第33章

"Well，then，hewaswithme，andyoumustnotbeangry，foryouthencompletedyourconquestofhim。Headmiredyourcharacter，yourlove，yoursentiments，yourhonesty。Hecouldnothelpexpressinghisastonishmentattherectitiideofmyinstinct，orhisapprovalofthepassionIfeltforyou。Itwashewhoconsoledmeinthemorningassuringmethatyouwouldcertainlycomebacktomeassoonasyouknewmyrealfeelings，theloyaltyofmyintentionsandmygoodfaith。"

"Butyoumustoftenhavefallenasleep，forunlessexcitedbysomepowerfulinterest，itisimpossibletopasseighthoursindarknessandinsilence。"

"Weweremovedbythedeepestinterest:besides，wewereindarknessonlywhenwekepttheseholesopen。Theplankwasonduringoursupper，andwewerelisteninginreligioussilencetoyourslightestwhisper。Theinterestwhichkeptmyfriendawakewasperhapsgreaterthanmine。Hetoldmethatheneverhadhadbeforeabetteropportunityofstudyingthehumanheart，andthatyoumusthavepassedthemostpainfulnight。Hetrulypitiedyou。WeweredelightedwithC————C————，foritisindeedwonderfulthatayounggirloffifteenshouldreasonasshedidtojustifymyconduct，withoutanyotherweaponsbutthosegivenherbynatureandtruth；

shemusthavethesoulofanangel。Ifyouevermarryher，youwillhavethemostheavenlywife。IshallofcoursefeelmiserableifI

loseher，butyourhappinesswillmakeamendsforall。Doyouknow，dearest，thatIcannotunderstandhowyoucouldfallinlovewithmeafterhavingknownher，anymorethanIcanconceivehowshedoesnothatemeeversinceshehasdiscoveredthatIhaverobbedherofyourheart。MydearC————C————hastrulysomethingdivineinherdisposition。Doyouknowwhysheconfidedtoyouherbarrenloveswithme？Because，asshetoldmeherself，shewishedtoeaseherconscience，thinkingthatshewasinsomemeasureunfaithfultoyou。"

"Doesshethinkherselfboundtobeentirelyfaithfultome，withtheknowledgeshehasnowofmyownunfaithfulness？"

"Sheisparticularlydelicateandconscientious，andthoughshebelievesherselftrulyyourwife，shedoesnotthinkthatshehasanyrighttocontrolyouractions，butshebelievesherselfboundtogiveyouanaccountofallshedoes。"

"Noblegirl！"

Theprudentwifeofthedoor—keeperhavingbroughtthesupper，wesatdowntothewell—suppliedtable。M————M————remarkedthatIhadbecomemuchthinner。

"Thepainsofthebodydonotfattenaman，"Isaid，"andthesufferingsofthemindemaciatehim。Butwehavesufferedsufficiently，andwemustbewiseenoughnevertorecallanythingwhichcanbepainfultous。"

"Youarequiteright，mylove；theinstantsthatmaniscompelledtogiveuptomisfortuneortosufferingareasmanymomentsstolenfromhislife，buthedoubleshisexistencewhenhehasthetalentofmultiplyinghispleasures，nomatterofwhatnaturetheymaybe。"

Weamusedourselvesintalkingoverpastdangers，Pierrot’sdisguise，andtheballatBriati，whereshehadbeentoldthatanotherPierrothadmadehisappearance。

M————M————wonderedattheextraordinaryeffectofadisguise，for，saidshetome:

"ThePierrotintheparlouroftheconventseemedtometallerandthinnerthanyou。Ifchancehadnotmadeyoutaketheconventgondola，ifyouhadnothadthestrangeideaofassumingthedisguiseofPierrot，Ishouldnothaveknownwhoyouwere，formyfriendsintheconventwouldnothavebeeninterestedinyou。IwasdelightedwhenIheardthatyouwerenotapatrician，asIfeared，because，hadyoubeenone，Imightintimehaverunsomegreatdanger。"

Iknewverywellwhatshehadtofear，butpretendingcompleteignorance:

"Icannotconceive，"Isaid，"whatdangeryoumightrunonaccountofmybeingapatrician。"

"Mydarling，Icannotspeaktoyouopenly，unlessyougivemeyourwordtodowhatIamgoingtoaskyou。"

"HowcouldIhesitate，mylove，indoinganythingtopleaseyou，providedmyhonourisnotimplicated？Havewenotnoweverythingincommon？Speak，idolofmyheart，tellmeyourreasons，andrelyuponmylove；itistheguaranteeofmyreadycomplianceineverythingthatcangiveyoupleasure:"

