第9章

“`AsfarasIknow，Ihaven’topenedmylipsinyourhearing，“Iaffirmedwithperfecttruth。Iwasgettingalittleangry，too，attheabsurdityofthisencounter。ItstrikesmenowIhaveneverinmylifebeensonearabeating——Imeanitliterally；abeatingwithfists。IsupposeIhadsomehazyprescienceofthateventualitybeingintheair。Notthathewasactivelythreateningme。Onthecontrary，hewasstrangelypassive——don’tyouknow？

buthewaslowering，and，thoughnotexceptionallybig，helookedgenerallyfittodemolishawall。ThemostreassuringsymptomInoticedwasakindofslowandponderoushesitation，whichItookasatributetotheevidentsincerityofmymannerandofmytone。Wefacedeachother。Inthecourttheassaultcasewasproceeding。Icaughtthewords：“Well——buffalo——stick——inthegreatnessofmyfear……’

“`Whatdidyoumeanbystaringatmeallthemorning？“saidJimatlast。

Helookedupandlookeddownagain。“Didyouexpectusalltositwithdowncasteyesoutofregardforyoursusceptibilities？“Iretortedsharply。

Iwasnotgoingtosubmitmeeklytoanyofhisnonsense。Heraisedhiseyesagain，andthistimecontinuedtolookmestraightintheface。“No。

That’sallright，“hepronouncedwithanairofdeliberatingwithhimselfuponthetruthofthisstatement——“that’sallright。Iamgoingthroughwiththat。Only“——andtherehespokealittlefaster——“Iwon’tletanymancallmenamesoutsidethiscourt。Therewasafellowwithyou。Youspoketohim——oh，yes——Iknow；’tisallveryfine。Youspoketohim，butyoumeantmetohear……’

`Iassuredhimhewasundersomeextraordinarydelusion。Ihadnoconceptionhowitcameabout。“YouthoughtIwouldbeafraidtoresentthis，“hesaid，withjustafainttingeofbitterness。Iwasinterestedenoughtodiscerntheslightestshadesofexpression，butIwasnotintheleastenlightened；

yetIdon’tknowwhatinthesewords，orperhapsjusttheintonationofthatphrase，inducedmesuddenlytomakeallpossibleallowancesforhim。

Iceasedtobeannoyedatmyunexpectedpredicament。Itwassomemistakeonhispart；hewasblunderingandIhadanintuitionthattheblunderwasofanodious，ofanunfortunatenature。Iwasanxioustoendthissceneongroundsofdecency，justasoneisanxioustocutshortsomeunprovokedandabominableconfidence。Thefunniestpartwas，thatinthemidstofalltheseconsiderationsofthehigherorderIwasconsciousofacertaintrepidationastothepossibility——nay，likelihood——ofthisencounterendinginsomedisreputablebrawlwhichcouldnotpossiblybeexplained，andwouldmakemeridiculous。Ididnothankerafterathreedays’celebrityasthemanwhogotablackeyeorsomethingofthesortfromthemateofthePatna。

He，inallprobability，didnotcarewhathedid，oratanyratewouldbefullyjustifiedinhisowneyes。Ittooknomagiciantoseehewasamazinglyangryaboutsomething，forallhisquietandeventorpiddemeanour。Idon’tdenyIwasextremelydesiroustopacifyhimatallcosts，hadIonlyknownwhattodo。ButIdidn’tknow，asyoumaywellimagine。Itwasblacknesswithoutasinglegleam。Weconfrontedeachotherinsilence。Hehungfireforaboutfifteenseconds，thenmadeastepnearer，andImadereadytowardoffablow，thoughIdon’tthinkImovedamuscle。“Ifyouwereasbigastwomenandasstrongassix，“hesaidverysoftly，“IwouldtellyouwhatIthinkofyou。You……““Stop!“Iexclaimed。Thischeckedhimforasecond。“Beforeyoutellmewhatyouthinkofme，“Iwenton，quickly，“willyoukindlytellmewhatitisI’vesaidordone？“Duringthepausethatensuedhesurveyedmewithindignation，whileImadesupernaturaleffortsofmemory，inwhichIwashinderedbytheorientalvoicewithinthecourt-roomexpostulatingwithimpassionedvolubilityagainstthechargeoffalsehood。Thenwespokealmosttogether。“IwillsoonshowyouIamnot，“hesaid，inatonesuggestiveofacrisis。“IdeclareIdon’tknow，’

Iprotestedearnestlyatthesametime。Hetriedtocrushmebythescornofhisglance。“NowthatyouseeIamnotafraidyoutrytocrawloutofit，“hesaid。“Who’sacurnow——hey？“Then，atlast，Iunderstood。

