第18章

`Justyoushutup，Bowero’Bliss！’saidoneoftheundergraduates。

`Silence！’Hedrankoffthespiritsinhistumbler，rappedwithitonthecounter，andannounced，`ThegentlemaninthecornerisgoingtorehearsetheArticlesofhisBelief，intheLatintongue，fortheedificationofthecompany。’

`Iwon’t！’saidJude。

`Yes-haveatry！’saidthesurplice-maker。

`Youcan’t！’saidUncleJoe。

`Yes，hecan！’saidTinkerTaylor。

`I’llswearIcan！’saidJude。`Well，comenow，standmeasmallScotchcold，andI’lldoitstraightoff。’

`That’safairoffer，’saidtheundergraduate，throwingdownthemoneyforthewhisky。

Thebarmaidconcoctedthemixturewiththebearingofapersoncompelledtoliveamongstanimalsofaninferiorspecies，andtheglasswashandedacrosstoJude，who，havingdrunkthecontents，stoodupandbeganrhetorically，withouthesitation：

`Credoinunumdeum，patremomnipotentem，factoremcoelietterrae，visibiliumomniumetinvisibilium。’

`Good！ExcellentLatin！’criedoneoftheundergraduates，who，however，hadnottheslightestconceptionofasingleword。

Asilencereignedamongtherestinthebar，andthemaidstoodstill，Jude’svoiceechoingsonorouslyintotheinnerparlour，wherethelandlordwasdozing，andbringinghimouttoseewhatwasgoingon。Judehaddeclaimedsteadilyahead，andwascontinuing：

`Crucifixusetiampronobis：subPontioPilatopassus，etsepultusest。etresurrexittertiadie，secundumscripturas。’

`That’stheNicene，’sneeredthesecondundergraduate。`AndwewantedtheApostles’！’

`Youdidn’tsayso！Andeveryfoolknows，exceptyou，thattheNiceneisthemosthistoriccreed！’

`Letungoon，letungoon！’saidtheauctioneer。

ButJude’smindseemedtogrowconfusedsoon，andhecouldnotgeton。Heputhishandtohisforehead，andhisfaceassumedanexpressionofpain。

`Givehimanotherglass-thenhe’llfetchupandgetthroughit，’saidTinkerTaylor。

Somebodythrewdownthreepence，theglasswashanded，Judestretchedouthisarmforitwithoutlooking，andhavingswallowedtheliquor，wentoninamomentinarevivedvoice，raisingitashenearedtheendwiththemannerofapriestleadingacongregation：

`EtinSpiritumSanctum，Dominumetvivificantem，quiexPatreFilioqueprocedit。quicumPatreetFiliosimuladoraturetconglorificatur。

Quilocutusestperprophetas。

`EtunamCatholicametApostolicamEcclesiam。ConfiteorunumBaptismainremissionempeccatorum。EtexspectoResurrectionemmortuorum。

Etvitamventurisaeculi。Amen。’

`Welldone！’saidseveral，enjoyingthelastword，asbeingthefirstandonlyonetheyhadrecognized。

ThenJudeseemedtoshakethefumesfromhisbrain，ashestaredrounduponthem。

`Youpackoffools！’hecried。`WhichoneofyouknowswhetherIhavesaiditorno？ItmighthavebeentheRatcatcher’sDaughterindoubleDutchforallthatyourbesottedheadscantell！SeewhatIhavebroughtmyselfto-thecrewIhavecomeamong！’

Thelandlord，whohadalreadyhadhislicenseendorsedforharbouringqueercharacters，fearedariot，andcameoutsidethecounter；butJude，inhissuddenflashofreason，hadturnedindisgustandleftthescene，thedoorslammingwithadullthudbehindhim。

Hehasteneddownthelaneandroundintothestraightbroadstreet，whichhefollowedtillitmergedinthehighway，andallsoundofhislatecompanionshadbeenleftbehind。Onwardhestillwent，undertheinfluenceofachildlikeyearningfortheonebeingintheworldtowhomitseemedpossibletofly-anunreasoningdesire，whoseilljudgementwasnotapparenttohimnow。Inthecourseofanhour，whenitwasbetweentenandeleveno’clock，heenteredthevillageofLumsdon，andreachingthecottage，sawthatalightwasburninginadownstairsroom，whichheassumed，rightlyasithappened，tobehers。

Judesteppedclosetothewall，andtappedwithhisfingeronthepane，sayingimpatiently，`Sue，Sue！’

Shemusthaverecognizedhisvoice，forthelightdisappearedfromtheapartment，andinasecondortwothedoorwasunlockedandopened，andSueappearedwithacandleinherhand。

