

"Apassportisnotsoeasilylost。"

"Well，Ihavelostmine。"

"Youcannotproceedanyfurther。"

"IcomefromRome，andIamgoingtoConstantinople，bearingaletterfromCardinalAcquaviva。Hereistheletterstampedwithhisseal。"

"AllIcandoforyouistosendyoutoM。deGages。"

Ifoundthefamousgeneralstanding，surroundedbyhisstaff。ItoldhimallIhadalreadyexplainedtotheofficer，andbeggedhimtoletmecontinuemyjourney。

"TheonlyfavourIcangrantyouistoputyouunderarresttillyoureceiveanotherpassportfromRomedeliveredunderthesamenameastheoneyouhavegivenhere。Toloseapassportisamisfortunewhichbefallsonlyathoughtless，giddyman，andthecardinalwillforthefutureknowbetterthantoputhisconfidenceinagiddyfellowlikeyou。"

Withthesewords，hegaveorderstotakemetotheguard—houseatSt。

Mary’sGate，outsidethecity，assoonasIshouldhavewrittentothecardinalforanewpassport。Hisorderswereexecuted。Iwasbroughtbacktotheinn，whereIwrotemyletter，andIsentitbyexpresstohiseminence，entreatinghimtoforwardthedocument，withoutlossoftime，directtothewaroffice。ThenIembracedTheresewhowasweeping，and，tellinghertogotoRiminiandtowaitthereformyreturn，Imadehertakeonehundredsequins。ShewishedtoremaininPesaro，butIwouldnothearofit；Ihadmytrunkbroughtout，IsawTheresegoawayfromtheinn，andwastakentotheplaceappointedbythegeneral。

Itisundoubtedlyundersuchcircumstancesthatthemostdeterminedoptimistfindshimselfataloss；butaneasystoicismcanbluntthetoosharpedgeofmisfortune。

Mygreatestsorrowwastheheart—griefofTheresewho，seeingmetornfromherarmsattheverymomentofourunion，wassuffocatedbythetearswhichshetriedtorepress。ShewouldnothaveleftmeifI

hadnotmadeherunderstandthatshecouldnotremaininPesaro，andifIhadnotpromisedtojoinherwithintendays，nevertobepartedagain。Butfatehaddecidedotherwise。

Whenwereachedthegate，theofficerconfinedmeimmediatelyintheguard—house，andIsatdownonmytrunk。TheofficerwasataciturnSpaniardwhodidnotevencondescendtohonourmewithananswer，whenItoldhimthatIhadmoneyandwouldliketohavesomeonetowaitonme。Ihadtopassthenightonalittlestraw，andwithoutfood，inthemidstoftheSpanishsoldiers。Itwasthesecondnightofthesortthatmydestinyhadcondemnedmeto，immediatelyaftertwodelightfulnights。Mygoodangeldoubtlessfoundsomepleasureinbringingsuchconjunctionsbeforemymindforthebenefitofmyinstruction。Atallevents，teachingsofthatdescriptionhaveaninfallibleeffectuponnaturesofapeculiarstamp。

Ifyoushouldwishtoclosethelipsofalogiciancallinghimselfaphilosopher，whodarestoarguethatinthislifegriefoverbalancespleasure，askhimwhetherhewouldacceptalifeentirelywithoutsorrowandhappiness。Becertainthathewillnotansweryou，orhewillshuffle，because，ifhesaysno，heprovesthathelikeslifesuchasitis，andifhelikesit，hemustfinditagreeable，whichisanutterimpossibility，iflifeispainful；shouldhe，onthecontrary，answerintheaffirmative，hewoulddeclarehimselfafool，foritwouldbeasmuchastosaythathecanconceivepleasurearisingfromindifference，whichisabsurdnonsense。

Sufferingisinherentinhumannature；butweneversufferwithoutentertainingthehopeofrecovery，or，atleast，veryseldomwithoutsuchhope，andhopeitselfisapleasure。Ifithappenssometimesthatmansufferswithoutanyexpectationofacure，henecessarilyfindspleasureinthecompletecertaintyoftheendofhislife；fortheworst，inallcases，mustbeeitherasleeparisingfromextremedejection，duringwhichwehavetheconsolationofhappydreamsorthelossofallsensitiveness。Butwhenwearehappy，ourhappinessisneverdisturbedbythethoughtthatitwillbefollowedbygrief。

