第30章

butthathewasnowsoaccustomedtoithecouldnotleaveitoff。And，atthatverytime，hewastrappedstealingalady’srings，havingcomeintoherchamber，asshewasdressingwithseveralothers。HeputmeinmindofastoryIhadheardofanothergentleman，soperfectandaccomplishedinthisfinetradeinhisyouth，that，afterhecametohisestateandresolvedtogiveitover，hecouldnotholdhishands，nevertheless，ifhepassedbyashopwherehesawanythingheliked，fromcatchingitup，thoughitputhimtotheshameofsendingafterwardstopayforit。AndIhavemyselfseenseveralsohabituatedtothisqualitythatevenamongsttheircomradestheycouldnotforbearfilching，thoughwithintenttorestorewhattheyhadtaken。IamaGascon，andyetthereisnoviceIsolittleunderstandasthat;IhateitsomethingmorebydispositionthanIcondemnitbyreason;Idonotsomuchasdesireanythingofanotherman’s。Thisprovinceofoursis，inplaintruth，alittlemoredecriedthantheotherpartsofthekingdom;andyetwehaveseveraltimesseen，inourtimes，menofgoodfamiliesofotherprovinces，inthehandsofjustice，convictedofabominablethefts。I

fearthisviceis，insomesort，tobeattributedtothefore—mentionedviceofthefathers。

Andifamanshouldtellme，asalordofverygoodunderstandingoncedid，that"hehoardedupwealth，nottoextractanyotherfruitandusefromhisparsimony，buttomakehimselfhonouredandsoughtafterbyhisrelations;andthatagehavingdeprivedhimofallotherpower，itwastheonlyremainingremedytomaintainhisauthorityinhisfamily，andtokeephimfrombeingneglectedanddespisedbyallaround，"intruth，notonlyoldage，butallotherimbecility，accordingtoAristotle，isthepromoterofavarice;thatissomething，butitisphysicforadiseasethatamanshouldpreventthebirthof。Afatherisverymiserablewhohasnootherholdonhischildren’saffectionthantheneedtheyhaveofhisassistance，ifthatcanbecalledaffection;hemustrenderhimselfworthytoberespectedbyhisvirtueandwisdom，andbelovedbyhiskindnessandthesweetnessofhismanners;eventheveryashesofarichmatterhavetheirvalue;andwearewonttohavethebonesandrelicsofworthymeninregardandreverence。Nooldagecanbesodecrepidinamanwhohaspassedhislifeinhonour，butitmustbevenerable，especiallytohischildren，whosesoulhemusthavetraineduptotheirdutybyreason，notbynecessityandtheneedtheyhaveofhim，norbyharshnessandcompulsion:

"EterratlongemeaquidemsententiaQuiimperiumcredatessegravius，autstabilius，Viquodfit，quamillud，quodamicitiaadjungitur。"

["Hewandersfarfromthetruth，inmyopinion，whothinksthatgovernmentmoreabsoluteanddurablewhichisacquiredbyforcethanthatwhichisattachedtofriendship。——Terence，Adelph。，i。I，40。]

Icondemnallviolenceintheeducationofatendersoulthatisdesignedforhonourandliberty。ThereisIknownotwhatofservileinrigourandconstraint;andIamofopinionthatwhatisnottobedonebyreason，prudence，andaddress，isnevertobeaffectedbyforce。I

myselfwasbroughtupafterthatmanner;andtheytellmethatinallmyfirstageIneverfelttherodbuttwice，andthenveryslightly。I

practisedthesamemethodwithmychildren，whoallofthemdiedatnurse，exceptLeonora，myonlydaughter，andwhoarrivedtotheageoffiveyearsandupwardwithoutothercorrectionforherchildishfaults（hermother’sindulgenceeasilyconcurring）thanwordsonly，andthoseverygentle;inwhichkindofproceeding，thoughmyendandexpectationshouldbebothfrustrated，thereareothercausesenoughtolaythefaultonwithoutblamingmydiscipline，whichIknowtobenaturalandjust，andIshould，inthis，haveyetbeenmorereligioustowardsthemales，aslessborntosubjectionandmorefree;andIshouldhavemadeitmybusinesstofilltheirheartswithingenuousnessandfreedom。Ihaveneverobservedothereffectsofwhippingthantorenderboysmorecowardly，ormorewilfullyobstinate。

Dowedesiretobebelovedofourchildren？Willweremovefromthemalloccasionofwishingourdeaththoughnooccasionofsohorridawishcaneitherbejustorexcusable？

"Nullumscelusrationemhabet。"

["Nowickednesshasreason。"——Livy，xxviii。28]

