第16章

`ItismorethanIhadrememberedmyself。’

HerMajesty’sschool-inspectorwasatthattimepaying`surprise-visits’

inthisneighbourhoodtotesttheteachingunawares；andtwodayslater，inthemiddleofthemorninglessons，thelatchofthedoorwassoftlylifted，andinwalkedmygentleman，thekingofterrors-topupil-teachers。

ToMr。Phillotsonthesurprisewasnotgreat；liketheladyinthestoryhehadbeenplayedthattricktoomanytimestobeunprepared。

ButSue’sclasswasatthefurtherendoftheroom，andherbackwastowardstheentrance；theinspectorthereforecameandstoodbehindherandwatchedherteachingsomehalf-minutebeforeshebecameawareofhispresence。

Sheturned，andrealizedthatanoft-dreadedmomenthadcome。Theeffectuponhertimiditywassuchthatsheutteredacryoffright。Phillotson，withastrangeinstinctofsolicitudequitebeyondhiscontrol，wasathersidejustintimetopreventherfallingfromfaintness。Shesoonrecoveredherself，andlaughed；butwhentheinspectorhadgonetherewasareaction，andshewassowhitethatPhillotsontookherintohisroom，andgavehersomebrandytobringherround。Shefoundhimholdingherhand。

`Yououghttohavetoldme，’shegaspedpetulantly，`thatoneoftheinspector’ssurprise-visitswasimminent！Oh，whatshallIdo！Nowhe’llwriteandtellthemanagersthatIamnogood，andIshallbedisgracedforever！’

`Hewon’tdothat，mydearlittlegirl。YouarethebestteachereverIhad！’

Helookedsogentlyatherthatshewasmoved，andregrettedthatshehadupbraidedhim。Whenshewasbettershewenthome。

JudeinthemeantimehadbeenwaitingimpatientlyforFriday。

OnbothWednesdayandThursdayhehadbeensomuchundertheinfluenceofhisdesiretoseeherthathewalkedafterdarksomedistancealongtheroadinthedirectionofthevillage，and，onreturningtohisroomtoread，foundhimselfquiteunabletoconcentratehismindonthepage。

OnFriday，assoonashehadgothimselfupashethoughtSuewouldliketoseehim，andmadeahastytea，hesetout，notwithstandingthattheeveningwaswet。Thetreesoverheaddeepenedthegloomofthehour，andtheydrippedsadlyuponhim，impressinghimwithforebodings-illogicalforebodings；forthoughheknewthathelovedherhealsoknewthathecouldnotbemoretoherthanhewas。

Onturningthecornerandenteringthevillagethefirstsightthatgreetedhiseyeswasthatoftwofiguresunderoneumbrellacomingoutofthevicaragegate。Hewastoofarbackforthemtonoticehim，butheknewinamomentthattheywereSueandPhillotson。Thelatterwasholdingtheumbrellaoverherhead，andtheyhadevidentlybeenpayingavisittothevicar-probablyonsomebusinessconnectedwiththeschoolwork。

AndastheywalkedalongthewetanddesertedlaneJudesawPhillotsonplacehisarmroundthegirl’swaist；whereuponshegentlyremovedit；

buthereplacedit；andsheletitremain，lookingquicklyroundherwithanairofmisgiving。Shedidnotlookabsolutelybehindher，andthereforedidnotseeJude，whosankintothehedgelikeonestruckwithablight。

ThereheremainedhiddentilltheyhadreachedSue’scottageandshehadpassedin，Phillotsongoingontotheschoolhardby。

`Oh，he’stoooldforher-tooold！’criedJudeinalltheterriblesicknessofhopeless，handicappedlove。

Hecouldnotinterfere。WashenotArabella’s？Hewasunabletogoonfurther，andretracedhisstepstowardsChristminster。Everytreadofhisfeetseemedtosaytohimthathemustonnoaccountstandintheschoolmaster’swaywithSue。Phillotsonwasperhapstwentyyearshersenior，butmanyahappymarriagehadbeenmadeinsuchconditionsofage。Theironicalclinchtohissorrowwasgivenbythethoughtthattheintimacybetweenhiscousinandtheschoolmasterhadbeenbroughtaboutentirelybyhimself。

JudetheObscureChapter17II-viJude’soldandembitteredauntlayunwellatMarygreen，andonthefollowingSundayhewenttoseeher-avisitwhichwastheresultofavictoriousstruggleagainsthisinclinationtoturnasidetothevillageofLumsdonandobtainamiserableinterviewwithhiscousin，inwhichthewordnearesthisheartcouldnotbespoken，andthesightwhichhadtorturedhimcouldnotberevealed。