Thereforepleasure，duringitsactiveperiod，isalwayscomplete，withoutalloy；griefisalwayssoothedbyhope。

Isupposeyou，dearreader，attheageoftwenty，anddevotingyourselftothetaskofmakingamanofyourselfbyfurnishingyourmindwithalltheknowledgenecessarytorenderyouausefulbeingthroughtheactivityofyourbrain。Someonecomesinandtellsyou，"Ibringyouthirtyyearsofexistence；itistheimmutabledecreeoffate；fifteenconsecutiveyearsmustbehappy，andfifteenyearsunhappy。Youareatlibertytochoosethehalfbywhichyouwishtobegin。"

Confessitcandidly，dearreader，youwillnotrequiremuchmoreconsiderationtodecide，andyouwillcertainlybeginbytheunhappyseriesofyears，becauseyouwillfeelthattheexpectationoffifteendelightfulyearscannotfailtobraceyouupwiththecouragenecessarytobeartheunfortunateyearsyouhavetogothrough，andwecanevensurmise，witheveryprobabilityofbeingright，thatthecertaintyoffuturehappinesswillsoothetoaconsiderableextentthemiseryofthefirstperiod。

Youhavealreadyguessed，Ihavenodoubt，thepurposeofthislengthyargument。Thesagaciousman，believeme，canneverbeutterlymiserable，andImostwillinglyagreewithmyfriendHorace，whosaysthat，onthecontrary，suchamanisalwayshappy。

’Nisiquumpituitamolestaest。’

But，praywhereisthemanwhoisalwayssufferingfromarheum？

ThefactisthatthefearfulnightIpassedintheguardhouseofSt。

Maryresultedformeinaslightlossandinagreatgain。ThesmalllosswastobeawayfrommydearTherese，but，beingcertainofseeingherwithintendays，themisfortunewasnotverygreat:astothegain，itwasinexperiencethetrueschoolforaman。Igainedacompletesystemagainstthoughtlessness，asystemofforesight。Youmaysafelybetahundredtoonethatayoungmanwhohasoncelosthispurseorhispassport，willnotloseeitherasecondtime。Eachofthosemisfortuneshasbefallenmeonceonly，andImighthavebeenveryoftenthevictimofthem，ifexperiencehadnottaughtmehowmuchtheyweretobedreaded。Athoughtlessfellowisamanwhohasnotyetfoundtheworddreadinthedictionaryofhislife。

Theofficerwhorelievedmycross—grainedCastilianonthefollowingdayseemedofadifferentnaturealtogether；hisprepossessingcountenancepleasedmemuch。HewasaFrenchman，andImustsaythatIhavealwayslikedtheFrench，andnevertheSpainards；thereisinthemannersofthefirstsomethingsoengaging，soobliging，thatyoufeelattractedtowardsthemastowardsafriend，whilstanairofunbecominghaughtinessgivestothesecondadark，forbiddingcountenancewhichcertainlydoesnotprepossessintheirfavour。YetIhaveoftenbeendupedbyFrenchmen，andneverbySpaniards——aproofthatweoughttomistrustourtastes。

Thenewofficer，approachingmeverypolitely，saidtome，——

"Towhatchance，reverendsir，amIindebtedforthehonourofhavingyouinmycustody？"

Ah！herewasawayofspeakingwhichrestoredtomylungsalltheirelasticity！Igavehimalltheparticularsofmymisfortune，andhefoundthemishapveryamusing。Butamandisposedtolaughatmydisappointmentcouldnotbedisagreeabletome，foritprovedthattheturnofhismindhadmorethanonepointofresemblancewithmine。Hegavemeatonceasoldiertoserveme，andIhadveryquicklyabed，atable，andafewchairs。Hewaskindenoughtohavemybedplacedinhisownroom，andIfeltverygratefultohimforthatdelicateattention。

