第32章

CHAPTERXIX

IGiveMyPortraittoM。M。——APresentFromHer——IGototheOperaWithHer——ShePlaysAttheFaroTableandReplenishesMyEmptyPurse—

—PhilosophicalConversationWithM。M。——ALetterFromC。C。——SheKnowsAll——ABallAttheConvent；MyExploitsIntheCharacterofPierrot——C。C。ComestotheCasinoInsteadofM。M。——ISpendtheNightWithHerInAVerySillyWay。

MydearM————M————hadexpressedawishtohavemyportrait，somethingliketheoneIhadgiventoC————C————，onlylarger，towearitasalocket。Theoutsidewastorepresentsomesaint，andaninvisiblespringwastoremovethesaintedpictureandexposemylikeness。Icalledupontheartistwhohadpaintedtheotherminiatureforme，andinthreesittingsIhadwhatIwanted。HeafterwardsmademeanAnnunciation，inwhichtheangelGabrielwastransformedintoadark—hairedsaint，andtheHolyVirginintoabeautiful，light—complexionedwomanholdingherarmstowardstheangel。ThecelebratedpainterMengsimitatedthatideainthepictureoftheAnnunciationwhichhepaintedinMadridtwelveyearsafterwards，butIdonotknowwhetherhehadthesamereasonsforitasmypainter。Thatallegorywasexactlyofthesamesizeasmyportrait，andthejewellerwhomadethelocketarrangeditinsuchamannerthatnoonecouldsupposethesacredimagetobethereonlyforthesakeofhidingaprofanelikeness。

TheendofJanuary，1754，beforegoingtothecasino，IcalleduponLauratogiveheraletterforC————C————，andshehandedmeonefromherwhichamusedme。Mybeautifulnunhadinitiatedthatyounggirl，notonlyintothemysteriesofSappho，butalsoinhighmetaphysics，andC————C————hadconsequentlybecomeaFreethinker。

Shewrotetomethat，objectingtogiveanaccountofheraffairstoherconfessor，andyetnotwishingtotellhimfalsehoods，shehadmadeuphermindtotellhimnothing。

"Hehasremarked，"sheadded，"thatperhapsIdonotconfessanythingtohimbecauseIdidnotexaminemyconsciencesufficiently，andI

answeredhimthatIhadnothingtosay，butthatifhelikedIwouldcommitafewsinsforthepurposeofhavingsomethingtotellhiminconfession。"

Ithoughtthisreplyworthyofathoroughsophist，andlaughedheartily。

OnthesamedayIreceivedthefollowingletterfrommyadorablenun"Iwritetoyoufrommybed，dearestbrowny，becauseIcannotremainstandingonmyfeet。Iamalmostdead。ButIamnotanxiousaboutit；alittlerestwillmakemeallright，forIeatwellandsleepsoundly。Youhavemademeveryhappybywritingtomethatyourbleedinghasnothadanyevilconsequences，andIgiveyoufairnoticethatIshallhavetheproofofitonTwelfthNight，atleastifyoulike；thatisunderstood，andyouwillletmeknow。Incaseyoushouldfeeldisposedtograntmethatfavour，mydarling，Iwishtogototheopera。Atallevents，recollectthatIpositivelyforbidthewhitesofeggsforthefuture，forIwouldratherhavealittlelessenjoymentandmoresecurityrespectingyourhealth。Infuture，whenyougotothecasinoofMuran，pleasetoenquirewhetherthereisanybodythere，andifyoureceiveanaffirmativeanswer，goaway。Myfriendwilldothesame。Inthatmanneryouwillnotruntheriskofmeetingoneanother，butyouneednotobservetheseprecautionsforlong，ifyouwish，formyfriendisextremelyfondofyou，andhasagreatdesiretomakeyouracquaintance。Hehastoldmethat，ifhehadnotseenitwithhisowneyes，heneverwouldhavebelievedthatamancouldruntheracethatyouransosplendidlytheothernight，buthesaysthat，bymakingloveinthatmanner，youbiddefiancetodeath，forheiscertainthatthebloodyoulostcomesfromthebrain。Butwhatwillhesaywhenhehearsthatyouonlylaughattheoccurrence？Iamgoingtomakeyouverymerry:hewantstoeatthesaladofwhitesofeggs，andhewantsmetoaskyouforsomeofyourvinegar，becausethereisnoneinVenice。Hesaidthathespentadelightfulnight，inspiteofhisfearoftheevilconsequencesofouramoroussport，andhehasfoundmyowneffortssuperiortotheusualweaknessofmysex。Thatmaybethecase，dearestbrowny，butIamdelightedtohavedonesuchwonders，andtohavemadesuchtrialofmystrength。Withoutyou，darlingofmyheart，Ishouldhavelivedwithoutknowingmyself，andIwonderwhetheritispossiblefornaturetocreateawomanwhocouldremaininsensibleinyourarms，orratheronewhowouldnotreceivenewlifebyyourside。ItismorethanlovethatIfeelforyou，itisidolatry；andmymouth，longingtomeetyours，sendsforththousandsofkisseswhicharewastedintheair。Iampantingforyourdivineportrait，soastoquenchbyasweetillusionthefirewhichdevoursmyamorouslips。Itrustmylikenesswillproveequallydeartoyou，foritseemstomethatnaturehascreatedusforoneanother，andI