Letusreasonablyaccommodatetheirliveswithwhatisinourpower。Inordertothis，weshouldnotmarrysoyoungthatourageshallinamannerbeconfoundedwiththeirs;forthisinconvenienceplungesusintomanyverygreatdifficulties，andespeciallythegentryofthenation，whoareofaconditionwhereintheyhavelittletodo，andwholiveupontheirrentsonly:forelsewhere，withpeoplewholivebytheirlabour，thepluralityandcompanyofchildrenisanincreasetothecommonstock;

theyaresomanynewtoolsandinstrumentswherewithtogrowrich。

Imarriedatthree—and—thirtyyearsofage，andconcurintheopinionofthirty—five，whichissaidtobethatofAristotle。Platowillhavenobodymarrybeforethirty;buthehasreasontolaughatthosewhoundertooktheworkofmarriageafterfive—and—fifty，andcondemnstheiroffspringasunworthyofalimentandlife。Thalesgavethetruestlimits，who，youngandbeingimportunedbyhismothertomarry，answered，"Thatitwastoosoon，"and，beinggrownintoyearsandurgedagain，"Thatitwastoolate。"Amanmustdenyopportunitytoeveryinopportuneaction。TheancientGauls’lookeduponitasaveryhorridthingforamantohavesocietywithawomanbeforehewastwentyyearsofage，andstrictlyrecommendedtothemenwhodesignedthemselvesforwarthekeepingtheirvirginitytillwellgrowninyears，forasmuchascourageisabatedanddivertedbyintercoursewithwomen:

"Ma，orcongiuntoagiovinettasposa，Elietoomaide’figli，erainvilitoNegliaffettidipadreetdimarito。"

["Now，marriedtoayoungwifeandhappyinchildren，hewasdemoralisedbyhisloveasfatherandhusband。"

——Tasso，Gierus。，x。39。]

MuleyHassam，kingofTunis，hewhomtheEmperorCharlesV。restoredtohiskingdom，reproachedthememoryofhisfatherMahometwiththefrequentationofwomen，stylinghimloose，effeminate，andagetterofchildren。——[Ofwhomhehadthirty—four。]——TheGreekhistoryobservesofIccustheTarentine，ofChryso，Astyllus，Diopompos，andothers，thattokeeptheirbodiesinorderfortheOlympicgamesandsuchlikeexercises，theydeniedthemselvesduringthatpreparationallcommercewithVenus。

InacertaincountryoftheSpanishIndiesmenwerenotpermittedtomarrytillafterfortyage，andyetthegirlswereallowedatten。

’Tisnottimeforagentlemanofthirtyyearsoldtogiveplacetohissonwhoistwenty;heishimselfinaconditiontoservebothintheexpeditionsofwarandinthecourtofhisprince;hasneedofallhisappurtenances;andyet，doubtless，heoughttosurrenderashare，butnotsogreatanoneastoforgethimselfforothers;andforsuchanonetheanswerthatfathershaveordinarilyintheirmouths，"Iwillnotputoffmyclothes，beforeIgotobed，"serveswell。

Butafatherwornoutwithageandinfirmities，anddeprivedbyweaknessandwantofhealthofthecommonsocietyofmen，wrongshimselfandhistoamassagreatheapoftreasure。Hehaslivedlongenough，ifhebewise，tohaveamindtostriphimselftogotobed，nottohisveryshirt，Iconfess，buttothatandagood，warmdressing—gown;theremainingpomps，ofwhichhehasnofurtheruse，heoughtvoluntarilytosurrendertothose，towhombytheorderofnaturetheybelong。’Tisreasonheshouldrefertheuseofthosethingstothem，seeingthatnaturehasreducedhimtosuchastatethathecannotenjoythemhimself;

otherwisethereisdoubtlessmaliceandenvyinthecase。ThegreatestactoftheEmperorCharlesV。wasthatwhen，inimitationofsomeoftheancientsofhisownquality，confessingitbutreasontostripourselveswhenourclothesencumberandgrowtooheavyforus，andtoliedownwhenourlegsbegintofailus，heresignedhispossessions，grandeur，andpowertohisson，whenhefoundhimselffailinginvigour，andsteadinessfortheconductofhisaffairssuitablewiththegloryhehadthereinacquired:

"Solvesenescentemmaturesanusequum，nePeccetadextremumridendus，etiliaducat。"

["Dismisstheoldhorseingoodtime，lest，failinginthelists，thespectatorslaugh。"——Horace，Epist。，i。，I，8。]

