第25章

Amongstthefunctionsofthesoul，therearesomeofalowerandmeanerform;hewhodoesnotseeherinthoseinferiorofficesaswellasinthoseofnoblernote，neverfullydiscoversher;and，peradventure，sheisbestshownwhereshemoveshersimplerpace。Thewindsofpassionstakemostholdofherinherhighestflights;andtheratherbyreasonthatshewhollyappliesherselfto，andexercisesherwholevirtueupon，everyparticularsubject，andneverhandlesmorethanonethingatatime，andthatnotaccordingtoit，butaccordingtoherself。Thingsinrespecttothemselveshave，peradventure，theirweight，measures，andconditions;butwhenweoncetakethemintous，thesoulformsthemasshepleases。DeathisterribletoCicero，covetedbyCato，indifferenttoSocrates。Health，conscience，authority，knowledge，riches，beauty，andtheircontraries，allstripthemselvesattheirenteringintous，andreceiveanewrobe，andofanotherfashion，fromthesoul;andofwhatcolour，brown，bright，green，dark，andofwhatquality，sharp，sweet，deep，orsuperficial，asbestpleaseseachofthem，fortheyarenotagreeduponanycommonstandardofforms，rules，orproceedings;everyoneisaqueeninherowndominions。Letus，therefore，nomoreexcuseourselvesupontheexternalqualitiesofthings;itbelongstoustogiveourselvesanaccountofthem。Ourgoodorillhasnootherdependencebutonourselves。’Tistherethatourofferingsandourvowsaredue，andnottofortuneshehasnopoweroverourmanners;onthecontrary，theydrawandmakeherfollowintheirtrain，andcastherintheirownmould。WhyshouldnotIjudgeofAlexanderattable，rantinganddrinkingattheprodigiousratehesometimesusedtodo？

Or，ifheplayedatchess？whatstringofhissoulwasnottouchedbythisidleandchildishgame？Ihateandavoidit，becauseitisnotplayenough，thatitistoograveandseriousadiversion，andIamashamedtolayoutasmuchthoughtandstudyuponitaswouldservetomuchbetteruses。HedidnotmorepumphisbrainsabouthisgloriousexpeditionintotheIndies，northananotherinunravellingapassageuponwhichdependsthesafetyofmankind。Towhatadegreedoesthisridiculousdiversionmolestthesoul，whenallherfacultiesaresummonedtogetheruponthistrivialaccount！andhowfairanopportunityshehereingiveseveryonetoknowandtomakearightjudgmentofhimself？Idonotmorethoroughlysiftmyselfinanyotherposturethanthis:whatpassionareweexemptedfrominit？Anger，spite，malice，impatience，andavehementdesireofgettingthebetterinaconcernwhereinitweremoreexcusabletobeambitiousofbeingovercome;fortobeeminent，toexcelabovethecommonrateinfrivolousthings，nowisebefitsamanofhonour。WhatI

sayinthisexamplemaybesaidinallothers。Everyparticle，everyemploymentofmanmanifestshimequallywithanyother。

DemocritusandHeraclitusweretwophilosophers，ofwhomthefirst，findinghumanconditionridiculousandvain，neverappearedabroadbutwithajeeringandlaughingcountenance;whereasHeraclituscommiseratingthatsameconditionofours，appearedalwayswithasorrowfullook，andtearsinhiseyes:

"AlterRidebat，quotiesaliminemoveratunumProtuleratquepedem;flebatcontrariusalter。"

["Theonealways，asoftenashehadsteppedonepacefromhisthreshold，laughed，theotheralwayswept。"——Juvenal，Sat。，x。28。]

[Or，asVoltaire:"Lifeisacomedytothosewhothink;

atragedytothosewhofeel。"D。W。]

Iamclearlyforthefirsthumour;notbecauseitismorepleasanttolaughthantoweep，butbecauseitexpressesmorecontemptandcondemnationthantheother，andIthinkwecanneverbedespisedaccordingtoourfulldesert。Compassionandbewailingseemtoimplysomeesteemofandvalueforthethingbemoaned;whereasthethingswelaughatarebythatexpressedtobeofnomoment。Idonotthinkthatwearesounhappyaswearevain，orhaveinussomuchmaliceasfolly;

