第38章

CCXCV

MARKTWAIN’SRELIGION

Thereissuchafinalityaboutdeath；howeverinterestingitmaybeasanexperience，onecannotdiscussitafterwardwithone’sfriends。IhavethoughtitagreatpitythatMarkTwaincouldnotdiscuss，withHowellssay，orwithTwichell，thesensationsandtheparticularsofthechange，supposingtherebearecognizablechange，inthattransitionofwhichwehavespeculatedsomuch，withsuchslenderreturns。Nooneeverdebatedtheundiscoveredcountrymorethanhe。Inhiswhimsical，semi—seriousfashionhehadconsideredallthepossibilitiesofthefuturestate——

orthodoxandotherwise——andhaddrawnpicturesquelyoriginalconclusions。

HehadsentCaptainStormfieldinadreamtoreporttheaspectsoftheearlyChristianheaven。Hehadexaminedthescientificaspectsofthemoresubtlephilosophies。Hehadconsideredspiritualism，transmigration，thevariousesotericdoctrines，andintheendhehadlogicallymadeuphismindthatdeathconcludesall，whilewiththatlesslogicalhungerwhichsurvivesineveryhumanhearthehadneverceasedtoexpectanexistencebeyondthegrave。Hisdisbeliefandhispessimismwereidenticalintheirstructure。Theywereofhismind；neverofhisheart。

Onceawomansaidtohim：

"Mr。Clemens，youarenotapessimist，youonlythinkyouare。"Andshemighthaveadded，withequalforceandtruth：

"Youarenotadisbelieverinimmortality；youonlythinkyouare。"

Nothingcouldhaveconveyedmoretrulyhisattitudetowardlifeanddeath。HisbeliefinGod，theCreator，wasabsolute；butitwasaGodfarremovedfromtheCreatorofhisearlyteaching。EverymanbuildshisGodaccordingtohisowncapacities。MarkTwain’sGodwasofcolossalproportions——sovast，indeed，thattheconstellatedstarswerebutmoleculesinHisveins——aGodasbigasspaceitself。

MarkTwainhadmanymoods，andhedidnotalwaysapproveofhisownGod；

butwhenhealteredhisconception，itwaslikelytobeinthedirectionofenlargement——afurtherremovalfromthehumanconception，andtheproblemofwhatwecallourlives。

In1906hewrote：——[Seealso1870，chap。lxxviii；1899，chap。ccv；andvarioustalks，1906—07，etc。]

LetusnowconsidertherealGod，thegenuineGod，thegreatGod，thesublimeandsupremeGod，theauthenticCreatoroftherealuniverse，whoseremotenessesarevisitedbycometsonlycometsuntowhichincredibledistantNeptuneismerelyanoutpost，aSandyHooktohomeward—boundspectersofthedeepsofspacethathavenotglimpseditbeforeforgenerations——auniversenotmadewithhandsandsuitedtoanastronomicalnursery，butspreadabroadthroughtheillimitablereachesofspacebytheflatoftherealGodjustmentioned，bycomparisonwithwhomthegodswhosemyriadsinfestthefeebleimaginationsofmenareasaswarmofgnatsscatteredandlostintheinfinitudesoftheemptysky。

Atanearlierperiod—thedateisnotexactlyfixable，butthestationeryusedandthehandwritingsuggesttheearlyeighties——hesetdownafewconciselywrittenpagesofconclusions——conclusionsfromwhichhedidnotdeviatemateriallyinafteryears。Thedocumentfollows：

IbelieveinGodtheAlmighty。

IdonotbelieveHehaseversentamessagetomanbyanybody，ordeliveredonetohimbywordofmouth，ormadeHimselfvisibletomortaleyesatanytimeinanyplace。

IbelievethattheOldandNewTestamentswereimaginedandwrittenbyman，andthatnolineinthemwasauthorizedbyGod，muchlessinspiredbyHim。

Ithinkthegoodness，thejustice，andthemercyofGodaremanifestedinHisworks：Iperceivethattheyaremanifestedtowardmeinthislife；thelogicalconclusionisthattheywillbemanifestedtowardmeinthelifetocome，ifthereshouldbeone。

