第95章

WhenIgoabouthereinagondola，IsurprisemyselflookingintoothergondolasasifIhopedtoseethem。Itwouldovercomemewithjoytoseethem，butIdon’tthinkitwouldsurprisememuch，atfirst。Inmyfancifultimes，Ifancythattheymightbeanywhere；andIalmostexpecttoseetheirdearfacesonthebridgesorthequays。

AnotherdifficultythatIhavewillseemverystrangetoyou。Itmustseemverystrangetoanyonebutme，anddoeseventome：I

oftenfeeltheoldsadpityfor——Ineednotwritetheword——forhim。Changedasheis，andinexpressiblyblestandthankfulasI

alwaysamtoknowit，theoldsorrowfulfeelingofcompassioncomesuponmesometimeswithsuchstrengththatIwanttoputmyarmsroundhisneck，tellhimhowIlovehim，andcryalittleonhisbreast。Ishouldbegladafterthat，andproudandhappy。ButI

knowthatImustnotdothis；thathewouldnotlikeit，thatFannywouldbeangry，thatMrsGeneralwouldbeamazed；andsoIquietmyself。Yetindoingso，IstrugglewiththefeelingthatIhavecometobeatadistancefromhim；andthateveninthemidstofalltheservantsandattendants，heisdeserted，andinwantofme。

DearMrClennam，Ihavewrittenagreatdealaboutmyself，butI

mustwritealittlemorestill，orwhatIwantedmostofalltosayinthisweakletterwouldbeleftoutofit。Inallthesefoolishthoughtsofmine，whichIhavebeensohardyastoconfesstoyoubecauseIknowyouwillunderstandmeifanybodycan，andwillmakemoreallowanceformethananybodyelsewouldifyoucannot——inallthesethoughts，thereisonethoughtscarcelyever——never——outofmymemory，andthatisthatIhopeyousometimes，inaquietmoment，haveathoughtforme。Imusttellyouthatastothis，I

havefelt，eversinceIhavebeenaway，ananxietywhichIamveryanxioustorelieve。Ihavebeenafraidthatyoumaythinkofmeinanewlight，oranewcharacter。Don’tdothat，Icouldnotbearthat——itwouldmakememoreunhappythanyoucansuppose。ItwouldbreakmyhearttobelievethatyouthoughtofmeinanywaythatwouldmakemestrangertoyouthanIwaswhenyouweresogoodtome。WhatIhavetoprayandentreatofyouis，thatyouwillneverthinkofmeasthedaughterofarichperson；thatyouwillneverthinkofmeasdressinganybetter，orlivinganybetter，thanwhenyoufirstknewme。Thatyouwillremembermeonlyasthelittleshabbygirlyouprotectedwithsomuchtenderness，fromwhosethreadbaredressyouhavekeptawaytherain，andwhosewetfeetyouhavedriedatyourfire。Thatyouwillthinkofme(whenyouthinkofmeatall)，andofmytrueaffectionanddevotedgratitude，alwayswithoutchange，asofyourpoorchild，LITTLEDORRIT。

P。S——ParticularlyrememberthatyouarenottobeuneasyaboutMrsGowan。Herwordswere，’Verywellandveryhappy。’Andshelookedmostbeautiful。

SomethingWrongSomewhereThefamilyhadbeenamonthortwoatVenice，whenMrDorrit，whowasmuchamongCountsandMarquises，andhadbutscantleisure，setanhourofonedayapart，beforehand，forthepurposeofholdingsomeconferencewithMrsGeneral。

Thetimehehadreservedinhismindarriving，hesentMrTinkler，hisvalet，toMrsGeneral’sapartment(whichwouldhaveabsorbedaboutathirdoftheareaoftheMarshalsea)，topresenthiscomplimentstothatlady，andrepresenthimasdesiringthefavourofaninterview。Itbeingthatperiodoftheforenoonwhenthevariousmembersofthefamilyhadcoffeeintheirownchambers，somecoupleofhoursbeforeassemblingatbreakfastinafadedhallwhichhadoncebeensumptuous，butwasnowthepreyofwateryvapoursandasettledmelancholy，MrsGeneralwasaccessibletothevalet。Thatenvoyfoundheronalittlesquareofcarpet，soextremelydiminutiveinreferencetothesizeofherstoneandmarblefloorthatsh