第93章

saysone。”Beoff。”saysanotherfiercely。Three-and-sixpencehasbeenspentinvain——thescreensretiretoMissClapp’sbedroom，whopersistsinthinkingthemlovely。

Shewritesoutalittlecardinherneatesthand，andafterlongthoughtandlabourofcomposition，inwhichthepublicisinformedthat“ALadywhohassometimeatherdisposal，wishestoundertaketheeducationofsomelittlegirls，whomshewouldinstructinEnglish，inFrench，inGeography，inHistory，andinMusic——addressA。O。，atMr。Brown’s“；andsheconfidesthecardtothegentlemanoftheFineArtRepository，whoconsentstoallowittolieuponthecounter，whereitgrowsdingyandfly-blown。Ameliapassesthedoorwistfullymanyatime，inhopesthatMr。Brownwillhavesomenewstogiveher，butheneverbeckonsherin。Whenshegoestomakelittlepurchases，thereisnonewsforher。Poorsimplelady，tenderandweak——howareyoutobattlewiththestrugglingviolentworld？

Shegrowsdailymorecare-wornandsad，fixinguponherchildalarmedeyes，whereofthelittleboycannotinterprettheexpression。Shestartsupofanightandpeepsintohisroomstealthily，toseethatheissleepingandnotstolenaway。Shesleepsbutlittlenow。A

constantthoughtandterrorishauntingher。Howsheweepsandpraysinthelongsilentnights——howshetriestohidefromherselfthethoughtwhichwillreturntoher，thatsheoughttopartwiththeboy，thatsheistheonlybarrierbetweenhimandprosperity。Shecan’t，shecan’t。

Notnow，atleast。Someotherday。Oh！itistoohardtothinkofandtobear。

Athoughtcomesoverherwhichmakesherblushandturnfromherself——herparentsmightkeeptheannuity——thecuratewouldmarryherandgiveahometoherandtheboy。ButGeorge’spictureanddearestmemoryaretheretorebukeher。Shameandlovesaynotothesacrifice。Sheshrinksfromitasfromsomethingunholy，andsuchthoughtsneverfoundaresting-placeinthatpureandgentlebosom。

Thecombat，whichwedescribeinasentenceortwo，lastedformanyweeksinpoorAmelia’sheart，duringwhichshehadnoconfidante；indeed，shecouldneverhaveone，asshewouldnotallowtoherselfthepossibilityofyielding，thoughshewasgivingwaydailybeforetheenemywithwhomshehadtobattle。Onetruthafteranotherwasmarshallingitselfsilentlyagainstherandkeepingitsground。Povertyandmiseryforall，wantanddegradationforherparents，injusticetotheboy——

onebyonetheoutworksofthelittlecitadelweretaken，inwhichthepoorsoulpassionatelyguardedheronlyloveandtreasure。

Atthebeginningofthestruggle，shehadwrittenoffaletteroftendersupplicationtoherbrotheratCalcutta，imploringhimnottowithdrawthesupportwhichhehadgrantedtotheirparentsandpaintingintermsofartlesspathostheirlonelyandhaplesscondition。Shedidnotknowthetruthofthematter。ThepaymentofJos’sannuitywasstillregular，butitwasamoney-lenderintheCitywhowasreceivingit：oldSedleyhadsolditforasumofmoneywherewithtoprosecutehisbootlessschemes。Emmywascalculatingeagerlythetimethatwouldelapsebeforetheletterwouldarriveandbeanswered。Shehadwrittendownthedateinherpocket-

bookofthedaywhenshedispatchedit。Toherson’sguardian，thegoodMajoratMadras，shehadnotcommunicatedanyofhergriefsandperplexities。Shehadnotwrittentohimsinceshewrotetocongratulatehimonhisapproachingmarriage。Shethoughtwithsickeningdespondency，thatthatfriend——theonlyone，theonewhohadfeltsucharegardforher——wasfallenaway。

Oneday，whenthingshadcometoaverybadpass——whenthecreditorswerepressing，themotherinhystericgrief，thefatherinmorethanusualgloom，theinmatesofthefamilyavoidingeachother，eachsecretlyoppressedwithhisprivateunhappinessandnotionofwrong——thefatheranddaughterhappenedtobeleftalonetogether，andAmeliathoughttocomfortherfatherbytellinghimwhatshehaddone。ShehadwrittentoJoseph——ananswermustcomeinthreeorfourmonths。

Hewasalwaysgenerous，thoughcareless。Hecouldnotrefuse，whenheknewhowstraitenedwerethecircumstancesofhisparents。

Thenthepooroldgentlemanrevealedthewholetruthtoher——thathissonwasstill