Idonotbelieveinspecialprovidences。Ibelievethattheuniverseisgovernedbystrictandimmutablelaws：Ifoneman’sfamilyissweptawaybyapestilenceandanotherman’sspareditisonlythelawworking：Godisnotinterferinginthatsmallmatter，eitheragainsttheonemanorinfavoroftheother。

Icannotseehoweternalpunishmenthereaftercouldaccomplishanygoodend，thereforeIamnotabletobelieveinit。Tochastenamaninordertoperfecthimmightbereasonableenough；toannihilatehimwhenheshallhaveprovedhimselfincapableofreachingperfectionmightbereasonableenough；buttoroasthimforeverforthemeresatisfactionofseeinghimroastwouldnotbereasonable——eventheatrociousGodimaginedbytheJewswouldtireofthespectacleeventually。

Theremaybeahereafterandtheremaynotbe。Iamwhollyindifferentaboutit。IfIamappointedtoliveagainIfeelsureitwillbeforsomemoresaneandusefulpurposethantoflounderaboutforagesinalakeoffireandbrimstoneforhavingviolatedaconfusionofill—definedandcontradictoryrulessaid(butnotevidenced)tobeofdivineinstitution。IfannihilationistofollowdeathIshallnotbeawareoftheannihilation，andthereforeshallnotcareastrawaboutit。

Ibelievethattheworld’smorallawsaretheoutcomeoftheworld’sexperience。ItneedednoGodtocomedownoutofheaventotellmenthatmurderandtheftandtheotherimmoralitieswerebad，bothfortheindividualwhocommitsthemandforsocietywhichsuffersfromthem。

IfIbreakallthesemorallawsIcannotseehowIinjureGodbyit，forHeisbeyondthereachofinjuryfromme——Icouldaseasilyinjureaplanetbythrowingmudatit。Itseemstomethatmymisconductcouldonlyinjuremeandothermen。IcannotbenefitGodbyobeyingthesemorallaws——Icouldaseasilybenefittheplanetbywithholdingmymud。(LetthesesentencesbereadinthelightofthefactthatIbelieveIhavereceivedmorallawsonlyfromman—

nonewhateverfromGod。)ConsequentlyIdonotseewhyIshouldbeeitherpunishedorrewardedhereafterforthedeedsIdohere。

IfthetragediesoflifeshookhisfaithinthegoodnessandjusticeandthemercyofGodasmanifestedtowardhimself，heatanyrateneverquestionedthatthewiderschemeoftheuniversewasattunedtotheimmutablelawwhichcontemplatesnothinglessthanabsoluteharmony。I

neverknewhimtorefertothisparticulardocument；butheneverdestroyeditandneveramendedit，norisitlikelythathewouldhavedoneeitherhaditbeenpresentedtohimforconsiderationevenduringthelastyearofhislife。

Hewasneverintentionallydogmatic。Inamemorandumonafly—leafofMoncureD。Conway’sSacredAnthologyhewrote：

RELIGION

TheeasyconfidencewithwhichIknowanotherman’sreligionisfollyteachesmetosuspectthatmyownisalso。

MARKTWAIN，19thCent。A。D。

Andinanothernote：

Iwouldnotinterferewithanyone’sreligion，eithertostrengthenitortoweakenit。Iamnotabletobelieveone’sreligioncanaffecthishereafteronewayortheother，nomatterwhatthatreligionmaybe。Butitmayeasilybeagreatcomforttohiminthislifehenceitisavaluablepossessiontohim。

MarkTwain’sreligionwasafaithtoowidefordoctrines——abenevolencetoolimitlessforcreeds。Fromthebeginninghestroveagainstoppression，sham，andevilineveryform。Hedespisedmeanness；heresentedwitheverydropofbloodinhimanythingthatsavoredofpersecutionoracurtailmentofhumanliberties。Itwasareligionidentifiedwithhisdailylifeandhiswork。Helivedashewrote，andhewroteashebelieved。Hisfavoriteweaponwashumor——good—humor——withlogicbehindit。Asortofglorifiedtruthitwastruthwearingasmileofgentleness，henceallthemorequicklyheeded。

"Hewillberememberedwiththegreathumoristsofalltime，"saysHowells，"withCervantes，withSwift，orwithanyothersworthyofhiscompany；noneofthemwashisequalinhumanity。"