cursethefatalinstantinwhichIraisedaninvinciblebarrierbetweenus。Youwillfindenclosedthekeyofmybureau。Openit，andtakeaparcelonwhichyouwillseewritten，’Formydarling。’Itisasmallpresentwhichmyfriendwishesmetoofferyouinexchangeforthebeautifulnight—capthatyougaveme。Adieu。"

Thesmallkeyenclosedintheletterbelongedtoabureauintheboudoir。Anxioustoknowthenatureofthepresentthatshecouldoffermeattheinstanceofherfriend，Iopenedthebureau，andfoundaparcelcontainingaletterandamorocco—leathercase。

Theletterwasasfollows:

"Thatwhichwill，Ihope，renderthispresentdeartoyouistheportraitofawomanwhoadoresyou。Ourfriendhadtwoofthem，butthegreatfriendshipheentertainstowardsyouhasgivenhimthehappyideaofdisposingofoneinyourfavour。Thisboxcontainstwoportraitsofme，whicharetobeseenintwodifferentways:ifyoutakeoffthebottompart，ofthecaseinitslength，youwillseemeasanun；andifyoupressonthecorner，thetopwillopenandexposemetoyoursightinastateofnature。Itisnotpossible，dearest，thatawomancaneverhavelovedyouasIdo。Ourfriendexcitesmypassionbytheflatteringopinionthatheentertainsofyou。IcannotdecidewhetherIammorefortunateinmyfriendorinmylover，forIcouldnotimagineanybeingsuperiortoeitheroneortheother。"

Thecasecontainedagoldsnuff—box，andasmallquantityofSpanishsnuffwhichhadbeenleftinitprovedthatithadbeenused。I

followedtheinstructionsgivenintheletter，andIfirstsawmymistressinthecostumeofanun，standingandinhalfprofile。Thesecondsecretspringbroughtherbeforemyeyes，entirelynaked，lyingonamattressofblacksatin，inthepositionoftheMadeleineofCoreggio。ShewaslookingatLove，whohadthequiverathisfeet，andwasgracefullysittingonthenun’srobes。ItwassuchabeautifulpresentthatIdidnotthinkmyselfworthyofit。IwrotetoM————M————aletterinwhichthedeepestgratitudewasblendedwiththemostexaltedlove。Thedrawersofthebureaucontainedallherdiamondsandfourpursesfullofsequins。Iadmiredhernobleconfidenceinme。Ilockedthebureau，leavingeverythingundisturbed，andreturnedtoVenice。IfIhadbeenabletoescapeoutofthecapriciousclutchesoffortunebygivingupgambling，myhappinesswouldhavebeencomplete。