`IsitJude？Yes，itis！Mydear，dearcousin，what’sthematter？’

`Oh，Iam-Icouldn’thelpcoming，Sue！’saidhe，sinkingdownuponthedoorstep。`Iamsowicked，Sue-myheartisnearlybroken，andIcouldnotbearmylifeasitwas！SoIhavebeendrinking，andblaspheming，ornextdoortoit，andsayingholythingsindisreputablequarters-repeatinginidlebravadowordswhichoughtnevertobeutteredbutreverently！Oh，doanythingwithme，Sue-killme-Idon’tcare！Onlydon’thatemeanddespisemelikealltherestoftheworld！’

`Youareill，poordear！No，Iwon’tdespiseyou；ofcourseI

won’t！Comeinandrest，andletmeseewhatIcandoforyou。Nowleanonme，anddon’tmind。’Withonehandholdingthecandleandtheothersupportinghim，sheledhimindoors，andplacedhimintheonlyeasychairthemeagrelyfurnishedhouseafforded，stretchinghisfeetuponanother，andpullingoffhisboots。Jude，nowgettingtowardshissobersenses，couldonlysay，`Dear，dearSue！’inavoicebrokenbygriefandcontrition。

Sheaskedhimifhewantedanythingtoeat，butheshookhishead。

Thentellinghimtogotosleep，andthatshewouldcomedownearlyinthemorningandgethimsomebreakfast，shebadehimgood-nightandascendedthestairs。

Almostimmediatelyhefellintoaheavyslumber，anddidnotwaketilldawn。Atfirsthedidnotknowwherehewas，butbydegreeshissituationclearedtohim，andhebehelditinalltheghastlinessofarightmind。

Sheknewtheworstofhim-theveryworst。Howcouldhefacehernow？

Shewouldsoonbecomingdowntoseeaboutbreakfast，asshehadsaid，andtherewouldhebeinallhisshameconfrontingher。Hecouldnotbearthethought，andsoftlydrawingonhisboots，andtakinghishatfromthenailonwhichshehadhungit，heslippednoiselesslyoutofthehouse。

Hisfixedideawastogetawaytosomeobscurespotandhide，andperhapspray；andtheonlyspotwhichoccurredtohimwasMarygreen。

HecalledathislodginginChristminster，wherehefoundawaitinghimanoteofdismissalfromhisemployer；andhavingpackedupheturnedhisbackuponthecitythathadbeensuchathorninhisside，andstrucksouthwardintoWessex。Hehadnomoneyleftinhispocket，hissmallsavings，depositedatoneofthebanksinChristminster，havingfortunatelybeenleftuntouched。

TogettoMarygreen，therefore，hisonlycoursewaswalking；andthedistancebeingnearlytwentymiles，hehadampletimetocompleteonthewaythesoberingprocessbeguninhim。

AtsomehouroftheeveninghereachedAlfredston。Herehepawnedhiswaistcoat，andhavinggoneoutofthetownamileortwo，sleptunderarickthatnight。Atdawnherose，shookoffthehayseedsandstemsfromhisclothes，andstartedagain，breastingthelongwhiteroadupthehilltothedowns，whichhadbeenvisibletohimalongwayoff，andpassingthemilestoneatthetop，whereonhehadcarvedhishopesyearsago。

Hereachedtheancienthamletwhilethepeoplewereatbreakfast。

Wearyandmud-bespattered，butquitepossessedofhisordinaryclearnessofbrain，hesatdownbythewell，thinkingashedidsowhatapoorChristhemade。Seeingatroughofwaternearhebathedhisface，andwentontothecottageofhisgreat-aunt，whomhefoundbreakfastinginbed，attendedbythewomanwholivedwithher。

`What-outo’work？’askedhisrelative，regardinghimthrougheyessunkendeep，underlidsheavyaspot-covers，noothercauseforhistumbledappearancesuggestingitselftoonewhosewholelifehadbeenastrugglewithmaterialthings。

`Yes，’saidJudeheavily。`IthinkImusthavealittlerest。’

Refreshedbysomebreakfast，hewentuptohisoldroomandlaydowninhisshirt-sleeves，afterthemanneroftheartizan。Hefellasleepforashortwhile，andwhenheawokeitwasasifhehadawakenedinhell。

Itwashell-`thehellofconsciousfailure，’bothinambitionandinlove。Hethoughtofthatpreviousabyssintowhichhehadfallenbeforeleavingthispartofthecountry；thedeepestdeephehadsupposeditthen；butitwasnotsodeepasthis。Thathadbeenthebreakinginoftheouterbulwarksofhishope：thiswasofhissecondline。

