第30章

FeelingmoreateaseIgavesixsequinstoLaura，onetoeachofherdaughters，andatesomethingformysupper:Ithenlaidmyselfdownononeofthewretchedbedsintheroom。Assoonasthetwoyoungersisterssawmeinbed，theyundressedthemselveswithoutceremony，andtookpossessionofthesecondbedwhichwasclosebymine。Theirinnocentconfidencepleasedme。Theeldestsister，whomostlikelyhadmorepracticalexperience，retiredtotheadjoiningroom；shehadalovertowhomshewassoontobemarried。Thistime，however，I

wasnotpossessedwiththeevilspiritofconcupiscence，andI

allowedinnocencetosleeppeacefullywithoutattemptinganythingagainstit。

EarlythenextmorningLaurawasthebearerofgoodnews。Shecameinwithacheerfulairtoannouncethatthebelovedpatienthadsleptwell，andthatshewasgoingbacksoontogivehersomesoup。Ifeltanalmostmaddeningjoyinlisteningtoher，andIthoughttheoracleofAEsculapiusathousandtimesmorereliablethanthatofApollo。

Butitwasnotyettimetoexultinourvictory，formypoorlittlefriendhadtorecoverherstrengthandtomakeupforallthebloodshehadlost；thatcouldbedoneonlybytimeandcarefulnursing。I

remainedanotherweekatLaura’shouse，whichIleftonlyaftermydearC————C————hadrequestedmetodosoinaletteroffourpages。

Laura，whenIleft，weptforjoyinseeingherselfrewardedbythegiftofallthefinelinenIhadboughtformyC————C————，andherdaughterswereweepinglikewise，mostprobablybecause，duringthetendaysIhadspentnearthem，theyhadnotobtainedasinglekissfromme。

AftermyreturntoVenice，Iresumedmyusualhabits；butwithanaturelikeminehowcouldIpossiblyremainsatisfiedwithoutpositivelove？MyonlypleasurewastoreceivealetterfrommydearrecluseeveryWednesday，whoadvisedmetowaitpatientlyratherthantoattemptcarryingheroff。Lauraassuredmethatshehadbecomemorelovelythanever，andIlongedtoseeher。Anopportunityofgratifyingmywishessoonoffereditself，andIdidnotallowittoescape。Therewastobeatakingoftheveil——aceremonywhichalwaysattractsalargenumberofpersons。Onthoseoccasionsthenunsalwaysreceivedagreatmanyvisitors，andIthoughtthattheboarderswerelikelytobeintheparlouronsuchanoccasion。Irannoriskofbeingremarkedanymorethananyotherperson，forIwouldminglewiththecrowd。IthereforewentwithoutsayinganythingaboutittoLaura，andwithoutacquaintingmydearlittlewifeofmyintentions。IthoughtIwouldfall，sogreatwasmyemotion，whenI

sawherwithinfouryardsfromme，andlookingatmeasifshehadbeeninanecstaticstate。Ithoughthertallerandmorewomanly，andshecertainlyseemedtomemorebeautifulthanbefore。Isawnoonebuther；shenevertookhereyesoffme，andIwasthelasttoleavethatplacewhichonthatdaystruckmeasbeingthetempleofhappiness。

ThreedaysafterwardsIreceivedaletterfromher。Shepaintedwithsuchvividcoloursthehappinessshehadfeltinseeingme，thatI

madeupmymindtogiveherthatpleasureasoftenasIcould。

IansweredatoncethatIwouldattendmasseverySundayatthechurchofherconvent。Itcostmenothing:Icouldnotseeher，butIknewthatshesawmeherself，andherhappinessmademeperfectlyhappy。Ihadnothingtofear，foritwasalmostimpossiblethatanyonecouldrecognizemeinthechurchwhichwasattendedonlybythepeopleofMuran。

Afterhearingtwoorthreemasses，Iusedtotakeagondola，thegondolierofwhichcouldnotfeelanycuriosityaboutme。YetIkeptonmyguard，forIknewthatthefatherofC————C————wantedhertoforgetme，andIhadnodoubthewouldhavetakenheraway，Godknewwhereifhehadhadtheslightestsuspicionofmybeingacquaintedwiththeplacewherehehadconfinedher。

ThusIwasreasoninginmyfeartoloseallopportunityofcorrespondingwithmydearC————C————，butIdidnotyetknowthedispositionandtheshrewdnessofthesainteddaughtersoftheLord。

