第51章

Jesus，saysI……BillingtonexecutedtheawfulmurdererToadSmith……

Thecitizenmadeagrabattheletter。

Holdhard，saysJoe，ihaveaspecialnackofputtingthenooseonceinhecan’tgetouthopingtobefavourediremain，honouredsir’

myteasisfiveginnese。

H。Rumbold，MasterBarber。Andabarbarousbloodybarbarianheistoo，saysthecitizen。

Andthedirtyscrawlofthewretch，saysJoe。Here，sayshe，takethemtohelloutofmysight，Alf。Hello，Bloom，sayshe，whatwillyouhave？

Sotheystartedarguingaboutthepoint，Bloomsayinghewouldn’tandcouldn’tandexcusehimnooffenceandalltothatandthenhesaidwellhe’djusttakeacigar。Gob，he’saprudentmemberandnomistake。

Giveusoneofyourprimestinkers，Terry，saysJoe。

AndAlfwastellingustherewasonechapsentinamourningcardwithablackborderroundit。

They’reallbarbers，sayshe，fromtheblackcountrythatwouldhangtheirownfathersforfivequiddownandtravellingexpenses。

Andhewastellingusthere’stwofellowswaitingbelowtopullhisheelsdownwhenhegetsthedropandchokehimproperlyandthentheychopuptheropeafterandsellthebitsforafewbobaskull。

Inthedarklandtheybide，thevengefulknightsoftherazor。Theirdeadlycoiltheygrasp：yea，andthereintheyleadtoErebuswhatsoeverwighthathdoneadeedofbloodforIwillonnowisesufferitevensosaiththeLord。

SotheystartedtalkingaboutcapitalpunishmentandofcourseBloomcomesoutwiththewhyandthewhereforeandallthecodologyofthebusinessandtheolddogsmellinghimallthetimeI’mtoldthoseJewiesdoeshaveasortofaqueerodourcomingoffthemfordogsaboutIdon’tknowwhatalldeterrenteffectandsoforthandsoon。

There’sonethingithasn’tadeterrenteffecton，saysAlf。

What’sthat？saysJoe。

Thepoorbugger’stoolthat’sbeinghanged，saysAlf。

Thatso？saysJoe。

God’struth，saysAlf。IheardthatfromtheheadwarderthatwasinKilmainhamwhentheyhangedJoeBrady，theinvincible。Hetoldmewhentheycuthimdownafterthedropitwasstandingupintheirfaceslikeapoker。

Rulingpassionstrongindeath，saysJoe，assomeonesaid。

Thatcanbeexplainedbyscience，saysBloom。It’sonlyanaturalphenomenon，don’tyousee，becauseonaccountofthe……

Andthenhestartswithhisjawbreakersaboutphenomenonandscienceandthisphenomenonandtheotherphenomenon。

ThedistinguishedscientistHerrProfessorLuitpoldBlumendufttenderedmedicalevidencetotheeffectthattheinstantaneousfractureofthecervicalvertebraeandconsequentscissionofthespinalcordwould，accordingtothebestapprovedtraditionsofmedicalscience，becalculatedtoinevitablyproduceinthehumansubjectaviolentganglionicstimulusofthenervecentres，causingtheporesofthecobracavernosatorapidlydilateinsuchawayastoinstantaneouslyfacilitatetheflowofbloodtothatpartofthehumananatomyknownasthepenisormaleorganresultinginthephenomenonwhichhasbeendominatedbythefacultyamorbidupwardsandoutwardsphiloprogenitiveerectioninarticulomortisperdiminutionemcapitis。

SoofcoursethecitizenwasonlywaitingforthewinkofthewordandhestartsgassingoutofhimabouttheinvinciblesandtheoldguardandthemenofsixtysevenandwhofearstospeakofninetyeightandJoewithhimaboutallthefellowsthatwerehanged，drawnandtransportedforthecausebydrumheadcourtmartialandanewIrelandandnewthis，thatandtheother。TalkingaboutnewIrelandheoughttogoandgetanewdogsoheought。MangyravenousbrutesnifflingandsneezingallroundtheplaceandscratchinghisscabsandroundhegoestoBobDoranthatwasstandingAlfahalfonesuckingupforwhathecouldget。SoofcourseBobDoranstartsdoingthebloodyfoolwithhim：

Giveusthepaw！Givethepaw，doggy！Goodolddoggy。Giveusthepawhere！Giveusthepaw！

Arrah！bloodyendtothepawhe’dpawandAlftryingtokeephimfromtumblingoffthebloodystoolatopofthebloodyolddogandhetalkingallkindsofdrivelabouttrainingbykindnessandthoroughbreddogandintelligentdog：giveyouthebloodypip。ThenhestartsscrapingafewbitsofoldbiscuitoutofthebottomofaJacob’stinhetoldTerrytobring。Gob，hegollopeditdownlikeoldbootsandhistonguehangingoutofhimayardlongformore。Nearatethetinandall，hungrybloodymongrel。

Andthecitize