"Verywell。Iwantyoutogiveasupperinyourcasinotomeandmyfriend，whoisdyingtomakeyouracquaintance。"

"AndIforeseethataftersupperyouwillleavemetogowithhim。"

"Youmustfeelthatproprietycompelsmetodoso。"

"Yourfriendalreadyknows，Isuppose，whoIam？"

"Ithoughtitwasrighttotellhim，becauseifIhadnottoldhimhecouldnothaveentertainedthehopeofsuppingwithyou，andespeciallyatyourhouse。"

"Iunderstand。Iguessyourfriendisoneoftheforeignambassadors。"

"Precisely。"

"ButmayIhopethathewillsofarhonourmeastothrowuphisincognito？"

"Thatisunderstood。Ishallintroducehimtoyouaccordingtoacceptedforms，tellinghisnameandhispoliticalposition。"

"Thenitisallforthebest，darling。HowcouldyousupposethatI

wouldhaveanydifficultyinprocuringyouthatpleasure，whenonthecontrary，nothingcouldpleasememoremyself？Nametheday，andbequitecertainthatIshallanxiouslylookforit。"

"Ishouldhavebeensureofyourcompliance，ifyouhadnotgivenmecausetodoubtit。"

"Itisahome—thrust，butIdeserveit。"

"AndIhopeitwillnotmakeyouangry。NowIamhappy。OurfriendisM。deBernis，theFrenchambassador。Hewillcomemasked，andassoonasheshewshisfeaturesIshallpresenthimtoyou。Recollectthatyoumusttreathimasmylover，butyoumustnotappeartoknowthatheisawareofourintimacy。"

"Iunderstandthatverywell，andyoushallhaveeveryreasontobepleasedwithmyurbanity。Theideaofthatsupperisdelightfultome，andIhopethattherealitywillbeasagreeable。Youwerequiteright，mylove，todreadmybeingapatrician，forinthatcasetheState—Inquisitors，whoveryoftenthinkofnothingbutofmakingashowoftheirzeal，wouldnothavefailedtomeddlewithus，andthemereideaofthepossibleconsequencesmakesmeshudder。IunderTheLeads——youdishonoured——theabbess——theconvent！GoodGod！Yes，ifyouhadtoldmewhatyouthought，Iwouldhavegivenyoumyname，andIcouldhavedonesoallthemoreeasilythatmyreservewasonlycausedbythefearofbeingknown，andofC————C————beingtakentoanotherconventbyherfather。Butcanyouappointadayforthesupper？Ilongtohaveitallarranged。"

"To—dayisthefourth；well，then，infourdays。"

"Thatwillbetheeighth？"

"Exactlyso。Wewillgotoyourcasinoafterthesecondballet。

Givemeallnecessaryparticularstoenableustofindthehousewithoutenquiringfromanyone。"

IsatdownandIwrotedownthemostexactparticularstofindthecasinoeitherbylandorbywater。Delightedwiththeprospectofsuchapartyofpleasure，Iaskedmymistresstogotobed，butI

remarkedtoherthat，beingconvalescentandhavingmadeaheartysupper，IshouldbeverylikelytopaymyfirsthomagestoMorpheus。

Yieldingtothecircumstances，shesetthealarumforteno’clock，andwewenttobedinthealcove。Assoonaswewokeup，Loveclaimedourattentionandhehadnocauseofcomplaint，buttowardsmidnightwefellasleep，ourlipsfastenedtogether，andwefoundourselvesinthatpositioninthemorningwhenweopenedoureyes。

Althoughtherewasnotimetolose，wecouldnotmakeupourmindstopartwithoutmakingonemoreofferingtoVenus。

Iremainedinthecasinoafterthedepartureofmydivinity，andsleptuntilnoon。AssoonasIhaddressedmyself，IreturnedtoVenice，andmyfirstcarewastogivenoticetomycook，sothatthesupperofthe8thofFebruaryshouldbeworthyoftheguestsandworthyofme。

EndMEMOIRSOFJACQUESCASANOVAdeSEINGALT1725—1798

TOPARISANDPRISON，Volume2d——TheFalseNunTHERAREUNABRIDGEDLONDONEDITIONOF1894TRANSLATEDBYARTHUR

MACHENTOWHICHHASBEENADDEDTHECHAPTERSDISCOVERED

BYARTHURSYMONS。

THEFALSENUN

CHAPTERXXI

SupperatMyCasinoWithM。M。andM。deBernis，theFrenchAmbassador——AProposalfromM。M。；IAcceptIt——Consequences——