MarkTwainunderstoodtheneedsofmenbecausehewashimselfsupremelyhuman。Inoneofhisdictationshesaid：

IhavefoundthatthereisnoingredientoftheracewhichIdonotpossessineitherasmalloralargeway。Whenitissmall，ascomparedwiththesameingredientinsomebodyelse，thereisstillenoughofitforallthepurposesofexamination。

Withhisstrengthhehadinheritedtheweaknessesofourkind。Withhim，aswithanother，amyriadofdreamsandschemesandpurposesdailyflittedby。Withhim，aswithanother，thespiritofdesireledhimoftentoahighmountain—top，andwasnotrudelyputaside，butlingeringly——andofteninvitedtoreturn。Withhim，aswithanother，acrowdofjealousiesandresentments，andwishesfortheillofothers，dailywentseethingandscorchingalongthehighwaysofthesoul。Withhim，aswithanother，regret，remorse，andshamestoodatthebedsideduringlongwatchesofthenight；andintheend，withhim，thebetterthingtriumphed——forgivenessandgenerosityandjustice——inaword，Humanity。CertainofhisaphorismsandmemorandaeachinitselfconstitutesanepitomeofMarkTwain’screed。Hisparaphrase，"Whenindoubttellthetruth，"isoneofthese，andheembodiedhiswholeattitudetowardInfinitywheninoneofhisstraypencilingshewrote：

Why，evenpoorlittleungodlikemanholdshimselfresponsibleforthewelfareofhischildtotheextentofhisability。ItisallthatwerequireofGod。

CCXCVI

POSTSCRIPT

Everylifeisadrama——aplayinallitsparticulars；comedy，farce，tragedy——alltheelementsarethere。Toexamineindetailanylife，howeverconspicuousorobscure，istobecomeamazednotonlyattheinevitablesequenceofevents，butattheinterlinkingofdetails，oftenfarremoved，intoamarvelouslyintricatepatternwhichnoartcanhopetoreproduce，andcanonlyfeeblyimitate。

Thebiographermayreconstructanepisode，presentapicture，orreflectamoodbywhichthereaderisenabledtofeelsomethingoftheglowofpersonalityandknow，perhaps，alittleofthesubstanceofthepast。Insofarasthehistoriancanaccomplishthishisworkisasuccess。Atbesthislaborwillbepatheticallyincomplete，forwhateveritsdetailanditsresemblancetolife，thesewillrecordmainlybutanoutwardexpression，behindwhichwasthemightysweepandtumultofunwrittenthought，theoverwhelmingproportionofanylife，whichnootherhumansoulcaneverreallyknow。

MarkTwain’sappearanceonthestageoftheworldwasasuccessionofdramaticmoments。Hewasalwaysexactlyinthesetting。Whateverhedid，orwhatevercametohim，wastimedfortheinstantofgreatesteffect。Attheendhewasmorewidelyobservedandlovedandhonoredthaneverbefore，andattherightmomentandintherightmannerhedied。

Howlittleonemaytellofsuchalifeashis！Hetraveledalwayssuchabroadandbrillianthighway，withplumesflyingandcrowdsfollowingafter。Suchawhirlingpanoramaoflife，anddeath，andchange！Ihavewrittensomuch，andyetIhaveputsomuchaside——andoftenthebestthings，itseemedafterward，perhapsbecauseeachinitswaywasbestandthevarietyinfinite。Onemayonlystrivetobefaithful——andIwouldhavemadeitbetterifIcould。

APPENDIX

APPENDIXA

LETTERFROMORIONCLEMENSTOMISSWOODCONCERNINGHENRYCLEMENS

(SeeChapterxxvi)

KEOKUK，Iowa，October3，1858。

MISSWOOD，——Mymotherhavingsentmeyourkindletter，witharequestthatmyselfandwifeshouldwritetoyou，Ihastentodoso。

