第20章

MrBloomturnedandsawtheliveriedporterraisehisletteredcapasastatelyfigureenteredbetweenthenewsboardsoftheWeeklyFreemanandNationalPressandtheFreeman’sJournalandNationalPress。

DullthuddingGuinness’sbarrels。Itpassedstatelyupthestaircasesteeredbyanumbrella，asolemnbeardframedface。Thebroadclothbackascendedeachstep：back。Allhisbrainsareinthenapeofhisneck，SimonDedalussays。Weltsoffleshbehindonhim。Fatfoldsofneck，fat，neck，fat，neck。

Don’tyouthinkhisfaceislikeOurSaviour？RedMurraywhispered。

ThedoorofRuttledge’sofficewhispered：ee：cree。Theyalwaysbuildonedooroppositeanotherforthewindto。Wayin。Wayout。

OurSaviour：beardframedovalface：talkingintheduskMary，Martha。

Steeredbyanumbrellaswordtothefootlights：Mariothetenor。

OrlikeMario，MrBloomsaid。

Yes，RedMurrayagreed。ButMariowassaidtobethepictureofOurSaviour。

JesusMariowithrougycheeks，doubletandspindlelegs。Handonhisheart。InMartha。Co-omethoulostone，Co-omethoudearone。TheCrozierandthePenHisgracephoneddowntwicethismorning，RedMurraysaidgravely。

Theywatchedtheknees，legs，bootsvanish。Neck。

Atelegramboysteppedinnimbly，threwanenvelopeonthecounterandsteppedoffposthastewithaword。

Freeman！

MrBloomsaidslowly：

Well，heisoneofoursavioursalso。

Ameeksmileaccompaniedhimasheliftedthecounterflap，ashepassedinthroughthesidedoorandalongthewarmdarkstairsandpassage，alongthenowreverberatingboards。Butwillhesavethecirculation？Thumping，thumping。

Hepushedintheglassswingdoorandentered，steppingoverstrewnpackingpaper。ThroughalaneofclankingdrumshemadehiswaytowardsNannetti’sreadingcloset。WithUnfeignedRegretitisweannouncetheofamostrespectedDublinBurgessHynesheretoo：accountofthefuneralprobably。Thumpingthump。ThismorningtheremainsofthelateMrPatrickDignam。Machines。Smashamantoatomsiftheygothimcaught。Ruletheworldtoday。Hismachineriesarepeggingawaytoo。Likethese，gotoutofhand：fermenting。Workingaway，tearingaway。Andthatoldgreyrattearingtogetin。HowaGreatDailyOrganisturnedoutMrBloomhaltedbehindtheforeman’ssparebody，admiringaglossycrown。

Strangeheneversawhisrealcountry。Irelandmycountry。MemberforCollegegreen。Heboomedthatworkadayworkertackforallitwasworth。

It’stheadsadsidefeaturessellaweeklynotthestalenewsintheofficialgazette。QueenAnneisdead。Publishedbyauthorityintheyearonethousandand。DemesnesituateinthetownlandofRosenallis，baronyofTinnachinch。

ToallwhomitmayconcernschedulepursuanttostatuteshowingreturnofnumberofmulesandjennetsexportedfromBallina。Naturenotes。Cartoons。

PhilBlake’sweeklyPatandBullstory。Uncle’Toby’spagefortinytots。

Countrybumpkin’squeries。DearMrEditor，whatisagoodcureforflatulence？

I’dlikethatpart。Learnalotteachingothers。ThepersonalnoteM。A。

P。Mainlyallpictures。Shapelybathersongoldenstrand。World’sbiggestballoon。Doublemarriageofsisterscelebrated。Twobridegroomslaughingheartilyateachother。Cupranitoo，printer。MoreIrishthantheIrish。

Themachinesclankedinthreefourtime。Thump，thump，thurap。Nowifhegotparalysedthereandnooneknewhowtostopthemthey’dclankonandonthesame，printitoverandoverandupandback。Monkeydoodlethewholething。Wantacoolhead。

Well，getitintotheeveningedition，councillor，Hynessaid。

Soonbecallinghimmylordmayor。LongJohnisbackinghimtheysay。

Theforeman，withoutanswering，scribbledpressonacornerofthesheetandmadeasigntoatypesetter。Hehandedthesheetsilentlyoverthedirtyglassscreen。

Right：thanks，Hynessaidmovingoff。

MrBloomstoodinhisway。

Ifyouwanttodrawthecashierisjustgoingtolunch，hesaid，pointingbackwardwithhisthumb。

Didyou？Hynesasked。

Mm，MrBloomsaid。Looksharpandyou’llcatchhim。

Thanks，oldman，Hynessaid。I’lltaphimtoo。

HehurriedoneagerlytowardstheFreeman’sJournal。

ThreebobIlenthiminMeagher’s。Threeweeks。Thirdhint。WeseetheCanvasseratworkMrBloomlaidhiscuttingonMrNannetti’sdesk。

