第83章

Thechildamusedusinanastonishingwayalldinnertime，Paulinekeepingherearsopenandnotsayingaword，sosurprisedwasshetohearachildofheragetalkinawaythatwouldhaveexcitedattentioninawomanoftwenty。Althoughperfectlyrespectfulshecondemnedhermother’sconduct，andsaidthatshewasunfortunateinbeingobligedtogiveherablindobedience。

"Iwouldwagerthatyoudon’tlovehermuch。"

"Irespect，butIcannotloveher，forIamalwaysafraid。Ineverseeherwithoutfearingher。"

"Whydoyouweep，then，atherfate？"

"Ipityher，andherfamilystillmore，andtheexpressionssheusedinsendingmetoyouwereveryaffecting。"

"Whatweretheseexpressions？"

"’Go，’saidshe，’kneelbeforehim，foryouandyoualonecansoftenhisheart。’"

"Thenyoukneltbeforemebecauseyourmothertoldyoutodoso。"

"Yes，forifIhadfollowedmyowninclinationIshouldhaverushedtoyourarms。"

"Youanswerwell。Butareyousureofpersuadingme？"

"No，foronecanneverbesureofanything；butIhavegoodhopesofsuccess，rememberingwhatyoutoldmeattheHague。MymothertoldmethatIwasonlythreethen，butIknowIwasfive。SheitwaswhotoldmenottolookatyouwhenIspoketoyou，butfortunatelyyoumadeherremoveherprohibition。Everybodysaysthatyouaremyfather，andattheHagueshetoldmesoherself；butheresheisalwaysdinningitintomyearsthatIamthedaughterofM。deMonpernis。"

"But，Sophiedear，yourmotherdoeswronginmakingyouabastardwhenyouarethelegitimatedaughterofthedancerPompeati，whokilledhimselfatVienna。"

"ThenIamnotyourdaughter？"

"Clearly，foryoucannothavetwofathers，canyou？"

"ButhowisitthatIamyourimage？"

"It’samerechance。"

"Youdeprivemeofadreamwhichhasmademehappy。"

Paulinesaidnothing，butcoveredherwithkisses，whichSophiereturnedeffusively。Sheaskedmeiftheladywasmywife，andonmyreplyingintheaffirmativeshecalledPaulineher"dearmamma，"

whichmade"dearmamma"laughmerrily。

WhenthedessertwasservedIdrewfourfifty—poundnotesoutofmypocket—book，andgivingthemtoSophietoldherthatshemighthandthemovertohermotherifsheliked，butthatthepresentwasforherandnotforhermother。

"Ifyougiveherthemoney，"Isaid，"shewillbeabletosleepto—

nightinthefinehousewhereshegavemesuchapoorreception。"

"Itmakesmeunhappytothinkofit，butyoumustforgiveher。"

"Yes，Sophie；butoutofloveforyou。"

"Writetohertotheeffectthatitistomeyougivethemoney，nottoher；Idarenottellhersomyself。"

"Icouldnotdothat，mydear；itwouldbeinsultingherinheraffliction。Doyouunderstandthat？"

"Yes，quitewell。"

"Youmaytellherthatwhenevershesendsyoutodineorsupwithme，shewillpleasemeverymuch。"

"Butyoucanwritethatdownwithoutwoundingher，canyounot？Doso，Ientreatyou。Dearmamma，"saidshe，addressingPauline，"askpapatodoso，andthenIwillcomeanddinewithyousometimes。"

Paulinelaughedwithallherheartassheaddressedmeashusband，andbeggedmetowritethedesiredepistle。TheeffectonthemothercouldonlyletherknowhowmuchIlovedherdaughter，andwouldconsequentlyincreaseherloveforherchild。Igavein，sayingthatIcouldnotrefuseanythingtotheadorablewomanwhohadhonouredmewiththenameofhusband。Sophiekissedus，andwentawayinahappymood。

"It’salongtimesinceIhavelaughedsomuch，"saidPauline，"andI

don’tthinkIhaveeverhadsuchanagreeablemeal。Thatchildisaperfecttreasure。Sheisunhappy，poorlittlegirl，butshewouldnotbesoifIwerehermother。"

IthentoldherofthetruerelationshipbetweenSophieandmyself，andthereasonsIhadfordespisinghermother。

"IwonderwhatshewillsaywhenSophietellsherthatshefoundyouattablewithyourwife。"