InmymemoryIcangoawaybacktoHenry’sinfancy；Iseehislarge，blueeyesintentlyregardingmyfatherwhenherebukedhimforhiscredulityingivingfullfaithtotheboyishideaofplantinghismarbles，expectingacroptherefrom；thencomesbacktherecollectionofthetimewhen，standingwethreealonebyourfather’sgrave，Itoldthemalwaystorememberthatbrothersshouldbekindtoeachother；afterwardIseeHenryreturningfromschoolwithhisbooksforthelasttime。Hemustgointomyprinting—office。Helearnedrapidly。Awordofencouragementorawordofdiscouragementtolduponhisorganizationelectrically。I

couldseetheeffectsinhisday’swork。SometimesIwouldsay，"Henry！"

Hewouldstandfullfrontwithhiseyesuponmine——allattention。IfI

commandedhimtodosomething，withoutawordhewasoffinstantly，probablyinarun。IfacatwastobedrownedorshotSam(thoughunwillingyetfirm)wasselectedforthework。IfastraykittenwastobefedandtakencareofHenrywasexpectedtoattendtoit，andhewouldfaithfullydoso。Sotheygrewup，andmanywasthegravelecturecommencedbyma，totheeffectthatSamwasmisleadingandspoilingHenry。Butthelectureswereneverconcluded，forSamwouldreplywithawitticism，ordry，unexpectedhumor，thatwoulddrivethelecturecleanoutofmymother’smind，andchangeittoalaugh。Thosewerehappierdays。Mymotherwasaslivelyasanygirlofsixteen。Sheisnotsonow。AndsisterPamelaIhavedescribedindescribingHenry；forshewashiscounterpart。Theblowfallscrushinglyonher。Buttheboysgrewup——Samarugged，brave，quick—tempered，generous—heartedfellow，Henryquiet，observing，thoughtful，leaningonSamforprotection；SamandI

tooleaningonhimforknowledgepickedupfromconversationorbooks，forHenryseemednevertoforgetanything，anddevotedmuchofhisleisurehourstoreading。

Henryisgone！Hisdeathwashorrible！HowIcouldhavesatbyhim，hungoverhim，watcheddayandnighteverychangeofexpression，andministeredtoeverywantinmypowerthatIcoulddiscover。Thiswasdeniedtome，butSam，whoseorganizationissuchastofeeltheutmostextremeofeveryfeeling，wasthere。Bothhiscapacityofenjoymentandhiscapacityofsufferingaregreaterthanmine；andknowinghowitwouldhaveaffectedmetoseesosadascene，IcansomewhatappreciateSam’ssufferings。Inthistimeofgreattrouble，whenmytwobrothers，whoseheartstringshavealwaysbeenapartofmyown，weresufferingtheutmoststretchofmortalendurance，youwerethere，likeagoodangel，toaidandconsole，andIblessandthankyouforitwithmywholeheart。I

thankallwhohelpedthemthen；IthankthemfortheflowerstheysenttoHenry，forthetearsthatfellfortheirsufferings，andwhenhedied，andallofthemforallthekindattentionstheybestoweduponthepoorboys。Wethankthephysicians，andweshallalwaysgratefullyrememberthekindnessofthegentlemanwhoatsomuchexpensetohimselfenabledustodepositHenry’sremainsbyourfather。

Withmanykindwishesforyourfuturewelfare，Iremainyourearnestfriend，Respectfully，ORIONCLEMENS。

APPENDIXB

MARKTWAIN’SBURLESQUEOFCAPTAINISAIAHSELLERS

(SeeChapterxxvii)

Theitemwhichservedasatextforthe"SergeantFathom"communicationwasasfollows：

VICKSBURG，May4，1859。

MyopinionforthebenefitofthecitizensofNewOrleans：Thewaterishigherthisfarupthanithasbeensince1815。MyopinionisthatthewaterwillbefourfeetdeepinCanalStreetbeforethefirstofnextJune。Mrs。Turner’splantationattheheadofBigBlackIslandisallunderwater，andithasnotbeensince1815。

I。SELLERS。——[CaptainSellers，asinthiscase，sometimessignedhisownnametohiscommunications。]

THEBURLESQUE

INTRODUCTORY

OurfriendSergeantFathom，oneoftheoldestcubpilotsontheriver，andnowontheRailroadLinesteamerTrombone，sendsusaratherbadaccountconcerningthestateoftheriver。SergeantFathomisa"cub"ofmuchexperience，andalthoughweareloathtocoincideinhisviewofthematter，wegivehisnoteaplaceinourcolumns，onlyhopingthathisprophecywillnotbeverifiedinthisinstance。WhileintroducingtheSergeant，"weconsideritbutsimplejustice(wequotefromafriendofhis)toremarkthatheisdistinguishedforbeing，inpilotphrase，’close，’aswellassuperhumanly’safe。’"Itisawell—knownfactthathehasmadefourteenhundredandfiftytripsintheNewOrleansandSt。