wearenotsofullofmischiefasinanity;norsomiserableaswearevileandmean。AndthereforeDiogenes，whopassedawayhistimeinrollinghimselfinhistub，andmadenothingofthegreatAlexander，esteemingusnobetterthanfliesorbladderspuffedupwithwind，wasasharperandmorepenetrating，and，consequentlyinmyopinion，ajusterjudgethanTimon，surnamedtheMan—hater;forwhatamanhateshelaystoheart。Thislastwasanenemytoallmankind，whopassionatelydesiredourruin，andavoidedourconversationasdangerous，proceedingfromwickedanddepravednatures:theothervaluedussolittlethatwecouldneithertroublenorinfecthimbyourexample;andleftustoherdonewithanother，notoutoffear，butfromcontemptofoursociety:

concludingusasincapableofdoinggoodasevil。

OfthesamestrainwasStatilius’answer，whenBrutuscourtedhimintotheconspiracyagainstCaesar;hewassatisfiedthattheenterprisewasjust，buthedidnotthinkmankindworthyofawiseman’sconcern’;

accordingtothedoctrineofHegesias，whosaid，thatawisemanoughttodonothingbutforhimself，forasmuchasheonlywasworthyofit:andtothesayingofTheodorus，thatitwasnotreasonableawisemanshouldhazardhimselfforhiscountry，andendangerwisdomforacompanyoffools。Ourconditionisasridiculousasrisible。

CHAPTERLI

OFTHEVANITYOFWORDS

Arhetoricianoftimespastsaid，thattomakelittlethingsappeargreatwashisprofession。Thiswasashoemaker，whocanmakeagreatshoeforalittlefoot。——[AsayingofAgesilaus。]——TheywouldinSpartahavesentsuchafellowtobewhippedformakingprofessionofatrickyanddeceitfulact;andIfancythatArchidamus，whowaskingofthatcountry，wasalittlesurprisedattheanswerofThucydides，wheninquiringofhim，whichwasthebetterwrestler，Pericles，orhe，hereplied，thatitwashardtoaffirm;forwhenIhavethrownhim，saidhe，healwayspersuadesthespectatorsthathehadnofallandcarriesawaytheprize。

——[Quintilian，ii。15。——Thewomenwhopaint，pounce，andplasteruptheirruins，fillinguptheirwrinklesanddeformities，arelesstoblame，becauseitisnogreatmatterwhetherweseethemintheirnaturalcomplexions;whereasthesemakeittheirbusinesstodeceivenotoursightonlybutourjudgments，andtoadulterateandcorrupttheveryessenceofthings。Therepublicsthathavemaintainedthemselvesinaregularandwell—modelledgovernment，suchasthoseofLacedaemonandCrete，hadoratorsinnoverygreatesteem。Aristowiselydefinedrhetorictobe"asciencetopersuadethepeople;"SocratesandPlato"anarttoflatteranddeceive。"Andthosewhodenyitinthegeneraldescription，verifyitthroughoutintheirprecepts。TheMohammedanswillnotsuffertheirchildrentobeinstructedinit，asbeinguseless，andtheAthenians，perceivingofhowperniciousconsequencethepracticeofitwas，itbeingintheircityofuniversalesteem，orderedtheprincipalpart，whichistomovetheaffections，withtheirexordiumsandperorations，tobetakenaway。’Tisanengineinventedtomanageandgovernadisorderlyandtumultuousrabble，andthatneverismadeuseof，butlikephysictothesick，inadiscomposedstate。Inthosewherethevulgarortheignorant，orbothtogether，havebeenall—powerfulandabletogivethelaw，asinthoseofAthens，Rhodes，andRome，andwherethepublicaffairshavebeeninacontinualtempestofcommotion，tosuchplaceshavetheoratorsalwaysrepaired。Andintruth，weshallfindfewpersonsinthoserepublicswhohavepushedtheirfortunestoanygreatdegreeofeminencewithouttheassistanceofeloquence。

Pompey，Caesar，Crassus，Lucullus，Lentulus，Metellus，thencetooktheirchiefestspring，tomounttothatdegreeofauthorityatwhichtheyatlastarrived，makingitofgreaterusetothemthanarms，contrarytotheopinionofbettertimes;for，L。Volumniusspeakingpubliclyinfavouroftheelectionof（Q。FabiusandPub。Decius，totheconsulardignity:

"Thesearemen，"saidhe，"bornforwarandgreatinexecution;inthecombatofthetonguealtogetherwanting;spiritstrulyconsular。Thesubtle，eloquent，andlearnedareonlygoodforthecity，tomakepraetorsof，toadministerjustice。"——[Livy，x。22。]

