第32章

couldn’thelpit，althoughIhavebeen-pretendingIamhappy-Nowyou’llhaveacontemptformeforever，Isuppose！’Shebentdownherfaceuponherhandsastheylayuponthecloth，andsilentlysobbedinlittlejerksthatmadethefragilethree-leggedtablequiver。

`Ihaveonlybeenmarriedamonthortwo！’shewenton，stillremainingbentuponthetable，andsobbingintoherhands。`Anditissaidthatwhatawomanshrinksfrom-intheearlydaysofhermarriage-sheshakesdowntowithcomfortableindifferenceinhalfadozenyears。Butthatismuchlikesayingthattheamputationofalimbisnoaffliction，sinceapersongetscomfortablyaccustomedtotheuseofawoodenlegorarminthecourseoftime！’

Judecouldhardlyspeak，buthesaid，`Ithoughttherewassomethingwrong，Sue！Oh，Ithoughttherewas！’

`Butitisnotasyouthink！-thereisnothingwrongexceptmyownwickedness，Isupposeyou’dcallit-arepugnanceonmypart，forareasonIcannotdisclose，andwhatwouldnotbeadmittedasonebytheworldingeneral！……Whattorturesmesomuchisthenecessityofbeingresponsivetothismanwheneverhewishes，goodasheismorally！-thedreadfulcontracttofeelinaparticularwayinamatterwhoseessenceisitsvoluntariness！……Iwishhewouldbeatme，orbefaithlesstome，ordosomeopenthingthatIcouldtalkaboutasajustificationforfeelingasIdo！Buthedoesnothing，exceptthathehasgrownalittlecoldsincehehasfoundouthowIfeel。That’swhyhedidn’tcometothefuneral……

Oh，Iamverymiserable-Idon’tknowwhattodo！……Don’tcomenearme，Jude，becauseyoumustn’t。Don’t-don’t！’

Buthehadjumpedupandputhisfaceagainsthers-orratheragainstherear，herfacebeinginaccessible。

`Itoldyounotto，Jude！’

`Iknowyoudid-Ionlywishto-consoleyou！Itallarosethroughmybeingmarriedbeforewemet，didn’tit？Youwouldhavebeenmywife，Sue，wouldn’tyou，ifithadn’tbeenforthat？’

Insteadofreplyingsherosequickly，andsayingshewasgoingtowalktoheraunt’sgraveinthechurchyardtorecoverherself，wentoutofthehouse。Judedidnotfollowher。TwentyminuteslaterhesawhercrossthevillagegreentowardsMrs。Edlin’s，andsoonshesentalittlegirltofetchherbag，andtellhimshewastootiredtoseehimagainthatnight。

Inthelonelyroomofhisaunt’shouse，JudesatwatchingthecottageoftheWidowEdlinasitdisappearedbehindthenightshade。HeknewthatSuewassittingwithinitswallsequallylonelyanddisheartened；

andagainquestionedhisdevotionalmottothatallwasforthebest。

Heretiredtorestearly，buthissleepwasfitfulfromthesensethatSuewassonearathand。Atsometimeneartwoo’clock，whenhewasbeginningtosleepmoresoundly，hewasarousedbyashrillsqueakthathadbeenfamiliarenoughtohimwhenhelivedregularlyatMarygreen。Itwasthecryofarabbitcaughtinagin。Aswasthelittlecreature’shabit，itdidnotsoonrepeatitscry；andprobablywouldnotdosomorethanonceortwice；butwouldremainbearingitstorturetillthemorrowwhenthetrapperwouldcomeandknockitonthehead。

Hewhoinhischildhoodhadsavedthelivesoftheearthwormsnowbegantopicturetheagoniesoftherabbitfromitslaceratedleg。

Ifitwerea`badcatch’bythehind-leg，theanimalwouldtugduringtheensuingsixhourstilltheironteethofthetraphadstrippedtheleg-boneofitsflesh，when，shouldaweak-springedinstrumentenableittoescape，itwoulddieinthefieldsfromthemortificationofthelimb。Ifitwerea`goodcatch，’namely，bythefore-leg，thebonewouldbebrokenandthelimbnearlytornintwoinattemptsatanimpossibleescape。

Almosthalfanhourpassed，andtherabbitrepeateditscry。Judecouldrestnolongertillhehadputitoutofitspain，sodressinghimselfquicklyhedescended，andbythelightofthemoonwentacrossthegreeninthedirectionofthesound。Hereachedthehedgeborderingthewidow’sgarden，whenhestoodstill。Thefaintclickofthetrapasdraggedaboutbythewrithinganimalguidedhimnow，andreachingthespothestrucktherabbitonthebackoftheneckwiththesideofhispalm，anditstretcheditselfoutdead。

Hewasturningawaywhenhesawawomanlookingoutoftheopencasementatawindowonthe