第16章

twomenextravagantlymadeupasnegrominstrels，withimmenseshoesandplaidvests。Theyseemedtobeabletowrestleatuneoutofalmostanything——glassbottles，cigar-

boxfiddles，stringsofsleigh-bells，evengraduatedbrasstubes，whichtheyrubbedwithresinedfingers。McTeaguewasstupefiedwithadmiration。

“That’swhatyoucallmusicians，“heannouncedgravely。

“Home，SweetHome，“playeduponatrombone。Thinkofthat！

Artcouldgonofarther。

Theacrobatslefthimbreathless。Theyweredazzlingyoungmenwithbeautifullypartedhair，continuallymakinggracefulgesturestotheaudience。Inoneofthemthedentistfanciedhesawastrongresemblancetotheboywhohadtormentedtheintoxicatedlodgerandwhohadturnedsuchmarvelloussomersaults。Trinacouldnotbeartowatchtheirantics。Sheturnedawayherheadwithalittleshudder。

“Italwaysmakesmesick，“sheexplained。

Thebeautifulyounglady，“TheSocietyContralto，“ineveningdress，whosangthesentimentalsongs，andcarriedthesheetsofmusicatwhichsheneverlooked，pleasedMcTeagueless。Trina，however，wascaptivated。Shegrewpensiveover“Youdonotloveme——no；

Bidmegood-byandgo；“

andsplithernewglovesinherenthusiasmwhenitwasfinished。

“Don’tyoulovesadmusic，Mac？“shemurmured。

Thencamethetwocomedians。Theytalkedwithfearfulrapidity；theirwitandreparteeseemedinexhaustible。

“AsIwasgoingdownthestreetyesterday——“

“Ah！asYOUweregoingdownthestreet——allright。“

“Isawagirlatawindow——“

“YOUsawagirlatawindow。“

“Andthisgirlshewasacorker——“

“Ah！asYOUweregoingdownthestreetyesterdayYOU

sawagirlatawindow，andthisgirlshewasacorker。Allright，goon。“

Theothercomedianwenton。Thejokewassuddenlyevolved。

Acertainphraseledtoasong，whichwassungwithlightningrapidity，eachperformermakingpreciselythesamegesturesatpreciselythesameinstant。Theywereirresistible。McTeague，thoughhecaughtbutathirdofthejokes，couldhavelistenedallnight。

Afterthecomedianshadgoneout，theironadvertisementcurtainwasletdown。

“Whatcomesnow？“saidMcTeague，bewildered。

“It’stheintermissionoffifteenminutesnow。“

Themusiciansdisappearedthroughtherabbithutch，andtheaudiencestirredandstretcheditself。Mostoftheyoungmenlefttheirseats。

DuringthisintermissionMcTeagueandhispartyhad“refreshments。“Mrs。SieppeandTrinahadQueenCharlottes，McTeaguedrankaglassofbeer，Owgoosteatetheorangeandoneofthebananas。Hebeggedforaglassoflemonade，whichwasfinallygivenhim。

“Joosttogeepumquiet，“observedMrs。Sieppe。

ButalmostimmediatelyafterdrinkinghislemonadeOwgoostewasseizedwithasuddenrestlessness。Hetwistedandwriggledinhisseat，swinginghislegsviolently，lookingabouthimwitheyesfullofavaguedistress。Atlength，justasthemusicianswerereturning，hestoodupandwhisperedenergeticallyinhismother’sear。Mrs。Sieppewasexasperatedatonce。

“No，no，“shecried，reseatinghimbrusquely。

Theperformancewasresumed。Alightningartistappeared，drawingcaricaturesandportraitswithincredibleswiftness。

Heevenwentsofarastoaskforsubjectsfromtheaudience，andthenamesofprominentmenwereshoutedtohimfromthegallery。HedrewportraitsofthePresident，ofGrant，ofWashington，ofNapoleonBonaparte，ofBismarck，ofGaribaldi，ofP。T。Barnum。

Andsotheeveningpassed。Thehallgrewveryhot，andthesmokeofinnumerablecigarsmadetheeyessmart。Athickbluemisthunglowovertheheadsoftheaudience。Theairwasfullofvariedsmells——thesmellofstalecigars，offlatbeer，oforangepeel，ofgas，ofsachetpowders，andofcheapperfumery。

One“artist“afteranothercameuponthestage。McTeague’sattentionneverwanderedforaminute。Trinaandhermotherenjoyedthemselveshugely。Ateverymomenttheymadecommentstooneanother，theireyesneverleavingthestage。

“Ain’tdotfooljoosttoofunny？“

“That’saprettysong。Don’tyoulikethatkindofasong？“

“Wonderful！It’swonderful！Yes，yes，wonderful！That’stheword。“

Owgooste，however，lostinterest。Hestoodupinhisplace，hisbacktothestage，chewingapieceoforangepeelandwatchingalittlegirlinherfather’slapacrosstheaisle，hiseyesfixedinaglassy，ox-likestare。Buthewasuneasy。Hedancedfromonefoottotheother，andatintervalsappealedinhoarsewhisperstohismother，whodisdainedananswer。