Myownportraitwassetwithrareperfection，andasitwasarrangedtobewornroundtheneckIattachedittosixyardsofVenetianchain，whichmadeitaveryhandsomepresent。Thesecretwasintheringtowhichitwassuspended，anditwasverydifficulttodiscoverit。Tomakethespringworkandexposemylikenessitwasnecessarytopulltheringwithsomeforceandinapeculiarmanner。

Otherwise，nothingcouldbeseenbuttheAnnunciation；anditwasthenabeautifulornamentforanun。

OnTwelfthNight，havingthelocketandchaininmypocket，IwentearlyintheeveningtowatchnearthefinestatueerectedtotheheroColleoniafterhehadbeenpoisoned，ifhistorydoesnotdeceiveus。’Sitdivus，modononvivus’，isasentencefromtheenlightenedmonarch，whichwilllastaslongastherearemonarchsonearth。

Atsixo’clockpreciselymymistressalightedfromthegondola，welldressedandwellmasked，butthistimeinthegarbofawoman。WewenttotheSaintSamuelopera，andafterthesecondballetwerepairedtothe’ridotto’，wheresheamusedherselfbylookingatalltheladiesofthenobilitywhoalonehadtherighttowalkaboutwithoutmasks。Afterramblingaboutforhalfanhour，weenteredthehallwherethebankwasheld。ShestoppedbeforethetableofM。

Mocenigo，whoatthattimewasthebestamongstallthenoblegamblers。Asnobodywasplaying，hewascarelesslywhisperingtoamaskedlady，whomIrecognizedasMadameMarinaPitani，whoseadorerhewas。

M————M————enquiredwhetherIwantedtoplay，andasIansweredinthenegativeshesaidtome，"Itakeyouformypartner。"

Andwithoutwaitingformyanswershetookapurse，andplacedapileofgoldonacard。Thebankerwithoutdisturbinghimselfshuffledthecards，turnedthemup，andmyfriendwontheparoli。Thebankerpaid，tookanotherpackofcards，andcontinuedhisconversationwithhislady，shewingcompleteindifferenceforfourhundredsequinswhichmyfriendhadalreadyplacedonthesamecard。Thebankercontinuinghisconversations，M————M————saidtome，inexcellentFrench，"Ourstakesarenothighenoughtointerestthisgentleman；letusgo。"

Itookupthegold，whichIputinmypocket，withoutansweringM。deMocenigo，whosaidtome:

"Yourmaskistooexacting。"

Irejoinedmylovelygambler，whowassurrounded。WestoppedsoonafterwardsbeforethebankofM。PierreMarcello，acharmingyoungman，whohadnearhimMadameVenier，sisterofthepatricianMomolo。

Mymistressbegantoplay，andlostfiverouleauxofgoldoneaftertheother。Havingnomoremoney，shetookhandfulsofgoldfrommypocket，andinfourorfivedealsshebrokethebank。Shewentaway，andthenoblebanker，bowing，complimentedheruponhergoodfortune。

AfterIhadtakencareofallthegoldshehadwon，Igavehermyarm，andweleftthe’ridotto’，butremarkingthatafewinquisitivepersonswerefollowingus，Itookagondolawhichlandedusaccordingtomyinstructions。OnecanalwaysescapepryingeyesinthiswayinVenice。

AftersupperIcountedourwinnings，andIfoundmyselfinpossessionofonethousandsequinsasmyshare。Irolledtheremainderinpaper，andmyfriendaskedmetoputitinherbureau。Ithentookmylocketandthrewitoverherneck；itgaveherthegreatestdelight，andshetriedforalongtimetodiscoverthesecret。AtlastIshowedither，andshepronouncedmyportraitanexcellentlikeness。

Recollectingthatwehadbutthreehourstodevotetothepleasuresoflove，Ientreatedhertoallowmetoturnthemtogoodaccount。

"Yes，"shesaid，"butbeprudent，forourfriendpretendsthatyoumightdieonthespot。"