"Shewon’tbelieveit，assheknowsmyhorrorforthesacramentofmatrimony。"

"Howisthat？"

"Ihateitbecauseitisthegraveoflove。"

"Notalways。"

AsshesaidthisPaulinesighed，andloweringhereyeschangedtheconversation。SheaskedmehowlongIintendedtostayinLondonandwhenIhadreplied，"Nineortenmonths，"Ifeltmyselfentitledtoaskherthesamequestion。

"Ireallycan’tsay，"sheanswered，"myreturntomycountrydependsonmygettingaletter。"

"MayIaskyouwhatcountryyoucomefrom？"

"IseeIshallsoonhavenosecretsfromyou，butletmehavealittletime。Ihaveonlymadeyouracquaintanceto—day，andinamannerwhichmakesmehaveaveryhighopinionofyou。"

"Ishalltrymybesttodeservethegoodopinionsyouhaveconceivedofmycharacter。"

"Youhaveshewnyourselftomeinathoroughlyestimablelight。"

"Givemeyouresteem，Idesireitearnestly，butdon’tsayanythingofrespect，forthatseemstoshutoutfriendship；Iaspiretoyours，andIwarnyouthatIshalldomybesttogainit。"

"Ihavenodoubtyouareverycleverinthatway，butyouaregeneroustoo，andIhopeyouwillspareme。Ifthefriendshipbetweenusbecametooardent，apartingwouldbedreadful，andwemaybepartedatanymoment，indeedIoughttobelookingforwardtoit。"

Ourdialoguewasgettingrathersentimental，andwiththateasewhichisonlyacquiredinthebestsociety，Paulineturnedittoothertopics，andsoonaskedmetoallowhertogoupstairs。Iwouldhavegladlyspentthewholedaywithher，forIhavenevermetawomanwhosemannersweresodistinguishedandatthesametimesopleasant。

WhensheleftmeIfeltasortofvoid，andwenttoseeMadameBinetti，whoaskedmefornewsofPembroke。Shewasinaragewithhim。

"Heisadetestablefellow，"saidshe；"hewouldliketohaveafreshwifeeveryday！Whatdoyouthinkofsuchconduct？"

"Ienvyhimhishappiness。"

"Heenjoysitbecauseallwomenaresuchfools。Hecaughtmethroughmeetingmeatyourhouse；hewouldneverhavedonesootherwise。

Whatareyoulaughingat？"

"Becauseifhehascaughtyou，youhavealsocaughthim；youarethereforequits。"

"Youdon’tknowwhatyouaretalkingabout。"

Icamehomeateighto’clock，andassoonasFannyhadtoldPaulinethatIhadreturnedshecamedownstairs。Ifanciedshewastryingtocaptivatemebyherattentions，andastheprospectwasquiteagreeabletomeIthoughtweshouldcometoanunderstandingbeforeverylong。

Supperwasbroughtinandwestayedattabletillmidnight，talkingabouttrifles，butsopleasantlythatthetimepassedawayveryquickly。Whensheleftmeshewishedmegoodnight，andsaidmyconversationhadmadeherforgethersorrows。

Pembrokecamenextmorningtoaskmetogivehimbreakfast，andcongratulatedmeonthedisappearanceofthebillfrommywindow。

"Ishouldverymuchliketoseeyourboarder，"saidhe。

"Idaresay，mylord，butIcan’tgratifyyourcuriosityjustnow，fortheladylikestobealone，andonlyputsupwithmycompanybecauseshecan’thelpit。"

Hedidnotinsist，andtoturntheconversationItoldhimthatMadameBinettiwasfuriouswithhimforhisinconstancy，whichwasatestimonytohismerits。Thatmadehimlaugh，andwithoutgivingmeanyanswerheaskedmeifIdinedathomethatday。

"No，mylord，notto—day。"

"Iunderstand。Well，it’sverynatural；bringtheaffairtoahappyconclusion。"

"Iwilldomybest。"

MartinellihadfoundtwoorthreeparodiesofmynoticeintheAdvertiser，andcameandreadthemtome。Iwasmuchamusedwiththem；theyweremostlyindecent，forthelibertyofthepressismuchabusedinLondon。AsforMartinellihewastoodiscreetanddelicateamantoaskmeaboutmynewboarder。AsitwasSunday，IbeggedhimtotakemetomassattheBavarianambassador’schapel；andhereI

mustconfessthatIwasnotmovedbyanyfeelingsofdevotion，butbythehopeofseeingPauline。Ihadmytroublefornothing，for，asI

heardafterwards，shesatinadarkcornerwherenoonecouldseeher。Thechapelwasfull，andMartinellipointedoutseverallordsandladieswhowereCatholics，anddidnotconcealtheirreligion。