Ididnotsupposethattherewasanythingremarkableinmyperson，atleastfortheinmatesofaconvent；butIwasyetanovicerespectingthecuriosityofwomen，andparticularlyofunoccupiedhearts；Ihadsoonoccasiontobeconvinced。

IhadexecutedmySundaymanoeuveringonlyforamonthorfiveweeks，whenmydearC————C————wrotemejestinglythatIhadbecomealivingenigmaforalltheconvent，boardersandnuns，notevenexceptingtheoldones。Theyallexpectedmeanxiously；theywarnedeachotherofmyarrival，andwatchedmetakingtheholywater。TheyremarkedthatInevercastaglancetowardthegrating，behindwhichwerealltheinmatesoftheconvent；thatIneverlookedatanyofthewomencominginorgoingoutofthechurch。TheoldnunssaidthatIwascertainlylabouringundersomedeepsorrow，ofwhichIhadnohopetobecuredexceptthroughtheprotectionoftheHolyVirgin，andtheyoungonesassertedthatIwaseithermelancholyormisanthropic。

Mydearwife，whoknewbetterthantheothers，andhadnooccasiontoloseherselfinsuppositions，wasmuchamused，andsheentertainedmebysendingmeafaithfulreportofitall。Iwrotetoherthat，ifshehadanyfearofmybeingrecognizedIwouldceasemySundayvisitstothechurch。SheansweredthatIcouldnotimposeuponheramorecruelprivation，andsheentreatedmetocontinuemyvisits。

Ithoughtitwouldbeprudent，however，toabstainfromcallingatLaura’shouse，forfearofthechatteringnunscontrivingtoknowit，anddiscoveringinthatmanneragreatdealmorethanIwishedthemtofindout。Butthatexistencewasliterallyconsumingmebyslowdegrees，andcouldnotlastlong。Besides，Iwasmadetohaveamistress，andtolivehappilywithher。Notknowingwhattodowithmyself，Iwouldgamble，andIalmostinvariablywon；but，inspiteofthat，wearinesshadgotholdofmeandIwasgettingthinnereveryday。

WiththefivethousandsequinswhichmypartnerCrocehadwonformeinPaduaIhadfollowedM。Bragadin’sadvice。IhadhiredacasinowhereIheldafarobankinpartnershipwithamatador，whosecuredmeagainstthefraudsofcertainnoblemen——tyrants，withwhomaprivatecitizenisalwayssuretobeinthewronginmydearcountry。

OnAllSaints’Day，intheyear1753，justas，afterhearingmass，I

wasgoingtostepintoagondolatoreturntoVenice，Isawawoman，somewhatinLaura’sstylewho，passingnearme，lookedatmeanddroppedaletter。Ipickeditup，andthewoman，seeingmeinpossessionoftheepistle，quietlywenton。Theletterhadnoaddress，andthesealrepresentedarunningknot。Isteppedhurriedlyintothegondola，andassoonaswewereintheoffingI

broketheseal。Ireadthefollowingwords。

"Anun，whoforthelasttwomonthsandahalfhasseenyoueverySundayinthechurchofherconvent，wishestobecomeacquaintedwithyou。Apamphletwhichyouhavelost，andwhichchancehasthrownintoherhands，makesherbelievethatyouspeakFrench；but，ifyoulikeitbetter，youcananswerinItalian，becausewhatshewantsaboveallisaclearandpreciseanswer。Shedoesnotinviteyoutocallforherattheparlouroftheconvent，because，beforeyouplaceyourselfunderthenecessityofspeakingtoher，shewishesyoutoseeher，andforthatpurposeshewillnamealadywhomyoucanaccompanytotheparlour。Thatladyshallnotknowyouandneednotthereforeintroduceyou，incaseyoushouldnotwishtobeknown。

"Shouldyounotapproveofthatwaytobecomeacquainted，thenunwillappointacertaincasinoinMuran，inwhichyouwillfindheralone，intheevening，anynightyoumaychoose。Youwillthenbeatlibertyeithertosupwithher，ortoretireafteraninterviewofaquarterofanhour，ifyouhaveanyotherengagements。

"WouldyouratherofferherasupperinVenice？Namethenight，thehour，theplaceofappointment，andyouwillseehercomeoutofagondola。Onlybecarefultobetherealone，maskedandwithalantern。