C。C。isUnfaithfultoMe，andICannotComplainIfelthighlypleasedwiththesupper—partyIhadarrangedwithM————

M————，andIoughttohavebeenhappy。YetIwasnotso；butwhencecametheanxietywhichwasatormenttome？Whence？Frommyfatalhabitofgambling。Thatpassionwasrootedinme；toliveandtoplayweretometwoidenticalthings，andasIcouldnotholdthebankIwouldgoandpuntattheridotto，whereIlostmymoneymorningandnight。Thatstateofthingsmadememiserable。Perhapssomeonewillsaytome:

"Whydidyouplay，whentherewasnoneedofit，whenyouwereinwantofnothing，whenyouhadallthemoneyyoucouldwishtosatisfyyourfancies？"

ThatwouldbeatroublesomequestionifIhadnotmadeitalawtotellthetruth。Well，then，dearinquisitivereader，ifIplayedwithalmostthecertaintyoflosing，althoughnoone，perhaps，wasmoresensiblethanIwastothelossesmadeingambling，itisbecauseIhadinmetheevilspiritofavarice；itisbecauseIlovedprodigality，andbecausemyheartbledwhenIfoundmyselfcompelledtospendanymoneythatIhadnotwonatthegaming—table。Itisanuglyvice，dearreader，Idonotdenyit。However，allIcansayisthat，duringthefourdaysprevioustothesupper，IlostallthegoldwonformebyM————M————

Ontheanxiously—expecteddayIwenttomycasino，whereattheappointedhourM————M————camewithherfriend，whomsheintroducedtomeassoonashehadtakenoffhismask。

"Ihadanardentwish，sir，"saidM。deBernistome，"torenewacquaintancewithyou，sinceIheardfrommadamethatwehadknowneachotherinParis。"

Withthesewordshelookedatmeattentively，aspeoplewilldowhentheyaretryingtorecollectapersonwhomtheyhavelostsightof。

Ithentoldhimthatwehadneverspokentooneanother，andthathehadnotseenenoughofmetorecollectmyfeaturesnow。

"Ihadthehonour，"Iadded，"todinewithyourexcellencyatM。deMocenigo’shouse，butyoutalkedallthetimewithMarshalKeith，thePrussianambassador，andIwasnotfortunateenoughtoattractyourattention。AsyouwereonthepointofleavingParistoreturntoVenice，youwentawayalmostimmediatelyafterdinner，andIhaveneverhadthehonourofseeingyousincethattime。"

"NowIrecollectyou，"heanswered，"andIrememberaskingwhetheryouwerenotthesecretaryoftheembassy。Butfromthisdayweshallnotforgeteachotheragain，forthemysterieswhichuniteusareofanaturelikelytoestablishalastingintimacybetweenus。"

Theamiablecouplewerenotlongbeforetheyfeltthoroughlyatease，andwesatdowntosupper，ofwhich，ofcourse，Ididthehonours。

Theambassador，afineconnoisseurinwines，foundmineexcellent，andwasdelightedtohearthatIhadthemfromCountAlgarotti，whowasreputedashavingthebestcellarinVenice。

Mysupperwasdelicateandabundant，andmymannerstowardsmyhandsomeguestswerethoseofaprivateindividualreceivinghissovereignandhismistress。IsawthatM————M————wascharmedwiththerespectwithwhichItreatedher，andwithmyconversation，whichevidentlyinterestedtheambassadorhighly。Theseriouscharacterofafirstmeetingdidnotpreventtheutteranceofwittyjests，forinthatrespectM。deBerniswasatrueFrenchman。Ihavetravelledmuch，Ihavedeeplystudiedmen，individuallyandinabody，butI

havenevermetwithtruesociabilityexceptinFrenchmen；theyaloneknowhowtojest，anditisrare，delicate，refinedjesting，whichanimatesconversationandmakessocietycharming。

Duringourdelightfulsupperwitwasneverwanting，andtheamiableM————M————ledtheconversationtotheromanticcombinationwhichhadgivenheroccasiontoknowme。Naturally，sheproceededtospeakofmypassionforC————C————，andshegavesuchaninterestingdescriptionofthatyounggirlthattheambassadorlistenedwithasmuchattentionasifhehadneverseentheobjectofit。Butthatwashispart，forhewasnotawarethatIhadbeeninformedofhishavingwitnessedfromhishiding—placemysillyinterviewwithC————

C————。HetoldM————M————thathewouldhavebeendelightedifshehadbroughtheryoungfriendtosupwithus。