Excuseme，councillor，hesaid。Thisad，yousee。Keyes，youremember。

MrNannetticonsideredthecuttingawhileandnodded。

HewantsitinforJuly，MrBloomsaid。

Hedoesn’thearit。Nannan。Ironnerves。

Theforemanmovedhispenciltowardsit。

Butwait，MrBloomsaid。Hewantsitchanged。Keyes，yousee。Hewantstwokeysatthetop。

Hellofarackettheymake。MaybeheunderstandswhatI。

Theforemanturnedroundtohearpatientlyand，liftinganelbow，begantoscratchslowlyinthearmpitofhisalpacajacket。

Likethat，MrBloomsaid，crossinghisforefingersatthetop。

Lethimtakethatinfirst。

MrBloom，glancingsidewaysupfromthecrosshehadmade，sawtheforeman’ssallowface，thinkhehasatouchofjaundice，andbeyondtheobedientreelsfeedinginhugewebsofpaper。Clankit。Clankit。Milesofitunreeled。

Whatbecomesofitafter？O，wrapupmeat，parcels：varioususes，thousandandonethings。

Slippinghiswordsdeftlyintothepausesoftheclankinghedrewswiftlyonthescarred-woodwork。HouseofKey(e)sLikethat，see。Twocrossedkeyshere。Acircle。ThenherethenameAlexanderKeyes，tea，wineandspiritmerchant。Soon。

Betternotteachhimhisownbusiness。

Youknowyourself，councillor，justwhathewants。Thenroundthetopinleaded：thehouseofkeys。Yousee？Doyouthinkthat’sagoodidea？

Theforemanmovedhisscratchinghandtohislowerribsandscratchedtherequietly。

Theidea，MrBloomsaid，isthehouseofkeys。Youknow，councillor，theManxparliament。Innuendoofhomerule。Tourists，youknow，fromtheisleofMan。Catchestheeye，yousee。Canyoudothat？

Icouldaskhimperhapsabouthowtopronouncethatvoglio。Butthenifhedidn’tknowonlymakeitawkwardforhim。Betternot。

Wecandothat，theforemansaid。Haveyouthedesign？

Icangetit，MrBloomsaid。ItwasinaKilkennypaper。Hehasahousetheretoo。I’lljustrunoutandaskhim。Well，youcandothatandjustalittleparcallingattention。Youknowtheusual。Highclasslicensedpremises。Longfeltwant。Soon。

Theforemanthoughtforaninstant。

Wecandothat，hesaid。Lethimgiveusathreemonths’renewal。

Atypesetterbroughthimalimpgalleypage。Hebegantocheckitsilently。

MrBloomstoodby，hearingtheloudthrobsofcranks，watchingthesilenttypesettersattheircases。OrthographicalWanttobesureofhisspelling。Prooffever。MartinCunninghamforgottogiveushisspellingbeeconundrumthismorning。Itisamusingtoviewtheunparonearalleledembarratwoarsisit？doubleessmentofaharassedpedlarwhilegaugingauthesymmetryofapeeledpearunderacemeterywall。Silly，isn’tit？Cemeteryputinofcourseonaccountofthesymmetry。

Icouldhavesaidwhenheclappedonhistopper。Thankyou。Ioughttohavesaidsomethingaboutanoldhatorsomething。No，Icouldhavesaid。Looksasgoodasnewnow。Seehisphizthen。

Sllt。Thenethermostdeckofthefirstmachinejoggedforwardsitsflyboardwithslitthefirstbatchofquirefoldedpapers。Sllt。Almosthumanthewayitsllttocallattention。Doingitslevelbesttospeak。Thatdoortooslitcreaking，askingtobeshut。Everythingspeaksinitsownway。

Sllt。NotedChurchmananOccasionalContributorTheforemanhandedbackthegalleypagesuddenly，saying：

Wait。Where’sthearchbishop’sletter？It’stoberepeatedintheTelegraph。Where’swhat’shisname？

Helookedabouthimroundhisloudunansweringmachines。

Monks，sir？avoiceaskedfromthecastingbox。

Ay。Where’sMonks？

Monks！

MrBloomtookuphiscutting。Timetogetout。

ThenI’llgetthedesign，MrNannetti，hesaid，andyou’llgiveitagoodplaceIknow。

Monks！

Yes，sir。

Threemonths’renewal。Wanttogetsomewindoffmychestfirst。Tryitanyhow。RubinAugust：goodidea：horseshowmonth。Ballsbridge。Touristsoverfortheshow。ADayfatherHewalkedonthroughthecaseroom，passinganoldman，bowed，spectacled，aproned。OldMonks，thedayfather。Queerlotofstuffhemusthaveputthroughhishandsinhistime：obituarynotices，pubs’ads，speeches，divorcesuits，founddrowned。Nearingtheendofhistethernow。Soberseriousmanwithabitinthesavings-bankI’dsay。Wifeagoodcookandwasher。