`Hehadbeenscanningmyfeaturesasthoughlookingforaplacewherehewouldplanthisfist。“Iwillallownoman……“hemumbled，threateningly。

Itwas，indeed，ahideousmistake；hehadgivenhimselfawayutterly。I

can’tgiveyouanideahowshockedIwas。Isupposehesawsomereflectionofmyfeelingsinmyface，becausehisexpressionchangedjustalittle。

“GoodGod!“Istammered，“youdon’tthinkI……““ButIamsureI’veheard，“hepersisted，raisinghisvoiceforthefirsttimesincethebeginningofthisdeplorablescene。Thenwithashadeofdisdainheadded，“Itwasn’tyou，then？Verywell；I’llfindtheother。““Don’tbeafool，“Icriedinexasperation；“itwasn’tthatatall。““I’veheard，“hesaidagainwithanunshakenandsombreperseverance。

`Theremaybethosewhocouldhavelaughedathispertinacity。Ididn’t。

Oh，Ididn’t!Therehadneverbeenamansomercilesslyshownupbyhisownnaturalimpulse。Asinglewordhadstrippedhimofhisdiscretion——ofthatdiscretionwhichismorenecessarytothedecenciesofourinnerbeingthanclothingistothedecorumofourbody。“Don’tbeafool，“Irepeated。

“Buttheothermansaidit，youdon’tdenythat？“hepronounceddistinctly，andlookinginmyfacewithoutflinching。“No，Idon’tdeny，“saidI，returninghisgaze。Atlasthiseyesfolloweddownwardsthedirectionofmypointingfinger。Heappearedatfirstuncomprehending，thenconfounded，andatlastamazedandscaredasthoughadoghadbeenamonsterandhehadneverseenadogbefore。“Nobodydreamtofinsultingyou，“Isaid。

`Hecontemplatedthewretchedanimal，thatmovednomorethananeffigy：

itsatwithearsprickedanditssharpmuzzlepointedintothedoorway，andsuddenlysnappedataflylikeapieceofmechanism。

`Ilookedathim。Theredofhisfair，sunburntcomplexiondeepenedsuddenlyunderthedownofhischeeks，invadedhisforehead，spreadtotherootsofhiscurlyhair。Hisearsbecameintenselycrimson，andeventheclearblueofhiseyeswasdarkenedmanyshadesbytherushofbloodtohishead。Hislipspoutedalittle，tremblingasthoughhehadbeenonthepointofburstingintotears。Iperceivedhewasincapableofpronouncingawordfromtheexcessofhishumiliation。Fromdisappointmenttoo——whoknows？Perhapshelookedforwardtothathammeringhewasgoingtogivemeforrehabilitation，forappeasement？Whocantellwhatreliefheexpectfromthischanceofarow？Hewasnaiveenoughtoexpectanything；buthehadgivenhimselfawayfornothinginthiscase。Hehadbeenfrankwithhimself——letalonewithme——inthewildhopeofarrivinginthatwayatsomeeffectiverefutation，andthestarshadbeenironicallyunpropitious。

Hemadeaninarticulatenoiseinhisthroatlikeamanimperfectlystunnedbyablowonthehead。Itwaspitiful。

`Ididn’tcatchupagainwithhimtillwelloutsidethegate。Ihadeventotrotabitatthelast，butwhen，outofbreathathiselbow，I

taxedhimwithrunningaway，hesaid，“Never!“andatonceturnedatbay。

IexplainedInevermeanttosayhewasrunningawayfromme。“Fromnoman——fromnotasinglemanonearth，“heaffirmedwithastubbornmien。

Iforboretopointouttheoneobviousexceptionwhichwouldholdgoodforthebravestofus；Ithoughthewouldfindoutbyhimselfverysoon。

HelookedatmepatientlywhileIwasthinkingofsomethingtosay，butIcouldfindnothingonthespurofthemoment，andhebegantowalkon。

Ikeptup，andanxiousnottolosehim，IsaidhurriedlythatIcouldn’tthinkofleavinghimunderafalseimpressionofmy——ofmy——Istammered。

ThestupidityofthephraseappalledmewhileIwastryingtofinishit，butthepowerofsentenceshasnothingtodowiththeirsenseorthelogicoftheirconstruction。Myidioticmumbleseemedtopleasehim。Hecutitshortbysaying，withcourteousplaciditythatarguedanimmensepowerofself-controlorelseawonderfulelasticityofspirits——“Altogethermymistake。“Imarvelledgreatlyatthisexpression：hemighthavebeenalludingtosometriflingoccurrence。Hadn’theunderstooditsdeplorablemeaning？“Youmaywellforgiveme，“hecontinued，andwentonalittlemoodily，“Allthesestaringpeopleincourtseemedsuchfoolsthat——thatitmighthavebeenasIsupposed。“

