第17章

ArcadianSimplicityBesidesthesehonestfolksattheHall(whosesimplicityandsweetruralpuritysurelyshowtheadvantageofacountrylifeoveratownone)，wemustintroducethereadertotheirrelativesandneighboursattheRectory，ButeCrawleyandhiswife。

TheReverendButeCrawleywasatall，stately，jolly，shovel-hattedman，farmorepopularinhiscountythantheBaronethisbrother。Atcollegehepulledstroke-oarintheChristchurchboat，andhadthrashedallthebestbruisersofthe“town。”Hecarriedhistasteforboxingandathleticexercisesintoprivatelife；therewasnotafightwithintwentymilesatwhichhewasnotpresent，norarace，noracoursingmatch，noraregatta，noraball，noranelection，noravisitationdinner，norindeedagooddinnerinthewholecounty，buthefoundmeanstoattendit。Youmightseehisbaymareandgig-lampsascoreofmilesawayfromhisRectoryHouse，whenevertherewasanydinner-partyatFuddleston，oratRoxby，oratWapshotHall，oratthegreatlordsofthecounty，withallofwhomhewasintimate。Hehadafinevoice；

sang“Asoutherlywindandacloudysky“；andgavethe“whoop“inchoruswithgeneralapplause。Herodetohoundsinapepper-and-saltfrock，andwasoneofthebestfishermeninthecounty。

Mrs。Crawley，therector’swife，wasasmartlittlebody，whowrotethisworthydivine’ssermons。Beingofadomesticturn，andkeepingthehouseagreatdealwithherdaughters，sheruledabsolutelywithintheRectory，wiselygivingherhusbandfulllibertywithout。Hewaswelcometocomeandgo，anddineabroadasmanydaysashisfancydictated，forMrs。Crawleywasasavingwomanandknewthepriceofportwine。EversinceMrs。ButecarriedofftheyoungRectorofQueen’sCrawley(shewasofagoodfamily，daughterofthelateLieut-ColonelHectorMcTavish，andsheandhermotherplayedforButeandwonhimatHarrowgate)，shehadbeenaprudentandthriftywifetohim。Inspiteofhercare，however，hewasalwaysindebt。Ittookhimatleasttenyearstopayoffhiscollegebillscontractedduringhisfather’slifetime。

Intheyear179-，whenhewasjustclearoftheseincumbrances，hegavetheoddsof100to1(intwenties)

againstKangaroo，whowontheDerby。TheRectorwasobligedtotakeupthemoneyataruinousinterest，andhadbeenstrugglingeversince。Hissisterhelpedhimwithahundrednowandthen，butofcoursehisgreathopewasinherdeath——when“hangit“(ashewouldsay)，“Matildamustleavemehalfhermoney。”

SothattheBaronetandhisbrotherhadeveryreasonwhichtwobrotherspossiblycanhaveforbeingbytheears。SirPitthadhadthebetterofButeininnumerablefamilytransactions。YoungPittnotonlydidnothunt，butsetupameetinghouseunderhisuncle’sverynose。

Rawdon，itwasknown，wastocomeinforthebulkofMissCrawley’sproperty。Thesemoneytransactions——thesespeculationsinlifeanddeath——thesesilentbattlesforreversionaryspoil——makebrothersverylovingtowardseachotherinVanityFair。I，formypart，haveknownafive-poundnotetointerposeandknockupahalfcentury’sattachmentbetweentwobrethren；andcan’tbutadmire，asIthinkwhatafineanddurablethingLoveisamongworldlypeople。

ItcannotbesupposedthatthearrivalofsuchapersonageasRebeccaatQueen’sCrawley，andhergradualestablishmentinthegoodgracesofallpeoplethere，couldbeunremarkedbyMrs。ButeCrawley。Mrs。Bute，whoknewhowmanydaysthesirloinofbeeflastedattheHall；

howmuchlinenwasgotreadyatthegreatwash；howmanypeacheswereonthesouthwall；howmanydosesherladyshiptookwhenshewasill——forsuchpointsaremattersofintenseinteresttocertainpersonsinthecountry——Mrs。Bute，Isay，couldnotpassovertheHallgovernesswithoutmakingeveryinquiryrespectingherhistoryandcharacter。TherewasalwaysthebestunderstandingbetweentheservantsattheRectoryandtheHall。

