第8章

Darkgrottos，fairyfestoons，tunnels，temples，columns，pillars，towers，pilasters，terraces，pyramids，mounds，domes，walls，inendlessconfusionofvine—work——noshapeknowntoarchitectureunimitated——andallsowebbedtogetherthatshortdistanceswithinareonlygainedbyglimpses。

Monkeyshereandthere；birdswarbling；gorgeousplumagedbirdsonthewing；Paradiseitself，theimperialrealmofbeauty—nothingtowishfortomakeitperfect。

Butitwasbeyondtheisthmusthatthevoyageloomedintoproportionssomberandterrible。Thevesseltheytookthere，theSanFrancisco，sailedfromGreytownJanuary1，1867，thebeginningofamemorableyearinMarkTwain’slife。NextdaytwocasesofAsiaticcholerawerereportedinthesteerage。TherehadbeenarumorofitinNicaragua，butnooneexpecteditontheship。

Thenatureofthediseasewasnothintedatuntilevening，whenoneofthemendied。Soonaftermidnight，theotherfollowed。Aministermakingthevoyagehome，Rev。J。G。Fackler，readtheburialservice。Thegaietyofthepassengers，whohadbecomewellacquaintedduringthePacificvoyage，wassubdued。Whentheword"cholera"wentamongthem，facesgrewgraveandfrightened。OnthemorningofJanuary4thReverendFackler’sserviceswereagainrequired。Thedeadmanwasputoverboardwithinhalfanhourafterhehadceasedtobreathe。

Gloomsettledupontheship。AllsteamwasmadetoputintoKeyWest。

Thensomeofthemachinerygavewayandtheshiplayrolling，helplesslybecalmedinthefierceheatoftheGulf，whilerepairswerebeingmade。

Theworkwasdoneatadisadvantage，andthepartsdidnothold。Timeandagaintheywereobligedtolieto，inthedeadlytropicheat，listeningtothehopelesshammering，wonderingwhowouldbethenexttobeseweduphastilyinablanketandslippedovertheship’sside。Onthe5thsevennewcasesofillnesswerereported。Oneofthecrew，amancalled"Shape，"wassaidtobedying。Afewhourslaterhewasdead。BythistimetheReverendFacklerhimselfhadbeentaken。

"Sotheyareburyingpoor’Shape’withoutbenefitofclergy，"saysthenote—book。

Generalconsternationnowbegantoprevail。Thenitwaslearnedthattheship’sdoctorhadrunoutofmedicines。Thepassengersbecamedemoralized。Theybelievedtheirvesselwastobecomeacharnelship。

Strictsanitaryorderswereissued，andahospitalwasimprovised。

Verilytheshipisbecomingafloatinghospitalherself——notanhourpassesbutbringsitsfreshsensation，itsnewdisaster，itsmelancholytidings。WhenIthinkofpoor"Shape"andthepreacher，bothsowellwhenIsawthemyesterdayevening，IrealizethatI

myselfmaybedeadto—morrow。

Sincethelasttwohoursalllaughter，alllevity，hasceasedontheship——asettledgloomisuponthefacesofthepassengers。

Bynoonitwasevidentthattheministercouldnotsurvive。Hediedattwoo’clocknextmorning；thefifthvictiminlessthanfivedays。Themachinerycontinuedtobreakandthevesseltodrag。Theship’sdoctorconfessedtoClemensthathewashelpless。Therewereeightpatientsinthehospital。

ButonJanuary6ththeymanagedtomakeKeyWest，andforsomereasonwerenotquarantined。Twenty—onepassengersimmediatelydesertedtheshipandwereheardofnomore。

"Iamgladtheyaregone。D——nthem，"saysthenotebook。Apparentlyhehadneverconsideredleaving，andanumberofothersremained。Thedoctorrestockedhismedicine—locker，andthenextdaytheyputtoseaagain。Certainlytheywereadaringlotofvoyagers。Onthe8thanotherofthepatientsdied。Thenthecoolerweatherseemedtocheckthecontagion，anditwasnotuntilthenightofthe11th，whentheNewYorkharborlightswereinview，thatthefinaldeathoccurred。Therewerenonewcasesbythistime，andtheotherpatientswereconvalescent。A

certificatewasmadeoutthatthelastmanhaddiedof"dropsy。"Therewouldseemtohavebeennoseriousdifficultyindockingthevesselandlandingthepassengers。Thematterwouldprobablybehandleddifferentlyto—day。