"Ifeelcertainthatyouwillanswerme，andthatyouwillguesshowimpatientlyIamwaitingforyourletter。Ientreatyou，therefore，togiveitto—morrowtothesamewomanthroughwhomyouwillreceivemine！youwillfindheronehourbeforenooninthechurchofSt。

Cancian，nearthefirstaltarontheright。

Recollectthat，ifIdidnotsupposeyouendowedwithanoblesoulandahighmind，Icouldneverhaveresolvedontakingastepwhichmightgiveyouanunfavorableopinionofmycharacter"

Thetoneofthatletter，whichIhavecopiedwordbyword，surprisedmeevenmorethantheofferitcontained。Ihadbusinesstoattendto，butIgaveupallengagementstolockmyselfinmyroominordertoanswerit。Suchanapplicationbetokenedanextravagantmind，buttherewasinitacertaindignity，asingularity，whichattractedme。

IhadanideathatthewritermightbethesamenunwhotaughtFrenchtoC————C————。Shehadrepresentedherfriendinherlettersashandsome，rich，gallant，andgenerous。Mydearwifehad，perhaps，beenguiltyofsomeindiscretion。Athousandfancieswhirledthroughmybrain，butIwouldentertainonlythosewhichwerefavourabletoaschemehighlypleasingtome。Besides，myyoungfriendhadinformedmethatthenunwhohadgivenherFrenchlessonswasnottheonlyoneintheconventwhospokethatlanguage。Ihadnoreasontosupposethat，ifC————C————hadmadeaconfidanteofherfriend，shewouldhavemadeamysteryofittome。But，forallthat，thenunwhohadwrittentomemightbethebeautifulfriendofmydearlittlewife，andshemightalsoturnouttobeadifferentperson；Ifeltsomewhatpuzzled。Hereis，however，theletterwhichIthoughtIcouldwritewithoutimplicatingmyself:

"IanswerinFrench，madam，inthehopethatmyletterwillhavetheclearnessandtheprecisionofwhichyougivemetheexampleinyours。

"Thesubjectishighlyinterestingandofthehighestimportance，consideringallthecircumstances。AsImustanswerwithoutknowingthepersontowhomIamwriting，youmustfeel，madam，that，unlessI

shouldpossessalargedoseofvanity，Imustfearsomemystification，andmyhonourrequiresthatIshouldkeeponmyguard。

"Ifitistruethatthepersonwhohaspennedthatletterisarespectablewoman，whorendersmejusticeinsupposingmeendowedwithfeelingasnobleasherown，shewillfind，Itrust，thatI

couldnotanswerinanyotherwaythanIamdoingnow。

"Ifyouhavejudgedmeworthy，madam，ofthehonourwhichyoudomebyofferingmeyouracquaintance，althoughyourgoodopinioncanhavebeenformedonlyfrommypersonalappearance，Ifeelitmydutytoobeyyou，eveniftheresultbetoundeceiveyoubyprovingthatI

hadunwittinglyledyouintoamistakenappreciationofmyperson。

"Ofthethreeproposalswhichyousokindlymadeinyourletter，I

darenotacceptanybutthefirst，withtherestrictionsuggestedbyyourpenetratingmind。IwillaccompanytotheparlourofyourconventaladywhoshallnotknowwhoIam，and，consequently，shallhavenooccasiontointroduceme。

"Donotjudgetooseverely，madam，thespeciousreasonswhichcompelmenottogiveyoumyname，andreceivemywordofhonourthatI

shalllearnyoursonlytorenderyouhomage。Ifyouchoosetospeaktome，Iwillanswerwiththemostprofoundrespect。Permitmetohopethatyouwillcometotheparlouralone。ImaymentionthatI

amaVenetian，andperfectlyfree。

Theonlyreasonwhichpreventsmefromchoosingoneofthetwootherarrangementsproposedbyyou，eitherofwhichwouldhavesuitedmebetterbecausetheygreatlyhonourme，is，allowmetorepeatit，afearofbeingthevictimofamystification；butthesemodesofmeetingwillnotbelostwhenyouknowmeandwhenIhaveseenyou。

Ientreatyoutohavefaithinmyhonour，andtomeasuremypatiencebyyourown。Tomorrow，atthesameplaceandatthesamehour，I

shallbeanxiouslyexpectingyouranswer。"