TherewasalwaysagoodglassofaleinthekitchenoftheformerplacefortheHallpeople，whoseordinarydrinkwasverysmall——and，indeed，theRector’sladyknewexactlyhowmuchmaltwenttoeverybarrelofHallbeer——

tiesofrelationshipexistedbetweentheHallandRectorydomestics，asbetweentheirmasters；andthroughthesechannelseachfamilywasperfectlywellacquaintedwiththedoingsoftheother。That，bytheway，maybesetdownasageneralremark。Whenyouandyourbrotherarefriends，hisdoingsareindifferenttoyou。Whenyouhavequarrelled，allhisoutgoingsandincomingsyouknow，asifyouwerehisspy。

Verysoonthenafterherarrival，RebeccabegantotakearegularplaceinMrs。Crawley’sbulletinfromtheHall。

Itwastothiseffect：“Theblackporker’skilled——weighedxstone——saltedthesides——pig’spuddingandlegofporkfordinner。Mr。CrampfromMudbury，overwithSirPittaboutputtingJohnBlackmoreingaol——Mr。Pittatmeeting(withallthenamesofthepeoplewhoattended)——

myladyasusual——theyoungladieswiththegoverness。”

Thenthereportwouldcome——thenewgovernessbeararemanager——SirPittbeverysweetonher——Mr。

Crawleytoo——Hebereadingtractstoher——“Whatanabandonedwretch！”saidlittle，eager，active，black-facedMrs。

ButeCrawley。

Finally，thereportswerethatthegovernesshad“comeround“everybody，wroteSirPitt’sletters，didhisbusiness，managedhisaccounts——hadtheupperhandofthewholehouse，mylady，Mr。Crawley，thegirlsandall——atwhichMrs。Crawleydeclaredshewasanartfulhussy，andhadsomedreadfuldesignsinview。ThusthedoingsattheHallwerethegreatfoodforconversationattheRectory，andMrs。Bute’sbrighteyesspiedouteverythingthattookplaceintheenemy’scamp——everythingandagreatdealbesides。

Mrs。ButeCrawleytoMissPinkerton，TheMall，Chiswick。

Rectory，Queen’sCrawley，December。

MyDearMadam，——AlthoughitissomanyyearssinceIprofitedbyyourdelightfulandinvaluableinstructions，yetIhaveeverretainedtheFONDESTandmostreverentialregardforMissPinkerton，andDEARChiswick。IhopeyourhealthisGOOD。TheworldandthecauseofeducationcannotaffordtoloseMissPinkertonforMANYMANY

YEARS。Whenmyfriend，LadyFuddleston，mentionedthatherdeargirlsrequiredaninstructress(Iamtoopoortoengageagovernessformine，butwasInoteducatedatChiswick？)——“Who。”Iexclaimed，“canweconsultbuttheexcellent，theincomparableMissPinkerton？”Inaword，haveyou，dearmadam，anyladiesonyourlist，whoseservicesmightbemadeavailabletomykindfriendandneighbour？IassureyoushewilltakenogovernessBUTOFYOURCHOOSING。

MydearhusbandispleasedtosaythathelikesEVERYTHINGWHICHCOMESFROMMISSPINKERTON’S

SCHOOL。HowIwishIcouldpresenthimandmybelovedgirlstothefriendofmyyouth，andtheADMIREDofthegreatlexicographerofourcountry！IfyouevertravelintoHampshire，Mr。Crawleybegsmetosay，hehopesyouwilladornourRURALRECTORYwithyourpresence。’TisthehumblebuthappyhomeofYouraffectionateMarthaCrawleyP。S。Mr。Crawley’sbrother，thebaronet，withwhomwearenot，alas！uponthosetermsofUNITYinwhichitBECOMESBRETHRENTODWELL，hasagovernessforhislittlegirls，who，Iamtold，hadthegoodfortunetobeeducatedatChiswick。Ihearvariousreportsofher；

andasIhavethetenderestinterestinmydearestlittlenieces，whomIwish，inspiteoffamilydifferences，toseeamongmyownchildren——andasIlongtobeattentivetoANYPUPILOFYOURS——do，mydearMissPinkerton，tellmethehistoryofthisyounglady，whom，forYOURSAKE，Iammostanxioustobefriend——M。C。

MissPinkertontoMrs。ButeCrawley。

JohnsonHouse，Chiswick，Dec。18。

DearMadam，——Ihavethehonourtoacknowledgeyourpolitecommunication，towhichIpromptlyreply。

’Tismostgratifyingtooneinmymostarduouspositiontofindthatmymaternalcareshaveelicitedaresponsiveaffection；andtorecognizeintheamiableMrs。ButeCrawleymyexcellentpupilofformeryears，thesprightlyandaccomplishedMissMarthaMacTavish。Iamhappytohaveundermychargenowthedaughtersofmanyofthosewhowereyourcontemporariesatmyestablishment——whatpleasureitwouldgivemeifyourownbelovedyoungladieshadneedofmyinstructivesuperintendence！