LVII

OLDFRIENDSANDNEWPLANS

IthadbeenmorethanthirteenyearssincehisfirstarrivalinNewYork。

Thenhehadbeenayouth，green，untraveled，eagertogetawayfromhome。

Nowaveteran，hewasaseagertoreturn。

HestoppedonlylongenoughinNewYorktoseeCharlesHenryWebb，lateofCalifornia，whohadputtogetheranumberoftheMarkTwainsketches，including"TheJumpingFrog，"forbookpublication。ClemenshimselfdecidedtotakethebooktoCarleton，thinkingthat，havingmissedthefameofthe"Frog"once，hemightwelcomeachancetostandsponsorforitnow。ButCarletonwaswary；the"Frog"hadwonfavor，andevenfame，initsfugitive，vagrantway，butabookwasanothermatter。Bookswereundertakenveryseriouslyandwithplentyofconsiderationinthosedays。

Twenty—oneyearslater，inSwitzerland，CarletonsaidtoMarkTwain：

"Mychiefclaimtoimmortalityisthedistinctionofhavingdeclinedyourfirstbook。"

ClemenswasreadyenoughtogiveupthebookwhenCarletondeclinedit，butWebbsaidhewouldpublishithimself，andhesetaboutitforthwith。

Theauthorwaitednolongernow，butstartedforSt。Louis，andwassoonwithhismotherandsister，whomhehadnotseensincethateventfulfirstyearofthewar。Theythoughthelookedold，whichwastrueenough，buttheyfoundhimunchangedinhismanner：buoyant，fullofbanterandgravelyquaintremarks——hewasalwaysthesame。JaneClemenshadgrownolder，too。Shewasnearlysixty—four，butaskeenandvigorousasever—proud(evenifsomewhatcritical)ofthishandsome，brilliantmanofnewnameandfamewhohadbeenhermischievous，waywardboy。Shepettedhim，jokedwithhim，scoldedhim，andinquiredsearchinglyintohismoralsandhabits。Inturnhepetted，comforted，andteasedher。ShedecidedthathewasthesameSam，andalwayswouldbe——atrueprophecy。

HewentuptoHannibaltoseeoldfriends。Manyweremarried；somehadmovedaway；someweredead——theoldstory。Hedeliveredhislecturethere，andwasthecenterofinterestandadmiration——hiswelcomemighthavesatisfiedevenTomSawyer。FromHannibalhejourneyedtoKeokuk，wherehelecturedagaintoacrowdofoldfriendsandnew，thenreturnedtoSt。Louisforamoreextendedvisit。

ItwaswhilehewasinSt。LouisthathefirstsawtheannouncementoftheQuakerCityHolyLandExcursion，andwaspromptlyfascinatedbywhatwasthenabrand—newideainoceantravel——asplendidpicnic——achoiceandrefinedpartythatwouldsailawayforalongsummer’sjourneyingtothemostromanticofalllandsandseas，theshoresoftheMediterranean。

Nosuchargosyhadeversetoutbeforeinpursuitofthegoldenfleeceofhappiness。

Hisprojectedtriparoundtheworldlostitscharminthelightofthisidyllicdream。HenryWardBeecherwasadvertisedasoneoftheparty；

GeneralShermanasanother；alsoministers，high—classjournalists——thebestmindsofthenation。AnsonBurlingamehadtoldhimtoassociatewithpersonsofrefinementandintellect。HelostnotimeinwritingtotheAlta，proposingthattheysendhiminthisselectcompany。

NoahBrooks，whowasthenontheAlta，states——[InanarticlepublishedintheCenturyMagazine。]——thatthemanagementwasstaggeredbytheproposition，butthatCol。JohnMcCombinsistedthattheinvestmentinMarkTwainwouldbesound。Aletterwasaccordinglysent，statingthatacheckforhispassagewouldbeforwardedindueseason，andthatmeantimehecouldcontributelettersfromNewYorkCity。Therateforallletterswastobetwentydollarseach。Thearrangementwasagodsend，inthefullestsenseoftheword，toMarkTwain。

