第19章

Whenthepartieswereover，andthecarriageshadrolledaway，theinsatiableMissCrawleywouldsay。”Cometomydressingroom，Becky，andletusabusethecompany“——which，betweenthem，thispairoffriendsdidperfectly。OldSirHuddlestonwheezedagreatdealatdinner；SirGilesWapshothadaparticularlynoisymannerofimbibinghissoup，andherladyshipawinkofthelefteye；allofwhichBeckycaricaturedtoadmiration；aswellastheparticularsofthenight’sconversation；thepolitics；

thewar；thequarter-sessions；thefamousrunwiththeH。H。，andthoseheavyanddrearythemes，aboutwhichcountrygentlemenconverse。AsfortheMissesWapshot’stoilettesandLadyFuddleston’sfamousyellowhat，MissSharptorethemtotatters，totheinfiniteamusementofheraudience。

“Mydear，youareaperfecttrouvaille。”MissCrawleywouldsay。”IwishyoucouldcometomeinLondon，butIcouldn’tmakeabuttofyouasIdoofpoorBriggsno，no，youlittleslycreature；youaretooclever——Isn’tshe，Firkin？”

Mrs。Firkin(whowasdressingtheverysmallremnantofhairwhichremainedonMissCrawley’spate)，flungupherheadandsaid，“IthinkMissisveryclever。”

withthemostkillingsarcasticair。Infact，Mrs。Firkinhadthatnaturaljealousywhichisoneofthemainprinciplesofeveryhonestwoman。

AfterrebuffingSirHuddlestonFuddleston，MissCrawleyorderedthatRawdonCrawleyshouldleadherintodinnereveryday，andthatBeckyshouldfollowwithhercushion——orelseshewouldhaveBecky’sarmandRawdonwiththepillow。”Wemustsittogether。”shesaid。

“We’retheonlythreeChristiansinthecounty，mylove“——

inwhichcase，itmustbeconfessed，thatreligionwasataverylowebbinthecountyofHants。

Besidesbeingsuchafinereligionist，MissCrawleywas，aswehavesaid，anUltra-liberalinopinions，andalwaystookoccasiontoexpresstheseinthemostcandidmanner。

“Whatisbirth，mydear！”shewouldsaytoRebecca——

“LookatmybrotherPitt；lookattheHuddlestons，whohavebeenheresinceHenryII；lookatpoorButeattheparsonage——isanyoneofthemequaltoyouinintelligenceorbreeding？Equaltoyou——theyarenotevenequaltopoordearBriggs，mycompanion，orBowls，mybutler。

You，mylove，arealittleparagon——positivelyalittlejewel——Youhavemorebrainsthanhalftheshire——ifmerithaditsrewardyououghttobeaDuchess——no，thereoughttobenoduchessesatall——butyououghttohavenosuperior，andIconsideryou，mylove，asmyequalineveryrespect；and——willyouputsomecoalsonthefire，mydear；andwillyoupickthisdressofmine，andalterit，youwhocandoitsowell？”Sothisoldphilanthropistusedtomakeherequalrunofhererrands，executehermillinery，andreadhertosleepwithFrenchnovels，everynight。

Atthistime，assomeoldreadersmayrecollect，thegenteelworldhadbeenthrownintoaconsiderablestateofexcitementbytwoevents，which，asthepaperssay，mightgiveemploymenttothegentlemenofthelongrobe。

EnsignShaftonhadrunawaywithLadyBarbaraFitzurse，theEarlofBruin’sdaughterandheiress；andpoorVereVane，agentlemanwho，uptoforty，hadmaintainedamostrespectablecharacterandrearedanumerousfamily，suddenlyandoutrageouslylefthishome，forthesakeofMrs。Rougemont，theactress，whowassixty-fiveyearsofage。

“ThatwasthemostbeautifulpartofdearLordNelson’scharacter。”MissCrawleysaid。”Hewenttothedeuceforawoman。Theremustbegoodinamanwhowilldothat。Iadoreallimpudentmatches——WhatIlikebest，isforanoblemantomarryamiller’sdaughter，asLordFlowerdaledid——itmakesallthewomensoangry——Iwishsomegreatmanwouldrunawaywithyou，mydear；I’msureyou’reprettyenough。”