WhenIgothomeIreceivedanotefromMadameCornelis，sayingthatasitwasSundayandshecouldgooutfreely，shehopedIwouldlethercometodinner。IshewedthelettertoPauline，notknowingwhethershewouldobjecttodiningwithher，andshesaidshewouldbehappytodoso，providedtherewerenomen。IwroteinanswertoMadameCornelisthatIshouldbegladtoseeherandhercharmingdaughteratdinner。Shecame，andSophiedidnotleavemysideforamoment。MadameCornelis，whowasconstrainedinPauline’spresence，tookmeasidetoexpresshergratitudeandtocommunicatetomesomechimericalschemesofherswhichweresoontomakeherrich。

Sophiewasthelifeandsouloftheparty，butasIhappenedtotellhermotherthatPaulinewasaladywhowaslodginginmyhouse，shesaid，"Thensheisnotyourwife？"

"No；suchhappinessisnotforme。Itwasajokeofmine，andtheladyamusedherselfattheexpenseofyourcredulity。"

"Well，Ishouldliketosleepwithher。"

"Really？When？"

"Whenevermammawillletme。"

"Wemustfirstascertain，"saidthemother，"whattheladythinksofthearrangement。"

"Sheneedn’tfeararefusal，"saidPauline，givingthechildakiss。

"Thenyoushallhaveherwithpleasure，madam。Iwillgethergovernesstofetchherawayto—morrow。"

"Atthreeo’clock，"saidI，"forshemustdinewithus。"

Sophie，takinghermother’ssilenceforconsent，wentuptoherandkissedher，buttheseattentionswerebutcoldlyreceived。Sheunfortunatelydidnotknowhowtoinspirelove。

AfterMadameCornelishadgone，IaskedPaulineifshewouldliketotakeawalkwithSophieandmyselfinthesuburbs，wherenobodywouldknowher。

"Inprudence，"saidshe，"IcannotgooutunlessIamalone。"

"Thenshallwestayhere？"

"Wecouldnotdobetter。"

PaulineandSophiesangItalian，French，andEnglishduets，andtheconcertoftheirvoicesseemedtomeravishing。Wesuppedgaily，andatmidnightIescortedthemtothethirdfloor，tellingSophiethatI

wouldcomeandbreakfastwithherinthemorning，butthatIshouldexpecttofindherinbed。Iwantedtoseeifherbodywasasbeautifulasherface。IwouldgladlyhaveaskedPaulinetograntmethesamefavour，butIdidnotthinkthingshadadvancedfarenoughforthat。InthemorningIfoundPaulineupanddressed。

WhenSophiesawmeshelaughedandhidherheadunderthesheets，butassoonasshefeltmenearhershesoonletmeseeherprettylittleface，whichIcoveredwithkisses。

Whenshehadgotupwebreakfastedtogether，andthetimewentbyaspleasantlyaspossibletillMadameRancourcameforherlittlecharge，whowentawaywithasadheart。ThusIwasleftalonewithmyPaulinewhobegantoinspiremewithsuchardentdesiresthatI

dreadedanexplosioneverymoment。AndyetIhadnotsomuchaskissedherhand。

WhenSophiehadgoneImadehersitbesideme，andtakingherhandI

kisseditrapturously，saying，"Areyoumarried，Pauline？"

"Yes。"

"Doyouknowwhatitistobeamother？"

"No，butIcanpartlyimaginewhathappinessitmustbe。"

"Areyouseparatedfromyourhusband？"

"Yes，bycircumstancesandagainstourwill。Wewereseparatedbeforewehadcohabitedtogether。"

"IsheatLondon？"

"No，heisfaraway，butpleasedon’tsayanythingmoreaboutit。"

"Onlytellmewhethermylosswillbehisgain。"

"Yes，andIpromisenottoleaveyoutillIhavetoleaveEngland——

thatis，unlessyoudismissme——andIshallleavethishappyislandtobehappywiththehusbandofmychoice。"

"ButI，dearPauline，willbeleftunhappy，forIloveyouwithallmyheart，andamafraidtogiveyouanyproofofmylove。"