Louistradewithoutcausingseriousdamagetoasteamboat。Thisastonishingsuccessisattributedtothefactthatheseldomrunshisboatafterearlycandle—light。ItisrelatedoftheSergeantthatupononeoccasionheactuallyranthechuteofGlasscock’sIsland，down—

stream，inthenight，andatatime，too，whentheriverwasscarcelymorethanbankfull。Hismethodofaccomplishingthisfeatproveswhatwehavejustsaidofhis"safeness"——hesoundedthechutefirst，andthenbuiltafireattheheadoftheislandtorunby。AstotheSergeant’s"closeness，"wehavehearditwhisperedthatheoncewentuptotherightofthe"OldHen，"——[Glasscock’sIslandandthe"OldHen"werephenomenallysafeplaces。]——butthisisprobablyapardonablelittleexaggeration，promptedbytheloveandadmirationinwhichheisheldbyvariousancientdamesofhisacquaintance(foralbeittheSergeantmayhavealreadynumberedtheallottedyearsofman，stillhisformiserect，hisstepisfirm，hishairretainsitssablehue，and，morethanall，hehathawinningwayabouthim，anairofdocilityandsweetness，ifyouwill，andasmoothnessofspeech，togetherwithanexhaustlessfundoffunnysayings；and，lastly，anoverflowingstream，withoutbeginning，ormiddle，orend，ofastonishingreminiscencesoftheancientMississippi，which，takentogether，forma’toutensemble’whichissufficientexcuseforthetenderepithetwhichis，bycommonconsent，appliedtohimbyallthoseancientdamesaforesaid，of"che—armingcreature！")。AstheSergeanthasbeenlongerontheriver，andisbetteracquaintedwithitthananyother"cub"extant，hisremarksareentitledtofarmoreconsideration，andarealwaysreadwiththedeepestinterestbyhighandlow，richandpoor，from"Kiho"toKamschatka，forletitbeknownthathisfameextendstotheuttermostpartsoftheearth：

THECOMMUNICATION

R。R。SteamerTrombone，VICKSBURG，May8，1859。

TheriverfromNewOrleansuptoNatchezishigherthanithasbeensincetheniggerswereexecuted(whichwasinthefallof1813andmyopinionisthatiftherisecontinuesatthisratethewaterwillbeontheroofoftheSt。CharlesHotelbeforethemiddleofJanuary。ThepointatCairo，whichhasnotevenbeenmoistenedbytheriversince1813，isnowentirelyunderwater。

However，Mr。Editor，theinhabitantsoftheMississippiValleyshouldnotactprecipitatelyandselltheirplantationsatasacrificeonaccountofthisprophecyofmine，forIshallproceedtoconvincethemofagreatfactinregardtothismatter，viz。：thatthetendencyoftheMississippiistoriselessandlesshigheveryyear(withanoccasionalvariationoftherule)，thatsuchhasbeenthecaseformanycenturies，andeventuallythatitwillceasetoriseatall。Therefore，Iwouldhinttotheplanters，aswesayinaninnocentlittleparlorgamecommonlycalled"draw，"thatiftheycanonly"standtherise"thistimetheymayenjoythecomfortableassurancethattheoldriver’sbankswillneverholda"full"againduringtheirnaturallives。

