第83章

Andthere，withhisnoblefriendandrelativeLordDecimus，wasWilliamBarnacle，whohadmadetheever-famouscoalitionwithTudorStiltstalking，andwhoalwayskeptreadyhisownparticularrecipeforHownottodoit；sometimestappingtheSpeaker，anddrawingitfreshoutofhim，witha’First，Iwillbegyou，sir，toinformtheHousewhatPrecedentwehaveforthecourseintowhichthehonourablegentlemanwouldprecipitateus；’sometimesaskingthehonourablegentlemantofavourhimwithhisownversionofthePrecedent；sometimestellingthehonourablegentlemanthathe(WilliamBarnacle)wouldsearchforaPrecedent；andoftentimescrushingthehonourablegentlemanflatonthespotbytellinghimtherewasnoPrecedent。ButPrecedentandPrecipitatewere，underallcircumstances，thewell-matchedpairofbattle-horsesofthisableCircumlocutionist。Nomatterthattheunhappyhonourablegentlemanhadbeentryinginvain，fortwenty-fiveyears，toprecipitateWilliamBarnacleintothis——WilliamBarnaclestillputittotheHouse，and(atsecond-handorso)tothecountry，whetherhewastobeprecipitatedintothis。NomatterthatitwasutterlyirreconcilablewiththenatureofthingsandcourseofeventsthatthewretchedhonourablegentlemancouldpossiblyproduceaPrecedentforthis——WilliamBarnaclewouldneverthelessthankthehonourablegentlemanforthatironicalcheer，andwouldclosewithhimuponthatissue，andwouldtellhimtohisteeththatthereWasNOPrecedentforthis。ItmightperhapshavebeenobjectedthattheWilliamBarnaclewisdomwasnothighwisdomortheearthitbamboozledwouldneverhavebeenmade，or，ifmadeinarashmistake，wouldhaveremainedblankmud。ButPrecedentandPrecipitatetogetherfrightenedallobjectionoutofmostpeople。

Andthere，too，wasanotherBarnacle，alivelyone，whohadleapedthroughtwentyplacesinquicksuccession，andwasalwaysintwoorthreeatonce，andwhowasthemuch-respectedinventorofanartwhichhepractisedwithgreatsuccessandadmirationinallBarnacleGovernments。Thiswas，whenhewasaskedaParliamentaryquestiononanyonetopic，toreturnanansweronanyother。Ithaddoneimmenseservice，andbroughthimintohighesteemwiththeCircumlocutionOffice。

Andthere，too，wasasprinklingoflessdistinguishedParliamentaryBarnacles，whohadnotasyetgotanythingsnug，andweregoingthroughtheirprobationtoprovetheirworthiness。

TheseBarnaclespercheduponstaircasesandhidinpassages，waitingtheirorderstomakehousesornottomakehouses；andtheydidalltheirhearing，andohing，andcheering，andbarking，underdirectionsfromtheheadsofthefamily；andtheyputdummymotionsonthepaperinthewayofothermen’smotions；andtheystalleddisagreeablesubjectsoffuntillateinthenightandlateinthesession，andthenwithvirtuouspatriotismcriedoutthatitwastoolate；andtheywentdownintothecountry，whenevertheyweresent，andsworethatLordDecimushadrevivedtradefromaswoon，andcommercefromafit，andhaddoubledtheharvestofcorn，quadrupledtheharvestofhay，andpreventednoendofgoldfromflyingoutoftheBank。AlsotheseBarnaclesweredealt，bytheheadsofthefamily，likesomanycardsbelowthecourt-cards，topublicmeetingsanddinners；wheretheyboretestimonytoallsortsofservicesonthepartoftheirnobleandhonourablerelatives，andbutteredtheBarnaclesonallsortsoftoasts。Andtheystood，undersimilarorders，atallsortsofelections；andtheyturnedoutoftheirownseats，ontheshortestnoticeandthemostunreasonableterms，toletinothermen；andtheyfetchedandcarried，andtoadiedandjobbed，andcorrupted，andateheapsofdirt，andwereindefatigableinthepublicservice。Andtherewasnotalist，inalltheCircumlocutionOffice，ofplacesthatmightfallvacantanywherewithinhalfacentury，fromalordoftheTreasurytoaChineseconsul，andupagaintoagovernor-generalofIndia，butasapplicantsforsuchplaces，thenamesofsomeorofeveryoneofthesehungryandadhesiveBarnaclesweredown。

ItwasnecessarilybutasprinklingofanyclassofBarnaclesthatattendedthemarriage，fortherewerenottwoscoreinall，andwhatisthatsubtractedfromLegion!ButthesprinklingwasaswarmintheTwickenhamcottage，andfilledit。ABarnacle(assistedbyaBarnacle)marriedthehappypair，anditbehovedLordDecimusTiteBarnaclehimselftoconductMrsMeaglestobreakfast。

Theentertainmentwasnotasagreeableandnaturalasitmighthavebeen。MrMeagles，hovedownbyhisgoodcompanywhilehehighlyappreciatedit，wasnothimself。MrsGowanwasherself，andthatdidnotimprovehim。ThefictionthatitwasnotMrMeagleswhoh