Ifhehadbeenawomanhemusthavescreamedunderthenervoustensionwhichhewasnowundergoing。Butthatreliefbeingdeniedtohisvirility，heclenchedhisteethinmisery，bringinglinesabouthismouthlikethoseintheLaocoon，andcorrugationsbetweenhisbrows。

Amournfulwindblewthroughthetrees，andsoundedinthechimneylikethepedalnotesofanorgan。Eachivyleafovergrowingthewallofthechurchlesschurch-yardhardby，nowabandoned，peckeditsneighboursmartly，andthevaneonthenewVictorian-Gothicchurchinthenewspothadalreadybeguntocreak。Yetapparentlyitwasnotalwaystheoutdoorwindthatmadethedeepmurmurs；itwasavoice。Heguesseditsorigininamomentortwo；thecuratewasprayingwithhisauntintheadjoiningroom。Herememberedherspeakingofhim。Presentlythesoundsceased，andastepseemedtocrossthelanding。Judesatup，andshouted`Hoi！’

Thestepmadeforhisdoor，whichwasopen，andamanlookedin。

Itwasayoungclergyman。

`IthinkyouareMr。Highridge，’saidJude。`Myaunthasmentionedyoumorethanonce。Well，hereIam，justcomehome；afellowgonetothebad；thoughIhadthebestintentionsintheworldatonetime。NowIammelancholymad，whatwithdrinkingandonethingandanother。’

SlowlyJudeunfoldedtothecuratehislateplansandmovements，byanunconsciousbiasdwellinglessupontheintellectualandambitioussideofhisdream，andmoreuponthetheological，thoughthishad，uptillnow，beenmerelyaportionofthegeneralplanofadvancement。

`NowIknowIhavebeenafool，andthatfollyiswithme，’addedJudeinconclusion。`AndIdon’tregretthecollapseofmyuniversityhopesonejot。Iwouldn’tbeginagainifIweresuretosucceed。Idon’tcareforsocialsuccessanymoreatall。ButIdofeelIshouldliketodosomegoodthing；andIbitterlyregrettheChurch，andthelossofmychanceofbeingherordainedminister。’

Thecurate，whowasanewmantothisneighbourhood，hadgrowndeeplyinterested，andatlasthesaid：`Ifyoufeelarealcalltotheministry，andIwon’tsayfromyourconversationthatyoudonot，foritisthatofathoughtfulandeducatedman，youmightentertheChurchasalicentiate。Onlyyoumustmakeupyourmindtoavoidstrongdrink。’

`Icouldavoidthateasilyenough，ifIhadanykindofhopetosupportme！’

JudetheObscureChapter19PartThirdAtMelchester`Fortherewasnoothergirl，Obridegroom，likeher！’-

Sappho(H。T。Wharton)。III-iItwasanewidea-theecclesiasticalandaltruisticlifeasdistinctfromtheintellectualandemulativelife。Amancouldpreachanddogoodtohisfellow-creatureswithouttakingdouble-firstsintheschoolsofChristminster，orhavinganythingbutordinaryknowledge。Theoldfancywhichhadledontotheculminatingvisionofthebishoprichadnotbeenanethicalortheologicalenthusiasmatall，butamundaneambitionmasqueradinginasurplice。Hefearedthathiswholeschemehaddegeneratedto，eventhoughitmightnothaveoriginatedin，asocialunrestwhichhadnofoundationinthenoblerinstincts；whichwaspurelyanartificialproductofcivilization。

Therewerethousandsofyoungmenonthesameself-seekingtrackatthepresentmoment。Thesensualhindwhoate，drank，andlivedcarelesslywithhiswifethroughthedaysofhisvanitywasamorelikablebeingthanhe。

ButtoentertheChurchinsuchanunscholarlywaythathecouldnotinanyprobabilityrisetoahighergradethroughallhiscareerthanthatofthehumblecuratewearinghislifeoutinanobscurevillageorcityslum-thatmighthaveatouchofgoodnessandgreatnessinit；thatmightbetruereligion，andapurgatorialcourseworthyofbeingfollowedbyaremorsefulman。

ThefavourablelightinwhichthisnewthoughtshoweditselfbycontrastwithhisforegoneintentionscheeredJude，ashesatthere，shabbyandlonely；anditmaybesaidtohavegiven，duringthenextfewdays，thecoupdegrâ；cetohisintellectualcareer-acareerwhichhadextendedoverthegreaterpartofadozenyears。Hedidnothing，however，forsomelongstagnanttimetoadvancehisnewdesire，occupyinghimselfwithlittlelocaljobsinputtingupandletteringheadstonesabouttheneighbouringvillages，andsubmittingtoberegardedasasocialfailure，areturnedpurchase，bythehalf-dozenorsooffarmersandothercountry-peoplewhocondescendedtonodtohim。