Hisauntwasnowunabletoleaveherbed，andagreatpartofJude’sshortdaywasoccupiedinmakingarrangementsforhercomfort。Thelittlebakerybusinesshadbeensoldtoaneighbour，andwiththeproceedsofthisandhersavingsshewascomfortablysuppliedwithnecessariesandmore，awidowofthesamevillagelivingwithherandministeringtoherwants。Itwasnottillthetimehadnearlycomeforhimtoleavethatheobtainedaquiettalkwithher，andhiswordstendedinsensiblytowardshiscousin。

`WasSuebornhere？’

`Shewas-inthisroom。Theywerelivinghereatthattime。Whatmade’eeaskthat？’

`Oh-Iwantedtoknow。’

`Nowyou’vebeenseeingher！’saidtheharsholdwoman。`AndwhatdidItell’ee？’

`Well-thatIwasnottoseeher。’

`Haveyougossipedwithher？’

`Yes。’

`Thendon’tkeepitup。Shewasbroughtupbyherfathertohatehermother’sfamily；andshe’lllookwithnofavouruponaworkingchaplikeyou-atownishgirlasshe’sbecomebynow。Inevercaredmuchabouther。Apertlittlething，that’swhatshewastoooften，withhertight-strainednerves。Many’sthetimeI’vesmackedherforherimpertinence。Why，onedaywhenshewaswalkingintothepondwithhershoesandstockingsoff，andherpetticoatspulledaboveherknees，aforeIcouldcryoutforshame，shesaid：`Moveon，Aunty！Thisisnosightformodesteyes！’’

`Shewasalittlechildthen。’

`Shewastwelveifaday。’

`Well-ofcourse。Butnowshe’soldershe’sofathoughtful，quivering，tendernature，andassensitiveas-’

`Jude！’criedhisaunt，springingupinbed。`Don’tyoubeafoolabouther！’

`No，no，ofcoursenot。’

`YourmarryingthatwomanArabellawasaboutasbadathingasamancouldpossiblydoforhimselfbytryinghard。Butshe’sgonetotheothersideoftheworld，andmednevertroubleyouagain。Andthere’llbeaworsethingifyou，tiedandboundasyoube，shouldhaveafancyforSue。Ifyourcousinisciviltoyou，takehercivilityforwhatitisworth。Butanythingmorethanarelation’sgoodwishesitisstarkmadnessfor’eetogiveher。Ifshe’stownishandwantonitmedbring’eetoruin。’

`Don’tsayanythingagainsther，Aunt！Don’t，please！’

Areliefwasaffordedtohimbytheentryofthecompanionandnurseofhisaunt，whomusthavebeenlisteningtotheconversation，forshebeganacommentaryonpastyears，introducingSueBrideheadasacharacterinherrecollections。ShedescribedwhatanoddlittlemaidSuehadbeenwhenapupilatthevillageschoolacrossthegreenopposite，beforeherfatherwenttoLondon-how，whenthevicararrangedreadingsandrecitations，sheappearedontheplatform，thesmallestofthemall，`inherlittlewhitefrock，andshoes，andpinksash’；howsherecited`Excelsior，’`Therewasasoundofrevelrybynight，’and`TheRaven’；howduringthedeliveryshewouldknitherlittlebrowsandglareroundtragically，andsaytotheemptyair，asifsomerealcreaturestoodthere-`Ghastly，grim，andancientRaven，wanderingfromtheNightlyshore，TellmewhatthylordlynameisontheNight’sPlutonianshore！’`She’dbringupthenastycarrionbirdthatclear，’corroboratedthesickwomanreluctantly，`asshestoodthereinherlittlesashandthings，thatyoucouldseeuna’mostbeforeyourveryeyes。Youtoo，Jude，hadthesametrickasachildofseemingtoseethingsintheair。’

TheneighbourtoldalsoofSue’saccomplishmentsinotherkinds：

`Shewasnotexactlyatomboy，youknow；butshecoulddothingsthatonlyboysdo，asarule。I’veseenherhitinandsteerdownthelongslideonyonderpond，withherlittlecurlsblowing，oneofafileoftwentymovingalongagainsttheskylikeshapespaintedonglass，andupthebackslidewithoutstopping。Allboysexceptherself；andthenthey’dcheerher，andthenshe’dsay，`Don’tbesaucy，boys，’andsuddenlyrunindoors。

They’dtrytocoaxheroutagain。But’awouldn’tcome。’

TheseretrospectivevisionsofSueonlymadeJudethemoremiserablethathewasunabletowooher，andheleftthecottageofhisauntthatdaywithaheavyheart。HewouldfainhaveglancedintotheschooltoseetheroominwhichSue’slittlefigurehadsoglorifieditself；buthecheckedhisdesireandwenton。

