第15章

“Well，thedrumsareontherightoftheorchestraasyoufacethestage，“shoutedtheotherimpatiently；“youwanttotheleft，then，asyoufacethehouse。“

“Iwanttobeontheright-handside，“persistedthedentist。

Withoutawordthesellerthrewoutfourticketswithamagnificent，superciliousgesture。

“There’sfourseatsontheright-handside，then，andyou’rerightupagainstthedrums。“

“ButIdon’twanttobenearthedrums，“protestedMcTeague，beginningtoperspire。

“Doyouknowwhatyouwantatall？“saidtheticketsellerwithcalmness，thrustinghisheadatMcTeague。Thedentistknewthathehadhurtthisyoungman’sfeelings。

“Iwant——Iwant，“hestammered。Thesellerslammeddownaplanofthehouseinfrontofhimandbegantoexplainexcitedly。ItwastheonethinglackingtocompleteMcTeague’sconfusion。

“Thereareyourseats，“finishedtheseller，shovingtheticketsintoMcTeague’shands。“Theyarethefourthrowfromthefront，andawayfromthedrums。Nowareyousatisfied？“

“Aretheyontheright-handside？Iwantontheright——no，Iwantontheleft。Iwant——Idon’know，Idon’know。“

Thesellerroared。McTeaguemovedslowlyaway，gazingstupidlyattheblueslipsofpasteboard。Twogirlstookhisplaceatthewicket。InanothermomentMcTeaguecameback，peeringoverthegirls’shouldersandcallingtotheseller：

“AretheseforMondaynight？“

Theotherdisdainedreply。McTeagueretreatedagaintimidly，thrustingtheticketsintohisimmensewallet。Foramomenthestoodthoughtfulonthestepsoftheentrance。

Thenallatoncehebecameenraged，hedidnotknowexactlywhy；somehowhefelthimselfslighted。Oncemorehecamebacktothewicket。

“Youcan’tmakesmallofme，“heshoutedoverthegirls’

shoulders；“you——youcan’tmakesmallofme。I’llthumpyouinthehead，youlittle——youlittle——youlittle——little——

littlepup。“Theticketsellershruggedhisshoulderswearily。“Adollarandahalf，“hesaidtothetwogirls。

McTeagueglaredathimandbreathedloudly。Finallyhedecidedtoletthematterdrop。Hemovedaway，butonthestepswasoncemoreseizedwithasenseofinjuryandoutrageddignity。

“Youcan’tmakesmallofme，“hecalledbackalasttime，wagginghisheadandshakinghisfist。“Iwill——Iwill——I

will——yes，Iwill。“Hewentoffmuttering。

AtlastMondaynightcame。McTeaguemettheSieppesattheferry，dressedinablackPrinceAlbertcoatandhisbestslate-bluetrousers，andwearingthemade-uplawnnecktiethatMarcushadselectedforhim。TrinawasveryprettyintheblackdressthatMcTeagueknewsowell。Sheworeapairofnewgloves。Mrs。Sieppehadonlisle-threadmits，andcarriedtwobananasandanorangeinanetreticule。“ForOwgooste，“sheconfidedtohim。OwgoostewasinaFauntleroy“costume“verymuchtoosmallforhim。Alreadyhehadbeencrying。

“Woultyoupelief，Doktor，dotbubehastornhisstockunalreatty？Walkinderfront，you；stopcryun。Whereisdotberliceman？“

AtthedoorofthetheatreMcTeaguewassuddenlyseizedwithapanicterror。Hehadlostthetickets。Hetorethroughhispockets，ransackedhiswallet。Theywerenowheretobefound。Allatonceheremembered，andwithagaspofreliefremovedhishatandtookthemoutfrombeneaththesweatband。

Thepartyenteredandtooktheirplaces。Itwasabsurdlyearly。Thelightswerealldarkened，theushersstoodunderthegalleriesingroups，theemptyauditoriumechoingwiththeirnoisytalk。Occasionallyawaiterwithhistrayandcleanwhiteapronsaunteredupanddountheaisle。Directlyinfrontofthemwasthegreatironcurtainofthestage，paintedwithallmannerofadvertisements。Frombehindthiscameanoiseofhammeringandofoccasionalloudvoices。

Whilewaitingtheystudiedtheirprogrammes。Firstwasanoverturebytheorchestra，afterwhichcame“TheGleasons，intheirmirth-movingmusicalfarce，entitled’McMonnigal’sCourt-ship。’“Thiswastobefollowedby“TheLamontSisters，WinnieandViolet，serio-comiquesandskirtdancers。“Andafterthiscameagreatarrayofother“artists“and“specialtyperformers，“musicalwonders，acrobats，lightningartists，ventriloquists，andlastofall，“Thefeatureoftheevening，thecrowningscientificachievementofthenineteenthcentury，thekinetoscope。“

McTeaguewasexcited，dazzled。Infiveyearshehadnotbeentwicetothetheatre。Nowhebeheldhimselfinvitinghis“girl“andhermothertoaccompanyhim。Hebegantofeelthathewasamanoftheworld。Heorderedacigar。

Meanwhilethehousewasfillingup。Afewsidebracketswereturnedon。Theushersranupanddowntheaisles，stubsofticketsbetweentheirthumbandfinger，andfromeverypartoftheauditoriumcouldbeheardthesharpclap-

clappingoftheseatsastheushersflippedthemdown。A

buzzoftalkarose。Inthegalleryastreetgaminwhistledshrilly，andcalledtosomefriendsontheothersideofthehouse。