"Begenerousandspareme，forIamnotmyownmistress，andhavenorighttogivemyselftoyou；andperhaps，ifyouweresoungenerousastoattackme，Ishouldnothavethestrengthtoresist。"

"Iwillobey，butIshallstilllanguish。IcannotbeunhappyunlessIforfeityourfavour。"

"Ihavedutiestoperform，mydearfriend，andIcannotneglectthemwithoutbecomingcontemptibleinmyowneyesandyourstoo。"

"IshoulddeemmyselfthemostmiserableofmenifIdespisedawomanformakingmehappy。"

"Well，Ilikeyoutoowelltothinkyoucapableofsuchconduct，butletusbemoderate，forwemayhavetopartto—morrow。Youmustconfessthatifweyieldedtodesire，thispartingwouldbeallthemorebitter。Ifyouareofanotheropinion，thatonlyshewsthatyourideasofloveandminearedifferent。"

"ThentellmeofwhatsortofloveisthatwithwhichIamhappyenoughtohaveinspiredyou？"

"Itisofsuchakindthatenjoymentwouldonlyincreaseit，andyetenjoymentseemstomeamereaccident。"

"Thenwhatisitsessence？"

"Tolivetogetherinperfectunity。"

"That’sablessingwecanenjoyfrommorningtoeve，butwhyshouldwenotaddtheharmlessaccidentwhichwouldtakesoshortatime，andgiveussuchpeaceandtranquillity。Youmustconfess，Pauline，thattheessencecannotexistlongwithouttheaccident。"

"Yes，butyouinyourturn，youwillagreethatthefoodoftenprovesintimetobedeadly。"

"No，notwhenonelovestruly，asIdo。Doyouthinkthatyouwillnotlovemesowellafterhavingpossessedme？"

"No，it’sbecauseIthinkquiteotherwise，thatIdreadtomakethemomentofpartingsobitter。"

"IseeImustyieldtoyourlogic。Ishouldliketoseethefoodonwhichyoufeedyourbrain，otherwiseyourbooks。Willyouletmecomeupstairs？"

"Certainly，butyouwillbecaught。"

"How？"

"Comeandsee。"

Wewenttoherroom，andIfoundthatallherbookswerePortuguese，withtheexceptionofMilton，inEnglish，Ariosto，inItalian，andLabruyere’s"Characters，"inFrench。

"Yourselectiongivesmeahighideaofyourmentalqualities，"saidI，"buttellme，whydoyougivesuchapreferencetoCamoensandallthesePortugueseauthors？"

"Foraverygoodreason，IamPortuguesemyself。"

"YouPortuguese？IthoughtyouwereItalian。Andsoyoualreadyknowfivelanguages，foryoudoubtlessknowSpanish。"

"Yes，althoughSpanishisnotabsolutelynecessary。"

"Whataneducationyouhavehad！"

"Iamtwenty—twonow，butIknewalltheselanguagesateighteen。"

"Tellmewhoyouare，tellmeallaboutyourself。Iamworthyofyourconfidence。"

"Ithinksotoo，andtogiveyouaproofofmytrustinyouIamgoingtotellyoumyhistory，forsinceyoulovemeyoucanonlywishtodomegood。"

"Whatareallthesemanuscripts？"

"Myhistory，whichIhavewrittendownmyself。Letussitdown:"

CHAPTERIX

Pauline’sStory——IAmHappy——PaulineLeavesMeIamtheonlydaughteroftheunfortunateCountX————o，whomCarvailhoOeiraskilledinprisononsuspicionofbeingconcernedintheattemptontheking’slife，inwhichtheJesuitsweresupposedtohavehadahand。Idonotknowwhethermyfatherwasinnocentorguilty，butIdoknowthatthetyrannicalministerdidnotdaretohavehimtried，ortoconfiscatetheestates，whichremaininmypossession，thoughIcanonlyenjoythembyreturningtomynativeland。

"Mymotherhadmebroughtupinaconventwherehersisterwasabbess。Ihadallkindsofmasters，especiallyanItalianfromLeghorn，whoinsixyearstaughtmeallthathethoughtproperformetoknow。HewouldansweranyquestionsIchosetoputhim，saveonreligiousmatters，butImustconfessthathisreservemademeallthefonderofhim，forinleavingmetoreflectoncertainsubjectsbymyselfhedidagreatdealtoformmyjudgment。

