第46章

Wemustmoderateandadaptourdesirestothenearestandeasiesttobeacquiredthings。Isitnotafoolishhumourofminetoseparatemyselffromathousandtowhommyfortunehasconjoinedme，andwithoutwhomI

cannotlive，andcleavetooneortwowhoareoutofmyintercourse;orratherafantasticdesireofathingIcannotobtain？Mygentleandeasymanners，enemiesofallsournessandharshness，mayeasilyenoughhavesecuredmefromenvyandanimosities;tobebeloved，Idonotsay，butneveranymangavelessoccasionofbeinghated;butthecoldnessofmyconversationhas，reasonablyenough，deprivedmeofthegoodwillofmany，whoaretobeexcusediftheyinterpretitinanotherandworsesense。

Iamverycapableofcontractingandmaintainingrareandexquisitefriendships;forbyreasonthatIsogreedilyseizeuponsuchacquaintanceasfitmyliking，IthrowmyselfwithsuchviolenceuponthemthatIhardlyfailtostick，andtomakeanimpressionwhereIhit;

asIhaveoftenmadehappyproof。InordinaryfriendshipsIamsomewhatcoldandshy，formymotionisnotnatural，ifnotwithfullsail:

besideswhich，myfortunehavinginmyyouthgivenmearelishforonesoleandperfectfriendship，has，intruth，createdinmeakindofdistastetoothers，andtoomuchimprintedinmyfancythatitisabeastofcompany，astheancientsaid，butnotoftheherd。——[Plutarch，OnthePluralityofFriends，c。2。]——AndalsoIhaveanaturaldifficultyofcommunicatingmyselfbyhalves，withthemodificationsandtheservileandjealousprudencerequiredintheconversationofnumerousandimperfectfriendships:andweareprincipallyenjoinedtotheseinthisageofours，whenwecannottalkoftheworldbuteitherwithdangerorfalsehood。

YetdoIverywelldiscernthathewhohastheconveniences（Imeantheessentialconveniences）oflifeforhisend，asIhave，oughttoflythesedifficultiesanddelicacyofhumour，asmuchastheplague。I

shouldcommendasoulofseveralstages，thatknowsbothhowtostretchandtoslackenitself;thatfindsitselfateaseinallconditionswhitherfortuneleadsit;thatcandiscoursewithaneighbour，ofhisbuilding，hishunting，hisquarrels;thatcanchatwithacarpenteroragardenerwithpleasure。Ienvythosewhocanrenderthemselvesfamiliarwiththemeanestoftheirfollowers，andtalkwiththemintheirownway;

anddisliketheadviceofPlato，thatmenshouldalwaysspeakinamagisterialtonetotheirservants，whethermenorwomen，withoutbeingsometimesfacetiousandfamiliar;forbesidesthereasonsIhavegiven，’tisinhumanandunjusttosetsogreatavalueuponthispitifulprerogativeoffortune，andthepolitieswhereinlessdisparityispermittedbetwixtmastersandservantsseemtomethemostequitable。

Othersstudyhowtoraiseandelevatetheirminds;I，howtohumblemineandtobringitlow;’tisonlyviciousinextension:

"NarrasetgenusAEaci，EtpugnatasacrobellasubIlioQuoChiumpretiocadumMercemur，quisaquamtemperetignibus，Quopraebentedomum，etquota，Peligniscareamfrigoribus，taces。"

["YoutelluslongstoriesabouttheraceofAEacus，andthebattlesfoughtundersacredIlium;butwhattogiveforacaskofChianwine，whoshallpreparethewarmbath，andinwhosehouse，andwhenImayescapefromthePeligniancold，youdonottellus。"

——Horace，Od。，iii。19，3。]

Thus，astheLacedaemonianvalourstoodinneedofmoderation，andofthesweetandharmonioussoundofflutestosoftenitinbattle，lesttheyshouldprecipitatethemselvesintotemerityandfury，whereasallothernationscommonlymakeuseofharshandshrillsounds，andofloudandimperiouscries，toinciteandheatthesoldier’scouragetothelastdegree;so，methinks，contrarytotheusualmethod，inthepracticeofourminds，wehaveforthemostpartmoreneedofleadthanofwings;oftemperanceandcomposednessthanofardourandagitation。But，aboveallthings，’tisinmyopinionegregiouslytoplaythefool，toputonthegraveairsofamanofloftymindamongstthosewhoarenothingofthesort:evertospeakinprint（bythebook），"Favellareinpumadiforchetta。"

["Totalkwiththepointofafork，"（affectedly）]

Youmustletyourselfdowntothosewithwhomyouconverse;andsometimesaffectignorance:layasidepowerandsubtiltyincommonconversation;topreservedecorumandorder’tisenough—nay，crawlontheearth，iftheysodesireit。