ItwasnowApril，andhewaseagertogetbacktoNewYorktoarrangehispassage。TheQuakerCitywouldnotsailfortwomonthsyet(twoeventfulmonths)，buttheadvertisementsaidthatpassagesmustbesecuredbythe5th，andhewasthereonthatday。AlmostthefirstmanhemetwasthechiefoftheNewYorkAltabureauwithacheckfortwelvehundredandfiftydollars(theamountofhisticket)andatelegramsaying，"ShipMarkTwainintheHolyLandExcursionandpayhispassage。"

——[Thefollowingletter，whichbearsnodate，wasprobablyhandedtohimlaterintheNewYorkAltaofficeasasortofcredential：

ALTACALIFORNIAOFFICE，42JOHNSTREET，NEWYORK。

Sam’lClemens，Esq。，NewYork。

DEARSIR，——IhavethehonortoinformyouthatFred’k。MacCrellish&Co。，ProprietorsofAltaCalifornia，SanFrancisco，Cal。，desiretoengageyourservicesasSpecialCorrespondentonthepleasureexcursionnowabouttoproceedfromthisCitytotheHolyLand。InobediencetotheirinstructionsIhavesecuredapassageforyouonthevesselabouttoconveytheexcursionpartyreferredto，andmadesucharrangementsasIhopewillsecureyourcomfortandconvenience。Youronlyinstructionsarethatyouwillcontinuetowriteatsuchtimesandfromsuchplacesasyoudeemproper，andinthesamestylethatheretoforesecuredyouthefavorofthereadersoftheAltaCalifornia。Ihavethehonortoremain，withhighrespectandesteem，Yourob’dt。Servant，JOHNJ。MURPHY。]——

TheAlta，itappears，hadalreadyappliedforhisberth；but，nothavingbeenvouchedforbyMr。Beecherorsomeothereminentdivine，Clemenswasfearfulhemightnotbeaccepted。Quitecasuallyhewasenlightenedonthispoint。Whilewaitingforattentionintheshipping—office，withtheAltaagent，heheardanewspapermaninquirewhatnotablesweregoing。

Aclerk，withevidentpride，rattledoffthenames：

"Lieutenant—GeneralSherman，HenryWardBeecher，andMaskTwain；alsoprobablyGeneralBanks。"

Sohewasbilledasanattraction。ItwashisfirstsurreptitioustasteoffameontheAtlanticcoast，andnotwithoutitsdelight。ThestoryoftentoldofhisbeingintroducedbyNedHouse，oftheTribune，asaminister，thoughoftenrepeatedbyMarkTwainhimself，wasinthenatureofajoke，andmainlyapocryphal。ClemenswasagooddealinHouse’scompanyatthetime，forhehadmadeanarrangementtocontributeoccasionalletterstotheTribune，andHousenodoubtintroducedhimjokinglyasoneoftheQuakerCityministers。

LVIII

ANEWBOOKANDALECTURE

Webb，meantime，hadpushedtheFrogbookalong。Theproofshadbeenreadandthevolumewasaboutreadyforissue。ClemenswrotetohismotherApril15th：

Mybookwillprobablybeinthebookseller’shandsinabouttwoweeks。AfterthatIshalllecture。SinceIhavebeengone，theboyshavegottenupa"call"onmesignedbytwohundredCalifornians。

ThelectureplanwastheideaofFrankFuller，whoasactingGovernorofUtahhadknownMarkTwainontheComstock，andprophesiedfavorablyofhisfuturecareer。ClemenshadhuntedupFulleronlandinginNewYorkinJanuary，andFullerhadencouragedthelecturethen；butClemenswasdoubtful。

"Ihavenoreputationwiththegeneralpublichere，"hesaid。"Wecouldn’tgetabaker’sdozentohearme。"

ButFullerwasasanguineperson，withanenergyandenthusiasmthatwereinfectious。Heinsistedthattheideawassound。ItwouldsolidifyMarkTwain’sreputationontheAtlanticcoast，hedeclared，insistingthatthelargesthouseinNewYork，CooperUnion，shouldbetaken。Clemenshadpartiallyconsented，andFullerhadarrangedwithallthePacificslopepeoplewhohadcomeEast，headedbyex—GovernorJamesW。Nye(bythistimeSenatoratWashington)，tosignacallforthe"InimitableMarkTwain"toappearbeforeaNewYorkaudience。FullermadeNyeagreetobethereandintroducethelecturer，andhewasburninglybusyandhappyintheprospect。

