第155章

’Youknow，now，whatIhavedone。’

’Ithinkso。Iamafraidso；thoughmymindissohurried，andsosorry，andhassomuchtopitythatithasnotbeenabletofollowallIhaveread，’saidLittleDorrittremulously。

’IwillrestoretoyouwhatIhavewithheldfromyou。Forgiveme。

Canyouforgiveme？’

’Ican，andHeavenknowsIdo!Donotkissmydressandkneeltome；youaretoooldtokneeltome；Iforgiveyoufreelywithoutthat。’

’Ihavemoreyettoask。’

’Notinthatposture，’saidLittleDorrit。’Itisunnaturaltoseeyourgreyhairlowerthanmine。Prayrise；letmehelpyou。’Withthatsheraisedherup，andstoodrathershrinkingfromher，butlookingatherearnestly。

’ThegreatpetitionthatImaketoyou(thereisanotherwhichgrowsoutofit)，thegreatsupplicationthatIaddresstoyourmercifulandgentleheart，is，thatyouwillnotdisclosethistoArthuruntilIamdead。Ifyouthink，whenyouhavehadtimeforconsideration，thatitcandohimanygoodtoknowitwhileIamyetalive，thentellhim。Butyouwillnotthinkthat；andinsuchcase，willyoupromisemetosparemeuntilIamdead？’

’Iamsosorry，andwhatIhavereadhassoconfusedmythoughts，’

returnedLittleDorrit，’thatIcanscarcelygiveyouasteadyanswer。IfIshouldbequitesurethattobeacquaintedwithitwilldoMrClennamnogood——’

’Iknowyouareattachedtohim，andwillmakehimthefirstconsideration。Itisrightthatheshouldbethefirstconsideration。Iaskthat。But，havingregardedhim，andstillfindingthatyoumaysparemeforthelittletimeIshallremainonearth，willyoudoit？’

’Iwill。’

’GODblessyou!’

ShestoodintheshadowsothatshewasonlyaveiledformtoLittleDorritinthelight；butthesoundofhervoice，insayingthosethreegratefulwords，wasatonceferventandbroken——brokenbyemotionasunfamiliartoherfrozeneyesasactiontoherfrozenlimbs。

’Youwillwonder，perhaps，’shesaidinastrongertone，’thatI

canbetterbeartobeknowntoyouwhomIhavewronged，thantothesonofmyenemywhowrongedme——Forshedidwrongme!ShenotonlysinnedgrievouslyagainsttheLord，butshewrongedme。WhatArthur’sfatherwastome，shemadehim。FromourmarriagedayI

washisdread，andthatshemademe。Iwasthescourgeofboth，andthatisreferabletoher。YouloveArthur(Icanseetheblushuponyourface；mayitbethedawnofhappierdaystobothofyou!)，andyouwillhavethoughtalreadythatheisasmercifulandkindasyou，andwhydoInottrustmyselftohimassoonastoyou。Haveyounotthoughtso？’

’Nothought，’saidLittleDorrit，’canbequiteastrangertomyheart，thatspringsoutoftheknowledgethatMrClennamisalwaystoberelieduponforbeingkindandgenerousandgood。’

’Idonotdoubtit。YetArthuris，ofthewholeworld，theonepersonfromwhomIwouldconcealthis，whileIaminit。Ikeptoverhimasachild，inthedaysofhisfirstremembrance，myrestrainingandcorrectinghand。Iwassternwithhim，knowingthatthetransgressionsoftheparentsarevisitedontheiroffspring，andthattherewasanangrymarkuponhimathisbirth。

Ihavesatwithhimandhisfather，seeingtheweaknessofhisfatheryearningtounbendtohim；andforcingitback，thatthechildmightworkouthisreleaseinbondageandhardship。Ihaveseenhim，withhismother’sface，lookingupatmeinawefromhislittlebooks，andtryingtosoftenmewithhismother’swaysthathardenedme。’

Theshrinkingofherauditressstoppedherforamomentinherflowofwords，deliveredinaretrospectivegloomyvoice。

’Forhisgood。Notforthesatisfactionofmyinjury。WhatwasI，andwhatwastheworthofthat，beforethecurseofHeaven!Ihaveseenthatchildgrowup；nottobepiousinachosenway(hismother’sinfluencelaytooheavyonhimforthat)，butstilltobejustandupright，andtobesubmissivetome。Heneverlovedme，asIoncehalf-hopedhemight——sofrailweare，andsodothecorruptaffectionsofthefleshwarwithourtrustsandtasks；buthealwaysrespectedmeandorderedhimselfdutifullytome。Hedoestothishour。Withanemptyplaceinhisheartthathehasneverknownthemeaningof，hehasturnedawayfrommeandgonehisseparateroad；buteventhathehasdoneconsideratelyandwithdeference。Thesehavebeenhisrelationstowardsme。Yourshavebeenofamuchslighterkind，spreadoveramuchsh