"Thatwouldberunningtoogreatarisk，"answeredthecunningnun，"butifyouapproveofit，"sheadded，lookingatme，"Icanmakeyousupwithheratmycasino，forwesleepinthesameroom。"

Thatoffersurprisedmemuch，butitwasnotthemomenttoshewit，soIreplied:

"Itisimpossible，madam，toaddanythingtothepleasureofyoursociety，yetIconfessIshouldbepleasedifyoucouldcontrivetodousthatgreatfavour:"

"Well，Iwillthinkofit。"

"But，"observedtheambassador，"ifIamtobeoneoftheparty，I

thinkitwouldberighttoapprizetheyoungladyofit。"

"Itisnotnecessary，forIwillwritetohertoagreetowhatevermadammayproposetoher。Iwilldosoto—morrow。"

Ibeggedtheambassadortopreparehimselfwithagoodstockofindulgenceforagirloffifteenwhohadnoexperienceoftheworld。

InthecourseoftheeveningIrelatedthehistoryofO—Morphi，whichgreatlyamusedhim。Heentreatedmetolethimseeherportrait。Heinformedmethatshewasstillaninmateofthe’Parc—aux—cerfs’，whereshecontinuedtobethedelightofLouisXV。，towhomshehadgivenachild。Myguestsleftmeaftermidnight，highlypleased，andIremainedalone。

Thenextmorning，faithfultothepromiseIhadmadetomybeautifulnun，IwrotetoC————C————withoutinformingherthattherewouldbeafourthpersonattheprojectedsupper，andhavinggivenmynotetoLauraIrepairedtoMuran，whereIfoundthefollowingletterfromM————M————:

"Icouldnotsleepsoundly，mylove，ifIdidnoteasemyconscienceofanunpleasantweight。Perhapsyoudidnotapproveofthe’partiecarree’withouryoungfriend，andyoumaynothaveobjectedoutofmerepoliteness。Tellmethetruth，dearest，for，shouldyounotlookforwardtothatmeetingwithpleasure，Icancontrivetoundoitwithoutimplicatingyouinanyway；trustmeforthat。If，however，youhavenoobjectiontotheparty，itwilltakeplaceasagreed。

Believeme，Iloveyoursoulmorethanyourheart——Imeanthanyourperson。Adieu。"

Herfearwasverynatural，butoutofshamefacednessIdidnotliketoretract。M————M————knewmewell，andasaskilfultacticiansheattackedmyweakside。

Hereismyanswer:

"Iexpectedyourletter，mybestbeloved，andyoucannotdoubtit，because，asyouknowmethoroughly，youmustbeawarethatIknowyouaswell。Yes，Iknowyourmind，andIknowwhatideayoumustentertainofmine，becauseIhaveexposedtoyouallmyweaknessandirritabilitybymysophisms。Idopenanceforit，dearest，whenI

thinkthathavingraisedyoursuspicionsyourtendernessformemusthavebeenweakened。Forgetmyvisions，Ibeg，andbequitecertainthatforthefuturemysoulwillbeinunisonwithyours。Thesuppermusttakeplace，itwillbeapleasureforme，butletmeconfessthatinacceptingitIhaveshewnmyselfmoregratefulthanpolite。

C————C————isanovice，andIamnotsorrytogiveheranopportunityofseeingtheworld。Inwhatschoolcouldshelearnbetterthanyours？ThereforeIrecommendhertoyou，andyouwillpleasememuchbycontinuingtoshewyourcareandfriendshiptowardsher，andbyincreasing，ifpossible，thesumofyourgoodness。I

fearthatyoumayenticehertotaketheveil，andifshedidIwouldneverconsolemyself。Yourfriendhasquitecaptivatedme；heisasuperiorman，andtrulycharming。"

ThusdidIwittinglydeprivemyselfofthepowerofdrawingback，butIwasabletorealizethefullforceofthesituation。IhadnodifficultyinguessingthattheambassadorwasinlovewithC————

C————，andthathehadconfessedasmuchtoM————M————，who，notbeinginapositiontoobjecttoit，wascompelledtoshewherselfcompliant，andtoassisthimineverythingthatcouldrenderhispassionsuccessful。Shecouldcertainlynotdoanythingwithoutmyconsent，andshehadevidentlyconsideredtheaffairtoodelicatetoventureuponproposingthepartypoint—blanktome。Theyhad，nodoubt，puttheirheadstogether，sothatbybringingtheconversationonthatsubjectIshouldfindmyselfcompelled，forthesakeofpolitenessandperhapsofmyinwardfeelings，tofallintothesnare。

Theambassador，whoseprofessionitwastocarryonintriguesskilfully，hadsucceededwell，andIhadtakenthebaitashewished。