"Andwhydoeshenotfearthesamedangerforyou，whenyourecstasiesareinrealitymuchmorefrequentthanmine？"

"Hesaysthattheliquordistilledbyuswomendoesnotcomefromthebrain，asisthecasewithmen，andthatthegeneratingpartsofwomanhavenocontactwithherintellect。Theconsequenceofit，hesays，isthatthechildisnottheoffspringofthemotherasfarasthebrain，theseatofreason，isconcerned，butofthefather，anditseemstomeverytrue。Inthatimportantactthewomanhasscarcelytheamountofreasonthatsheisinneedof，andshecannothaveanylefttoenablehertogiveadosetothebeingsheisgenerating。""Yourfriendisaverylearnedman。Butdoyouknowthatsuchawayofarguingopensmyeyessingularly？Itisevidentthat，ifthatsystembetrue，womenoughttobeforgivenforallthefollieswhichtheycommitonaccountoflove，whilstmanisinexcusable，andIshouldbeindespairifIhappenedtoplaceyouinapositiontobecomeamother。"

"Ishallknowbeforelong，andifitshouldbethecasesomuchthebetter。Mymindismadeup，andmydecisiontaken。"

"Andwhatisthatdecision？"

"Toabandonmydestinyentirelytoyouboth。Iamquitecertainthatneitheronenortheotherwouldletmeremainattheconvent。"

"Itwouldbeafataleventwhichwoulddecideourfuturedestinies。

Iwouldcarryyouoff，andtakeyoutoEnglandtomarryyou。"

"Myfriendthinksthataphysicianmightbebought，who，underthepretextofsomediseaseofhisowninvention，wouldprescribetometogosomewheretodrinkthewaters——apermissionwhichthebishopmightgrant。Atthewatering—placeIwouldgetcured，andcomebackhere，butIwouldmuchratheruniteourdestiniesforever。Tellme，dearest，couldyoumanagetoliveanywhereascomfortablyasyoudohere？"

"Alas！mylove，no，butwithyouhowcouldIbeunhappy？Butwewillresumethatsubjectwheneveritmaybenecessary。Letusgotobed。"

"Yes。IfIhaveasonmyfriendwishestoacttowardshimasafather。"

"Wouldhebelievehimselftobethefather？"

"Youmightbothofyoubelieveit，butsomelikenesswouldsoonenlightenmeastowhichofyoutwowasthetruefather。"

"Yes。If，forinstance，thechildcomposedpoetry，thenyouwouldsupposethathewasthesonofyourfriend。"

"Howdoyouknowthatmyfriendcanwritepoetry？"

"Admitthatheistheauthorofthesixlineswhichyouwroteinanswertomine。"

"Icannotpossiblyadmitsuchafalsehood，because，goodorbad，theywereofmyownmaking，andsoastoleaveyounodoubtletmeconvinceyouofitatonce。"

"Oh，nevermind！Ibelieveyou，andletusgotobed，orLovewillcalloutthegodofParnassus。"

"Lethimdoit，buttakethispencilandwrite；IamApollo，youmaybeLove:"

’Jenemebattraipas；jetecedelaplace。

SiVenusestmasceur，L’Amourestdemarace。

Jesaisfairedesvers。UninstantdeperduN’offensepasL’Amour，sijel’aiconvaincu。

"ItisonmykneesthatIentreatyourpardon，myheavenlyfriend，buthowcouldIexpectsomuchtalentinayoungdaughterofVenice，onlytwenty—twoyearsofage，and，aboveall，broughtupinaconvent？"

"Ihaveamostinsatiatedesiretoprovemyselfmoreandmoreworthyofyou。DidyouthinkIwasprudentatthegaming—table？"

"Prudentenoughtomakethemostintrepidbankertremble。"

"Idonotalwaysplaysowell，butIhadtakenyouasapartner，andIfeltIcouldsetfortuneatdefiance。Whywouldyounotplay？"