“Twopost-boys！——Oh，itwouldbedelightful！”Rebeccaowned。

“AndwhatIlikenextbest，isforapoorfellowtorunawaywitharichgirl。IhavesetmyheartonRawdonrunningawaywithsomeone。”

“Arichsomeone，orapoorsomeone？”

“Why，yougoose！RawdonhasnotashillingbutwhatI

givehim。Heiscriblededettes——hemustrepairhisfortunes，andsucceedintheworld。”

“Isheveryclever？”Rebeccaasked。

“Clever，mylove？——notanideaintheworldbeyondhishorses，andhisregiment，andhishunting，andhisplay；

buthemustsucceed——he’ssodelightfullywicked。Don’tyouknowhehashitaman，andshotaninjuredfatherthroughthehatonly？He’sadoredinhisregiment；andalltheyoungmenatWattier’sandtheCocoa-Treeswearbyhim。”

WhenMissRebeccaSharpwrotetoherbelovedfriendtheaccountofthelittleballatQueen’sCrawley，andthemannerinwhich，forthefirsttime，CaptainCrawleyhaddistinguishedher，shedidnot，strangetorelate，giveanaltogetheraccurateaccountofthetransaction。TheCaptainhaddistinguishedheragreatnumberoftimesbefore。TheCaptainhadmetherinahalf-scoreofwalks。TheCaptainhadlighteduponherinahalf-hundredofcorridorsandpassages。TheCaptainhadhungoverherpianotwentytimesofanevening(myLadywasnowupstairs，beingill，andnobodyheededher)asMissSharpsang。TheCaptainhadwrittenhernotes(thebestthatthegreatblunderingdragooncoulddeviseandspell；butdulnessgetsonaswellasanyotherqualitywithwomen)。Butwhenheputthefirstofthenotesintotheleavesofthesongshewassinging，thelittlegoverness，risingandlookinghimsteadilyintheface，tookupthetriangularmissivedaintily，andwaveditaboutasifitwereacockedhat，andshe，advancingtotheenemy，poppedthenoteintothefire，andmadehimaverylowcurtsey，andwentbacktoherplace，andbegantosingawayagainmoremerrilythanever。

“What’sthat？”saidMissCrawley，interruptedinherafter-dinnerdozebythestoppageofthemusic。

“It’safalsenote。”MissSharpsaidwithalaugh；andRawdonCrawleyfumedwithrageandmortification。

SeeingtheevidentpartialityofMissCrawleyforthenewgoverness，howgooditwasofMrs。ButeCrawleynottobejealous，andtowelcometheyoungladytotheRectory，andnotonlyher，butRawdonCrawley，herhusband’srivalintheOldMaid’sfivepercents！Theybecameveryfondofeachother’ssociety，Mrs。Crawleyandhernephew。Hegaveuphunting；hedeclinedentertainmentsatFuddleston：hewouldnotdinewiththemessofthedepotatMudbury：hisgreatpleasurewastostrollovertoCrawleyparsonage——whitherMissCrawleycametoo；andastheirmammawasill，whynotthechildrenwithMissSharp？Sothechildren(littledears！)camewithMissSharp；andofaneveningsomeofthepartywouldwalkbacktogether。NotMissCrawley——shepreferredhercarriage——butthewalkovertheRectoryfields，andinatthelittleparkwicket，andthroughthedarkplantation，andupthecheckeredavenuetoQueen’sCrawley，wascharminginthemoonlighttotwosuchloversofthepicturesqueastheCaptainandMissRebecca。

“Othosestars，thosestars！”MissRebeccawouldsay，turninghertwinklinggreeneyesuptowardsthem。”I

feelmyselfalmostaspiritwhenIgazeuponthem。”

“O——ah——Gad——yes，sodoIexactly，MissSharp。”theotherenthusiastreplied。”Youdon’tmindmycigar，doyou，MissSharp？”MissSharplovedthesmellofacigaroutofdoorsbeyondeverythingintheworld——andshejusttastedonetoo，intheprettiestwaypossible，andgavealittlepuff，andalittlescream，andalittlegiggle，andrestoredthedelicacytotheCaptain，whotwirledhismoustache，andstraightwaypuffeditintoablazethatglowedquiteredinthedarkplantation，andswore——“Jove——aw——Gad——aw——it’sthefinestsegawIeversmokedintheworldaw。”forhisintellectandconversationwerealikebrilliantandbecomingtoaheavyyoungdragoon。