Hegavemeaninvitationtosharehisdinner，andproposedagameofpiquetafterwards，butfromtheverybeginninghesawthatIwasnomatchforhim；hetoldmeso，andhewarnedmethattheofficerwhowouldrelievehimthenextdaywasabetterplayereventhanhewashimself；Ilostthreeorfourducats。Headvisedmetoabstainfromplayingonthefollowingday，andIfollowedhisadvice。Hetoldmealsothathewouldhavecompanytosupper，thattherewouldbeagameoffaro，butthatthebankerbeingaGreekandacraftyplayer，I

oughtnottoplay。Ithoughthisadviceveryconsiderate，particularlywhenIsawthatallthepunterslost，andthattheGreek，verycalminthemidstoftheinsultingtreatmentofthosehehadduped，waspocketinghismoney，afterhandingasharetotheofficerwhohadtakenaninterestinthebank。ThenameofthebankerwasDonPepeilCadetto，andbyhisaccentIknewhewasaNeapolitan。Icommunicatedmydiscoverytotheofficer，askinghimwhyhehadtoldmethatthemanwasaGreek。Heexplainedtomethemeaningofthewordgreekappliedtoagambler，andthelessonwhichfollowedhisexplanationprovedveryusefultomeinafteryears。

Duringthefivefollowingdays，mylifewasuniformandratherdull，butonthesixthdaythesameFrenchofficerwasonguard，andIwasverygladtoseehim。Hetoldme，withaheartylaugh，thathewasdelightedtofindmestillintheguard—house，andIacceptedthecomplimentforwhatitwasworth。Intheevening，wehadthesamebankatfaro，withthesameresultasthefirsttime，exceptaviolentblowfromthestickofoneofthepuntersuponthebackofthebanker，ofwhichtheGreekstoicallyfeignedtotakenonotice。

IsawthesamemanagainnineyearsafterwardsinVienna，captainintheserviceofMariaTheresa；hethencalledhimselfd’Afflisso。Tenyearslater，Ifoundhimacolonel，andsometimeafterworthamillion；butthelasttimeIsawhim，somethirteenorfourteenyearsago，hewasagalleyslave。Hewashandsome，but（ratherasingularthing）inspiteofhisbeauty，hehadagallowslook。Ihaveseenotherswiththesamestamp——Cagliostro，forinstance，andanotherwhohasnotyetbeensenttothegalleys，butwhocannotfailtopaythemavisit。Shouldthereaderfeelanycuriosityaboutit，Icanwhisperthenameinhisear。

Towardstheninthortenthdayeveryoneinthearmyknewandlikedme，andIwasexpectingthepassport，whichcouldnotbedelayedmuchlonger。Iwasalmostfree，andIwouldoftenwalkaboutevenoutofsightofthesentinel。Theywerequiterightnottofearmyrunningaway，andIshouldhavebeenwrongifIhadthoughtofescaping，butthemostsingularadventureofmylifehappenedtomethen，andmostunexpectedly。

Itwasaboutsixinthemorning。Iwastakingawalkwithinonehundredyardsofthesentinel，whenanofficerarrivedandalightedfromhishorse，threwthebridleontheneckofhissteed，andwalkedoff。Admiringthedocilityofthehorse，standingtherelikeafaithfulservanttowhomhismasterhasgivenorderstowaitforhimIgotuptohim，andwithoutanypurposeIgetholdofthebridle，putmyfootinthestirrup，andfindmyselfinthesaddle。Iwasonhorsebackforthefirsttimeinmylife。IdonotknowwhetherI

touchedthehorsewithmycaneorwithmyheels，butsuddenlytheanimalstartsatfullspeed。Myrightfoothavingslippedoutofthestirrup，Ipressagainstthehorsewithmyheels，and，feelingthepressure，itgallopsfasterandfaster，forIdidnotknowhowtocheckit。Atthelastadvancedpostthesentinelscallouttometostop；butIcannotobeytheorder，andthehorsecarryingmeawayfasterthanever，Ihearthewhizzingofafewmusketballs，thenaturalconsequenceofmy，involuntarydisobedience。Atlast，whenI

reachthefirstadvancedpicketoftheAustrians，thehorseisstopped，andIgetoffhisbackthankingGod。

AnofficerofHussarsaskswhereIamrunningsofast，andmytongue，quickerthanmythought，answerswithoutanyprivityonmypart，thatIcanrendernoaccountbuttoPrinceLobkowitz，commander—in—chiefofthearmy，whoseheadquarterswereatRimini。Hearingmyanswer，theofficergaveordersfortwoHussarstogetonhorseback，afreshoneisgivenme，andIamtakenatfullgalloptoRimini，wheretheofficeronguardhasmeescortedatoncetotheprince。