"BecauseIhadlostfourthousandsequinslastweekandIwaswithoutmoney，butIshallplayto—morrow，andfortunewillsmileuponme。

Inthemeantime，hereisasmallbookwhichIhavebroughtfromyourboudoir:theposturesofPietroAretino；Iwanttotrysomeofthem。"

"Thethoughtisworthyofyou，butsomeofthesepositionscouldnotbeexecuted，andothersareinsipid。"

"True，butIhavechosenfourveryinterestingones。"

Thesedelightfullaboursoccupiedtheremainderofthenightuntilthealarumwarnedusthatitwastimetopart。Iaccompaniedmylovelynunasfarashergondola，andthenwenttobed；butIcouldnotsleep。Igotupinordertogoandpayafewsmalldebts，foroneofthegreatestpleasuresthataspendthriftcanenjoyis，inmyopinion，todischargecertainliabilities。Thegoldwonbymymistressprovedluckyforme，forIdidnotpassasingledayofthecarnivalwithoutwinning。

ThreedaysafterTwelfthNight，havingpaidavisittothecasinoofMuranforthepurposeofplacingsomegoldinM————M————’sbureau，thedoor—keeperhandedmealetterfrommynun。Laurahad，afewminutesbefore，deliveredmeonefromC————C————。

Mynewmistress，aftergivingmeanaccountofherhealth，requestedmetoenquirefrommyjewellerwhetherhehadnotbychancemadearinghavingonitsbezelaSt。Catherinewhich，withoutadoubt，concealedanotherportrait；shewishedtoknowthesecretofthatring。"Ayoungboarder，"sheadded，"alovelygirl，andmyfriend，istheownerofthatring。Theremustbeasecret，butshedoesnotknowit。"IansweredthatIwoulddowhatshewished。ButhereistheletterofC————C————。Itwasratheramusing，becauseitplacedmeinaregulardilemma；itborealatedate，buttheletterofM————

M————hadbeenwrittentwodaysbeforeit。

"Ali！howtrulyhappyIam，mybelovedhusband！YouloveSisterM————M————，mydearfriend。Shehasalocketasbigasaring，andshecannothavereceiveditfromanyonebutyou。IamcertainthatyourdearlikenessistobefoundundertheAnnunciation。I

recognizedthestyleoftheartist，anditiscertainlythesamewhopaintedthelocketandmyring。IamsatisfiedthatSisterM———M———

hasreceivedthatpresentfromyou。IamsopleasedtoknowallthatIwouldnotruntheriskofgrievingherbytellingherthatIknewhersecret，butmydearfriend，eithermoreopenormorecurious，hasnotimitatedmyreserve。ShetoldmethatshehadnodoubtofmySt。

Catherineconcealingtheportraitofmylover。Unabletosayanythingbetter，Itoldherthattheringwasinrealityagiftfrommylover，butthatIhadnoideaofhisportraitbeingconcealedinsideofit。’Ifitisasyousay，’observedM————M————，’andifyouhavenoobjection，Iwilltrytofindoutthesecret，andafterwardsIwillletyouknowmine。’Beingquitecertainthatshewouldnotdiscoverit，Igavehermyring，sayingthat，ifshecouldfindoutthesecret，Ishouldbeverymuchpleased。

"Justasthatmomentmyauntpaidmeavisit，andIleftmyringinthehandsofM————M————，whoreturnedittomeafterdinner，assuringmethat，althoughshehadnotbeenabletofindoutthesecret，shewascertaintherewasone。Ipromiseyouthatsheshallneverhearanythingaboutitfromme，becauseifshesawyourportrait，shewouldguesseverything，andthenIshouldhavetotellherwhoyouare。Iamsorrytobecompelledtoconcealanythingfromher，butIamverygladyouloveoneanother。Ipityyouboth，however，withallmyheart，becauseIknowthatyouareobligedtomakelovethroughagratinginthathorridparlour。HowIwish，dearest，Icouldgiveyoumyplace！Iwouldmaketwopersonshappyatthesametime！Adieu！"