OldSirPitt，whowastakinghispipeandbeer，andtalkingtoJohnHorrocksabouta“ship“thatwastobekilled，espiedthepairsooccupiedfromhisstudy-window，andwithdreadfuloathssworethatifitwasn’tforMissCrawley，he’dtakeRawdonandbundleunoutofdoors，likearogueashewas。

“Hebeabad’n，sureenough。”Mr。Horrocksremarked；

“andhismanFlethersiswuss，andhavemadesucharowinthehousekeeper’sroomaboutthedinnersandhale，asnolordwouldmake——butIthinkMissSharp’samatchfor’n，SirPitt。”headded，afterapause。

Andso，intruth，shewas——forfatherandsontoo。

QuiteaSentimentalChapterWemustnowtakeleaveofArcadia，andthoseamiablepeoplepractisingtheruralvirtuesthere，andtravelbacktoLondon，toinquirewhathasbecomeofMissAmelia“Wedon’tcareafigforher。”writessomeunknowncorrespondentwithaprettylittlehandwritingandapinksealtohernote。”Sheisfadeandinsipid。”andaddssomemorekindremarksinthisstrain，whichIshouldneverhaverepeatedatall，butthattheyareintruthprodigiouslycomplimentarytotheyoungladywhomtheyconcern。

Hasthebelovedreader，inhisexperienceofsociety，neverheardsimilarremarksbygood-naturedfemalefriends；whoalwayswonderwhatyouCANseeinMissSmiththatissofascinating；orwhatCOULDinduceMajorJonestoproposeforthatsillyinsignificantsimperingMissThompson，whohasnothingbutherwax-dollfacetorecommendher？Whatisthereinapairofpinkcheeksandblueeyesforsooth？thesedearMoralistsask，andhintwiselythatthegiftsofgenius，theaccomplishmentsofthemind，themasteryofMangnall’sQuestions，andaladylikeknowledgeofbotanyandgeology，theknackofmakingpoetry，thepowerofrattlingsonatasintheHerz-manner，andsoforth，arefarmorevaluableendowmentsforafemale，thanthosefugitivecharmswhichafewyearswillinevitablytarnish。Itisquiteedifyingtohearwomenspeculateupontheworthlessnessandthedurationofbeauty。

Butthoughvirtueisamuchfinerthing，andthosehaplesscreatureswhosufferunderthemisfortuneofgoodlooksoughttobecontinuallyputinmindofthefatewhichawaitsthem；andthough，verylikely，theheroicfemalecharacterwhichladiesadmireisamoregloriousandbeautifulobjectthanthekind，fresh，smiling，artless，tenderlittledomesticgoddess，whommenareinclinedtoworship——yetthelatterandinferiorsortofwomenmusthavethisconsolation——thatthemendoadmirethemafterall；andthat，inspiteofallourkindfriends’warningsandprotests，wegooninourdesperateerrorandfolly，andshalltotheendofthechapter。Indeed，formyownpart，thoughIhavebeenrepeatedlytoldbypersonsforwhomIhavethegreatestrespect，thatMissBrownisaninsignificantchit，andMrs。Whitehasnothingbutherpetitminoischiffonne，andMrs。Blackhasnotawordtosayforherself；yetIknowthatIhavehadthemostdelightfulconversationswithMrs。Black(ofcourse，mydearMadam，theyareinviolable)：IseeallthemeninaclusterroundMrs。White’schair：alltheyoungfellowsbattlingtodancewithMissBrown；andsoIamtemptedtothinkthattobedespisedbyhersexisaverygreatcomplimenttoawoman。