Thehumaninterestofthenewintention-andahumaninterestisindispensabletothemostspiritualandself-sacrificing-wascreatedbyaletterfromSue，bearingafreshpostmark。Sheevidentlywrotewithanxiety，andtoldverylittleaboutherowndoings，morethanthatshehadpassedsomesortofexaminationforaQueen’sScholarship，andwasgoingtoenteratrainingcollegeatMelchestertocompleteherselfforthevocationshehadchosen，partlybyhisinfluence。TherewasatheologicalcollegeatMelchester；Melchesterwasaquietandsoothingplace，almostentirelyecclesiasticalinitstone；aspotwhereworldlylearningandintellectualsmartnesshadnoestablishment；wherethealtruisticfeelingthathedidpossesswouldperhapsbemorehighlyestimatedthanabrilliancywhichhedidnot。

AsitwouldbenecessarythatheshouldcontinueforatimetoworkathistradewhilereadingupDivinity，whichhehadneglectedatChristminsterfortheordinaryclassicalgrind，whatbettercourseforhimthantogetemploymentatthefurthercity，andpursuethisplanofreading？ThathisexcessivehumaninterestinthenewplacewasentirelyofSue’smaking，whileatthesametimeSuewastoberegardedevenlessthanformerlyaspropertocreateit，hadanethicalcontradictorinesstowhichhewasnotblind。Butthatmuchheconcededtohumanfrailty，andhopedtolearntoloveheronlyasafriendandkinswoman。

Heconsideredthathemightsomarkouthiscomingyearsastobeginhisministryattheageofthirty-anagewhichmuchattractedhimasbeingthatofhisexemplarwhenhefirstbegantoteachinGalilee。

Thiswouldallowhimplentyoftimefordeliberatestudy，andforacquiringcapitalbyhistradetohelphisaftercourseofkeepingthenecessarytermsatatheologicalcollege。

Christmashadcomeandpassed，andSuehadgonetotheMelchesterNormalSchool。ThetimewasjusttheworstintheyearforJudetogetintonewemployment，andhehadwrittensuggestingtoherthatheshouldpostponehisarrivalforamonthorso，tillthedayshadlengthened。Shehadacquiescedsoreadilythathewishedhehadnotproposedit-sheevidentlydidnotmuchcareabouthim，thoughshehadneveroncereproachedhimforhisstrangeconductincomingtoherthatnight，andhissilentdisappearance。

NeitherhadsheeversaidawordaboutherrelationswithMr。Phillotson。

Suddenly，however，quiteapassionateletterarrivedfromSue。

Shewasquitelonelyandmiserable，shetoldhim。Shehatedtheplaceshewasin；itwasworsethantheecclesiasticaldesigner’s；worsethananywhere。

Shefeltutterlyfriendless；couldhecomeimmediately？-thoughwhenhedidcomeshewouldonlybeabletoseehimatlimitedtimes，therulesoftheestablishmentshefoundherselfinbeingstricttoadegree。ItwasMr。Phillotsonwhohadadvisedhertocomethere，andshewishedshehadneverlistenedtohim。

Phillotson’ssuitwasnotexactlyprospering，evidently；andJudefeltunreasonablyglad。HepackeduphisthingsandwenttoMelchesterwithalighterheartthanhehadknownformonths。

Thisbeingtheturningoveranewleafhedulylookedaboutforatemperancehotel，andfoundalittleestablishmentofthatdescriptioninthestreetleadingfromthestation。Whenhehadhadsomethingtoeathewalkedoutintothedullwinterlightoverthetownbridge，andturnedthecornertowardstheClose。Thedaywasfoggy，andstandingunderthewallsofthemostgracefularchitecturalpileinEnglandhepausedandlookedup。Theloftybuildingwasvisibleasfarastheroofridge；above，thedwindlingspirerosemoreandmoreremotely，tillitsapexwasquitelostinthemistdriftingacrossit。

Thelampsnowbegantobelighted，andturningtothewestfronthewalkedround。Hetookitasagoodomenthatnumerousblocksofstonewerelyingabout，whichsignifiedthatthecathedralwasundergoingrestorationorrepairtoaconsiderableextent。Itseemedtohim，fullofthesuperstitionsofhisbeliefs，thatthiswasanexerciseofforethoughtonthepartofarulingPower，thathemightfindplentytodointhearthepractisedwhilewaitingforacalltohigherlabours。