第60章

`Youcrush，almostinsultme，Jude！Goawayfromme！’Sheturnedoffquickly。

`Iwill。Iwouldnevercometoseeyouagain，evenifIhadthestrengthtocome，whichIshallnothaveanymore。Sue，Sue，youarenotworthaman’slove！’

Herbosombegantogoupanddown。`Ican’tendureyoutosaythat！’sheburstout，andhereyerestingonhimamoment，sheturnedbackimpulsively。`Don’t，don’tscornme！Kissme，ohkissmelotsoftimes，andsayIamnotacowardandacontemptiblehumbug-Ican’tbearit！’

Sherusheduptohimand，withhermouthonhis，continued：`Imusttellyou-ohImust-mydarlingLove！Ithasbeen-onlyachurchmarriage-anapparentmarriageImean！Hesuggesteditattheveryfirst！’

`How？’

`Imeanitisanominalmarriageonly。Ithasn’tbeenmorethanthatatallsinceIcamebacktohim！’

`Sue！’hesaid。Pressinghertohiminhisarmshebruisedherlipswithkisses：`Ifmiserycanknowhappiness，Ihaveamoment’shappinessnow！Now，inthenameofallyouholdholy，tellmethetruth，andnolie。

Youdolovemestill？’

`Ido！Youknowittoowell！……ButImustn’tdothis！Imustn’tkissyoubackasIwould！’

`Butdo！’

`Andyetyouaresodear！-andyoulooksoill——’

`Andsodoyou！There’sonemore，inmemoryofourdeadlittlechildren-yoursandmine！’

Thewordsstruckherlikeablow，andshebentherhead。`Imustn’t-Ican’tgoonwiththis！’shegaspedpresently。`Butthere，there，darling；

Igiveyoubackyourkisses；Ido，Ido！……AndnowI’llhatemyselfforeverformysin！’

`No-letmemakemylastappeal。Listentothis！We’vebothremarriedoutofoursenses。Iwasmadedrunktodoit。Youwerethesame。Iwasgin-drunk；youwerecreed-drunk。Eitherformofintoxicationtakesawaythenoblervision……Letusthenshakeoffourmistakes，andrunawaytogether！’

`No；againno！……Whydoyoutemptmesofar，Jude！Itistoomerciless！……ButI’vegotovermyselfnow。Don’tfollowme-don’tlookatme。Leaveme，forpity’ssake！’

Sheranupthechurchtotheeastend，andJudedidassherequested。

Hedidnotturnhishead，buttookuphisblanket，whichshehadnotseen，andwentstraightout。Ashepassedtheendofthechurchsheheardhiscoughsminglingwiththerainonthewindows，andinalastinstinctofhumanaffection，evennowunsubduedbyherfetters，shesprangupasiftogoandsuccourhim。Butshekneltdownagain，andstoppedherearswithherhandstillallpossiblesoundofhimhadpassedaway。

Hewasbythistimeatthecornerofthegreen，fromwhichthepathranacrossthefieldsinwhichhehadscaredrooksasaboy。Heturnedandlookedback，once，atthebuildingwhichstillcontainedSue；andthenwenton，knowingthathiseyeswouldlightonthatscenenomore。

TherearecoldspotsupanddownWessexinautumnandwinterweather；

butthecoldestofallwhenanorthoreastwindisblowingisthecrestofthedownbytheBrownHouse，wheretheroadtoAlfredstoncrossestheoldRidgeway。Herethefirstwintersleetsandsnowsfallandlie，andherethespringfrostlingerslastunthawed。Hereintheteethofthenorth-eastwindandrainJudenowpursuedhisway，wetthrough，thenecessaryslownessofhiswalkfromlackofhisformerstrengthbeinginsufficenttomaintainhisheat。Hecametothemilestone，and，rainingasitwas，spreadhisblanketandlaydowntheretorest。Beforemovingonhewentandfeltatthebackofthestoneforhisowncarving。Itwasstillthere；butnearlyobliteratedbymoss。HepassedthespotwherethegibbetofhisancestorandSue’shadstood，anddescendedthehill。

ItwasdarkwhenhereachedAlfredston，wherehehadacupoftea，thedeadlychillthatbegantocreepintohisbonesbeingtoomuchforhimtoendurefasting。Togethomehehadtotravelbyasteamtram-car，andtwobranchesofrailway，withmuchwaitingataju