“Aretheygo-wuntobeginprettysoon，ma？“whinedOwgoosteforthefifthorsixthtime；adding，“Say，ma，can’tIhavesomecandy？“Acadaverouslittleboyhadappearedintheiraisle，chanting，“Candies，Frenchmixedcandies，popcorn，peanutsandcandy。“Theorchestraentered，eachmancrawlingoutfromanopeningunderthestage，hardlylargerthanthegateofarabbithutch。Ateveryinstantnowthecrowdincreased；therewerebutfewseatsthatwerenottaken。Thewaitershurriedupanddowntheaisles，theirtraysladenwithbeerglasses。Asmellofcigar-smokefilledtheair，andsoonafaintbluehazerosefromallcornersofthehouse。

“Ma，whenaretheygo-wuntobegin？“criedOwgooste。Ashespoketheironadvertisementcurtainrose，disclosingthecurtainproperunderneath。Thislattercurtainwasquiteanaffair。Uponitwaspaintedawonderfulpicture。Aflightofmarblestepsleddowntoastreamofwater；twowhiteswans，theirnecksarchedlikethecapitalletterS，floatedabout。Attheheadofthemarblestepsweretwovasesfilledwithredandyellowflowers，whileatthefootwasmooredagondola。Thisgondolawasfullofredvelvetrugsthathungoverthesideandtrailedinthewater。Intheprowofthegondolaayoungmaninvermiliontightsheldamandolininhislefthand，andgavehisrighttoagirlinwhitesatin。AKingCharlesspaniel，draggingaleading-

stringintheshapeofahugepinksash，followedthegirl。

Sevenscarletroseswerescattereduponthetwoloweststeps，andeightfloatedinthewater。

“Ain’tthatpretty，Mac？“exclaimedTrina，turningtothedentist。

“Ma，ain’ttheygo-wuntobeginnow-wow？“whinedOwgooste。

Suddenlythelightsalloverthehouseblazedup。“Ah！“

saideverybodyallatonce。

“Ain’tutcrowdut？“murmuredMr。Sieppe。Everyseatwastaken；manywereevenstandingup。

“Ialwayslikeitbetterwhenthereisacrowd，“saidTrina。

Shewasingreatspiritsthatevening。Herround，palefacewaspositivelypink。

Theorchestrabangedawayattheoverture，suddenlyfinishingwithagreatflourishofviolins。Ashortpausefollowed。Thentheorchestraplayedaquick-stepstrain，andthecurtainroseonaninteriorfurnishedwithtworedchairsandagreensofa。Agirlinashortbluedressandblackstockingsenteredinahurryandbegantodustthetwochairs。Shewasinagreattemper，talkingveryfast，disclaimingagainstthe“newlodger。“Itappearedthatthislatterneverpaidhisrent；thathewasgiventolatehours。

Thenshecamedowntothefootlightsandbegantosinginatremendousvoice，hoarseandflat，almostlikeaman’s。Thechorus，ofafeebleoriginality，ran：

“Oh，howhappyIwillbe，Whenmydarling’sfaceI’llsee；

Oh，tellhimfortomeetmeinthemoonlight，Downwherethegoldenliliesbloom。“

Theorchestraplayedthetuneofthischorusasecondtime，withcertainvariations，whilethegirldancedtoit。

Shesidledtoonesideofthestageandkicked，thensidledtotheotherandkickedagain。Asshefinishedwiththesong，aman，evidentlythelodgerinquestion，camein。

InstantlyMcTeagueexplodedinaroaroflaughter。Themanwasintoxicated，hishatwasknockedin，oneendofhiscollarwasunfastenedandstuckupintohisface，hiswatch-

chaindangledfromhispocket，andayellowsatinslipperwastiedtoabutton-holeofhisvest；hisnosewasvermilion，oneeyewasblackandblue。Afterashortdialoguewiththegirl，athirdactorappeared。Hewasdressedlikealittleboy，thegirl’syoungerbrother。Heworeanimmenseturned-downcollar，andwascontinuallydoinghand-springsandwonderfulbacksomersaults。The“act“devolveduponthesethreepeople；thelodgermakinglovetothegirlintheshortbluedress，theboyplayingallmanneroftricksuponhim，givinghimtremendousdigsintheribsorslapsuponthebackthatmadehimcough，pullingchairsfromunderhim，runningonallfoursbetweenhislegsandupsettinghim，knockinghimoveratinopportunemoments。

Everyoneofhisfallswasaccentuatedbyabanguponthebassdrum。Thewholehumorofthe“act“seemedtoconsistinthetrippingupoftheintoxicatedlodger。

Thishorse-playdelightedMcTeaguebeyondmeasure。Heroaredandshoutedeverytimethelodgerwentdown，slappinghisknee，wagginghishead。Owgoostecrowedshrilly，clappinghishandsandcontinuallyasking，“Whatdidhesay，ma？Whatdidhesay？“Mrs。Sieppelaughedimmoderately，herhugefatbodyshakinglikeamountainofjelly。Sheexclaimedfromtimetotime，“Ach，Gott，dotfool！“EvenTrinawasmoved，laughingdemurely，herlipsclosed，puttingonehandwithitsnewglovetohermouth。

Theperformancewenton。Nowitwasthe“musicalmarvels，“