ItbeingSundayeveningsomevillagerswhohadknownhimduringhisresidenceherewerestandinginagroupintheirbestclothes。Judewasstartledbyasalutefromoneofthem：

`Ye’vegotthererightenough，then！’

Judeshowedthathedidnotunderstand。

`Why，totheseatofl’arning-the`CityofLight’youusedtotalktousaboutasalittleboy！Isitallyouexpectedofit？’

`Yes；more！’criedJude。

`WhenIwasthereonceforanhourIdidn’tseemuchinitformypart；auldcrumblingbuildings，halfchurch，halfalmshouse，andnotmuchgoingonatthat。’

`Youarewrong，John；thereismoregoingonthanmeetstheeyeofamanwalkingthroughthestreets。Itisauniquecentreofthoughtandreligion-theintellectualandspiritualgranaryofthiscountry。

Allthatsilenceandabsenceofgoings-onisthestillnessofinfinitemotion-thesleepofthespinning-top，toborrowthesimileofawell-knownwriter。’

`Oh，well，itmedbeallthat，oritmednot。AsIsay，Ididn’tseenothingofitthehourortwoIwasthere；soIwentinandhadapoto’beer，andapennyloaf，andaha’portho’cheese，andwaitedtillitwastimetocomealonghome。You’vej’inedacollegebythistime，Isuppose？’

`Ah，no！’saidJude。`Iamalmostasfaroffthatasever。’

`Howso？’

Judeslappedhispocket。

`Justwhatwethought！Suchplacesbenotforsuchasyou-onlyforthemwithplentyo’money。’

`Thereyouarewrong，’saidJude，withsomebitterness。`Theyareforsuchones！’

Still，theremarkwassufficienttowithdrawJude’sattentionfromtheimaginativeworldhehadlatelyinhabited，inwhichanabstractfigure，moreorlesshimself，wassteepinghismindinasublimationoftheartsandsciences，andmakinghiscallingandelectionsuretoaseatintheparadiseofthelearned。Hewassetregardinghisprospectsinacoldnorthernlight。HehadlatelyfeltthathecouldnotquitesatisfyhimselfinhisGreek-intheGreekofthedramatistsparticularly。Sofatiguedwashesometimesafterhisday’sworkthathecouldnotmaintainthecriticalattentionnecessaryforthoroughapplication。Hefeltthathewantedacoach-afriendathiselbowtotellhiminamomentwhatsometimeswouldoccupyhimawearymonthinextractingfromunanticipative，clumsybooks。

Itwasdecidedlynecessarytoconsiderfactsalittlemorecloselythanhehaddoneoflate。Whatwasthegood，afterall，ofusinguphissparehoursinavaguelabourcalled`privatestudy’withoutgivinganoutlookonpracticabilities？

`Ioughttohavethoughtofthisbefore，’hesaid，ashejourneyedback。`ItwouldhavebeenbetternevertohaveembarkedintheschemeatallthantodoitwithoutseeingclearlywhereIamgoing，orwhatIamaimingat……Thishoveringoutsidethewallsofthecolleges，asifexpectingsomearmtobestretchedoutfromthemtoliftmeinside，won’tdo！Imustgetspecialinformation。’

Thenextweekaccordinglyhesoughtit。Whatatfirstseemedanopportunityoccurredoneafternoonwhenhesawanelderlygentleman，whohadbeenpointedoutastheheadofaparticularcollege，walkinginthepublicpathofaparklikeenclosurenearthespotatwhichJudechancedtobesitting。Thegentlemancamenearer，andJudelookedanxiouslyathisface。Itseemedbenign，considerate，yetratherreserved。OnsecondthoughtsJudefeltthathecouldnotgoupandaddresshim；buthewassufficientlyinfluencedbytheincidenttothinkwhatawisethingitwouldbeforhimtostatehisdifficultiesbylettertosomeofthebestandmostjudiciousoftheseoldmasters，andobtaintheiradvice。

Duringthenextweekortwoheaccordinglyplacedhimselfinsuchpositionsaboutthecityaswouldaffordhimglimpsesofseveralofthemostdistinguishedamongtheprovosts，wardens，andotherheadsofhouses；

andfromthoseheultimatelyselectedfivewhosephysiognomiesseemedtosaytohimthattheywereappreciativeandfar-seeingmen。Tothesefiveheaddressedletters，brieflystatinghisdifficulties，andaskingtheiropiniononhisstrandedsituation。

WhentheletterswerepostedJudementallybegantocriticizethem；hewishedtheyhadnotbeensent。`Itisjustoneofthoseintrusive，vulgar，pushing，applicationswhicharesocommoninthesedays，’hethought。