"Iwaseighteenwhenmygrandfatherremovedmsfromtheconvent，althoughIprotestedthatIwouldgladlystaytheretillIgotmarried。Iwasfondlyattachedtomyaunt，whodidallinherpoweraftermymother’sdeathtomakemeforgetthedoublelossIhadsustained。Myleavingtheconventalteredthewholecourseofmyexistence，andasitwasnotavoluntaryactionIhavenothingtorepentof。

"Mygrandfatherplacedmewithhissister—in—law，theMarchionessX————o，whogavemeuphalfherhouse。Ihadagoverness，acompanion，maids，pages，andfootmen，allofwhom，thoughinmyservice，wereundertheordersofmygoverness，awell—bornlady，whowashappilyhonestandtrustworthy。

"AyearafterIhadlefttheconventmygrandfathercameandtoldmeinthepresenceofmygovernessthatCountFl————hadaskedmyhandforhisson，whowascomingfromMadridendwouldarrivethatday。

"’Whatanswerdidyougivehim，deargrandfather？’

"’Thatthemarriagewouldbeacceptabletothewholeofthenobility，andalsotothekingandroyalfamily。’

"’ButareyouquitesurethattheyoungcountwilllikemeandthatI

shalllikethecount？’

"’That，mydeardaughter，isamatterofcourse，andthereneedbenodiscussiononthesubject。’

"’ButitisaquestioninwhichIamstronglyinterested，andI

shouldliketoconsideritverycarefully。Weshallseehowmattersarrangethemselves。’

"’Youcanseeeachotherbeforedeciding，butyoumustdecideallthesame。’

"’Ihopeso，butletusnotbetoocertain。Weshallsee。’

"AssoonasmygrandfatherhadgoneItoldmygovernessthatIhadmadeupmymindnevertogivemyhandsavewhereIhadgivenmyheart，andthatIshouldonlymarryamanwhosecharacterandtastesIhadcarefullystudied。Mygovernessgavemenoanswer，andonmypressinghertogivemeheropinion，sherepliedthatshethoughtherbestcoursewouldbetokeepsilenceonsuchadelicatequestion。

ThiswasasmuchastotellmethatshethoughtIwasright；atleastIpersuadedmyselfthatitwasso。

"ThenextdayIwenttotheconvent，andtoldthestorytomyaunt，theabbess，wholistenedtomekindlyandsaiditwastobehopedthatIshouldfallinlovewithhimandhewithme，butthatevenifitwereotherwiseshewasofopinionthatthemarriagewouldtakeplace，asshehadreasonsforbelievingthattheschemecamefromthePrincessofBrazil，whofavouredCountFl————。

"Thoughthisinformationgrievedme，Iwasstillgladtohearit，andmyresolutionnevertomarrysaveforlovewasallthemorestronglyconfirmed。

"Inthecourseofafortnightthecountarrived，andmygrandfatherpresentedhimtome，severalladiesbeinginthecompany。Nothingwassaidaboutmarrying，buttherewasadealoftalkaboutthestrangelandsandpeoplesthenewarrivalhadseen。Ilistenedwiththegreatestattention，notopeningmymouththewholetime。Ihadverylittleknowledgeoftheworld，soIcouldnotmakeanycomparisonsbetweenmysuitorandothermen，butmyconclusionwasthathecouldneverhopetopleaseanywoman，andthathewouldcertainlyneverbemine。Hehadanunpleasantsneeringmanner，jokedinbadtaste，wasstupid，andadevotee，orratherafanatic。

Furthermorehewasuglyandill—shapen，andsogreatafopthathewasnotashamedtorelatethestoryofhisconquestsinFranceandItaly。

"Iwenthomehopingwithallmyheartthathehadtakenadisliketome，andaweekwhichpassedawaywithoutmyhearinganythingonthesubjectconfirmedmeinthisbelief，butIwasdoomedtobedisappointed。Mygreat—auntaskedmetodinner，andwhenIwentI

foundthefoolishyoungmanandhisfatherpresent，togetherwithmygrandfather，whoformallyintroducedhimtomeasmyfuturehusband，andbeggedmetofixtheweddingday。ImadeupmymindthatIwouldratherdiethanmarryhim，andansweredpolitelybutcoldlythatI

wouldnamethedaywhenIhaddecidedonmarrying，butIshouldrequiretimetothinkitover。Thedinnerwentoffsilently，andI

onlyopenedmymouthtouttermonosyllablesinreplyto