Therewasnothingleftformebuttoputagoodfaceonthematter，notonlysoasnottoshewmyselfaverysillybeing，butalsoinordernottoprovemyselfshamefullyungratefultowardsamanwhohadgrantedmeunheard—ofprivileges。Nevertheless，theconsequenceofitallwaslikelytobesomecoolnessinmyfeelingstowardsbothmymistresses。M————M————hadbecomeconsciousofthisaftershehadreturnedtotheconvent，andwishingtoscreenherselffromallresponsibilityshehadlostnotimeinwritingtomethatshewouldcausetheprojectedsuppertobeabandoned，incaseIshoulddisapproveofit，butsheknewverywellthatIwouldnotacceptheroffer。Self—loveisastrongerpassioneventhanjealousy；itdoesnotallowamanwhohassomepretensiontowittoshewhimselfjealous，particularlytowardsapersonwhoisnottaintedbythatbasepassion，andhasprovedit。

Thenextday，havinggoneearlytothecasino，Ifoundtheambassadoralreadythere，andhewelcomedmeinthemostfriendlymanner。Hetoldmethat，ifhehadknownmeinParishewouldhaveintroducedmeatthecourt，whereIshouldcertainlyhavemademyfortune。Now，whenIthinkofthat，Isaytomyself，"Thatmighthavebeenthecase，butofwhatgoodwouldithavebeentome？"PerhapsIshouldhavefallenavictimoftheRevolution，likesomanyothers。M。deBernishimselfwouldhavebeenoneofthosevictimsifFatehadnotallowedhimtodieinRomein1794。Hediedthereunhappy，althoughwealthy，unlesshisfeelingshadundergoneacompletechangebeforehisdeath，andIdonotbelieveit。

IaskedhimwhetherhelikedVenice，andheansweredthathecouldnotdootherwisethanlikethatcity，inwhichheenjoyedexcellenthealth，andinwhich，withplentyofmoney，lifecouldbeenjoyedbetterthananywhereelse。

"ButIdonotexpect，"headded，"tobeallowedtokeepthisembassyverylong。Bekindenoughtoletthatremainbetweenus。IdonotwishtomakeM————M—————unhappy。"

WewereconversinginallconfidencewhenM————M————arrivedwithheryoungfriend，whoshowedhersurpriseatseeinganothermanwithme，butIencouragedherbythemosttenderwelcome；andsherecoveredallhercomposurewhenshesawthedelightofthestrangeratbeingansweredbyheringoodFrench。Itgaveusbothanopportunityofpayingthewarmestcomplimentstothemistresswhohadtaughthersowell。

C————C————wastrulycharming；herlooks，brightandmodestatthesametime，seemedtosaytome，"Youmustbelongtome:"Iwishedtoseehershinebeforeourfriends；andIcontrivedtoconqueracowardlyfeelingofjealousywhich，inspiteofmyself，wasbeginningtogetholdofme。ItookcaretomakehertalkonsuchsubjectsasIknewtobefamiliartoher。Idevelopedhernaturalintelligence，andhadthesatisfactionofseeingheradmired。

Applauded，flattered，animatedbythesatisfactionshecouldreadinmyeyes，C————C————appearedaprodigytoM。deBernis，and，oh！

whatacontradictionofthehumanheart！Iwaspleased，yetI

trembledlestheshouldfallinlovewithher！Whatanenigma！I

wasintentmyselfuponaworkwhichwouldhavecausedmetomurderanymanwhodaredtoundertakeit。

Duringthesupper，whichwasworthyofaking，theambassadortreatedC————C————withthemostdelicateattentions。Wit，cheerfulness，decentmanners，attendedourdelightfulparty，anddidnotexpelthegaietyandthemerryjestswithwhichaFrenchmanknowshowtoseasoneveryconversation。

Anobservingcriticwho，withoutbeingacquaintedwithus，wishedtoguesswhetherlovewaspresentatourhappyparty，mighthavesuspected，perhaps，buthecertainlycouldnothaveaffirmed，thatitwasthere。M————M————treatedtheambassadorasafriend。Sheshewednootherfeelingtowardsmethanthatofdeepesteem，andshebehavedtoC————C————withthetenderaffectionofasister。M。deBerniswaskind，polite，andamiablewithM————M—————，butheneverceasedtotakethegreatestinterestineverywordutteredbyC————

C————，whoplayedherparttoperfection，becauseshehadonlytofollowherownnature，and，thatnaturebeingbeautiful，C————C————

couldnotfailtobemostcharming。