ButMarkTwainwasnothappy。HelookedatthatspacioushallandimaginedthelittlecrowdoffaithfulCalifornianstragglersthatmightgatherintohearhim，andtheridiculeofthepapersnextday。HebeggedFullertotakeasmallerhall，thesmallesthecouldget。ButonlythebiggesthallinNewYorkwouldsatisfyFuller。Hewouldhavetakenalargeroneifhecouldhavefoundit。ThelecturewasannouncedforMay6th。Itssubjectwas"Kanakadom，ortheSandwichIslands"——

ticketsfiftycents。FullertimedittofollowafewdaysafterWebb’sbookshouldappear，sothatoneeventmighthelptheother。

MarkTwain’sfirstbook，’TheCelebratedJumpingFrogofCalaveyasCounty，andOtherSketches’，wasscheduledforMay1st，anddid，infact，appearonthatdate；buttotheauthoritwasnolongeranimportantevent。JimSmiley’sfrogasstandard—bearerofhisliteraryprocessionwasnotaninterestingobject，sofarashewasconcerned——notwiththatvast，emptyhallinthebackgroundandtheinsaneundertakingoftryingtofillit。TheSanFranciscoventurehadbeenasnothingcomparedwiththis。Fullerwasworkingnightanddaywithaboundingjoy，whilethesubjectofhislaborfeltasifhewereonthebrinkofafearfulprecipice，preparingtotryapairofwingswithoutfirstlearningtofly。Atoneinstanthewascoldwithfright，thenextglowingwithaninfectionofFuller’sfaith。Hedevisedahundredschemesforthesaleofseats。OncehecamerushingtoFuller，saying：

"SendalotofticketsdowntotheChickeringPianoCompany。Ihavepromisedtoputonmyprogramme，’ThepianousedatthisentertainmentismanufacturedbyChickering。"’

"Butyoudon’twantapiano，Mark，"saidFuller，"doyou？"

"No，ofcoursenot；buttheywilldistributetheticketsforthesakeoftheadvertisement，whetherwehavethepianoornot。"

Fullergotoutalotofhandbillsandhungbunchesoftheminthestages，omnibuses，andhorse—cars。Clemensatfirsthauntedthesevehiclestoseeifanybodynoticedthebills。Thelittledanglingbunchesseemeduntouched。Finallytwomencamein；oneofthempulledoffabillandglancedatit。Hisfriendasked：

"Who’sMarkTwain？"

"Godknows；Idon’t！"

Thelecturercouldnotrideanymore。Hewasdesperate。

"Fuller，"hegroaned，"thereisn’tasign——arippleofinterest。"

Fullerassuredhimthateverythingwasworkingallright"workingunderneath，"Fullersaid——butthelecturerwashopeless。Hereportedhisimpressionstothefolksathome：

Everythinglooksshady，atleast，ifnotdark；Ihaveagoodagent；

butnow，afterwehavehiredtheCooperInstitute，andgonetoanexpenseinonewayoranotherof$500，itcomesoutthatIhavegottoplayagainstSpeakerColfaxatIrvingHall，Ristori，andalsothedoubletroopofJapanesejugglers，thelatteropeningatthegreatAcademyofMusic——andwithallthisagainstmeIhavetakenthelargesthouseinNewYorkandcannotbackwater。

Hemighthaveaddedthattherewereotherrivalentertainments："TheFlyingScud"wasatWallack’s，the"BlackCrook"wasatNiblo’s，JohnBroughamattheOlympic；andtherewereatleastadozenlesserattractions。NewYorkwasnottheinexhaustiblecityinthosedays；

thesethingscouldgatherinthepublictothelastman。Whenthedaydrewnear，andonlyafewticketshadbeensold，Clemenswasdesperate。

