第84章

Thereadingwascontinued，andIthoughtmytimehadcomewhenshereadtheverses:

Iosenzascaleinsularoocasalto，Etostendardopiantovidibotto，Elanemicamiamicacciosotto**

**Iscaledtherockwithoutaladder，Iplantedmystandardsuddenly，andheldmyenemybeneathme。

Iwantedtogiveherapracticalillustrationofthelines，butwiththatsensibilitysonaturaltowomen，andwhichtheycanusesowellasagoadtopassion，shesaid，——

"Dearest，youmightmakeyourselfworse；letuswaittillyoursprainiscured。"

"ArewetowaittillIamcuredfortheconsummationofourmarriage？"

"Isupposeso，forifIamnotmistakenthethingcan’tbedonewithoutacertainmovement。"

"Youarewrong，dearPauline，butitwouldmakenodifferencetomeevenifitwereso。YoumaybesureIwouldnotputitofftillto—

morrow，evenifitcostmemyleg。Besides，youshallseethattherearewaysandmeansofsatisfyingourpassionswithoutdoingmeanyharm。Isthatenoughforyou？"

"Well，well，asitiswrittenthatawifeshouldobeyherhusband，youwillfindmedocile。"

"When？"

"Aftersupper。"

"Thenwewillhavenosupper。Weshalldinewithallthebetterappetiteto—morrow。Letusbeginnow。"

"No，forthesuspicionsoftheservantsmightbearoused。Lovehasitsrulesofdecencylikeeverythingelse。"

"YoutalkaswiselyasCato，andIamobligedtoconfessthatyouarerightinallyousay。"

Supperwasservedasusual；itwasdelicateenough，butthethoughtofapproachingblisshadtakenawayourappetites，andweateonlyforform’ssake。Atteno’clockwewereatliberty，andcouldindulgeourpassionwithoutanyfearofbeingdisturbed。

Butthisdelightfulwoman，whohadsoplainlytoldmeafewhoursbeforethatwhenIwascuredwewouldlivetogetherasmanandwife，wasnowashamedtoundressbeforeme。Shecouldnotmakeuphermind，andtoldmeso，laughingatherself。FromthiscircumstanceI

gatheredthatthedecencyofthebodyismoretenaciousinitsgraspthanthepurityofthesoul。

"But，sweetheart，"saidI，"youdressedandundressedforafortnightbeforeyourbetrothed。"

"Yes，buthewasalwayslyinginhishammockwithhisbacktowardsmeatnight，andinthemorningheneverturnedroundandwishedmegooddaytillheknewIwasdressed。"

"What，heneverturned？"

"Ineverlethimtakeanyliberties。"

"Suchvirtueisincomprehensibletome。"

"Youseethecountwastobemyhusband，andIwastobehiswife，andinsuchcasesayoungwomaniscareful。Besides，Ibelievethatifonewillbutrefrainfromtakingthefirststep，continenceiseasy。Thenthecountwasnaturallytimid，andwouldneverhavetakenanylibertieswithoutmyencouraginghim，whichItookcarenottodo。Forthisonce，youwillallowmetosleepwithyouinmyclothes。"

"Certainly，ifyouwishmetobedressedalso，otherwiseitwouldbeunbearableforbothofus。"

"Youareverycruel。"

"But，dearest，areyounotashamedofthesefoolishscruples？"

"Well，well，putoutthecandles，andinaminuteIwillbebesideyou。"

"Verygood；thoughthewantoflightwilldeprivemeofagreatpleasure。Quick，outwiththem！"

MycharmingPortuguesedidnotreflectthatthemoonshonefullintotheroom，andthatthemuslincurtainswouldnotpreventmyseeingherexquisitefigure，whichshewedtogreateradvantageinthepositionshehappenedtotake。IfPaulinehadbeenacoquetteI

shouldhaveconsideredherscruplesasmereartificecalculatedtoincreasemyardour；butshehadnoneedtousesuchstratagems。Atlastshewaswithinmyarms，andweclaspedeachothercloselyandinsilencethatwasonlybrokenbythemurmurofourkisses。Soonourunionbecamecloser，andhersighsandtheardourofhersurrendershewedmethatherpassionwasmoreinneedofreliefthanmine。I

wassufficientlymasterofmyselftorememberthatImusthaveacareforherhonour，greatlytoherastonishment，forsheconfessedshehadneverthoughtofsuchathing，andhadgivenherselfupfreely，resolvedtobravetheconsequenceswhichshebelievedtobeinevitable。Iexplainedthemysteryandmadeherhappy。