Iwenttotheplaceappointed，andhavingmetthefemaleMercuryI

gavehermyletterwithasequin，andItoldherthatIwouldcomethenextdayfortheanswer。Wewerebothpunctual。Assoonasshesawme，shehandedmebackthesequinwhichIhadgivenherthedaybefore，andaletter，requestingmetoreaditandtoletherknowwhethershewastowaitforananswer。Hereistheexactcopyoftheletter:

"Ibelieve，sir，thatIhavenotbeenmistakeninanything。Likeyou，Idetestuntruthwhenitcanleadtoimportantconsequences，butIthinkitameretriflewhenitcandonoinjurytoanyone。Ofmythreeproposalsyouhavechosentheonewhichdoesthegreatesthonourtoyourintelligence，and，respectingthereasonswhichinduceyoutokeepyourincognito，IhavewrittentheenclosedtotheCountessofS————，whichIrequestyoutoread。Bekindenoughtosealitbeforedeliveryofittoher。Youmaycalluponherwheneverconvenienttoyourself。Shewillnameherownhour，andyouwillaccompanyherhereinhergondola。Thecountesswillnotaskyouanyquestions，andyouneednotgiveheranyexplanation。Therewillbenopresentation；butasyouwillbemadeacquaintedwithmyname，youcanafterwardscallonmehere，masked，wheneveryouplease，andbyusingthenameofthecountess。Inthatwayweshallbecomeacquaintedwithoutthenecessityofdisturbingyou，orofyourlosingatnightsomehourswhichmaybeprecioustoyou。Ihaveinstructedmyservanttowaitforyouranswerincaseyoushouldbeknowntothecountessandobjecttoher。IfyouapproveofthechoiceIhavemadeofher，tellthemessengerthatthereisnoanswer。"

AsIwasanentirestrangertothecountess，ItoldthewomanthatI

hadnoanswertogive，andsheleftme。

Herearethecontentsofthenoteaddressedbythenuntothecountess，andwhichIhadtodelivertoher:

"Ibegofyou，mydearfriend，topaymeavisitwhenyouareatleisure，andtoletthemaskedgentleman—bearerofthisnoteknowthehour，sothathecanaccompanyyou。Hewillbepunctual。Farewell。

Youwillmuchobligeyourfriend。"

Thatletterseemedtomeinformedbyasublimespiritofintrigue；

therewasinitanappearanceofdignitywhichcaptivatedme，althoughIfeltconsciousthatIwasplayingthecharacterofamanonwhomafavourseemedtobebestowed。

Inherlastletter，mynun，pretendingnottobeanxioustoknowwhoIwas，approvedofmychoice，andfeignedindifferencefornocturnalmeetings；butsheseemedcertainthatafterseeingherIwouldvisither。Iknewverywellwhattothinkofitall，fortheintriguewassuretohaveanamorousissue。Nevertheless，herassurance，orratherconfidence，increasedmycuriosity，andIfeltthatshehadeveryreasontohope，ifshewereyoungandhandsome。Imightverywellhavedelayedtheaffairforafewdays，andhavelearnedfromC—

———C————whothatnuncouldbe；but，besidesthebasenessofsuchaproceeding，Iwasafraidofspoilingthegameandrepentingitafterwards。Iwastoldtocallonthecountessatmyconvenience，butitwasbecausethedignityofmynunwouldnotallowhertoshewherselftooimpatient；andshecertainlythoughtthatIwouldmyselfhastentheadventure。Sheseemedtometoodeeplylearnedingallantrytoadmitthepossibilityofherbeinganinexperiencednovice，andIwasafraidofwastingmytime；butImadeupmymindtolaughatmyownexpenseifIhappenedtomeetasuperannuatedfemale。

ItisverycertainthatifIhadnotbeenactuatedbycuriosityI

shouldnothavegoneonestepfurther，butIwantedtoseethecountenanceofanunwhohadofferedtocometoVenicetosupwithme。Besides，Iwasmuchsurprisedatthelibertyenjoyedbythosesaintedvirgins，andatthefacilitywithwhichtheycouldescapeoutoftheirwalls。

Atthreeo’clockIpresentedmyselfbeforethecountessanddeliveredthenote，andsheexpressedawishtoseemethenextdayatthesamehour。Wedroppedabeautifulreverencetooneanother，andparted。

