第146章

’Ah!’groanedYoungJohn。’You!’

Hedidwhathecouldtomusterasmile，andreturned，’Yourfancy。

Youarecompletelymistaken。’

’Imistaken，sir!’saidYoungJohn。’_I_completelymistakenonthatsubject!No，MrClennam，don’ttellmeso。Onanyother，ifyoulike，forIdon’tsetuptobeapenetratingcharacter，andamwellawareofmyowndeficiencies。But，_I_mistakenonapointthathascausedmemoresmartinmybreastthanaflightofsavages’arrowscouldhavedone!_I_mistakenonapointthatalmostsentmeintomygrave，asIsometimeswisheditwould，ifthegravecouldonlyhavebeenmadecompatiblewiththetobacco-

businessandfatherandmother’sfeelings!Imistakenonapointthat，evenatthepresentmoment，makesmetakeoutmypocket-

handkercherlikeagreatgirl，aspeoplesay：thoughIamsureI

don’tknowwhyagreatgirlshouldbeatermofreproach，foreveryrightlyconstitutedmalemindloves’emgreatandsmall。Don’ttellmeso，don’ttellmeso!’

Stillhighlyrespectableatbottom，thoughabsurdenoughuponthesurface，YoungJohntookouthispocket-handkerchiefwithagenuineabsencebothofdisplayandconcealment，whichisonlytobeseeninamanwithagreatdealofgoodinhim，whenhetakesouthispocket-handkerchiefforthepurposeofwipinghiseyes。Havingdriedthem，andindulgedintheharmlessluxuryofasobandasniff，heputitupagain。

ThetouchwasstillinitsinfluencesolikeablowthatArthurcouldnotgetmanywordstogethertoclosethesubjectwith。HeassuredJohnChiverywhenhehadreturnedhishandkerchieftohispocket，thathedidallhonourtohisdisinterestednessandtothefidelityofhisremembranceofMissDorrit。Astotheimpressiononhismind，ofwhichhehadjustrelievedit——hereJohninterposed，andsaid，’Noimpression!Certainty!’——astothat，theymightperhapsspeakofitatanothertime，butwouldsaynomorenow。Feelinglow-spiritedandweary，hewouldgobacktohisroom，withjohn’sleave，andcomeoutnomorethatnight。Johnassented，andhecreptbackintheshadowofthewalltohisownlodging。

Thefeelingoftheblowwasstillsostronguponhimthat，whenthedirtyoldwomanwasgonewhomhefoundsittingonthestairsoutsidehisdoor，waitingtomakehisbed，andwhogavehimtounderstandwhiledoingit，thatshehadreceivedherinstructionsfromMrChivery，’nottheold’unbuttheyoung’un，’hesatdowninthefadedarm-chair，pressinghisheadbetweenhishands，asifhehadbeenstunned。LittleDorritlovehim!Morebewilderingtohimthanhismisery，far。

Considertheimprobability。Hehadbeenaccustomedtocallherhischild，andhisdearchild，andtoinviteherconfidencebydwellinguponthedifferenceintheirrespectiveages，andtospeakofhimselfasonewhowasturningold。Yetshemightnothavethoughthimold。Somethingremindedhimthathehadnotthoughthimselfso，untiltheroseshadfloatedawayupontheriver。

Hehadhertwolettersamongotherpapersinhisbox，andhetookthemoutandreadthem。Thereseemedtobeasoundinthemlikethesoundofhersweetvoice。Itfelluponhisearwithmanytonesoftenderness，thatwerenotinsusceptibleofthenewmeaning。Nowitwasthatthequietdesolationofheranswer，’No，No，No，’madetohimthatnightinthatveryroom——thatnightwhenhehadbeenshownthedawnofheralteredfortune，andwhenotherwordshadpassedbetweenthemwhichhehadbeendestinedtorememberinhumiliationandaprisoner，rushedintohismind。

Considertheimprobability。

Butithadapreponderatingtendency，whenconsidered，tobecomefainter。Therewasanotherandacuriousinquiryofhisownheart’sthatconcurrentlybecamestronger。Inthereluctancehehadfelttobelievethatshelovedanyone；inhisdesiretosetthatquestionatrest；inahalf-formedconsciousnesshehadhadthattherewouldbeakindofnoblenessinhishelpingherloveforanyone，wastherenosuppressedsomethingonhisownsidethathehadhushedasitarose？Hadheeverwhisperedtohimselfthathemustnotthinkofsuchathingasherlovinghim，thathemustnottakeadvantageofhergratitude，thathemustkeephisexperienceinremembranceasawarningandreproof；thathemustregardsuchyouthfulhopesashavingpassedaway，ashisfriend’sdeaddaughterhadpassedaway；thathemustbesteadyinsayingtohimselfthatthetimehadgonebyhim，andhewastoosaddenedandold？

Hehadkissedherwhenheraisedherfromthegroundonthedaywhenshehadbeensoconsistentlyandexpressivelyforgotten。

Quiteashemighthavekissedher，ifshehadbeenconscious？Nodifference？

Thedarknessfoundhimoccupiedwiththesethoughts。ThedarknessalsofoundMrandMrsPlornishknockingathisdoor。Theybroughtwiththemabasket，filledwithchoiceselectionsfromt