第36章

`Andyouhavegivenupyourcathedralworkhere？’

`Yes。Itwasrathersudden-yourmessagecomingunexpectedly。

Strictly，Imighthavebeenmadetofinishouttheweek。ButIpleadedurgencyandIwasletoff。Iwouldhavedesertedanydayatyourcommand，dearSue。Ihavedesertedmorethanthatforyou！’

`IfearIamdoingyoualotofharm。RuiningyourprospectsoftheChurch；ruiningyourprogressinyourtrade；everything！’

`TheChurchisnomoretome。Letitlie！IamnottobeoneofThesoldier-saintswho，rowonrow，Burnupwardeachtohispointofbliss，ifanysuchtherebe！Mypointofblissisnotupward，buthere。’

`OhIseemsobad-upsettingmen’scourseslikethis！’saidshe，takingupinhervoicetheemotionthathadbeguninhis。Butsherecoveredherequanimitybythetimetheyhadtravelledadozenmiles。

`Hehasbeensogoodinlettingmego，’sheresumed。`Andhere’sanoteIfoundonmydressing-table，addressedtoyou。’

`Yes。He’snotanunworthyfellow，’saidJude，glancingatthenote。`AndIamashamedofmyselfforhatinghimbecausehemarriedyou。’

`Accordingtotheruleofwomen’swhimsIsupposeIoughttosuddenlylovehim，becausehehasletmegosogenerouslyandunexpectedly，’sheansweredsmiling。`ButIamsocold，ordevoidofgratitude，orsosomething，thateventhisgenerosityhasn’tmademelovehim，orrepent，orwanttostaywithhimashiswife；althoughIdofeelIlikehislarge-mindedness，andrespecthimmorethanever。’

`Itmaynotworksowellforusasifhehadbeenlesskind，andyouhadrunawayagainsthiswill，’murmuredJude。

`ThatIneverwouldhavedone。’

Jude’seyesrestedmusinglyonherface。Thenhesuddenlykissedher；andwasgoingtokissheragain。`No-onlyoncenow-please，Jude！’

`That’srathercruel，’heanswered；butacquiesced。`Suchastrangethinghashappenedtome，’Judecontinuedafterasilence。`Arabellahasactuallywrittentoaskmetogetadivorcefromher-inkindnesstoher，shesays。Shewantstohonestlyandlegallymarrythatmanshehasalreadymarriedvirtually；andbegsmetoenablehertodoit。’

`Whathaveyoudone？’

`Ihaveagreed。IthoughtatfirstIcouldn’tdoitwithoutgettingherintotroubleaboutthatsecondmarriage，andIdon’twanttoinjureherinanyway。Perhapsshe’snoworsethanIam，afterall！Butnobodyknowsaboutitoverhere，andIfinditwillnotbeadifficultproceedingatall。IfshewantstostartafreshIhaveonlytooobviousreasonsfornothinderingher。’

`Thenyou’llbefree？’

`Yes，Ishallbefree。’

`Wherearewebookedfor？’sheasked，withthediscontinuitythatmarkedherto-night。

`Aldbrickham，asIsaid。’

`Butitwillbeverylatewhenwegetthere？’

`Yes。Ithoughtofthat，andIwiredforaroomforusattheTemperanceHotelthere。’

`One？’

`Yes-one。’

Shelookedathim。`OhJude！’Suebentherforeheadagainstthecornerofthecompartment。`Ithoughtyoumightdoit；andthatIwasdeceivingyou。ButIdidn’tmeanthat！’

Inthepausewhichfollowed，Jude’seyesfixedthemselveswithastultifiedexpressionontheoppositeseat。`Well！’hesaid……`Well！’

Heremainedinsilence；andseeinghowdiscomfitedhewassheputherfaceagainsthischeek，murmuring，`Don’tbevexed，dear！’

`Oh-there’snoharmdone，’hesaid。`But-Iunderstooditlikethat……Isthisasuddenchangeofmind？’

`Youhavenorighttoaskmesuchaquestion；andIshan’tanswer！’

shesaid，smiling。

`Mydearone，yourhappinessismoretomethananything-althoughweseemtovergeonquarrellingsooften！-andyourwillislawtome。

Iamsomethingmorethanamere-selfishfellow，Ihope。Haveitasyouwish！’Onreflectionhisbrowshowedperplexity。`Butperhapsitisthatyoudon’tloveme-notthatyouhavebecomeconventional！Muchas，underyourteaching，Ihateconvention，Ihopeitisthat，nottheotherterriblealternati