Shewasasuperiorwoman，alreadygoingdownthehill，butstillveryhandsome。

Thenextmorning，beingSunday，IneednotsaythatItookcaretoattendmassattheconvent，elegantlydressed，andalreadyunfaithful——atleastinidea——tomydearC————C————，forIwasthinkingofbeingseenbythenun，youngorold，ratherthanofshewingmyselftomycharmingwife。

IntheafternoonImaskedmyselfagain，andattheappointedtimeI

repairedtothehouseofthecountesswhowaswaitingforme。Wewentinatwo—oaredgondola，andreachedtheconventwithouthavingspokenofanythingbuttheweather。Whenwearrivedatthegate，thecountessaskedforM————M————。Iwassurprisedbythatname，forthewomantowhomitbelongedwascelebrated。Wewereshewnintoasmallparlour，andafewminutesafterwardsanuncamein，wentstraighttothegrating，touchedaspring，andmadefoursquaresofthegratingrevolve，whichleftanopeningsufficientlylargetoenablethetwofriendstoembracetheingeniouswindowwasafterwardscarefullyclosed。Theopeningwasatleasteighteenincheswide，andamanofmysizecouldeasilyhavegotthroughit。

Thecountesssatoppositethenun，andItookmyseatalittleononesidesoastobeabletoobservequietlyandatmyeaseoneofthemostbeautifulwomenthatitwaspossibletosee。IhadnodoubtwhateverofherbeingthepersonmentionedbymydearC————C————asteachingherFrench。Admirationkeptmeinasortofecstacy，andI

neverheardonewordoftheirconversation；thebeautifulnun，farfromspeakingtome，didnotevencondescendtohonourmewithonelook。Shewasabouttwenty—twoortwenty—threeyearsofage，andtheshapeofherfacewasmostbeautiful。Herfigurewasmuchabovetheordinaryheight，hercomplexionratherpale，herappearancenoble，fullofenergy，butatthesametimereservedandmodest；hereyes，largeandfull，wereofalovelyblue；hercountenancewassoftandcheerful；herfinelipsseemedtobreathethemostheavenlyvoluptuousness，andherteethweretworowsofthemostbrilliantenamel。Herhead—dressdidnotallowmetoseeherhair，butifshehadanyIknewbythecolourofhereyebrowsthatitwasofabeautifullightbrown。Herhandandherarm，whichIcouldseeasfarastheelbow，weremagnificent；thechiselofPraxitelesnevercarvedanythingmoregracefullyroundedandplump，Iwasnotsorrytohaverefusedthetworendezvouswhichhadbeenofferedtomebythebeauty，forIwassureofpossessingherinafewdays，anditwasapleasureformetolaymydesiresatherfeet。Ilongedtofindmyselfalonewithhernearthatgrating，andIwouldhaveconsidereditaninsulttoherif，theverynextday，IhadnotcometotellherhowfullyIrenderedtohercharmsthejusticetheydeserved。Shewasfaithfultoherdeterminationnottolookatmeonce，butafterallIwaspleasedwithherreserve。Allatoncethetwofriendsloweredtheirvoices，andoutofdelicacyIwithdrewfurther。Theirprivateconversationlastedaboutaquarterofanhour，duringwhichIpretendedtobeintentlylookingatapainting；

thentheykissedoneanotheragainbythesameprocessasatthebeginningoftheinterview；thenunclosedtheopening，turnedherbackonus，anddisappearedwithoutcastingoneglanceinmydirection。

AswewereonourwaybacktoVenice，thecountess，tiredperhapsofoursilence，saidtome，withasmile，"M————M————isbeautifulandverywitty。"

"Ihaveseenherbeauty，andIbelieveinherwit。"

"Shedidnotaddressonewordtoyou。"

"Ihadrefusedtobeintroducedtoher，andshepunishedmebypretendingnottoknowthatIwaspresent。"

Thecountessmadenoanswer，andwereachedherhousewithoutexchanginganotherword。Atherdooraveryceremoniouscurtesy，withthesewords，"Adieu，sir！"warnedmethatIwasnottogoanyfurther。Ihadnowishtodoso，andwentawaydreamingandwonderingatthesingularityoftheadventure，theendofwhichI

longedtosee。

EndMEMOIRSOFJACQUESCASANOVAdeSEINGALT1725—1798

TOPARISANDPRISON，Volume2c——ConventAffairsTHERAREUNABRIDGEDLONDONEDITIONOF1894TRANSLAT