"Fuller，"hesaid，"there’llbenobodyintheCooperUnionthatnightbutyouandme。Iamonthevergeofsuicide。IwouldcommitsuicideifI

hadthepluckandtheoutfit。Youmustpaperthehouse，Fuller。Youmustsendoutafloodofcomplementaries。"

"Verywell，"saidFuller；"whatwewantthistimeisreputationanyway——

moneyissecondary。I’llputyoubeforethechoicest，mostintelligentaudiencethateverwasgatheredinNewYorkCity。Iwillbringintheschool—instructors——thefinestbodyofmenandwomenintheworld。"

Fullerimmediatelysentoutadelugeofcomplimentarytickets，invitingtheschool—teachersofNewYorkandBrooklyn，andalltheadjacentcountry，tocomefreeandhearMarkTwain’sgreatlectureonKanakadom。

Thiswaswithinforty—eighthoursofthetimehewastoappear。

SenatorNyewastohavejoinedClemensandFullerattheWestminster，whereClemenswasstopping，andtheywaitedforhimtherewithacarriage，fumingandswearing，untilitwasevidentthathewasnotcoming。AtlastClemenssaid：

"Fuller，you’vegottointroduceme。"

"No，"suggestedFuller；"I’vegotabetterschemethanthat。YougetupandbeginbybemeaningNyefornotbeingthere。Thatwillbebetteranyway。"

Clemenssaid：

"Well，Fuller，Icandothat。Ifeelthatway。I’lltrytothinkupsomethingfreshandhappytosayaboutthathorse—thief。"

TheydrovetoCooperUnionwithtrepidation。Suppose，afterall，theschool—teachershaddeclinedtocome？Theywenthalfanhourbeforethelecturewastobegin。FortyyearslaterMarkTwainsaid：

"Icouldn’tkeepaway。IwantedtoseethatvastMammothcaveanddie。

ButwhenwegotnearthebuildingIsawthatallthestreetswereblockedwithpeople，andthattraffichadstopped。Icouldn’tbelievethatthesepeopleweretryingtogetintoCooperInstitute；buttheywere，andwhenIgottothestageatlastthehousewasjammedfull—packed；therewasn’troomenoughleftforachild。

"IwashappyandIwasexcitedbeyondexpression。IpouredtheSandwichIslandsoutonthosepeople，andtheylaughedandshoutedtomyentirecontent。ForanhourandfifteenminutesIwasinparadise。"

AndFullerto—day，aliveandyoung，whensomanyothersofthatancienttimeandeventhavevanished，hasadded：

"WhenMarkappearedtheCaliforniansgavearegularyellofwelcome。

Whenthatwasoverhewalkedtotheedgeoftheplatform，lookedcarefullydowninthepit，roundtheedgesasifhewerehuntingforsomething。Thenhesaid：’Therewastohavebeenapianohere，andasenatortointroduceme。Idon’tseemtodiscoverthemanywhere。Thepianowasagoodone，butwewillhavetogetalongwithsuchmusicasI

canmakewithyourhelp。Asforthesenator——ThenMarklethimselfgoanddidashepromisedaboutSenatorNye。HesaidthingsthatmademenfromthePacificcoast，whohadknownNye，screamwithdelight。Afterthatcamehislecture。Thefirstsentencecapturedtheaudience。Fromthatmomenttotheenditwaseitherinaroaroflaughterorhalfbreathlessbyhisbeautifuldescriptivepassages。Peoplewerepositivelyillfordays，laughingatthatlecture。"

Soitwasasuccess：everybodywasgladtohavebeenthere；thepaperswerekind，congratulationsnumerous。

——[Kindbutnotextravagant；thosewereburningpoliticaltimes，andthedoingsofmereliterarypeopledidnotexcitethepresstotheextentofheadlines。AjamaroundCooperUnionto—day，followedbysuchanartistictriumph，wouldbeanewsevent。Ontheotherhand，SchuylerColfax，thenSpeakeroftheHouse，wasreportedtotheextentofacolumn，nonpareil。Hislecturewasofnoliteraryimportance，andnoechoofitnowremains。Butthosewerepolitical，notartistic，days。