Thelearnedoftenstumbleatthisstone;theywillalwaysbeparadingtheirpedanticscience，andstrewtheirbookseverywhere;theyhave，inthesedays，sofilledthecabinetsandearsoftheladieswiththem，thatiftheyhavelostthesubstance，theyatleastretainthewords;soasinalldiscourseuponallsortsofsubjects，howmeanandcommonsoever，theyspeakandwriteafteranewandlearnedway，"Hocsermonepavent，hociram，gaudia，curas，Hoccunctaeffunduntanimisecreta;quidultra？

Concumbuntdocte;"

["Inthislanguagedotheyexpresstheirfears，theiranger，theirjoys，theircares;inthispouroutalltheirsecrets;whatmore？

theyliewiththeirloverslearnedly。"——Juvenal，vi。189。]

andquotePlatoandAquinasinthingsthefirstmantheymeetcoulddetermineaswell;thelearningthatcannotpenetratetheirsoulshangsstilluponthetongue。Ifpeopleofqualitywillbepersuadedbyme，theyshallcontentthemselveswithsettingouttheirproperandnaturaltreasures;theyconcealandcovertheirbeautiesunderothersthatarenoneoftheirs:’tisagreatfollytoputouttheirownlightandshinebyaborrowedlustre:theyareinterredandburiedunder’decapsulatotae"——[Paintedandperfumedfromheadtofoot。"（Or:）"asiftheywerethingscarefullydepositedinaband—box。"——Seneca，Ep。115]——Itisbecausetheydonotsufficientlyknowthemselvesordothemselvesjustice:theworldhasnothingfairerthanthey;’tisforthemtohonourthearts，andtopaintpainting。Whatneedhavetheyofanythingbuttolivebelovedandhonoured？Theyhaveandknowbuttoomuchforthis:

theyneeddonomorebutrouseandheatalittlethefacultiestheyhaveoftheirown。WhenIseethemtamperingwithrhetoric，law，logic，andotherdrugs，soimproperandunnecessaryfortheirbusiness，Ibegintosuspectthatthemenwhoinspirethemwithsuchfancies，doitthattheymaygovernthemuponthataccount;forwhatotherexcusecanIcontrive？

Itisenoughthattheycan，withoutourinstruction，composethegracesoftheireyestogaiety，severity，sweetness，andseasonadenialwithasperity，suspense，orfavour:theyneednotanothertointerpretwhatwespeakfortheirservice;withthisknowledge，theycommandwithaswitch，andruleboththetutorsandtheschools。Butif，nevertheless，itangersthemtogiveplacetousinanythingwhatever，andwill，outofcuriosity，havetheirshareinbooks，poetryisadiversionproperforthem;’tisawanton，subtle，dissembling，andpratingart，allpleasureandallshow，likethemselves。Theymayalsoabstractseveralcommoditiesfromhistory。Inphilosophy，outofthemoralpartofit，theymayselectsuchinstructionsaswillteachthemtojudgeofourhumoursandconditions，todefendthemselvesfromourtreacheries，toregulatetheardouroftheirowndesires，tomanagetheirliberty，tolengthenthepleasuresoflife，andgentlytobeartheinconstancyofalover，therudenessofahusband;andtheimportunityofyears，wrinkles，andthelike。ThisistheutmostofwhatIwouldallowtheminthesciences。

Therearesomeparticularnaturesthatareprivateandretired:mynaturalwayisproperforcommunication，andapttolaymeopen;Iamallwithoutandinsight，bornforsocietyandfriendship。ThesolitudethatIlovemyselfandrecommendtoothers，ischieflynootherthantowithdrawmythoughtsandaffectionsintomyself;torestrainandcheck，notmysteps，butmyowncaresanddesires，resigningallforeignsolicitude，andmortallyavoidingservitudeandobligation，andnotsomuchthecrowdofmenasthecrowdofbusiness。Localsolitude，tosaythetruth，rathergivesmemoreroomandsetsmemoreatlarge;ImorereadilythrowmyselfuponaffairsofstateandtheworldwhenIamalone。

AttheLouvreandinthebustleofthecourt，Ifoldmyselfwithinmyownskin;thecrowdthrustsmeuponmyself;andIneverentertainmyselfsowantonly，withsomuchlicence，orsoespecially，asinplacesofrespectandceremoniousprudence:ourfolliesdonotmakemelaugh，itisourwisdomwhichdoes。Iamnaturallynoenemytoacourt，life;Ihavethereinpassedapartofmyown，andamofahumourcheerfullytofrequentgreatcompany，provideditbebyintervalsandatmyowntime:

butthissoftnessofjudgmentwhereofIspeaktiesmeperforcetosolitude。Evenathome，amidstanumerousfamily，andinahousesufficientlyfrequented，Iseepeopleenough，butrarelysuchwithwhomI

delighttoconverse;andItherereservebothformyselfandothersanunusualliberty:thereisinmyhousenosuchthingasceremony，ushering，orwaitinguponpeopledowntothecoach，andsuchothertroublesomeceremoniesasourcourtesyenjoins（Otheservileandimportunatecustom！）。Everyonetheregovernshimselfaccordingtohisownmethod;letwhowillspeakhisthoughts，Isitmute，meditatingandshutupinmycloset，withoutanyoffencetomyguests。