TheyoungladiesinAmelia’ssocietydidthisforherverysatisfactorily。Forinstance，therewasscarcelyanypointuponwhichtheMissesOsborne，George’ssisters，andtheMesdemoisellesDobbinagreedsowellasintheirestimateofherverytriflingmerits：andtheirwonderthattheirbrotherscouldfindanycharmsinher。”Wearekindtoher。”theMissesOsbornesaid，apairoffineblack-

browedyoungladieswhohadhadthebestofgovernesses，masters，andmilliners；andtheytreatedherwithsuchextremekindnessandcondescension，andpatronisedhersoinsufferably，thatthepoorlittlethingwasinfactperfectlydumbintheirpresence，andtoalloutwardappearanceasstupidastheythoughther。Shemadeeffortstolikethem，asindutybound，andassistersofherfuturehusband。Shepassed“longmornings“withthem——themostdrearyandseriousofforenoons。Shedroveoutsolemnlyintheirgreatfamilycoachwiththem，andMissWirttheirgoverness，thatraw-bonedVestal。Theytookhertotheancientconcertsbywayofatreat，andtotheoratorio，andtoSt。Paul’stoseethecharitychildren，whereinsuchterrorwassheofherfriends，shealmostdidnotdarebeaffectedbythehymnthechildrensang。Theirhousewascomfortable；theirpapa’stablerichandhandsome；theirsocietysolemnandgenteel；

theirself-respectprodigious；theyhadthebestpewattheFoundling：alltheirhabitswerepompousandorderly，andalltheiramusementsintolerablydullanddecorous。

Aftereveryoneofhervisits(andohhowgladshewaswhentheywereover！)MissOsborneandMissMariaOsborne，andMissWirt，thevestalgoverness，askedeachotherwithincreasedwonder，“WhatcouldGeorgefindinthatcreature？”

Howisthis？somecarpingreaderexclaims。HowisitthatAmelia，whohadsuchanumberoffriendsatschool，andwassobelovedthere，comesoutintotheworldandisspurnedbyherdiscriminatingsex？Mydearsir，therewerenomenatMissPinkerton’sestablishmentexcepttheolddancing-master；andyouwouldnothavehadthegirlsfalloutaboutHIM？WhenGeorge，theirhandsomebrother，ranoffdirectlyafterbreakfast，anddinedfromhomehalf-a-dozentimesaweek，nowondertheneglectedsistersfeltalittlevexation。WhenyoungBullock(ofthefirmofHulker，Bullock&Co。，Bankers，LombardStreet)，whohadbeenmakinguptoMissMariathelasttwoseasons，actuallyaskedAmeliatodancethecotillon，couldyouexpectthattheformeryoungladyshouldbepleased？Andyetshesaidshewas，likeanartlessforgivingcreature。”I’msodelightedyoulikedearAmelia。”shesaidquiteeagerlytoMr。Bullockafterthedance。”She’sengagedtomybrotherGeorge；there’snotmuchinher，butshe’sthebest-naturedandmostunaffectedyoungcreature：athomewe’reallsofondofher。”

Deargirl！whocancalculatethedepthofaffectionexpressedinthatenthusiasticSO？

MissWirtandthesetwoaffectionateyoungwomensoearnestlyandfrequentlyimpresseduponGeorgeOsborne’smindtheenormityofthesacrificehewasmaking，andhisromanticgenerosityinthrowinghimselfawayuponAmelia，thatI’mnotsurebutthathereallythoughthewasoneofthemostdeservingcharactersintheBritisharmy，andgavehimselfuptobelovedwithagooddealofeasyresignation。

Somehow，althoughhelefthomeeverymorning，aswasstated，anddinedabroadsixdaysintheweek，whenhissistersbelievedtheinfatuatedyouthtobeatMissSedley’sapron-strings：hewasNOTalwayswithAmelia，whilsttheworldsupposedhimatherfeet。Certainitisthatonmoreoccasionsthanone，whenCaptainDobbincalledtolookforhisfriend，MissOsborne(whowasveryattentivetotheCaptain，andanxioustohearhismilitarystories，andtoknowaboutthehealthofhisdearMamma)，wouldlaughinglypointtotheoppositesideofthesquare，andsay，“Oh，youmustgototheSedleys’toaskforGeorge；

WEneverseehimfrommorningtillnight。”AtwhichkindofspeechtheCaptainwouldlaughinratheranabsurdconstrainedmanner，andturnofftheconversation，likeaconsummatemanoftheworld，tosometopicofgeneralinterest，suchastheOpera，thePrince’slastballatCarltonHouse，ortheweather——thatblessingtosociety。

“Whataninnocentitis，thatpetofyours。”MissMariawouldthensaytoMissJane，upontheCaptain’sdeparture。”DidyouseehowheblushedatthementionofpoorGeorgeonduty？”