OfMarkTwain’slecturetheTimesnoticesaid：

"Nearlyeveryonepresentcamepreparedforconsiderableprovocationforenjoyablelaughter，andfromtheappearanceoftheirmirthfulfacesleavingthehallattheconclusionofthelecturebutfewweredisappointed，anditisnottoomuchtosaythatseldomhassolargeanaudiencebeensouniformlypleasedastheonethatlistenedtoMarkTwain’squaintremarkslastevening。ThelargehalloftheUnionwasfilledtoitsutmostcapacitybyfullytwothousandpersons，whichfactspokewellforthereputationofthelecturerandhisfuturesuccess。

MarkTwain’sstyleisaquaintonebothinmannerandmethod，andthroughhisdiscoursehemanagedtokeepontherightsideoftheaudience，andfrequentlyconvulseditwithheartylaughter……DuringadescriptionofthetopographyoftheSandwichIslandsthelecturersurprisedhishearersbyagraphicandeloquentdescriptionoftheeruptionofthegreatvolcano，whichoccurredin1840，andhislanguagewasloudlyapplauded。

"Judgingfromthesuccessachievedbythelecturerlastevening，heshouldrepeathisexperimentatanearlydate。"]——

COOPERINSTITUTE

ByInvitationofslargenumberofprominentCaliforniansandCitizensofNewYork，MARKTWAIN

WILLDELIVERA

SERIO—HUMEROUSLECTURE

CONERNING

KANAKDOM

OR

THESANDWICHISLANDS，COOPERINSTITUTE，OnMondayEvening，May6，1867。

TICKETSFIFTYGENTS。

ForSaleatChickeringandSons，852Broadway，andatthePrincipalHotelDoorsopenat7o’clock。TheWisdomwillbegintoflowat8。

MarkTwainalwaysfeltgratefultotheschool—teachersforthatnight。

Manyyearslater，whentheywantedhimtoreadtotheminSteinwayHall，hegladlygavehisserviceswithoutcharge。

Norwasthelectureacompletefinancialfailure。Inspiteofthefloodofcomplementaries，therewasacashreturnofsomethreehundreddollarsfromthesaleoftickets——asubstantialaidindefrayingtheexpenseswhichFullerassumedandinsistedonmakinggoodonhisownaccount。

ThatwasFuller’sregalway；hisreturnlayinthejoyofthegame，andinthewinningofthelargerstakeforafriend。

"Mark，"hesaid，"itisallright。Thefortunedidn’tcome，butitwill。

Thefamehasarrived；withthislectureandyourbookjustoutyouaregoingtobethemosttalked—ofmaninthecountry。YourlettersfortheAltaandtheTribunewillgetthewidestreceptionofanylettersoftraveleverwritten。"

LIX

THEFIRSTBOOK

WiththeshadowoftheCooperInstitutesohappilydispelled，TheCelebratedJumpingFrogofCalaverasCounty，andhisfollowingofOtherSketches，becameamatterofmoreinterest。Thebookwasaneatblue—

and—goldvolumeprintedbyJohnA。Gray&Green，theoldfirmforwhichtheboy，SamClemens，hadsettypethirteenyearsbefore。Thetitle—pageboreWebb’snameaspublisher，withtheAmericanNewsCompanyassellingagents。Itfurtherstatedthatthebookwaseditedby"JohnPaul，"thatistosaybyWebbhimself。Thededicationwasinkeepingwiththegeneralirresponsiblecharacteroftheventure。Itwasasfollows：

TO

JOHNSMITH

WHOMIHAVEKNOWNINDIVERSANDSUNDRY

PLACESABOUTTHEWORLD，ANDWHOSE

MANYANDMANIFOLDVIRTUESDID

ALWAYSCOMMANDMYESTEEM，IDEDICATETHISBOOK

Itissaidthatthemantowhomavolumeisdedicatedalwaysbuysacopy。

Ifthisprovetrueinthepresentinstance，aprincelyaffluenceisabouttoburstuponTHEAUTHOR。

The"advertisement"statedthattheauthorhad"scaledtheheightsofpopularityatasinglejump，andwonforhimselfthesobriquetofthe"WildHumoristofthePacificSlope"；furthermore，thathewasknowntofameasthe"MoralistoftheMain，"andthatassuchhewouldbelikelytogodowntoposterity，addingthatitwasinhissecondarycharacter，ashumorist，ratherthaninhisprimaloneofmoralist，thatthevolumeaimedtopresenthim。——[Theadvertisementcomplete，withextractsfromthebook，maybefoundunderAppendixE，attheendoflastvolume。]