Ifindhishighnessalone，andItellhimcandidlywhathasjusthappenedtome。Mystorymakeshimlaugh，althoughheobservesthatitishardlycredible。

"Iought，"hesays，"toputyouunderarrest，butIamwillingtosaveyouthatunpleasantness。"WiththathecalledoneofhisofficersandorderedhimtoescortmethroughtheCesenaGate。"Thenyoucangowhereveryouplease，"headded，turningroundtome；"buttakecarenottoagainenterthelinesofmyarmywithoutapassport，oryoumightfarebadly。"

Iaskedhimtoletmehavethehorseagain，butheansweredthattheanimaldidnotbelongtome。IforgottoaskhimtosendmebacktotheplaceIhadcomefrom，andIregrettedit；butafterallperhapsIdidforthebest。

Theofficerwhoaccompaniedmeaskedme，aswewerepassingacoffee—

house，whetherIwouldliketotakesomechocolate，andwewentin。

AtthatmomentIsawPetroniogoingby，andavailingmyselfofamomentwhentheofficerwastalkingtosomeone，Itoldhimnottoappeartobeacquaintedwithme，buttotellmewherehelived。Whenwehadtakenourchocolatetheofficerpaidandwewentout。Alongtheroadwekeptuptheconversation；hetoldmehisname，Igavehimmine，andIexplainedhowIfoundmyselfinRimini。HeaskedmewhetherIhadnotremainedsometimeinAncona；Iansweredintheaffirmative，andhesmiledandsaidIcouldgetapassportinBologna，returntoRiminiandtoPesarowithoutanyfear，andrecovermytrunkbypayingtheofficerforthehorsehehadlost。Wereachedthegate，hewishedmeapleasantjourney，andwepartedcompany。

Ifoundmyselffree，withgoldandjewels，butwithoutmytrunk。

TheresewasinRimini，andIcouldnotenterthatcity。ImadeupmymindtogotoBolognaasquicklyaspossibleinordertogetapassport，andtoreturntoPesaro，whereIshouldfindmypassportfromRome，forIcouldnotmakeupmymindtolosemytrunk，andI

didnotwanttobeseparatedfromThereseuntiltheendofherengagementwiththemanageroftheRiminiTheatre。

Itwasraining；Ihadsilkstockingson，andIlongedforacarriage。

Itookshelterundertheportalofachurch，andturnedmyfineovercoatinsideout，soasnottolooklikeanabbe。Atthatmomentapeasanthappenedtocomealong，andIaskedhimifacarriagecouldbehadtodrivemetoCesena。"Ihaveone，sir，"hesaid，"butI

livehalfaleaguefromhere。"

"Goandgetit，Iwillwaitforyouhere。"

WhileIwaswaitingforthereturnofthepeasantwithhisvehicle，somefortymulesladenwithprovisionscamealongtheroadtowardsRimini。Itwasstillrainingfast，andthemulespassingclosebyme，Iplacedmyhandmechanicallyupontheneckofoneofthem，andfollowingtheslowpaceoftheanimalsIre—enteredRiminiwithouttheslightestnoticebeingtakenofme，evenbythedriversofthemules。IgavesomemoneytothefirststreeturchinImet，andhetookmetoTherese’shouse。

Withmyhairfastenedunderanight—cap，myhatpulleddownovermyface，andmyfinecaneconcealedundermycoat，Ididnotlookaveryelegantfigure。IenquiredforBellino’smother，andthemistressofthehousetookmetoaroomwhereIfoundallthefamily，andThereseinawoman’sdress。Ihadreckoneduponsurmisingthem，butPetroniohadtoldthemofourmeeting，andtheywereexpectingme。Igaveafullaccountofmyadventures，butTherese，frightenedatthedangerthatthreatenedme，andinspiteofherlove，toldmethatitwasabsolutelynecessaryformetogotoBologna，asIhadbeenadvisedbyM。Vais，theofficer。

"Iknowhim，"shesaid，"andheisaworthyman，buthecomeshereeveryevening，andyoumustconcealyourself。"

Itwasonlyeighto’clockinthemorning；wehadthewholedaybeforeus，andeveryonepromisedtobediscreet。IallayedTherese’sanxietybytellingherthatIcouldeasilycontrivetoleavethecitywithoutbeingobserved。

