第55章

Mr。Bhaerspokewarmly，andwalkedtothefire，crumplingthepaperinhishands。Josatstill，lookingasifthefirehadcometoher，forhercheeksburnedlongafterthecockedhathadturnedtosmokeandgoneharmlesslyupthechimney。

“Ishouldlikemuchtosendalltherestafterhim，“mutteredtheProfessor，comingbackwitharelievedair。

Jothoughtwhatablazeherpileofpapersupstairswouldmake，andherhard-earnedmoneylayratherheavilyonherconscienceatthatminute。Thenshethoughtconsolinglytoherself，“Minearenotlikethat，theyareonlysilly，neverbad，soIwon’tbeworried，“andtakingupherbook，shesaid，withastudiousface，“Shallwegoon，Sir？I’llbeverygoodandpropernow。“

“Ishallhopeso，“wasallhesaid，buthemeantmorethansheimagined，andthegrave，kindlookhegavehermadeherfeelasifthewordsWeeklyVolcanowereprintedinlargetypeonherforehead。

Assoonasshewenttoherroom，shegotoutherpapers，andcarefullyrereadeveryoneofherstories。Beingalittleshortsighted，Mr。Bhaersometimesusedeyeglasses，andJohadtriedthemonce，smilingtoseehowtheymagnifiedthefineprintofherbook。NowsheseemedtohaveontheProfessor’smentalormoralspectaclesalso，forthefaultsofthesepoorstoriesglaredatherdreadfullyandfilledherwithdismay。

“Theyaretrash，andwillsoonbeworsetrashifIgoon，foreachismoresensationalthanthelast。I’vegoneblindlyon，hurtingmyselfandotherpeople，forthesakeofmoney。Iknowit’sso，forIcan’treadthisstuffinsoberearnestwithoutbeinghorriblyashamedofit，andwhatshouldIdoiftheywereseenathomeorMr。Bhaergotholdofthem？“

Joturnedhotatthebareidea，andstuffedthewholebundleintoherstove，nearlysettingthechimneyafirewiththeblaze。

“Yes，that’sthebestplaceforsuchinflammablenonsense。

I’dbetterburnthehousedown，Isuppose，thanletotherpeopleblowthemselvesupwithmygunpowder，“shethoughtasshewatchedtheDemonoftheJurawhiskaway，alittleblackcinderwithfieryeyes。

Butwhennothingremainedofallherthreemonth’sworkexceptaheapofashesandthemoneyinherlap，Jolookedsober，asshesatonthefloor，wonderingwhatsheoughttodoaboutherwages。

“IthinkIhaven’tdonemuchharmyet，andmaykeepthistopayformytime，“shesaid，afteralongmeditation，addingimpatiently，“IalmostwishIhadn’tanyconscience，it’ssoinconvenient。IfIdidn’tcareaboutdoingright，anddidn’tfeeluncomfortablewhendoingwrong，Ishouldgetoncapitally。

Ican’thelpwishingsometimes，thatMotherandFatherhadn’tbeensoparticularaboutsuchthings。“

Ah，Jo，insteadofwishingthat，thankGodthat`FatherandMotherwereparticular’。andpityfromyourheartthosewhohavenosuchguardianstohedgethemroundwithprincipleswhichmayseemlikeprisonwallstoimpatientyouth，butwhichwillprovesurefoundationstobuildcharacteruponinwomanhood。

Jowrotenomoresensationalstories，decidingthatthemoneydidnotpayforhershareofthesensation，butgoingtotheotherextreme，asisthewaywithpeopleofherstamp，shetookacourseofMrs。Sherwood，MissEdgeworth，andHannahMore，andthenproducedatalewhichmighthavebeenmoreproperlycalledanessayorasermon，sointenselymoralwasit。Shehadherdoubtsaboutitfromthebeginning，forherlivelyfancyandgirlishromancefeltasillateaseinthenewstyleasshewouldhavedonemasqueradinginthestiffandcumbrouscostumeofthelastcentury。Shesentthisdidacticgemtoseveralmarkets，butitfoundnopurchaser，andshewasinclinedtoagreewithMr。Dashwoodthatmoralsdidn’tsell。

Thenshetriedachild’sstory，whichshecouldeasilyhavedisposedofifshehadnotbeenmercenaryenoughtodemandfilthylucreforit。Theonlypersonwhoofferedenoughtomakeitworthherwhiletotryjuvenileliteraturewasaworthygentlemanwhofeltithismissiontoconvertalltheworldtohisparticularbelief。Butmuchasshelikedtowriteforchildren，JocouldnotconsenttodepictallhernaughtyboysasbeingeatenbybearsortossedbymadbullsbecausetheydidnotgotoaparticularSabbathschool，norallthegoodinfantswhodidgoasrewardedbyeverykindofbliss，fromgildedgingerbreadtoescortsofangelswhentheydepartedthislifewithpsalmsorsermonsontheirlispingtongues。Sonothingcameofthesetrials，landJocorkedupherinkstand，andsaidinafitofverywholesomehumility……

“Idon’tknowanything。I’llwaituntilIdobeforeItryagain，andmeantime，`sweepmudinthestreet’ifIcan’tdobetter，that’shonest，atleast。“Whichdecisionprovedthathersecondtumbledownthebeanstalkhaddonehersomegood。

Whiletheseinternalrevolutionsweregoingon，herexternallifehadbeenasbusyanduneventfulasusual，andifshesometimeslookedseriousoralittlesadnoon