PresentingmyrespectfulcomplimentstoLadyFuddleston，Ihavethehonour(epistolarily)tointroducetoherladyshipmytwofriends，MissTuffinandMissHawky。

EitheroftheseyoungladiesisPERFECTLYQUALIFIEDtoinstructinGreek，Latin，andtherudimentsofHebrew；

inmathematicsandhistory；inSpanish，French，Italian，andgeography；inmusic，vocalandinstrumental；indancing，withouttheaidofamaster；andintheelementsofnaturalsciences。Intheuseoftheglobesbothareproficients。InadditiontotheseMissTuffin，whoisdaughterofthelateReverendThomasTuffin(FellowofCorpusCollege，Cambridge)，caninstructintheSyriaclanguage，andtheelementsofConstitutionallaw。

Butassheisonlyeighteenyearsofage，andofexceedinglypleasingpersonalappearance，perhapsthisyoungladymaybeobjectionableinSirHuddlestonFuddleston’sfamily。

MissLetitiaHawky，ontheotherhand，isnotpersonallywell-favoured。Sheis-twenty-nine；herfaceismuchpittedwiththesmall-pox。Shehasahaltinhergait，redhair，andatriflingobliquityofvision。BothladiesareendowedwithEVERYMORALANDRELIGIOUS

VIRTUE。Theirterms，ofcourse，aresuchastheiraccomplishmentsmerit。WithmymostgratefulrespectstotheReverendButeCrawley，Ihavethehonourtobe，DearMadam，Yourmostfaithfulandobedientservant，BarbaraPinkerton。

P。S。TheMissSharp，whomyoumentionasgovernesstoSirPittCrawley，Bart。，M。P。，wasapupilofmine，andIhavenothingtosayinherdisfavour。

Thoughherappearanceisdisagreeable，wecannotcontroltheoperationsofnature：andthoughherparentsweredisreputable(herfatherbeingapainter，severaltimesbankrupt，andhermother，asIhavesincelearned，withhorror，adancerattheOpera)；yethertalentsareconsiderable，andIcannotregretthatIreceivedherOUTOFCHARITY。Mydreadis，lesttheprinciplesofthemother——whowasrepresentedtomeasaFrenchCountess，forcedtoemigrateinthelaterevolutionaryhorrors；

butwho，asIhavesincefound，wasapersonoftheverylowestorderandmorals——shouldatanytimeprovetobeHEREDITARYintheunhappyyoungwomanwhomI

tookasANOUTCAST。Butherprincipleshavehithertobeencorrect(Ibelieve)，andIamsurenothingwilloccurtoinjurethemintheelegantandrefinedcircleoftheeminentSirPittCrawley。

MissRebeccaSharptoMissAmeliaSedley。

IhavenotwrittentomybelovedAmeliaforthesemanyweekspast，forwhatnewswastheretotellofthesayingsanddoingsatHumdrumHall，asIhavechristenedit；andwhatdoyoucarewhethertheturnipcropisgoodorbad；whetherthefatpigweighedthirteenstoneorfourteen；andwhetherthebeaststhrivewelluponmangelwurzel？EverydaysinceIlastwrotehasbeenlikeitsneighbour。Beforebreakfast，awalkwithSirPittandhisspud；afterbreakfaststudies(suchastheyare)intheschoolroom；afterschoolroom，readingandwritingaboutlawyers，leases，coal-mines，canals，withSirPitt(whosesecretaryIambecome)；afterdinner，Mr。Crawley’sdiscoursesonthebaronet’sbackgammon；duringbothofwhichamusementsmyladylooksonwithequalplacidity。Shehasbecomerathermoreinterestingbybeingailingoflate，whichhasbroughtanewvisitortotheHall，inthepersonofayoungdoctor。Well，mydear，youngwomenneedneverdespair。Theyoungdoctorgaveacertainfriendofyourstounderstandthat，ifshechosetobeMrs。Glauber，shewaswelcometoornamentthesurgery！Itoldhisimpudencethatthegiltpestleandmortarwasquiteornamentenough；asifIwasborn，indeed，tobeacountrysurgeon’swife！Mr。Glauberwenthomeseriouslyindisposedathisrebuff，tookacoolingdraught，andisnowquitecured。SirPittapplaudedmyresolutionhighly；

hewouldbesorrytolosehislittlesecretary，Ithink；

andIbelievetheoldwretchlikesmeasmuchasitisinhisnaturetolikeanyone。Marry，indeed！andwithacountryapothecary，after——No，no，onecannotsosoonforgetoldassociations，aboutwhichIwilltalknomore。LetusreturntoHumdrumHall。