Everylittlewhile，duringthefortyyearsormorethathaveelapsedsincethen，someonehascomeforwardannouncingMarkTwaintobeasmuchaphilosopherasahumorist，asifthiswereanewdiscovery。Butitwasadiscoverychieflytothepersonmakingtheannouncement。EveryonewhoeverknewMarkTwainatanyperiodofhislifemadethesamediscovery。

Everyonewhoevertookthetroubletofamiliarizehimselfwithhisworkmadeit。Thosewhodidnotmakeithaveknownhisworkonlybyhearsayandquotation，ortheyhavereaditverycasually，orhavebeenverydull。Itwouldbemuchmoreofadiscoverytofindabookinwhichhehasnotbeenserious——aphilosopher，amoralist，andapoet。EvenintheJumpingFrogsketches，selectedparticularlyfortheirinconsequence，theunder—veinofreflectionandpurposeisnotlacking。TheanswertoMoralStatistician——[In"AnswerstoCorrespondents，"includednowinSketchesNewandOld。Anextractfromit，andfrom"AStrangeDream，"willbefoundinAppendixE。]——isfairlyalivewithhumanwisdomandrighteouswrath。The"StrangeDream，"thoughendinginajoke，isaglowwithpoetry。Webb’s"advertisement"wasplayfullywritten，butitwasearnestlyintended，andhewritesMarkTwaindownamoralist——notasadiscovery，butasamatterofcourse。Thediscoveriescamealonglater，whentheauthor’sfameasahumoristhaddazzledthenations。

Itisaswelltosayithereasanywhere，perhaps，thatonereasonwhyMarkTwainfounditdifficulttobeacceptedseriouslywasthefactthathispersonalitywasinitselfsoessentiallyhumorous。Hisphysiognomy，hismannerofspeech，thismovement，hismentalattitudetowardevents——

alltheseweredistinctlydiverting。Whenweaddtothisthathismediumofexpressionwasnearlyalwaysfullofthequaintphrasingandthosesurprisingappositionswhichwerecognizeasamusing，itisnotsoastonishingthathisdeeper，wiser，moreseriouspurposeshouldbeoverlooked。Onthewholetheseunabateddiscoverersserveapurpose，ifonlytomaketherestoftheirspecieslooksomewhatdeeperthanthecomicphrase。

Thelittleblue—and—goldvolumewhichpresentedtheFrogstoryandtwenty—sixothersketchesincoversischieflyimportantto—dayasbeingMarkTwain’sfirstbook。Theselectionsinitweremadeforapublicthathadbeentoobusywithagreatwartolearndiscrimination，andmostofthemhaveproperlyfoundoblivion。FewerthanadozenofthemwereincludedinhiscollectedSketchesissuedeightyearslater，andsomeevenofthosemighthavebeenspared；alsosomethatwereadded，forthatmatter；butdetailedliterarycriticismisnottheprovinceofthiswork。

Thereadermayinvestigateandjudgeforhimself。

Clemenswaspleasedwiththeappearanceofhisbook。ToBretHartehewrote：

Thebookisoutanditishandsome。ItisfullofdamnableerrorsofgrammaranddeadlyinconsistenciesofspellingintheFrogsketch，becauseIwasawayanddidnotreadproofs；butbeafriendandsaynothingaboutthesethings。Whenmyhurryisover，Iwillsendyouacopytopisenthechildrenwith。

Thathehadnoexaggeratedopinionofthebook’scontentsorprospectswemaygatherfromhisletterhome：

AsfortheFrogbook，Idon’tbelieveitwilleverpayanythingworthacent。Ipublisheditsimplytoadvertisemyself，andnotwiththehopeofmakinganythingoutofit。

HehadgrownmorelenientinhisopinionofthemeritsoftheFrogstoryitselfsinceithadmadefriendsinhighplaces，especiallysinceJamesRussellLowellhadpronouncedit"thefinestpieceofhumorouswritingyetproducedinAmerica"；butcomparedwithhislecturetriumph，andhisprospectivejourneytoforeignseas，hisbookventure，atbest，claimednomorethanacasualregard。ASandwichIslandbook(hehadcollectedhisUnionletterswiththeideaofavolume)hegaveupaltogetherafteroneunsuccessfulofferofittoDick&Fitzgerald。

