第49章

Godhelphim，whoyetmakeslightofthis！Thereisgreatertemerityrequiredinthisageofours，whichouryoungmenexcuseunderthenameofheat;butshouldwomenexamineitmorestrictly，theywouldfindthatitratherproceedsfromcontempt。Iwasalwayssuperstitiouslyafraidofgivingoffence，andhaveeverhadagreatrespectforherIloved:besides，hewhointhistraffictakesawaythereverence，defacesatthesametimethelustre。Iwouldinthisaffairhaveamanalittleplaythechild，thetimorous，andtheservant。Ifnotthis，IhaveinotherbashfulnesswhereofaltogetherinthingssomeairofthefoolishPlutarchmakesmention;andthecourseofmylifehasbeendiverswayshurtandblemishedwithit;aqualityveryillsuitingmyuniversalform:and，indeed，whatarewebutseditionanddiscrepancy？IamasmuchoutofcountenancetobedeniedasIamtodeny;anditsomuchtroublesmetobetroublesometoothersthatonoccasionwhendutycompelsmetotrythegood—willofanyoneinathingthatisdoubtfulandthatwillbechargeabletohim，Idoitveryfaintly，andverymuchagainstmywill:

butifitbeformyownparticular（whateverHomertrulysays，thatmodestyisafoolishvirtueinanindigentperson），Icommonlycommitittoathirdpersontoblushforme，anddenythosewhoemploymewiththesamedifficulty:sothatithassometimesbefallenmetohavehadamindtodeny，whenIhadnotthepowertodoit。

’Tisfolly，then，toattempttobridleinwomenadesirethatissopowerfulinthem，andsonaturaltothem。AndwhenIhearthembragofhavingsomaidenlyandsotemperateawill，Ilaughatthem:theyretiretoofarback。Ifitbeanoldtoothlesstrot，orayoungdryconsumptivething，thoughitbenotaltogethertobebelieved，atleasttheysayitwithmoresimilitudeoftruth。Buttheywhostillmoveandbreathe，talkatthatridiculousratetotheirownprejudice，byreasonthatinconsiderateexcusesareakindofself—accusation;likeagentleman，aneighbourofmine，suspectedtobeinsufficient:

"Languidiorteneracuipendenssiculabeta，Numquamsemediamsustulitadtunicam，"

[Catullus，lxvii。2，i。——Thesenseisinthecontext。]

whothreeorfourdaysafterhewasmarried，tojustifyhimself，wentaboutboldlyswearingthathehadriddentwentystagesthenightbefore:

anoaththatwasafterwardsmadeuseoftoconvicthimofhisignoranceinthataffair，andtodivorcehimfromhiswife。Besides，itsignifiesnothing，forthereisneithercontinencynorvirtuewheretherearenoopposingdesires。Itistrue，theymaysay，butwewillnotyield;

saintsthemselvesspeakafterthatmanner。Imeanthosewhoboastingoodgravityoftheircoldnessandinsensibility，andwhoexpecttobebelievedwithaseriouscountenance;forwhen’tisspokenwithanaffectedlook，whentheireyesgivethelietotheirtongue，andwhentheytalkinthecantoftheirprofession，whichalwaysgoesagainstthehair，’tisgoodsport。Iamagreatservantoflibertyandplainness;

butthereisnoremedy;ifitbenotwhollysimpleorchildish，’tissilly，andunbecomingladiesinthiscommerce，andpresentlyrunsintoimpudence。Theirdisguisesandfiguresonlyservetocosenfools;lyingisthereinitsseatofhonour;’tisaby—way，thatbyaback—doorleadsustotruth。Ifwecannotcurbtheirimagination，whatwouldwehavefromthem。Effects？Thereareenoughofthemthatevadeallforeigncommunication，bywhichchastitymaybecorrupted:

"Illudsaepefacit，quodsinetestefacit;"

["Heoftendoesthatwhichhedoeswithoutawitness。"

——Martial，vii。62，6。]

andthosewhichwefeartheleastare，peradventure，mosttobefeared;

theirsinsthatmaketheleastnoisearetheworst:

"Offendormaechasimplicioreminus。"

["Iamlessoffendedwithamoreprofessedstrumpet。"

——Idem，vi。7，6。]

Therearewaysbywhichtheymaylosetheirvirginitywithoutprostitution，and，whichismore，withouttheirknowledge:

"Obsterix，virginiscujusdamintegritatemmanuvelutexplorans，sivemalevolentia，siveinscitia，sivecasu，duminspicit，perdidit。"

["Bymalevolence，orunskilfulness，oraccident，themidwife，seekingwiththehandtotestsomemaiden’svirginity，hassometimesdestroyedit。"——St。Augustine，DeCivit。Dei，i。18。]

