第68章

Therewasbadbloodbetweenthematfirst，saysMrVincent，andthelordHarrycalledfarmerNicholasalltheoldNicksintheworldandanoldwhoremasterthatkeptseventrullsinhishouseandI’llmeddleinhismatters，sayshe。I’llmakethatanimalsmellhell，sayshe，withthehelpofthatgoodpizzlemyfatherleftme。Butoneevening，saysMrDixon，whenthelordHarrywascleaninghisroyalpelttogotodinnerafterwinningaboatrace(hehadspadeoarsforhimselfbutthefirstruleofthecoursewasthattheothersweretorowwithpitchforks)hediscoveredinhimselfawonderfullikenesstoabullandonpickingupablackthumbedchapbookthathekeptinthepantryhefoundsureenoughthathewasalefthandeddescendantofthefamouschampionbulloftheRomans，BosBovum，whichisgoodbogLatinforbossoftheshow。Afterthat，saysMrVincent，thelordHarryputhisheadintoacow’sdrinkingtroughinthepresenceofallhiscourtiersandpullingitoutagaintoldthemallhisnewname。

Then，withthewaterrunningoffhim，hegotintoanoldsmockandskirtthathadbelongedtohisgrandmotherandboughtagrammarofthebull’slanguagetostudybuthecouldneverlearnawordofitexceptthefirstpersonalpronounwhichhecopiedoutbigandgotoffbyheartandifeverhewentoutforawalkhefilledhispocketswithchalktowriteituponwhattookhisfancy，thesideofarockorateahousetableorabaleofcottonoracorkfloat。InshortheandthebullofIrelandweresoonasfastfriendsasanarseandashirt。Theywere，saysMrStephen，andtheendwasthatthemenoftheisland，seeingnohelpwastowardastheungratewomenwereallofonemind，madeawherryraft，loadedthemselvesandtheirbundlesofchattelsonshipboard，setallmastserect，mannedtheyards，sprangtheirluff，heavedto，spreadthreesheetsinthewind，putherheadbetweenwindandwater，weighedanchor，portedherhelm，ranupthejollyRoger，gavethreetimesthree，letthebullginerun，pushedoffintheirbumboatandputtoseatorecoverthemainofAmerica。Whichwastheoccasion，saysMrVincent，ofthecomposingbyaboatswainofthatrollickingchanty：PopePeter’sbutapissabed。

Aman’samanfora’that。Ourworthyacquaintance，MrMalachiMulligan，nowappearedinthedoorwayasthestudentswerefinishingtheirapologueaccompaniedwithafriendwhomhehadjustrencountered，ayounggentleman，hisnameAlecBannon，whohadlatecometotown，itbeinghisintentiontobuyacolouroracornetcyinthefenciblesandlistforthewars。MrMulliganwascivilenoughtoexpresssomerelishofitallthemoreasitjumpedwithaprojectofhisownforthecureoftheveryevilthathadbeentouchedon。WhereathehandedroundtothecompanyasetofpasteboardcardswhichhehadhadprintedthatdayatMrQuinnell’sbearingalegendprintedinfairitalics：MrMalachiMulligan，FertiliserandIncubator，LambayIsland。Hisproject，ashewentontoexpound，wastowithdrawfromtheroundofidlepleasuressuchasformthechiefbusinessofsirFoplingPopinjayandsirMilksopQuidnuncintownandtodevotehimselftothenoblesttaskforwhichourbodilyorganismhasbeenframed。Well，letushearofit，goodmyfriend，saidMrDixon。Imakenodoubtitsmacksofwenching。Come，beseated，both。’Tisascheapsittingasstanding。MrMulliganacceptedoftheinvitationand，expatiatingonhisdesign，toldhishearersthathehadbeenledintothisthoughtbyaconsiderationofthecausesofsterility，boththeinhibitoryandtheprohibitory，whethertheinhibitioninitsturnwereduetoconjugalvexationsortoaparsimonyofthebalanceaswellaswhethertheprohibitionproceededfromdefectscongenitalorfromproclivitiesacquired。Itgrievedhimplaguily，hesaid，toseethenuptialcouchdefraudedofitsdearestpledges：andtoreflectuponsomanyagreeablefemaleswithrichjointures，apreyforthevilestbonzes，whohidetheirflambeauunderabushelinanuncongenialcloisterorlosetheirwomanlybloomintheembracesofsomeunaccountablemuskinwhentheymightmultiplytheinletsofhappiness，sacrificingtheinestimablejeweloftheirsexwhenahundredprettyfellowswereathandtocaress，this，heassuredthem，madehisheartweep。Tocurbthisinconvenience(whichheconcludedduetoasuppressionoflatentheat)，havingadvisedwithcertaincounsellorsofworthandinspectedintothismatter，hehadresolvedtopurchaseinfeesimpleforeverthefreeholdofLambayislandfromitsholder，lordTalbotdeMalahide，aTorygentlem