Iansweredthatshehadguessedrightly，thatthelocketofherfriendwasapresentfrommeandcontainedmylikeness，butthatshewastokeepthesecret，andtobecertainthatmyfriendshipforM————M————interferedinnowaywiththefeelingwhichboundmetoherforever。IcertainlywaswellawarethatIwasnotbehavinginastraightforwardmanner，butIendeavouredtodeceivemyself，sotrueitisthatawoman，weakassheis，hasmoreinfluencebythefeelingsheinspiresthanmancanpossiblyhavewithallhisstrength。Atallevents，IwasfoolishlytryingtokeepupanintriguewhichIknewtobenearitsdenouementthroughtheintimacythathadsprungupbetweenthesetwofriendlyrivals。

Laurahavinginformedmethattherewastobeonacertaindayaballinthelargeparlouroftheconvent，Imadeupmymindtoattenditinsuchadisguisethatmytwofriendscouldnotrecognizeme。I

decideduponthecostumeofaPierrot，becauseitconcealstheformandthegaitbetterthananyother。Iwascertainthatmytwofriendswouldbebehindthegrating，andthatitwouldaffordmethepleasantopportunityofseeingthemtogetherandofcomparingthem。

InVenice，duringthecarnival，thatinnocentpleasureisallowedinconvents。Theguestsdanceintheparlour，andthesistersremainbehindthegrating，enjoyingthesightoftheball，whichisoverbysunset。Thenalltheguestsretire，andthepoornunsareforalongtimehappyintherecollectionofthepleasureenjoyedbytheireyes。

TheballwastotakeplaceintheafternoonofthedayappointedformymeetingwithM————M————，intheeveningatthecasinoofMuran，butthatcouldnotpreventmefromgoingtotheball；besides，I

wantedtoseemydearC————C————。

IhavesaidbeforethatthedressofaPierrotisthecostumewhichdisguisesthefigureandthegaitmostcompletely。Ithasalsotheadvantage，throughalargecap，ofconcealingthehair，andthewhitegauzewhichcoversthefacedoesnotallowthecolouroftheeyesoroftheeyebrowstobeseen，butinordertopreventthecostumefromhinderingthemovementsofthemask，hemustnotwearanythingunderneath，andinwinteradressmadeoflightcalicoisnotparticularlyagreeable。Ididnot，however，payanyattentiontothat，andtakingonlyaplateofsoupIwenttoMuraninagondola。

Ihadnocloak，and——inmypocketsIhadnothingbutmyhandkerchief，mypurse，andthekeyofthecasino。

Iwentatoncetotheconvent。Theparlourwasfull，butthankstomycostumeofPierrot，whichwasseeninVenicebutveryseldom，everybodymaderoomforme。Iwalkedon，assumingthegaitofabooby，thetruecharacteristicofmycostume，andIstoppednearthedancers。AfterIhadexaminedthePantaloons，Punches，Harlequins，andMerryAndrews，Iwentnearthegrating，whereIsawallthenunsandboarders，someseated，somestanding，and，withoutappearingto，noticeanyoftheminparticular，Iremarkedmytwofriendstogether，andveryintentuponthedancers。Ithenwalkedroundtheroom，eyeingeverybodyfromheadtofoot，andcallingthegeneralattentionuponmyself。

IchoseformypartnerintheminuetaprettygirldressedasaColumbine，andItookherhandinsoawkwardamannerandwithsuchanairofstupiditythateverybodylaughedandmaderoomforus。Mypartnerdancedverywellaccordingtohercostume，andIkeptmycharacterwithsuchperfectionthatthelaughterwasgeneral。AftertheminuetIdancedtwelveforlanaswiththegreatestvigour。Outofbreath，Ithrewmyselfonasofa，pretendingtogotosleep，andthemomentIbegantosnoreeverybodyrespectedtheslumbersofPierrot。

Thequadrillelastedonehour，andItooknopartinit，buti