EloquencemostflourishedatRomewhenthepublicaffairswereintheworstconditionandmostdisquietedwithintestinecommotions;asafreeanduntilledsoilbearstheworstweeds。Bywhichitshouldseemthatamonarchicalgovernmenthaslessneedofitthananyother:forthestupidityandfacilitynaturaltothecommonpeople，andthatrenderthemsubjecttobeturnedandtwinedand，ledbytheearsbythischarmingharmonyofwords，withoutweighingorconsideringthetruthandrealityofthingsbytheforceofreason:thisfacility，Isay，isnoteasilyfoundinasingleperson，anditisalsomoreeasybygoodeducationandadvicetosecurehimfromtheimpressionofthispoison。TherewasneveranyfamousoratorknowntocomeoutofPersiaorMacedon。

IhaveenteredintothisdiscourseupontheoccasionofanItalianI

latelyreceivedintomyservice，andwhowasclerkofthekitchentothelateCardinalCaraffatillhisdeath。Iputthisfellowuponanaccountofhisoffice:whenhefelltodiscourseofthispalate—science，withsuchasettledcountenanceandmagisterialgravity，asifhehadbeenhandlingsomeprofoundpointofdivinity。Hemadealearneddistinctionoftheseveralsortsofappetites;ofthatamanhasbeforehebeginstoeat，andofthoseafterthesecondandthirdservice;themeanssimplytosatisfythefirst，andthentoraiseandactuatetheothertwo;theorderingofthesauces，firstingeneral，andthenproceededtothequalitiesoftheingredientsandtheireffects;thedifferencesofsaladsaccordingtotheirseasons，thosewhichoughttobeserveduphot，andwhichcold;themanneroftheirgarnishmentanddecorationtorenderthemacceptabletotheeye。Afterwhichheenteredupontheorderofthewholeservice，fullofweightyandimportantconsiderations:

"Necminimosanediscriminerefert，Quogestulepores，etquogallinasecetur;"

["Norwithlessdiscriminationobserveshowweshouldcarveahare，andhowahen。"or，（"Norwiththeleastdiscriminationrelateshowweshouldcarvehares，andhowcutupahen。）"

——Juvenal，Sat。，v。123。]

andallthissetoutwithloftyandmagnificentwords，theverysamewemakeuseofwhenwediscourseofthegovernmentofanempire。WhichlearnedlectureofmymanbroughtthisofTerenceintomymemory:

"Hocsalsumest，hocadustumest，hoclautumest，parum:

Illudrecte:iterumsicmemento:seduloMoneo，quxpossum，promeasapientia。

Postremo，tanquaminspeculum，inpatinas，Demea，Inspicerejubeo，etmoneo，quidfactousussit。"

["Thisistoosalt，that’sburnt，that’snotwashedenough;that’swell;remembertodosoanothertime。ThusdoIeveradvisethemtohavethingsdoneproperly，accordingtomycapacity;andlastly，Demea，Icommandmycookstolookintoeverydishasifitwereamirror，andtellthemwhattheyshoulddo。"

——Terence，Adelph。，iii。3，71。]

AndyeteventheGreeksthemselvesverymuchadmiredandhighlyapplaudedtheorderanddispositionthatPaulusAEmiliusobservedinthefeasthegavethemathisreturnfromMacedon。ButIdonotherespeakofeffects，Ispeakofwordsonly。

Idonotknowwhetheritmayhavethesameoperationuponothermenthatithasuponme，butwhenIhearourarchitectsthunderouttheirbombastwordsofpilasters，architraves，andcornices，oftheCorinthianandDoricorders，andsuchlikejargon，myimaginationispresentlypossessedwiththepalaceofApollidon;when，afterall，Ifindthembutthepaltrypiecesofmyownkitchendoor。

Tohearmentalkofmetonomies，metaphors，andallegories，andothergrammarwords，wouldnotonethinktheysignifiedsomerareandexoticformofspeaking？Andyettheyarephrasesthatcomeneartothebabbleofmychambermaid。

Andthisotherisagulleryofthesamestamp，tocalltheofficesofourkingdombytheloftytitlesoftheRomans，thoughtheyhavenosimilitudeoffunction，andstilllessofauthorityandpower。Andthisalso，whichIdoubtwillonedayturntothereproachofthisageofours，unworthilyandindifferentlytoconferup