Suchaone，byseekinghermaidenhead，haslostit;anotherbyplayingwithithasdestroyedit。Wecannotpreciselycircumscribetheactions，weinterdictthem;theymustguessatourmeaningundergeneralanddoubtfulterms;theveryideaweinventfortheirchastityisridiculous:

for，amongstthegreatestpatternsthatIhaveisFatua，thewifeofFaunus:whonever，afterhermarriage，sufferedherselftobeseenbyanymanwhatever;andthewifeofHiero，whoneverperceivedherhusband’sstinkingbreath，imaginingthatitwascommontoallmen。Theymustbecomeinsensibleandinvisibletosatisfyus。

Nowletusconfessthattheknotofthisjudgmentofdutyprincipallyliesinthewill;therehavebeenhusbandswhohavesufferedcuckoldom，notonlywithoutreproachortakingoffenceattheirwives，butwithsingularobligationtothemandgreatcommendationoftheirvirtue。

Suchawomanhasbeen，whoprizedherhonouraboveherlife，andyethasprostitutedittothefuriouslustofamortalenemy，tosaveherhusband’slife，andwho，insodoing，didthatforhimshewouldnothavedoneforherself！Thisisnottheplacewhereinwearetomultiplytheseexamples;theyaretoohighandrichtobesetoffwithsopoorafoilasIcangivethemhere;letusreservethemforanoblerplace;butforexamplesofordinarylustre，dowenoteverydayseewomenamongstuswhosurrenderthemselvesfortheirhusbandssolebenefit，andbytheirexpressorderandmediation？and，ofold，PhauliustheArgian，whoofferedhistoKingPhilipoutofambition;asGalbadiditoutofcivility，who，havingentertainedMaecenasatsupper，andobservingthathiswifeandhebegantocastglancesatoneanotherandtomakeeyesandsigns，lethimselfsinkdownuponhiscushion，likeoneinaprofoundsleep，togiveopportunitytotheirdesires:whichhehandsomelyconfessed，forthereuponaservanthavingmadeboldtolayhandsontheplateuponthetable，hefranklycried，"What，yourogue？doyounotseethatIonlysleepforMaecenas？"Suchtheremaybe，whosemannersmaybelewdenough，whosewillmaybemorereformedthananother，whooutwardlycarriesherselfafteramoreregularmanner。Asweseesomewhocomplainofhavingvowedchastitybeforetheyknewwhattheydid;andIhavealsoknownothersreally，complainofhavingbeengivenuptodebaucherybeforetheywereoftheyearsofdiscretion。Theviceoftheparentsortheimpulseofnature，whichisaroughcounsellor，maybethecause。

IntheEastIndies，thoughchastityisofsingularreputation，yetcustompermittedamarriedwomantoprostituteherselftoanyonewhopresentedherwithanelephant，andthatwithglory，tohavebeenvaluedatsohigharate。Phaedothephilosopher，amanofbirth，afterthetakingofhiscountryElis，madeithistradetoprostitutethebeautyofhisyouth，solongasitlasted，toanyonethatwould，formoneytherebytogainhisliving:andSolonwasthefirstinGreece，’tissaid，whobyhislawsgavelibertytowomen，attheexpenseoftheirchastity，toprovideforthenecessitiesoflife;acustomthatHerodotussayshadbeenreceivedinmanygovernmentsbeforehistime。Andbesides，whatfruitisthereofthispainfulsolicitude？Forwhatjusticesoeverthereisinthispassion，weareyettoconsiderwhetheritturnstoaccountorno:doesanyonethinktocurbthem，withallhisindustry？

"Poneseram;cohibe:sedquiscustodietipsosCustodes？cautaest，etabillisincipituxor。"

["Putonalock;shutthemupunderaguard;butwhoshallguardtheguard？sheknowswhatsheisabout，andbeginswiththem。"

——Juvenal，vi。346。]

Whatcommoditywillnotservetheirturn，insoknowinganage？

Curiosityisviciousthroughout;but’tispernicioushere。’Tisfollytoexamineintoadiseaseforwhichthereisnophysicthatdoesnotinflameandmakeitworse;ofwhichtheshamegrowsstillgreaterandmorepublicbyjealousy，andofwhichtherevengemorewoundsourchildrenthanithealsus。Youwitheranddieinthesearchofsoobscureaproof。Howmiserablyhavetheyofmytimearrivedatthatknowledgewhohavebeensounhappyastohavefounditout？Iftheinformerdoesnotatthesametimeapplyaremedyandbringrelief，’tisaninjuriousinformation，andthatbetterdeservesastabthanthelie。Wenolesslaughathimwhotakespainstopreventit，thanathimwhoisacuckoldandknowsitnot。