Tillthismomentlovealonehadswayedme，butnowthatthebloodysacrificewasoverIfeltfullofrespectandgratitude。ItoldhereffusivelythatIknewhowgreatwasmyhappiness，andthatIwasreadytosacrificemylifetohertoprovemylove。

ThethoughtthatourembraceswouldhavenodangerousresulthadputPaulineatherease，andshehavereinstoherardenttemperament，whileIdidvaliantservice，tillatlastwewereexhaustedandthelastsacrificewasnotentirelyconsummated。Weabandonedourselvestoaprofoundandpeacefulsleep。Iwasthefirsttoawake；thesunwasshininginthroughthewindow，andIgazedonPauline。AsI

lookedatthiswoman，thefirstbeautyinPortugal，theonlychildofanillustriousfamily，whohadgivenherselftomeallforlove，andwhomIshouldpossessforsoshortatime，Icouldnotrestrainaprofoundsigh。

Paulineawoke，andhergaze，asbrightastherisingsuninspringtime，fixeditselfonmetruthfullyandlovingly。

"Whatareyouthinkingof，dearest？"

"Iamtryingtoconvincemyselfthatmyhappinessisnotadream，andifitberealIwantittolastforever。Iamthehappymortaltowhomyouhavegivenupyourgreattreasure，ofwhichIamunworthy，thoughIloveyoutenderly。"

"Sweetheart，youareworthyofallmydevotionandaffection，ifyouhavenotceasedtorespectme。"

"Canyoudoubtit，Pauline？"

"No，dearest，Ithinkyouloveme，andthatIshallneverrepenthavingtrustedinyou。"

Thesweetsacrificewasofferedagain，andPaulineroseandlaughedtofindthatshewasnolongerashamedofhernakednessbeforeme。

Then，passingfromjesttoearnest，shesaid，——

"Ifthelossofshameistheresultofknowledge，howwasitthatourfirstparentswerenotashamedtilltheyhadacquiredknowledge？"

"Idon’tknow，dearest，buttellme，didyoueveraskyourlearnedItalianmasterthatsamequestion？"

"Yes，Idid。"

"Whatdidhesay？"

"Thattheirshamearosenotfromtheirenjoyment，butfromdisobedience；andthatincoveringthepartswhichhadseducedthem，theydiscovered，asitwere，thesintheyhadcommitted。Whatevermaybesaidonthesubject，IshallalwaysthinkthatAdamwasmuchmoretoblamethanEve。"

"Howisthat？"

"BecauseAdamhadreceivedtheprohibitionfromGod，whileEvehadonlyreceiveditfromAdam。"

"IthoughtthatbothofthemreceivedtheprohibitiondirectlyfromGod。"

"YouhavenotreadGenesis，then。"

"Youarelaughingatme。"

"Thenyouhavereaditcarelessly，becauseitisdistinctlystatedthatGodmadeEveafterhehadforbiddenAdamtoeatofthefruit。"

"Iwonderthatpointhasnotbeenremarkedbyourcommentators；itseemsaveryimportantonetome。"

"Theyareapackofknaves，allswornenemiesofwomen。"

"No，no，theygiveproofsofquiteanotherfeelingonlytoooften。"

"Wewon’tsayanythingmoreaboutit。Myteacherwasanhonestman。"

"WasheaJesuit？"

"Yes，butoftheshortrobe。"

"Whatdoyoumean？"

"Wewilldiscussthequestionanothertime。"

"Verygood；IshouldliketohaveitprovedtomethatamancanbeaJesuitandhonestatthesametime。"

"Thereareexceptionstoallrules。"

MyPaulinewasaprofoundthinker，andstronglyattachedtoherreligion。IshouldneverhavediscoveredthatshepossessedthismeritifIhadnotsleptwithher。Ihaveknownseveralwomenofthesamestamp；ifyouwishtoknowtheelevationoftheirsouls，youmustbeginbydamningthem。Whenthisisdone，oneenjoystheirconfidence，fortheyhavenosecretsforthehappyvictor。Thisisthereasonwhythecharmingthoughfeeblesexlovesthebraveanddespisesthecowardly。Sometimestheyappeartolovecowards，butalwaysfortheirphysicalbeauty。Womenamusethemselveswithsuchfellows，butarethefirsttolaughiftheygetcaned。

