Lord Jim

第23章

Theotherdayhetookitintohisheadtocrosstheroomwithnootherpurposebuttoopenadoorforme;andIfeltmoreintouchwithmankindthanIhadbeenforyears。Ridiculous,isn’tit?OfcourseIguessthereissomething——someawfullittlescrape——whichyouknowallabout——butifIamsurethatitisterriblyheinous,Ifancyonecouldmanagetoforgiveit。Formypart,IdeclareIamunabletoimaginehimguiltyofanythingmuchworsethanrobbinganorchard。Isitmuchworse?Perhapsyououghttohavetoldme;butitissuchalongtimesincewebothturnedsaintsthatyoumayhaveforgottenwe,too,hadsinnedinourtime?ItmaybethatsomedayIshallhavetoaskyou,andthenIshallexpecttobetold。Idon’tcaretoquestionhimmyselftillIhavesomeideawhatitis。Moreover,it’stoosoonasyet。Lethimopenthedoorafewtimesmoreforme……“Thusmyfriend。Iwastreblypleased——atJim’sshapingsowell,atthetoneoftheletter,atmyowncleverness。EvidentlyIhadknownwhatIwasdoing。Ihadreadcharactersaright,andsoon。Andwhatifsomethingunexpectedandwonderfulweretocomeofit?Thatevening,reposinginadeck-chairundertheshadeofmyownpoopawning(itwasinHongKongharbour),IlaidonJim’sbehalfthefirststoneofacastleinSpain。

`Imadeatriptothenorthward,andwhenIreturnedIfoundanotherletterfrommyfriendwaitingforme。ItwasthefirstenvelopeItoreopen。“TherearenospoonsmissingasfarasIknow,“ranthefirstline;

“Ihaven’tbeeninterestedenoughtoinquire。Heisgone,leavingonthebreakfast-tableaformallittlenoteofapology,whichiseithersillyorheartless。Probablyboth——andit’sallonetome。Allowmetosay,lestyoushouldhavesomemoremysteriousyoungmeninreserve,thatIhaveshutupshop,definitelyandforever。ThisisthelasteccentricityI

shallbeguiltyof。DonotimagineforamomentthatIcareahang;butheisverymuchregrettedattennis-parties,andformyownsakeI’vetoldaplausiblelieattheclub……“Iflungtheletterasideandstartedlookingthroughthebatchonmytable,tillIcameuponJim’shandwriting。

Wouldyoubelieveit?Onechanceinahundred!Butitisalwaysthathundredthchance!ThatlittlesecondengineerofthePatnahadturnedupinamoreorlessdestitutestate,andgotatemporaryjoboflookingafterthemachineryofthemill。“Icouldn’tstandthefamiliarityofthelittlebeast,“Jimwrotefromasea-portsevenhundredmilessouthoftheplacewhereheshouldhavebeeninclover。“IamnowforthetimewithEgstrom&;Blake,ship-chandlers,astheir——well——runner,tocallthethingbyitsrightname。ForreferenceIgavethemyourname,whichtheyknowofcourse,andifyoucouldwriteawordinmyfavouritwouldbeapermanentemployment。“Iwasutterlycrushedundertheruinsofmycastle,butofcourseIwroteasdesired。Beforetheendoftheyearmynewchartertookmethatway,andIhadanopportunityofseeinghim。

`HewasstillwithEgstrom&;Blake,andwemetinwhattheycalled“ourparlour“openingoutofthestore。Hehadthatmomentcomeinfromboardingaship,andconfrontedmeheaddown,readyforatussle。“Whathaveyougottosayforyourself?“Ibeganassoonaswehadshakenhands。

“WhatIwroteyou——nothingmore,“hesaidstubbornly。“Didthefellowblab——orwhat?“Iasked。Helookedupatmewithatroubledsmile。“Oh,no!Hedidn’t。

Hemadeitakindofconfidentialbusinessbetweenus。HewasmostdamnablymysteriouswheneverIcameovertothemill;hewouldwinkatmeinarespectfulmanner——asmuchastosay,“Weknowwhatweknow。“Infernallyfawningandfamiliar——andthatsortofthing。“Hethrewhimselfintoachairandstareddownhislegs。“Onedaywehappenedtobealoneandthefellowhadthecheektosay,`Well,Mr。James’——IwascalledMr。JamesthereasifIhadbeentheson——`herewearetogetheroncemore。Thisisbetterthantheoldship——ain’tit?’……Wasn’titappalling,eh?Ilookedathim,andheputonaknowingair。`Don’tyoubeuneasy,sir,’hesays。`IknowagentlemanwhenIseeone,andIknowhowagentlemanfeels。Ihope,though,youwillbekeepingmeonthisjob。Ihadahardtimeofit,too,alongofthatrottenoldPatnaracket。’Jove!Itwasawful。Idon’tknowwhatIshouldhavesaidordoneifIhadnotjustthenheardMr。Denvercallingmeinthepassage。Itwastiffin-time,andwewalkedtogetheracrosstheyardandthroughthegardentothebungalow。Hebegantochaffmeinhiskindlyway……Ibelievehelikedme……“

`Jimwassilentforawhile。

“`Ik

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