第40章

`Butyoucangoandseeherto-morrow，Jude！Don’tgonow，Jude！’

cameinplaintiveaccentsfromthedoorway。`Oh，itisonlytoentrapyou，Iknowitis，asshedidbefore！Don’tgo，dear！Sheissuchalow-passionedwoman-Icanseeitinhershape，andhearitinhervoice！

`ButIshallgo，’saidJude。`Don’tattempttodetainme，Sue。

GodknowsIloveherlittleenoughnow，butIdon’twanttobecrueltoher。’Heturnedtothestairs。

`Butshe’snotyourwife！’criedSuedistractedly。`AndI——

’

`Andyouarenoteither，dear，yet，’saidJude。

`Oh，butareyougoingtoher？Don’t！Stayathome！Please，pleasestayathome，Jude，andnotgotoher，nowshe’snotyourwifeanymorethanI！’

`Well，sheis，rathermorethanyou，cometothat，’hesaid，takinghishatdeterminedly。`I’vewantedyoutobe，andI’vewaitedwiththepatienceofJob，andIdon’tseethatI’vegotanythingbymyself-denial。

Ishallcertainlygivehersomething，andhearwhatitissheissoanxioustotellme；nomancoulddoless！’

Therewasthatinhismannerwhichsheknewitwouldbefutiletooppose。Shesaidnomore，but，turningtoherroomasmeeklyasamartyr，heardhimgodown-stairs，unboltthedoor，andcloseitbehindhim。Withawoman’sdisregardofherdignitywheninthepresenceofnobodybutherself，shealsotrotteddown，sobbingarticulatelyasshewent。Shelistened。

SheknewexactlyhowfaritwastotheinnthatArabellahadnamedasherlodging。Itwouldoccupyaboutsevenminutestogetthereatanordinarywalkingpace；seventocomebackagain。Ifhedidnotreturninfourteenminuteshewouldhavelingered。Shelookedattheclock。Itwastwenty-fiveminutestoeleven。HemightentertheinnwithArabella，astheywouldreachitbeforeclosingtime；shemightgethimtodrinkwithher；

andHeavenonlyknewwhatdisasterswouldbefallhimthen。

Inastillsuspenseshewaitedon。Itseemedasifthewholetimehadnearlyelapsedwhenthedoorwasopenedagain，andJudeappeared。

Suegavealittleecstaticcry。`Oh，IknewIcouldtrustyou！-

howgoodyouare！’-shebegan。

`Ican’tfindheranywhereinthisstreet，andIwentoutinmyslippersonly。Shehaswalkedon，thinkingI’vebeensohard-heartedastorefuseherrequestsentirely，poorwoman。I’vecomebackformyboots，asitisbeginningtorain。’

`Oh，butwhyshouldyoutakesuchtroubleforawomanwhohasservedyousobadly！’saidSueinajealousburstofdisappointment。

`But，Sue，she’sawoman，andIoncecaredforher；andonecan’tbeabruteinsuchcircumstances。’

`Sheisn’tyourwifeanylonger！’exclaimedSue，passionatelyexcited。`Youmustn’tgoouttofindher！Itisn’tright！Youcan’tjoinher，nowshe’sastrangertoyou。Howcanyouforgetsuchathing，mydear，dearone！’

`Sheseemsmuchthesameasever-anerring，careless，unreflectingfellow-creature，’hesaid，continuingtopullonhisboots。`WhatthoselegalfellowshavebeenplayingatinLondonmakesnodifferenceinmyrealrelationstoher。IfshewasmywifewhileshewasawayinAustraliawithanotherhusbandshe’smywifenow。’

`Butshewasn’t！That’sjustwhatIhold！There’stheabsurdity！-

Well-you’llcomestraightback，afterafewminutes，won’tyou，dear？

Sheistoolow，toocoarseforyoutotalktolong，Jude，andwasalways！’

`PerhapsIamcoarsetoo，worseluck！Ihavethegermsofeveryhumaninfirmityinme，Iverilybelieve-thatwaswhyIsawitwassopreposterousofmetothinkofbeingacurate。IhavecuredmyselfofdrunkennessIthink；butIneverknowinwhatnewformasuppressedvicewillbreakoutinme！Idoloveyou，Sue，thoughIhavedancedattendanceonyousolongforsuchpoorreturns！Allthat’sbestandnoblestinmelovesyou，andyourfreedomfromeverythingthat’sgrosshaselevatedme，andenabledmetodowhatIshouldneverhavedreamtmyselfcapableof，oranyman，ayearortwoago。Itisallverywelltopreachaboutself-control，andthewickednessofcoercingawoman。ButIshouldjustlikeafewvirtuouspeoplewhohavecondemnedmeinthepast，aboutArabellaandotherthings，tohavebeeninmytantalizingpositionwithyouthroughtheselateweeks！-

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