第54章

Ofcourseanactionwouldlie，saysJ。J。Itimpliesthatheisnotcomposmentis。U。p。up。

Composyoureye！saysAlf，laughing。Doyouknowthathe’sbalmy？Lookathishead。Doyouknowthatsomemorningshehastogethishatonwithashoehorn？

Yes，saysJ。J。，butthetruthofalibelisnodefencetoanindictmentforpublishingitintheeyesofthelaw。

Ha，ha，Alf，saysJoe。

Still，saysBloom，onaccountofthepoorwoman，Imeanhiswife。

Pityabouther，saysthecitizen。Oranyotherwomanmarriesahalfandhalf。

Howhalfandhalf？saysBloom。Doyoumeanhe。

HalfandhalfImean，saysthecitizen。Afellowthat’sneitherfishnorflesh。

Norgoodredherring，saysJoe。

Thatwhat’sImean，saysthecitizen。Apishogue，ifyouknowwhatthatis。

BegobIsawtherewastroublecoming。AndBloomexplainedhemeant，onaccountofitbeingcruelforthewifehavingtogoroundaftertheoldstutteringfool。CrueltytoanimalssoitistoletthatbloodypovertystrickenBreenoutongrasswithhisbeardouttrippinghim，bringingdowntherain。

Andshewithhernosecockahoopaftershemarriedhimbecauseacousinofhisoldfellow’swaspewopenertothepope。Pictureofhimonthewallwithhissmashallsweeney’smoustaches。ThesignorBrinifromSummerhill，theeyetallyano，papalzouavetotheHolyFather，hasleftthequayandgonetoMossstreet。Andwhowashe，tellus？Anobody，twopairbackandpassages，atsevenshillingsaweek，andhecoveredwithallkindsofbreastplatesbiddingdefiancetotheworld。

Andmoreover，saysJ。J。，apostcardispublication。ItwasheldtobesufficientevidenceofmaliceinthetestcaseSadgrovev。

Hole。Inmyopinionanactionmightlie。

Sixandeightpence，please。Whowantsyouropinion？Letusdrinkourpintsinpeace。Gob，wewon’tbeletevendothatmuchitself。

Well，goodhealth，Jack，saysNed。

Goodhealth，Ned，saysJ。J。

Thereheisagain，saysJoe。

Where？saysAlf。

AndbegobtherehewaspassingthedoorwithhisbooksunderhisoxterandthewifebesidehimandCornyKelleherwithhiswalleyelookinginastheywentpast，talkingtohimlikeafather，tryingtosellhimasecondhandcoffin。

HowdidthatCanadaswindlecasegooff？saysJoe。

Remanded，saysJ。J。

OneofthebottlenosedfraternityitwaswentbythenameofJamesWoughtaliasSaphiroaliasSparkandSpiro，putanadinthepaperssayinghe’dgiveapassagetoCanadafortwentybob。What？Doyouseeanygreeninthewhiteofmyeye？Courseitwasabloodybarney。What？Swindledthemall，skivviesandbadhachsfromthecountyMeath，ay，andhisownkidneytoo。J。J。wastellingustherewasanancientHebrewZaretskyorsomethingweepinginthewitnessboxwithhishatonhim，swearingbytheholyMoseshewasstuckfortwoquid。

Whotriedthecase？saysJoe。

Recorder，saysNed。

PooroldsirFrederick，saysAlf，youcancodhimuptothetwoeyes。

Heartasbigasalion，saysNed。Tellhimataleofwoeaboutarrearsofrentandasickwifeandasquadofkidsand，faith，he’lldissolveintearsonthebench。

Ay，saysAlf。ReubenJ。wasbloodyluckyhedidn’tclaphiminthedocktheotherdayforsuingpoorlittleGumleythat’smindingstonesforthecorporationtherenearButtbridge。

Andhestartstakingofftheoldrecorderlettingontocry：

Amostscandalousthing！Thispoorhardworkingman！Howmanychildren？

Ten，didyousay？

Yes，yourworship。Andmywifehasthetyphoid！

Andawifewithtyphoidfever！Scandalous！Leavethecourtimmediately，sir。No，sir，I’llmakenoorderforpayment。Howdareyou，sir，comeupbeforemeandaskmetomakeanorder！Apoorhardworkingindustriousman！

Idismissthecase。

Andwhereasonthesixteenthdayofthemonthoftheoxeyedgoddessandinthethirdweekafterthefeastdayofthe