AfterthemostdeliciousnightIhadeverpassed，IresolvednottoleavemyhousetillPaulinehadtoreturntoPortugal。Shedidnotleavemeforamoment，savetohearmassonSundays。Ishutmydoortoeverybody，eventothedoctor，formyspraindisappearedofitself。IdidnotfailtoinformMissChudleighofmyrapidcure；

shehadsenttwiceadayeversincetheaccidenttolearnhowIwas。

Paulinewenttoherroomafterouramorousconflict，andIdidnotseeheragaintilldinner—time；butwhenIdidseeherIthoughtheranangel。Herfacehadcaughtthehuesofthelilyandtherose，andhadanairofhappinessIcouldnothelpadmiring。

Aswebothwantedtohaveourportraitstaken，IaskedMartinellitosendmethebestminiature—painterinLondon。HesentaJew，whosucceededadmirably。IhadmyminiaturemountedinaringandgaveittoPauline；andthiswastheonlypresentshewouldacceptfromme，whowouldhavethoughtmyselfallthericherifshehadacceptedallIhad。

Wespentthreeweeksinahappydreamwhichnopencandescribe。I

wasquitewellagain，andwetastedallthesweetsoflovetogether。

Alldayandallnightweweretogether，ourdesiresweresatisfiedonlytoberenewed；weenjoyedtheextremestbliss。Inaword，itisdifficulttoformajustideaofthestateoftwoindividualswhoenjoyalltherangeofphysicalandmentalpleasurestogether，whoselifeisforthepresentwithoutthoughtofthefuture；whosejoysaremutualandcontinual；such，nevertheless，wasthepositionofmyselfandmydivinePauline。

EverydayIdiscoveredinhersomefreshperfectionwhichmademelovehermore；hernaturewasinexhaustibleinitstreasures，forhermentalqualitiesevensurpassedherphysicalbeauties，andanexcellenteducationhadwonderfullyincreasedthepowersofherintelligence。Withallthebeautyandgraceofawomanshehadthatexaltedcharacterwhichisthelotofthebestofmen。Shebegantoflatterherselfthatthefatalletterwouldnevercome，andthecountwaslittlemorethanadreamofthepast。Sometimesshewouldsaythatshecouldnotunderstandhowaprettyfacecouldexercisesuchastronginfluenceoverusinspiteofourreason。

"Ihavefoundouttoolate，"sheadded，"thatchancealonecanmakeamarriage，contractedforsuchphysicalreasons，happy。"

The1stofAugustwasafataldayforbothofus。PaulinereceivedaletterfromLisbon，whichsummonedherhomewithoutdelay，andIhadaletterfromParisannouncingthedeathofMadamed’Urfe。MadameduRumaintoldmethatontheevidenceofhermaidthedoctorshadpronouncedherdeathtobeduetoanoverdoseoftheliquidshecalled"ThePanacea。"Sheaddedthatawillhadbeenfoundwhichsavouredofalunaticasylum，forshehadleftallherwealthtothesonordaughterthatshouldbebornofher，declaringthatshewaswithchild。Iwastobethegovernoroftheinfant；thisvexedmeexceedingly，asIknewIshouldbethelaughing—stockofParisforaweekatleast。Herdaughter，theComtessedeChatelet，hadtakenpossessionofallherrealestateandofherpocket—book，whichcontained，tomysurprise，fourhundredthousandfrancs。Itwasagreatshockforme，butthecontentsofthetwolettersPaulinehadreceivedwasagreaterblow。Onewasfromheraunt，andtheotherfromOeiras，whobeggedhertoreturntoLisbonassoonaspossible，andassuredherthatsheshouldbeputinpossessionofherpropertyonherarrival，andwouldbeatlibertytomarryCountAl————inthesightofalltheworld。Hesentherachequefortwentymillionreis。Iwasnotawareofthesmallvalueofthecoin，andwasinanecstasy；butPaulinelaughed，andsaiditonlycametotwothousandpounds，whichwasasufficientsum，however，toallowhertotravelinthestyleofaduchess。Theministerwantedhertocomebysea，andallshehadtodowastocommunicatewiththePortugueseambassador，whohadorderstogiveherapassageonaPortuguesefrigatewhichhappenedtoberidinginanEnglishport。Paulinewouldnothearofthevoyage，orofapplyingtotheambassador，forshedidnotwantanyonetothinkthatshehadbeenobligedtoreturn。

Shewasangrywiththeministerforhavingsentheracheque，thinkingthathemustbeawarethatshehadbeeninneed，butIsoonbroughthertoseereasononthispoint，tellingherthatitwasaverythoughtfulanddelicateproceedingonthepartofOeiras，andthathehadmerelylent—herthemoney，andnotgivenittoher。

Paulinewasrich，andshewasahigh—mindedwoman。Hergenerositymaybeestimatedbyhergivingmeherringwhenshewasinwant，andshecertainlynevercountedonmypurse，thoughshemayhavefeltsurethatIwouldnotabandonher。Iamsureshebelievedmetobeveryrich，andmyconductwascertainlycalculatedtofavourthatidea。