Thisfaultofnotperceivingbetimesandofnotbeingsensibleofthefeeblenessandextremealterationthatagenaturallybringsbothuponbodyandmind，which，inmyopinion，isequal，ifindeedthesoulhasnotmorethanhalf，haslostthereputationofmostofthegreatmenintheworld。Ihaveknowninmytime，andbeenintimatelyacquaintedwithpersonsofgreatauthority，whomonemighteasilydiscernmarvellouslylapsedfromthesufficiencyIknewtheywereonceenduedwith，bythereputationtheyhadacquiredintheirformeryears，whomIcouldheartily，fortheirownsakes，havewishedathomeattheirease，dischargedoftheirpublicormilitaryemployments，whichwerenowgrowntooheavyfortheirshoulders。Ihaveformerlybeenveryfamiliarinagentleman’shouse，awidowerandveryold，thoughhealthyandcheerfulenough:thisgentlemanhadseveraldaughterstomarryandasonalreadyofripeage，whichbroughtuponhimmanyvisitors，andagreatexpense，neitherofwhichwellpleasedhim，notonlyoutofconsiderationoffrugality，butyetmoreforhaving，byreasonofhisage，enteredintoacourseoflifefardifferingfromours。Itoldhimonedayalittleboldly，asIusedtodo，thathewoulddobettertogiveusyoungerfolkroom，andtoleavehisprincipalhouse（forhehadbutthatwellplacedandfurnished）tohisson，andhimselfretiretoanestatehehadhardby，wherenobodywouldtroublehisrepose，seeinghecouldnototherwiseavoidbeingimportunedbyus，theconditionofhischildrenconsidered。

Hetookmyadviceafterwards，andfoundanadvantageinsodoing。

Idonotmeanthatamanshouldsoinstalthemasnottoreservetohimselfalibertytoretract;I，whoamnowarrivedtotheagewhereinsuchthingsarefittobedone，wouldresigntothemtheenjoymentofmyhouseandgoods，butwithapowerofrevocationiftheyshouldgivemecausetoaltermymind;Iwouldleavetothemtheuse，thatbeingnolongerconvenientforme;and，ofthegeneralauthorityandpoweroverall，wouldreserveasmuchas——Ithoughtgoodtomyself;havingalwaysheldthatitmustneedsbeagreatsatisfactiontoanagedfatherhimselftoputhischildrenintothewayofgoverninghisaffairs，andtohavepowerduringhisownlifetocontroltheirbehaviour，supplyingthemwithinstructionandadvicefromhisownexperience，andhimselftotransfertheancienthonourandorderofhishouseintothehandsofthosewhoaretosucceedhim，andbythatmeanstosatisfyhimselfastothehopeshemayconceiveoftheirfutureconduct。AndinordertothisIwouldnotavoidtheircompany;Iwouldobservethemnearathand，andpartake，accordingtotheconditionofmyage，oftheirfeastsandjollities。

IfIdidnotliveabsolutelyamongstthem，whichIcouldnotdowithoutannoyingthemandtheirfriends，byreasonofthemorosityofmyageandtherestlessnessofmyinfirmities，andwithoutviolatingalsotherulesandorderoflivingIshouldthenhavesetdowntomyself，Iwould，atleast，liveneartheminsomeretiredpartofmyhouse，notthebestinshow，butthemostcommodious。NorasIsawsomeyearsago，adeanofSt。HilaryofPoitiersgivenuptosuchasolitude，thatatthetimeI

cameintohischamberithadbeentwoandtwentyyearsthathehadnotsteppedonefootoutofit，andyethadallhismotionsfreeandeasy，andwasingoodhealth，savingacoldthatfelluponhislungs;hewould，hardlyonceinaweek，sufferanyonetocomeintoseehim;healwayskepthimselfshutupinhischamberalone，exceptthataservantbroughthim，onceaday，somethingtoeat，anddidthenbutjustcomeinandgooutagain。Hisemploymentwastowalkupanddown，andreadsomebook，forhewasabitofascholar;but，astotherest，obstinatelybenttodieinthisretirement，ashesoonafterdid。Iwouldendeavourbypleasantconversationtocreateinmychildrenawarmandunfeignedfriendshipandgood—willtowardsme，whichinwell—descendednaturesisnothardtodo;foriftheybefuriousbrutes，ofwhichthisageofoursproducesthousands，wearethentohateandavoidthemassuch。

Iamangryatthecustomofforbiddingchildrentocalltheirfatherbythenameoffather，andtoenjointhemanother，asmorefullofrespectandreverence，asifnaturehadnotsufficientlyprovidedforourauthority。WecallAlmightyGodFather，anddisdaintohaveourchildrencallusso;Ihavereformedthiserrorinmyfamily。——[AsdidHenryIV。

ofFrance]——And’tisalsofollyandinjusticetodeprivechildren，whengrownup，offamiliaritywiththeirfather，andtocarryascornfulandausterecountenancetowardthem，thinkingbythattokeeptheminaweandobedience;foritisaveryidlefarcethat，insteadofproducingtheeffectdesigned，rendersfathersdistasteful，and，whichisworse，ridiculoustotheirownchildren。Theyhave