Inthesummerof1763IcamedowntheriverontheoldfirstJubilee。

Shewasnewthen，however；asingularsortofasingle—engineboat，withaChinesecaptainandaChoctawcrew，forecastleonherstern，wheelsinthecenter，andthejackstaff"nowhere，"forIsteeredherwithawindow—

shutter，andwhenwewantedtolandwesentalineashoreand"roundedherto"withayokeofoxen。

Well，sir，wewoodedoffthetopofthebigbluffaboveSelmatheonlydrylandvisible——andwaitedtherethreeweeks，swappingknivesandplaying"sevenup"withtheIndians，waitingfortherivertofall。Finally，itfellaboutahundredfeet，andwewenton。Onedayweroundedto，andI

gotinahorse—trough，whichmypartnerborrowedfromtheIndiansupthereatSelmawhiletheywereatprayers，andwentdowntosoundaroundNo。8，andwhileIwasgonemypartnergotagroundonthehillsatHickman。Afterthreedays’laborwefinallysucceededinsparringheroffwithacapstanbar，andwentontoMemphis。BythetimewegottheretheriverhadsubsidedtosuchanextentthatwewereabletolandwheretheGayosoHousenowstands。WefinishedloadingatMemphis，andloadedpartofthestoneforthepresentSt。LouisCourtHouse(whichwastheninprocessoferection)，tobetakenuponourreturntrip。

Youcanformsomeconception，bythesememoranda，ofhowhighthewaterwasin1763。In1775itdidnotrisesohighbythirtyfeet；

in1790itmissedtheoriginalmarkatleastsixty—fivefeet；in1797，onehundredandfiftyfeet；andin1806，nearlytwohundredandfiftyfeet。Thesewere"high—water"years。The"highwaters"sincethenhavebeensoinsignificantthatIhavescarcelytakenthetroubletonoticethem。Thus，youwillperceivethattheplantersneednotfeeluneasy。Therivermaymakeanoccasionalspasmodiceffortataflood，butthetimeisapproachingwhenitwillceasetorisealtogether。

Inconclusion，sir，Iwillcondescendtohintatthefoundationofthesearguments：WhenmeandDeSotodiscoveredtheMississippiIcouldstandatBolivarLanding(severalmilesabove"RoaringWatersBar")andpitchabiscuittothemainshoreontheotherside，andinlowwaterwewadedacrossatDonaldsonville。Thegradualwideninganddeepeningoftheriveristhewholesecretofthematter。

Yours，etc。

SERGEANTFATHOM。

APPENDIXC

I

MARKTWAIN’SEMPIRECITYHOAX

(SeeChapterxli)

THELATESTSENSATION

AVictimtoJeremyDiddlingTrustees——HeCutshisThroatfromEartoEar，ScalpshisWife，andDashesOuttheBrainsofSixHelplessChildren！

FromAbramCurry，whoarrivedhereyesterdayafternoonfromCarson，welearnthefollowingparticularsconcerningabloodymassacrewhichwascommittedinOrmsbyCountynightbeforelast。ItseemsthatduringthepastsixmonthsamannamedP。Hopkins，orPhilipHopkins，hasbeenresidingwithhisfamilyintheoldlog—housejustattheedgeofthegreatpineforestwhichliesbetweenEmpireCityandDutchNick’s。Thefamilyconsistedofninechildren——fivegirlsandfourboys——theoldestofthegroup，Mary，beingnineteenyearsold，andtheyoungest，Tommy，aboutayearandahalf。TwiceinthepasttwomonthsMrs。Hopkins，whilevisitingCarson，expressedfearsconcerningthesanityofherhusband，remarkingthatoflatehehadbeensubjecttofitsofviolence，andthatduringtheprevalenceofoneofthesehehadthreatenedtotakeherlife。ItwasMrs。Hopkins’smisfortunetobegiventoexaggeration，however，andbutlittleattentionwasgiventowhatshesaid。

About10o’clockonMondayeveningHopkinsdashedintoCarsononhorseback，withhisthroatcutfromeartoear，andbearinginhishandareekingscalp，fromwhichthewarm，smokingbloodwasstilldripping，andfellinadyingconditioninfrontoftheMagnoliasaloon。Hopkinsexpired，inthecourseoffiveminutes，withoutspeaking。Thelong，redhairofthescalpheboremarkeditasthatofMrs。Hopkins。Anumberofcitizens，headedbySheriffGasherie，mountedatonceandrodedowntoHopkins’shouse，whereaghastlyscenemettheireyes。ThescalplesscorpseofMrs。Hopkinslayacrossthethreshold，withherheadsplitopenandherrighthandalmostseveredfromthewrist。Nearherlaytheaxwithwhichthemurderousdeedhadbeencommitted。Inoneofthebedroomssixofthechildrenwerefound，oneinbedandtheothersscatteredaboutthefloor。The