`Thisopenedsuddenlyanewviewofhimtomywonder。Ilookedathimcuriouslyandmethisunabashedandimpenetrableeyes。“Ican’tputupwiththiskindofthing，“hesaid，verysimply，“andIdon’tmeanto。Incourtit’sdifferent；I’vegottostandthat——andIcandoittoo。“

`Idon’tpretendIunderstoodhim。Theviewsheletmehaveofhimselfwerelikethoseglimpsesthroughtheshiftingrentsinathickfog——bitsofvividandvanishingdetail，givingnoconnectedideaofthegeneralaspectofacountry。Theyfedone’scuriositywithoutsatisfyingit；theywerenogoodforpurposesoforientation。Uponthewholehewasmisleading。

That’showIsummedhimuptomyselfafterheleftintheevening。IhadbeenstayingattheMalabarHouseforafewdays，andonmypressinginvitationhedinedwithmethere。’

LordJim：Chapter7CHAPTERVII`Anoutward-boundmail-boathadcomeinthatafternoon，andthebigdining-roomofthehotelwasmorethanhalffullofpeoplewithahundredpoundsround-the-worldticketsintheirpockets。Thereweremarriedcoupleslookingdomesticatedandboredwitheachotherinthemidstoftheirtravels；thereweresmallpartiesandlargeparties，andloneindividualsdiningsolemnlyorfeastingboisterously，butallthinking，conversing，joking，orscowlingawastheirwontathome；andjustasintelligentlyreceptiveofnewimpressionsastheirtrunksupstairs。Henceforththeywouldbelabelledashavingpassedthisandthatplaceandsowouldbetheirluggage。Theywouldcherishthisdistinctionoftheirpersons，andpreservethegummedticketsontheirportmanteauxasdocumentaryevidence，astheonlypermanenttraceoftheirimprovingenterprise。Thedark-facedservantstrippedwithoutnoiseoverthevastandpolishedfloor；nowandthenagirl’slaughwouldbeheard，asinnocentandemptyashermind，or，inasuddenhushofcrockery，afewwordsinanaffecteddrawlfromsomewitembroideringforthebenefitofagrinningtablefulthelastfunnystoryofshipboardscandal。Twonomadicoldmaids，dresseduptokill，workedacrimoniouslythroughthebilloffare，whisperingtoeachotherwithfadedlips，wooden-facedandbizarre，liketwosumptuousscarecrows。AlittlewineopenedJim’sheartandloosenedhistongue。Hisappetitewasgood，too，Inoticed。Heseemedtohaveburiedsomewheretheopeningepisodeofouracquaintance。Itwaslikeathingofwhichtherewouldbenomorequestioninthisworld。AndallthetimeIhadbeforemetheseblue，boyisheyeslookingstraightintomine，thisyoungface，thesecapableshoulders，theopenbronzedforeheadwithawhitelineundertherootsofclusteringfairhair，thisappearanceappealingatsighttoallmysympathies：thisfrankaspect，theartlesssmile，theyouthfulseriousness。Hewasoftherightsort；hewasoneofus。Hetalkedsoberly，withasortofcomposedunreserve，andwithaquietbearingthatmighthavebeentheoutcomeofmanlyself-control，ofimpudence，ofcallousness，ofacolossalunconsciousness，ofagiganticdeception。Whocantell!Fromourtonewemighthavebeendiscussingathirdperson，afootballmatch，lastyear’sweather。Mymindfloatedinaseaofconjecturestilltheturnoftheconversationenabledme，withoutbeingoffensive，toremarkthat，uponthewhole，thisinquirymusthavebeenprettytryingtohim。Hedartedhisarmacrossthetablecloth，andclutchingmyhandbythesideofmyplate，glaredfixedly。Iwasstarted。“Itmustbeawfullyhard，“

Istammered，confusedbythedisplayofspeechlessfeeling。“Itis——hell，“

heburstoutinamuffledvoice。

`Thismovementandthesewordscausedtwowell-groomedmaleglobe-trottersataneighbouringtabletolookupinalarmfromtheirice-pudding。Irose，andwepassedintothefrontgalleryforcoffeeandcigars。

`Onlittleoctagontablescandlesburnedinglassglobes；clumpsofstiff-leavedplantsseperatedsetsofcosywickerchairs；andbetweenthepairsofcolumns，whosereddishshaftscaughtinalongrowthesheenfromthetallwindows，thenight，glitteringandsombre，seemedtohanglikeasplendiddrapery。Theridinglightsofshipswinkedafterlikesettingstars，andthehillsacrosstheroadsteadresembledroundedblackmassesofarrestedthunder-clouds。