ThemenwhosesocietyandfamiliarityIcovetarethosetheycallsincereandablemen;andtheimageofthesemakesmedisrelishtherest。Itis，ifrightlytaken，therarestofourforms，andaformthatwechieflyowetonature。Theendofthiscommerceissimplyprivacy，frequentationandconference，theexerciseofsouls，withoutotherfruit。Inourdiscourse，allsubjectsarealiketome;lettherebeneitherweight，nordepth，’tisallone:thereisyetgraceandpertinency;allthereistintedwithamatureandconstantjudgment，andmixedwithgoodness，freedom，gaiety，andfriendship。’Tisnotonlyintalkingoftheaffairsofkingsandstatethatourwitsdiscovertheirforceandbeauty，buteverywhitasmuchinprivateconferences。Iunderstandmymenevenbytheirsilenceandsmiles;andbetterdiscoverthem，perhaps，attablethaninthecouncil。Hippomachussaid，verywell，"thathecouldknowthegoodwrestlersbyonlyseeingthemwalkinthestreet。"Iflearningpleasetostepintoourtalk，itshallnotberejected，notmagisterial，imperious，andimportunate，as—itcommonlyis，butsuffragananddocileitself;wethereonlyseektopassawayourtime;whenwehaveamindtobeinstructedandpreachedto，wewillgoseekthisinitsthrone;pleaseletithumbleitselftousforthenonce;for，usefulandprofitableasitis，Iimaginethat，atneed，wemaymanagewellenoughwithoutit，anddoourbusinesswithoutitsassistance。Awell—descendedsoul，andpractisedintheconversationofmen，willofherselfrenderherselfsufficientlyagreeable;artisnothingbutthecounterpartandregisterofwhatsuchsoulsproduce。

Theconversationalsoofbeautifulandhonourablewomenisformeasweetcommerce:

"Namnosquoqueoculoseruditoshabemus。"

["Forwealsohaveeyesthatareversedinthematter。"

——Cicero，Paradox，v。2。]

Ifthesoulhasnotthereinsomuchtoenjoy，asinthefirstthebodilysenses，whichparticipatemoreofthis，bringittoaproportionnextto，though，inmyopinion，notequaltotheother。But’tisacommercewhereinamanmuststandalittleuponhisguard，especiallythose，wherethebodycandomuch，asinme。Itherescaldedmyselfinmyyouth，andsufferedallthetormentsthatpoetssaybefallthosewhoprecipitatethemselvesintolovewithoutorderandjudgment。Itistruethatthatwhippinghasmademewisersince:

"QuicumqueArgolicadeclasseCaphareafugit，SemperabEuboicisvelaretorquetaquis。"

["WhoeveroftheGrecianfleethasescapedtheCaphareanrocks，evertakescaretosteerfromtheEuboeansea。"——Ovid，Trist。，i。i，83。]

’Tisfollytofixallaman’sthoughtsuponit，andtoengageinitwithafuriousandindiscreetaffection;but，ontheotherhand，toengagetherewithoutloveandwithoutinclination，likecomedians，toplayacommonpart，withoutputtinganythingtoitofhisownbutwords，isindeedtoprovideforhissafety，but，withal，afterascowardlyamannerashewhoshouldabandonhishonour，profit，orpleasureforfearofdanger。Foritiscertainthatfromsuchapractice，theywhosetitonfootcanexpectnofruitthatcanpleaseorsatisfyanoblesoul。Amanmusthave，ingoodearnest，desiredthatwhichhe，ingoodearnest，expectstohaveapleasureinenjoying;Isay，thoughfortuneshouldunjustlyfavourtheirdissimulation;whichoftenfallsout，becausethereisnoneofthesex，letherbeasuglyasthedevil，whodoesnotthinkherselfwellworthytobebeloved，andwhodoesnotpreferherselfbeforeotherwomen，eitherforheryouth，thecolourofherhair，orhergracefulmotion（fortherearenomorewomenuniversallyugly，thantherearewomenuniversallybeautiful，andsuchoftheBrahminvirginsashavenothingelsetorecommendthem，thepeoplebeingassembledbythecommoncriertothateffect，comeoutintothemarket—p