Daughterworkingthemachineintheparlour。PlainJane，nodamnnonsense。AnditwastheFeastofthePassoverHestayedinhiswalktowatchatypesetterneatlydistributingtype。Readsitbackwardsfirst。Quicklyhedoesit。Mustrequiresomepracticethat。

mangiD。kcirtaP。Poorpapawithhishagadahbook，readingbackwardswithhisfingertome。Pessach。NextyearinJerusalem。Dear，Odear！AllthatlongbusinessaboutthatbroughtusoutofthelandofEgyptandintothehouseofbondagealleluia。ShemaIsraelAdonaiElohenu。No，that’stheother。Thenthetwelvebrothers，Jacob’ssons。Andthenthelambandthecatandthedogandthestickandthewaterandthebutcherandthentheangelofdeathkillsthebutcherandhekillstheoxandthedogkillsthecat。Soundsabitsillytillyoucometolookintoitwell。Justiceitmeansbutit’severybodyeatingeveryoneelse。That’swhatlifeisafterall。Howquicklyhedoesthatjob。Practicemakesperfect。Seemstoseewithhisfingers。

MrBloompassedonoutoftheclankingnoisesthroughthegalleryontothelanding。NowamIgoingtotramitoutallthewayandthencatchhimoutperhaps？Betterphonehimupfirst。Number？SameasCitron’shouse。

Twentyeight。Twentyeightdoublefour。OnlyoncemorethatsoapHewentdownthehousestaircase。Whothedeucescrawledalloverthesewallswithmatches？Looksasiftheydiditforabet。Heavygreasysmelltherealwaysisinthoseworks。LukewarmglueinThom’snextdoorwhenIwasthere。

Hetookouthishandkerchieftodabhisnose。Citronlemon？Ah，thesoapIputthere。Loseitoutofthatpocket。Puttingbackhishandkerchiefhetookoutthesoapandstoweditaway，buttonedintothehippocketofhistrousers。

Whatperfumedoesyourwifeuse？Icouldgohomestill：tram：somethingIforgot。Justtoseebeforedressing。No。Here。No。

AsuddenscreechoflaughtercamefromtheEveningTelegraphoffice。Knowwhothatis。What’sup？Popinaminutetophone。NedLambertitis。

Heenteredsoftly。Erin，GreenGemoftheSilverSeaTheghostwalks，professorMacllughmurmuredsoftly，biscuitfullytothedustywindowpane。

MrDedalus，staringfromtheemptyfireplaceatNedLambert’squizzingface，askedofitsourly：

AgonisingChrist，wouldn’titgiveyouaheartburnonyourarse？

NedLambert，seatedonthetable，readon：

Oragain，notethemeanderingsofsomepurlingrillasitbabblesonitsway，fannedbygentlestzephyrstho’quarrellingwiththestonyobstacles，tothetumblingwatersofNeptune’sbluedomain，midmossybanks，playedonbytheglorioussunlightor’neaththeshadowscasto’eritspensivebosombytheoverarchingleafageofthegiantsoftheforest。

Whataboutthat，Simon？heaskedoverthefringeofhisnewspaper。How’sthatforhigh？

Changinghisdrink，MrDedalussaid。

NedLambert，laughing，struckthenewspaperonhisknees，repeating：

Thepensivebosomandtheoverarsingleafage。Oboys！Oboys！

AndXenophonlookeduponMarathon，MrDedalussaid，lookingagainonthefireplaceandtothewindow，andMarathonlookedonthesea。

Thatwilldo，professorMacHughcriedfromthewindow。Idon’twanttohearanymoreofthestuff。

Heateoffthecrescentofwaterbiscuithehadbeennibblingand，hungered，madereadytonibblethebiscuitinhisotherhand。

Highfalutinstuff。Bladderbags。NedLambertistakingadayoffIsee。

Ratherupsetsaman’sdayafuneraldoes。Hehasinfluencetheysay。OldChatterton，thevice-chancellor，ishisgranduncleorhisgreatgranduncle。

Closeonninetytheysay。Subleaderforhisdeathwrittenthislongtimeperhaps。Livingtospitethem。Mightgofirsthimself。Johnny，makeroomforyouruncle。TherighthonourableHedgesEyreChatterton。Daresayhewriteshimanoddshakychequeortwoongaledays。Windfallwhenhekicksout。Alleluia。

Justanotherspasm，NedLambertsaid。