Theresetookmetoherownroom，whereshetoldmethatshehadmetthemanagerofthetheatreonherarrivalinRimini，andthathehadtakenheratoncetotheapartmentsengagedforthefamily。Shehadinformedhimthatshewasawoman，andthatshehadmadeuphermindnottoappearasacastratoanymore；hehadexpressedhimselfdelightedatsuchnews，becausewomencouldappearonthestageatRimini，whichwasnotunderthesamelegateasAncona。Sheaddedthatherengagementwouldbeatanendbythe1stofMay，andthatshewouldmeetmewhereveritwouldbeagreeabletometowaitforher。

"AssoonasIcangetapassport，"Isaid，"thereisnothingtohindermefromremainingnearyouuntiltheendofyourengagement。

ButasM。Vaiscallsuponyou，tellmewhetheryouhaveinformedhimofmyhavingspentafewdaysinAncona？"

"Idid，andIeventoldhimthatyouhadbeenarrestedbecauseyouhadlostyourpassport。"

Iunderstoodwhytheofficerhadsmiledashewastalkingwithme。

AftermyconversationwithTherese，IreceivedthecomplimentsofthemotherandoftheyoungsisterswhoappearedtomelesscheerfulandlessfreethantheyhadbeeninAncona。TheyfeltthatBellino，transformedintoTherese，wastooformidablearival。Ilistenedpatientlytoallthecomplaintsofthemotherwhomaintainedthat，ingivingupthecharacterofcastrato，Theresehadbiddenadieutofortune，becauseshemighthaveearnedathousandsequinsayearinRome。

"InRome，mygoodwoman，"Isaid，"thefalseBellinowouldhavebeenfoundout，andTheresewouldhavebeenconsignedtoamiserableconventforwhichshewasnevermade。"

Notwithstandingthedangerofmyposition，Ispentthewholeofthedayalonewithmybelovedmistress，anditseemedthateverymomentgaveherfreshbeautiesandincreasedmylove。Ateighto’clockintheevening，hearingsomeonecomingin，sheleftme，andIremainedinthedark，butinsuchapositionthatIcouldseeeverythingandheareveryword。TheBaronVaiscamein，andTheresegavehimherhandwiththegraceofaprettywomanandthedignityofaprincess。

Thefirstthinghetoldherwasthenewsaboutme；sheappearedtobepleased，andlistenedwithwell—feignedindifference，whenhesaidthathehadadvisedmetoreturnwithapassport。Hespentanhourwithher，andIwasthoroughlywellpleasedwithhermannersandbehaviour，whichhadbeensuchastoleavemenoroomfortheslightestfeelingofjealousy。MarinalightedhimoutandTheresereturnedtome。Wehadajoyoussuppertogether，and，asweweregettingreadytogotobed，PetroniocametoinformmethattenmuleteerswouldstartforCesenatwohoursbeforeday—break，andthathewassureIcouldleavethecitywiththemifIwouldgoandmeetthemaquarterofanhourbeforetheirdeparture，andtreatthemtosomethingtodrink。Iwasofthesameopinion，andmadeupmymindtomaketheattempt。IaskedPetroniotositupandtowakemeingoodtime。Itprovedanunnecessaryprecaution，forIwasreadybeforethetime，andleftTheresesatisfiedwithmylove，withoutanydoubtofmyconstancy，butratheranxiousastomysuccessinattemptingtoleaveRimini。Shehadsixtysequinswhichshewantedtoforcebackuponme，butIaskedherwhatopinionshewouldhaveofmeifIacceptedthem，andwesaidnomoreaboutit。

Iwenttothestable，andhavingtreatedoneofthemuleteerstosomedrinkItoldhimthatIwouldwillinglyrideoneofhismulesasfarasSarignan。

"Youarewelcometotheride，"saidthegoodfellow，"butIwouldadviseyounottogetonthemuletillweareoutsidethecity，andtopassthroughthegateonfootasifyouwereoneofthedrivers。"

ItwasexactlywhatIwanted。Petronioaccompaniedmeasfarasthegate，whereIgavehimasubstantialproofofmygratitude。Igotoutofthecitywithouttheslightestdifficulty，andleftthemuleteersatSarignan，whenceIpostedtoBologna。