Thecharacterofcuckoldisindelible:whooncehasitcarriesittohisgrave;thepunishmentproclaimsitmorethanthefault。Itistomuchpurposetodragoutofobscurityanddoubtourprivatemisfortunes，thencetoexposethemontragicscaffolds;andmisfortunesthatonlyhurtusbybeingknown;forwesayagoodwifeorahappymarriage，notthattheyarereallyso，butbecausenoonesaystothecontrary。Menshouldbesodiscreetastoevadethistormentingandunprofitableknowledge:

andtheRomanshadacustom，whenreturningfromanyexpedition，tosendhomebeforetoacquainttheirwiveswiththeircoming，thattheymightnotsurprisethem;andtothispurposeitisthatacertainnationhasintroducedacustom，thatthepriestshallonthewedding—dayopenthewaytothebride，tofreethehusbandfromthedoubtandcuriosityofexamininginthefirstassault，whethershecomesavirgintohisbed，orhasbeenatthetradebefore。

Buttheworldwillbetalking。Iknow，ahundredhonestmencuckolds，honestlyandnotunbeseemingly;aworthymanispitied，notdisesteemedforit。Orderitsothatyourvirtuemayconqueryourmisfortune;thatgoodmenmaycursetheoccasion，andthathewhowrongsyoumaytremblebuttothinkon’t。And，moreover，whoescapesbeingtalkedofatthesamerate，fromtheleasteventothegreatest？

"Totquilegionibusimperitivit"Etmeliorquamtomultisfuit，improbe，rebus。"

["Manywhohavecommandedlegions，manyamanmuchbetterfarthanyou，yourascal。"——Lucretius，iii。1039，1041。]

Seestthouhowmanyhonestmenarereproachedwiththisinthypresence;

believethatthouartnomoresparedelsewhere。But，theveryladieswillbelaughingtoo;andwhataretheysoapttolaughatinthisvirtuousageofoursasatapeaceableandwell—composedmarriage？Eachamongstyouhasmadesomebodycuckold;andnaturerunsmuchinparallel，incompensation，andturnforturn。Thefrequencyofthisaccidentoughtlongsincetohavemadeitmoreeasy;’tisnowpassedintocustom。

Miserablepassion！whichhasthisalso，thatitisincommunicable，"Forsetiamnostrisinviditquestibusaures;"

["Fortunealsorefuseseartoourcomplaints。"

——Catullus，lxvii。]

fortowhatfrienddareyouintrustyourgriefs，who，ifhedoesnotlaughatthem，willnotmakeuseoftheoccasiontogetashareofthequarry？Thesharps，aswellasthesweetsofmarriage，arekeptsecretbythewise;andamongstitsothertroublesomeconditionsthistoapratingfellow，asIam，isoneofthechief，thatcustomhasrendereditindecentandprejudicialtocommunicatetoanyoneallthatamanknowsandallthatamanfeels。Togivewomenthesamecounselagainstjealousywouldbesomuchtimelost;theirverybeingissomadeupofsuspicion，vanity，andcuriosity，thattocurethembyanylegitimatewayisnottobehoped。Theyoftenrecoverofthisinfirmitybyaformofhealthmuchmoretobefearedthanthediseaseitself;forasthereareenchantmentsthatcannottakeawaytheevilbutbythrowingituponanother，theyalsowillinglytransferthisevertotheirhusbands，whentheyshakeitoffthemselves。AndyetIknownot，tospeaktruth，whetheramancansufferworsefromthemthantheirjealousy;’tisthemostdangerousofalltheirconditions，astheheadisofalltheirmembers。Pittacususedtosay，——[Plutarch，OnContentment，c。II。]——

thateveryonehadhistrouble，andthathiswasthejealousheadofhiswife;butforwhichheshouldthinkhimselfperfectlyhappy。Amightyinconvenience，sure，whichcouldpoisonthewholelifeofsojust，sowise，andsovaliantaman;whatmustweotherlittlefellowsdo？ThesenateofMarseilleshadreasontogranthimhisrequestwhobeggedleavetokillhimselfthathemightbedeliveredfromtheclamourofhiswife;

for’tisamischiefthatisneverremovedbutbyremovingthewholepiece;andthathasnoremedybutflightorpatience，thoughbothofthemveryhard。Hewas，methinks，anunderstandingfellowwhosaid，’twasahappymarriagebetwixtablindwifeandadeafhusband。

Letusalsoconsiderwhetherthegreatandviolentseverityofobligationweenjointhemdoesnotproducetwoeffectscontrarytoourdesignnamely，whetheritdoesnotrenderthepursuantsmoreeagertoattack，andthewomenmoreeasytoyield。Forastothefirst，byraisingthevalueoftheplace，weraisethevalueandthedesireoftheconquest。

MightitnotbeVenusherself，whosocunninglyenhancedthepriceofhermerchandise，bymakingthelawsherbawds;knowinghowinsipidadelightitwouldbethatwasnotheightenedbyfancyandhardnesstoachieve？

Inshort，’tisallswine’sflesh，variedbysauces，asFlaminius’hostsaid。Cupidisaroguishgod，whomakesithissporttocontendwithdevotionandjustice:’tishisglorythathispowermatesallpowers，andthatallotherrulesgiveplacetohis:

"Materiamculpaeprosequiturquesuae。"

["Andseeksoutamatter（motive）forhiscrimes。"

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