第77章

MRSYELVERTONBARRY(Inlowcorsagedopalballdressandelbowlengthivorygloves，wearingasabletrimmedbrickquilteddolman，acombofbrilliantsandpanacheofospreyinherhair。)Arresthimconstable。HewrotemeananonymousletterinprenticebackhandwhenmyhusbandwasintheNorthRidingofTipperaryontheMunstercircuit，signedJamesLovebirch。

HesaidthathehadseenfromthegodsmypeerlessglobesasIsatinaboxoftheTheatreRoyalatacommandperformanceofLaCigale。

Ideeplyinflamedhim，hesaid。Hemadeimproperoverturestometomisconductmyselfathalfpastfourp。m。onthefollowingThursday，Dunsinktime。

HeofferedtosendmethroughthepostaworkoffictionbyMonsieurPauldeKock，entitledTheGirlwiththeThreePairsofStays。

MRSBELLINGHAM(Incapandsealconeymantle，wrappeduptothenose，stepsoutofherbroughamandscansthroughtortoiseshellquizzingglasseswhichshetakesfrominsideherhugeopossummuff。)Alsotome。Yes，Ibelieveitisthesameobjectionableperson。BecauseheclosedmycarriagedooroutsidesirThornleyStoker’sonesleetydayduringthecoldsnapofFebruaryninetythreewheneventhegridofthewastepipeandballstopinmybathcisternwerefrozen。Subsequentlyheenclosedabloomofedelweissculledontheheights，ashesaid，inmyhonour。Ihaditexaminedbyabotanicalexpertandelicitedtheinformationthatitwasablossomofthehomegrownpotatoplantpurloinedfromaforcingcaseofthemodelfarm。

MRSYELVERTONBARRYShameonhim！

(Acrowdofslutsandragamuffinssuesforward。)

THESLUTSANDRAGAMUFFINS(Screaming。)Stopthief！Hurrahthere，Bluebeard！ThreecheersforIkeyMo！

SECONDWATCH(Produceshandcuffs。)Herearethedarbies。

MRSBELLINGHAMHeaddressedmeinseveralhandwritingswithfulsomecomplimentsasaVenusinfursandallegedprofoundpityformyfrostboundcoachmanBalmerwhileinthesamebreathheexpressedhimselfasenviousofhisearflapsandfleecysheepskinsandofhisfortunateproximitytomyperson，whenstandingbehindmychairwearingmyliveryandthearmorialbearingsoftheBellinghamescutcheongarnishedsable，abuck’sheadcoupedor。Helaudedalmostextravagantlymynetherextremities，myswellingcalvesinsilkhosedrawnuptothelimit，andeulogisedglowinglymyotherhiddentreasuresinpricelesslacewhich，hesaid，hecouldconjureup。Heurgedme，statingthathefeltithismissioninlifetourgeme，todefilethemarriagebed，tocommitadulteryattheearliestpossibleopportunity。

THEHONOURABLEMRSMERVYNTALBOYS(Inamazoncostume，hardhat，jackbootscockspurred，vermilionwaistcoat，fawnmusketeergauntletswithbraideadrums，longtrainheldupandhuntingcropwithwhichshestrikesherweltconstantly。)Alsome。BecausehesawmeonthepologroundofthePhnixparkatthematchAllIrelandversustheRestofIreland。Myeyes，Iknow，shonedivinelyasIwatchedCaptainSloggerDennehyoftheInniskillingswinthefinalchukkaronhisdarlingcobCentaur。ThisplebeianDonJuanobservedmefrombehindahackneycarandsentmeindoubleenvelopesanobscenephotograph，suchasaresoldafterdarkonParisboulevards，insultingtoanylady。Ihaveitstill。Itrepresentsapartiallynudesenorita，frailandlovely(hiswifeashesolemnlyassuredme，takenbyhimfromnature)，practisingillicitintercoursewithamusculartorero，evidentlyablackguard。Heurgedmetodolikewise，tomisbehave，tosinwithofficersofthegarrison。Heimploredmetosoilhisletterinanunspeakablemanner，tochastisehimasherichlydeserves，tobestrideandridehim，togivehimamostvicioushorsewhipping。

MRSBELLINGHAMMetoo。

MRSYELVERTONBARRYMetoo。

(SeveralhighlyrespectableDublinladiesholdupimproperlettersreceivedfromBloom。)

THEHONOURABLEMRSMERVYNTALBOYS(Stampsherjinglingspursinasuddenparoxysmofsuddenfury。)Iwill，bytheGodaboveme。I’llscourgethepigeonliveredcuraslongasIcanstandoverhim。I’llflayhimalive。

BLOOM(Hiseyesclosing，quailsexpectantly。)Here？(Hesquirms。)

Again！(Hepantscringing。)Ilovethedanger。

THEHONOURABLEMRSMERVYNTALBOYSVerymuchso！I’llmakeithotforyou。I’llmakeyoudanceJackLattenfortha