第33章

`Ihavebeentooweak，Ithink！’shejerkedoutassheprancedon，shakingdowntear-dropsnowandthen。`Itwasburning，likealover’s-oh，itwas！AndIwon’twritetohimanymore，oratleastforalongtime，toimpresshimwithmydignity！AndIhopeitwillhurthimverymuch-expectingaletterto-morrowmorning，andthenext，andthenext，andnolettercoming。He’llsufferthenwithsuspense-won’the，that’sall！-andIamverygladofit！’-TearsofpityforJude’sapproachingsufferingsatherhandsmingledwiththosewhichhadsurgedupinpityforherself。

Thentheslimlittlewifeorahusbandwhosepersonwasdisagreeabletoher，theethereal，fine-nerved，sensitivegirl，quiteunfittedbytemperamentandinstincttofulfiltheconditionsofthematrimonialrelationwithPhillotson，possiblywithscarceanyman，walkedfitfullyalong，andpanted，andbroughtwearinessintohereyesbygazingandworryinghopelessly。

Phillotsonmetheratthearrivalstation，and，seeingthatshewastroubled，thoughtitmustbeowingtothedepressingeffectofheraunt’sdeathandfuneral。Hebegantellingherofhisday’sdoings，andhowhisfriendGillingham，aneighbouringschoolmasterwhomhehadnotseenforyears，hadcalleduponhim。Whileascendingtothetown，seatedonthetopoftheomnibusbesidehim，shesaidsuddenlyandwithanairofself-chastisement，regardingthewhiteroadanditsborderingbushesofhazel：

`Richard-IletMr。Fawleyholdmyhandalongwhile。Idon’tknowwhetheryouthinkitwrong？’

He，wakingapparentlyfromthoughtsoffardifferentmould，saidvaguely，`Oh，didyou？Whatdidyoudothatfor？’

`Idon’tknow。Hewantedto，andIlethim。’

`Ihopeitpleasedhim。Ishouldthinkitwashardlyanovelty。’

Theylapsedintosilence。Hadthisbeenacaseinthecourtofanomniscientjudge，hemighthaveenteredonhisnotesthecuriousfactthatSuehadplacedtheminorforthemajorindiscretion，andhadnotsaidawordaboutthekiss。

AfterteathateveningPhillotsonsatbalancingtheschoolregisters。

Sheremainedinanunusuallysilent，tense，andrestlesscondition，andatlast，sayingshewastired，wenttobedearly。WhenPhillotsonarrivedupstairs，wearywiththedrudgeryoftheattendance-numbers，itwasaquartertotwelveo’clock。Enteringtheirchamber，whichbydaycommandedaviewofsomethirtyorfortymilesovertheValeofBlackmoor，andevenintoOuterWessex，hewenttothewindow，and，pressinghisfaceagainstthepane，gazedwithhard-breathingfixityintothemysteriousdarknesswhichnowcoveredthefar-reachingscene。Hewasmusing，`Ithink，’hesaidatlast，withoutturninghishead，`thatImustgetthecommitteetochangetheschool-stationer。Allthecopybooksaresentwrongthistime。’

Therewasnoreply。ThinkingSuewasdozinghewenton：

`Andtheremustbearearrangementofthatventilatorintheclass-room。

Thewindblowsdownuponmyheadunmercifullyandgivesmetheear-ache。’

Asthesilenceseemedmoreabsolutethanordinarilyheturnedround。Theheavy，gloomyoakwainscot，whichextendedoverthewallsupstairsanddowninthedilapidated`Old-GrovePlace，’andthemassivechimney-piecereachingtotheceiling，stoodinoddcontrasttothenewandshiningbrassbedstead，andthenewsuiteofbirchfurniturethathehadboughtforher，thetwostylesseemingtonodtoeachotheracrossthreecenturiesupontheshakingfloor。

`Soo！’hesaid(thisbeingthewayinwhichhepronouncedhername)。

Shewasnotinthebed，thoughshehadapparentlybeenthere-

theclothesonhersidebeingflungback。Thinkingshemighthaveforgottensomekitchendetailandgonedownstairsforamomenttoseetoit，hepulledoffhiscoatandidledquietlyenoughforafewminutes，when，findingshedidnotcome，hewentoutuponthelanding，candleinhand，andsaidagain`Soo！’

`Yes！’camebacktohiminhervoice，fromthedistantkitchenquarter。

`Whatareyoudoingdownthereatmidnight-tiringyourselfoutfornothing！’

`Iamnotsleepy；Iamreading；andthereisalargerfirehere。’

Hewenttobed。Sometimeinthenight