Thedayandeventhenightpassedsadly。ThenextdayPaulineaddressedmeasfollows:

"Wemustpart，dearfriend，andtrytoforgetoneanother，formyhonourobligesmetobecomethewifeofthecountassoonasIarriveinLisbon。Thefirstfancyofmyheart，whichyouhavealmosteffaced，willregainallitsoldforcewhenIseeyounolonger，andIamsureIshalllovemyhusband，forheisagoodhearted，honest，andpleasantyoungman；thatmuchIknowfromthefewdayswelivedtogether。

"NowIhaveafavourtoaskofyou，whichIamsureyouwillgrant。

PromisemenevertocometoLisbonwithoutmypermission。Ihopeyouwillnotseektoknowmyreasons；youwouldnot，Iamsure，cometotroublemypeace，forifIsinnedIshouldbeunhappy，andyouwouldnotdesirethatforme。Ihavedreamedwehavelivedtogetherasmanandwife，andnowwearepartedIshallfancymyselfawidowabouttoundertakeanothermarriage。"

Iburstintotears，andpressinghertomybreastpromisedIwoulddoasshewished。

PaulinewrotetoherauntandOeirasthatshewouldbeinLisboninOctober，andthattheyshouldhavefurthernewsofherwhenshereachedSpain。Shehadplentyofmoney，andboughtacarriageandengagedamaid，andthesearrangementstookuphertimeduringthelastweekshespentwithme。ImadeherpromisemetoletClairmontaccompanyherasfarasMadrid。ShewastosendmebackmyfaithfulservantwhenshereachedtheSpanishcapital，butfatehaddecreedthatIshouldseehisfacenomore。

Thelastfewdayswerespentpartlyinsorrowandpartlyindelight。

Welookedateachotherwithoutspeaking，andspokewithoutknowingwhatwesaid。Weforgottoeat，andwenttobedhopingthatloveandanguishwouldkeepusawake，butourexhaustedbodiesfellintoaheavysleep，andwhenweawokewecouldonlysighandkissagain。

PaulineallowedmetoescortherasfarasCalais，andwestartedonthe10thofAugust，onlystoppingatDovertoembarkthecarriageonthepacket，andfourhoursafterwardswedisembarkedatCalais，andPauline，consideringherwidowhoodhadbegun，beggedmetosleepinanotherroom。Shestartedonthe12thofAugust，precededbymypoorClairmont，andresolvedonlytotravelbydaytime。

TheanalogybetweenmypartingwithPaulineandmypartingwithHenriettefifteenyearsbefore，wasexceedinglystriking；thetwowomenwereofverysimilarcharacter，andbothwereequallybeautiful，thoughtheirbeautywasofadifferentkind。ThusIfellasmadlyinlovewiththesecondaswiththefirst，bothbeingequallyintelligent。Thefactthatonehadmoretalentandlessprejudicesthantheothermusthavebeenaneffectoftheirdifferenteducations。Paulinehadthefineprideofhernation，hermindwasaseriouscast，andherreligionwasmoreanaffairoftheheartthantheunderstanding。ShewasalsoafarmoreardentmistressthanHenriette。IwassuccessfulwithbothofthembecauseIwasrich；ifIhadbeenapoormanIshouldneverhaveknowneitherofthem。I

havehalfforgottenthem，aseverythingisforgottenintime，butwhenIrecallthemtomymemoryIfindthatHenriettemadetheprofounderimpressiononme，nodoubtbecauseIwastwenty—fivewhenIknewher，whileIwasthirty—seveninLondon。

TheolderIgetthemoreIfeelthedestructiveeffectsofoldage；

andIregretbitterlythatIcouldnotdiscoverthesecretofremainingyoungandhappyforever。Vainregrets！wemustfinishaswebegan，helplessanddevoidofsense。

IwentbacktoEnglandthesameday，andhadatroublesomepassage。

Nevertheless，IdidnotrestatDover；andassoonasIgottoLondonIshutmyselfupwithatrulyEnglishattackofthespleen，whileI

thoughtofPaulineandstrovetoforgether。Jarbeputmetobed，andinthemorning，whenhecameintomyroom，hemademeshudderwithaspeechatwhichIlaughedafterwards。

"Sir，"saidhe，"theoldwomanwantstoknowwhethersheistoputupthenoticeagain。"

"Theoldhag！Doesshewantmetochokeher？"

"Goodheavens—no，sir！Sheisveryfondofyou，seeingyouseemedsosad，shethought……"