“Ma，say，ma-ah，“hewhined，abstractedlychewinghisorangepeel，staringatthelittlegirl。

“Ma-ah，say，ma。“Attimeshismonotonousplaintreachedhismother’sconsciousness。Shesuddenlyrealizedwhatthiswasthatwasannoyingher。

“Owgooste，willyousitdown？“Shecaughthimupallatonce，andjammedhimdownintohisplace。“Bequiet，den；

loog；listunatderyungegirls。“

Threeyoungwomenandayoungmanwhoplayedazitheroccupiedthestage。TheyweredressedinTyrolesecostume；

theywereyodlers，andsanginGermanabout“mountaintops“

and“boldhunters“andthelike。Theyodlingchoruswasamarvelofflute-likemodulations。Thegirlswerereallypretty，andwerenotmadeupintheleast。Their“turn“hadagreatsuccess。Mrs。Sieppewasentranced。InstantlysherememberedhergirlhoodandhernativeSwissvillage。

“Ach，dotisheavunly；joostlikederoldcountry。Meingran’mutterusedtobeoneofdermos’famousyodlers。WhenIwasleedle，Ihafseendemjoostlikedat。“

“Ma-ah，“beganOwgoostefretfully，assoonastheyodlershaddeparted。Hecouldnotkeepstillaninstant；hetwistedfromsidetoside，swinginghislegswithincredibleswiftness。

“Ma-ah，Iwanttogoho-ome。“

“Pehave！“exclaimedhismother，shakinghimbythearm；

“loog，derleedlegirliswatchunyou。DisisderlastdimeItakeyoutoderblay，yousee。“

“Idon’tca-are；I’msleepy。“Atlength，totheirgreatrelief，hewenttosleep，hisheadagainsthismother’sarm。

Thekinetoscopefairlytooktheirbreathsaway。

“Whatwilltheydonext？“observedTrina，inamazement。

“Ain’tthatwonderful，Mac？“

McTeaguewasawe-struck。

“Lookatthathorsemovehishead，“hecriedexcitedly，quitecarriedaway。“Lookatthatcablecarcoming——andthemangoingacrossthestreet。See，herecomesatruck。

Well，Ineverinallmylife！WhatwouldMarcussaytothis？“

“It’salladrick！“exclaimedMrs。Sieppe，withsuddenconviction。“Iain’tnofool；dot’snothunbutadrick。“

“Well，ofcourse，mamma，“exclaimedTrina，“it’s——“

ButMrs。Sieppeputherheadintheair。

“I’mtoooldtobefooled，“shepersisted。“It’sadrick。“

Nothingmorecouldbegotoutofherthanthis。

Thepartystayedtotheveryendoftheshow，thoughthekinetoscopewasthelastnumberbutoneontheprogramme，andfullyhalftheaudienceleftimmediatelyafterward。

However，whiletheunfortunateIrishcomedianwentthroughhis“act“tothebacksofthedepartingpeople，Mrs。SieppewokeOwgooste，verycrossandsleepy，andbegangettingher“thingstogether。“AssoonashewasawakeOwgoostebeganfidgetingagain。

“Savederbrogramme，Trina，“whisperedMrs。Sieppe。“Takeuthometopopper。WhereisderhatofOwgooste？Hafyougotmeinhandkerchief，Trina？“

ButatthismomentadreadfulaccidenthappenedtoOwgooste；

hisdistressreacheditsclimax；hisfortitudecollapsed。

Whatamisery！Itwasaveritablecatastrophe，deplorable，lamentable，athingbeyondwords！Foramomenthegazedwildlyabouthim，helplessandpetrifiedwithastonishmentandterror。Thenhisgrieffoundutterance，andtheclosingstrainsoftheorchestraweremingledwithaprolongedwailofinfinitesadness。

“Owgooste，whatisut？“criedhismothereyeinghimwithdawningsuspicion；thensuddenly，“Whathafyoudone？YouhafruinyournewVauntleroygostume！“Herfaceblazed；

withoutmoreadoshesmackedhimsoundly。ThenitwasthatOwgoostetouchedthelimitofhismisery，hisunhappiness，hishorriblediscomfort；hisutterwretchednesswascomplete。Hefilledtheairwithhisdolefuloutcries。Themorehewassmackedandshaken，thelouderhewept。

“What——whatisthematter？“inquiredMcTeague。

Trina’sfacewasscarlet。“Nothing，nothing，“sheexclaimedhastily，lookingaway。“Come，wemustbegoing。It’saboutover。“Theendoftheshowandthebreakingupoftheaudiencetidedovertheembarrassmentofthemoment。

Thepartyfiledoutatthetailendoftheaudience。

Alreadythelightswerebeingextinguishedandtheushersspreadingdruggetingovertheupholsteredseats。

McTeagueandtheSieppestookanuptowncarthatwouldbringthemnearPolkStreet。Thecarwascrowded；McTeagueandOwgoostewereobligedtostand。Thelittleboyfrettedtobetakeninhismother’slap，butMrs。Sieppeemphaticallyrefused。

Ontheirwayhometheydiscussedtheperformance。

“I——Ilikebestderyodlers。“