"Goandtellhernevertothinksuchthingsagain，andasforyou……"

"Iwilldoasyouwish，sir。"

"Thenleaveme。"

EndTheEnglishByJacquesCasanovaTHEMEMOIRSOFJACQUESCASANOVADESEINGALT

THERAREUNABRIDGEDLONDONEDITIONOF1894TRANSLATEDBYARTHUR

MACHENTOWHICHHASBEENADDEDTHECHAPTERSDISCOVEREDBYARTHUR

SYMONS。

MEMOIRSOFJACQUESCASANOVAdeSEINGALT1725—1798

INLONDONANDMOSCOW，Volume5c——THEENGLISH

THEENGLISH

CHAPTERX

EccentricityoftheEnglish——CastelbajacCountSchwerin——SophieatSchool——MyReceptionattheBettingClub——TheCharpillonIpassedanightwhichseemedlikeanever—endingnightmare，andI

gotupsadandsavage，feelingasifIcouldkillamanonthesmallestprovocation。Itseemedasifthehouse，whichIhadhithertothoughtsobeautiful，waslikeamillstoneaboutmyneck。

Iwentoutinmytravellingclothes，andwalkedintoacoffee—house，whereIsawascoreofpeoplereadingthepapers。

Isatdown，and，notunderstandingEnglish，passedmytimeingazingatthegoersandcomers。IhadbeentheresometimewhenmyattentionwasattractedbythevoiceofamanspeakingasfollowsinFrench:

"Tommyhascommittedsuicide，andhewaswise，forhewasinsuchastatethathecouldonlyexpectunhappinessfortherestofhislife。"

"Youarequitemistaken，"saidtheother，withthegreatestcomposure。"Iwasoneofhiscreditorsmyself，andonmakinganinventoryofhiseffectsIfeelsatisfiedthathehasdoneaveryfoolishandaverychildishthing；hemighthavelivedoncomfortably，andnotkilledhimselfforfullysixmonths。"

Atanyothertimethiscalculationwouldhavemademelaugh，and，asitwas，Ifeltasiftheincidenthaddonemegood。

Ileftthecoffee—housewithouthavingsaidawordorspentapenny，andIwenttowardstheExchangetogetsomemoney。BosanquetgavemewhatIwanteddirectly，andasIwalkedoutwithhimInoticedacurious—lookingindividual，whosenameIasked。

"He’sworthahundredthousand，"saidthebanker。

"Andwhoisthatothermanoverthere？"

"He’snotworthaten—poundnote。"

"ButIdon’twanttohearwhattheyareworth；it’stheirnamesI

want。"

"Ireallydon’tknow。"

"Howcanyoutellhowmuchtheyareworth，notknowingtheirnames？"

"Namesdon’tgoforanythinghere。Whatwewanttoknowaboutamanishowmuchhehasgot？Besides；what’sinaname？Askmeforathousandpoundsandgivemeaproperreceipt，andyoucandoitunderthenameofSocratesorAttila，forallIcare。YouwillpaymebackmymoneyasSocratesorAttila，andnotasSeingalt；thatisall。"

"Buthowaboutsigningbillsofexchange？"

"That’sanotherthing；Imustusethenamewhichthedrawergivesme。"

"Idon’tunderstandthat。"

"Well，yousee，youarenotEnglish，norareyouabusinessman。"

OnleavinghimIwalkedtowardsthepark，butwishingtochangeatwenty—poundnotebeforegoinginIwenttoafatmerchant，anepicurewhoseacquaintanceIhadmadeatthetavern，andputdownthenoteonhiscounter，begginghimtocashitforme。

"Comeagaininanhour，"saidhe，"Ihavenomoneybymejustnow。"

"Verygood；IwillcallagainwhenIcomefromthepark。"

"Takebackyournote；youshallgiveittomewhenIhandyouthemoney。"

"Nevermind；keepit。Idon’tdoubtyourhonesty。"

"Don’tbesofoolish。IfyouleftmethenoteIshouldcertainlydeclinetohandoverthemoney，ifonlyforthesakeofgivingyoualesson。"

"Idon’tbelieveyouarecapableofsuchdishonesty。"

"NoramI，butwhenitcomestosuchasimplethingasputtingabanknoteinyourpocket，themosthonestmanintheworldwouldneverdreamofhavingsuchathinginhispossessionwithouthavingpaidthemoneyforit，andtheleastslipofmemorymightleadtoadisputeinwhichyouwouldinfalliblycomeoffsecondbest。"

"Ifeeltheforceofyourarguments，especiallyinatownwheresomuchbusines