FrankFuller’sstatement，thatthefamehadarrived，hadinitsomemeasureoftruth。Lecturepropositionscamefromvariousdirections。

ThomasNast，thenintheearlydayofhisgreatpopularity，proposedajointtour，inwhichClemenswouldlecture，whilehe，Nast，illustratedtheremarkswithlightningcaricatures。Butthetimewastooshort；theQuakerCitywouldsailonthe8thofJune，andinthemeantimetheAltacorrespondentwasfarbehindwithhisNewYorkletters。OnMay29thhewrote：

Iam18Altalettersbehind，andImustcatchuporbust。Ihaverefusedallinvitationstolecture。Don’tknowhowmybookiscomingon。

Heworkedlikeaslaveforaweekorso，almostnightandday，tocleanupmattersbeforehisdeparture。Thencamedaysofidlenessandreaction—daysofwaiting，duringwhichhisnaturalrestlessnessandtheold—timeregretforthingsdoneandundone，besethim。

Mypassageispaid，andiftheshipsailsIsailonher；butImakenocalculations，haveboughtnocigars，nosea—goingclothing——havemadenopreparationswhatever——shallnotpackmytrunktillthemorningwesail。

AllIdoknoworfeelisthatIamwildwithimpatiencetomove——

move——move！Cursetheendlessdelays！Theyalwayskillme——theymakemeneglecteveryduty，andthenIhaveaconsciencethattearsmelikeawildbeast。IwishIneverhadtostopanywhereamonth。

IdomoremeanthingsthemomentIgetachancetofoldmyhandsandsitdownthaneverIgetforgivenessfor。

Yes，wearetomeetatMr。Beach’snextThursdaynight，andI

supposeweshallhavetobegottenupregardlessofexpense，inswallow—tails，whitekidsandeverything’enregle’。

IamresignedtoRev。Mr。Hutchinson’soranybodyelse’ssupervision。Idon’tmindit。Iamfixed。Ihavegotasplendid，immoral，tobacco—smoking，wine—drinking，godlessroommatewhoisasgoodandtrueandright—mindedamanaseverlived——amanwhoseblamelessconductandexamplewillalwaysbeaneloquentsermontoallwhoshallcomewithintheirinfluence。Butsendontheprofessionalpreachers——therearenoneIlikebettertoconversewith；ifthey’renotnarrowmindedandbigotedtheymakegoodcompanions。

The"splendidimmoralroom—mate"wasDanSlote——"Dan，"ofTheInnocents，alovablecharacter——allassetdown。SamuelClemenswroteonemorelettertohismotherandsister——aconscience—stricken，pessimisticletterofgood—bywrittenthenightbeforesailing。ReferringtotheAltalettershesays：

IthinktheyarethestupidestletterseverwrittenfromNewYork。

CorrespondinghasbeenaperfectdrageversinceIgottotheStates。Ifitcontinuesabroad，Idon’tknowwhattheTribuneandAltafolkwillthink。

HeremembersOrion，whohadbeenofficiallyeliminatedwhenNevadahadreceivedstatehood。

Ioftenwonderifhislawbusinessisgoingsatisfactorily。IwishIhadgonetoWashingtoninthewinterinsteadofgoingWest。I

couldhavegougedanofficeoutofBillStewartforhim，andthatwouldhaveatonedforthelossofmyhomevisit。ButIamsoworthlessthatitseemstomeIneverdoanythingoraccomplishanythingthatlingersinmymindasapleasantmemory。MymindisstoredfullofunworthyconducttowardOrionandtowardyouall，andanaccusingconsciencegivesmepeaceonlyinexcitementandrestlessmovingfromplacetoplace。IfIcouldonlysayIhaddoneonethingforanyofyouthatentitledmetoyourgoodopinions(I

saynothingofyourlove，forIamsureofthat，nomatterhowunworthyofitImaymakemyself——fromOriondown，youhavealwaysgivenmethat；allthedaysofmylife，whenGodAlmightyknowsI

haveseldomdeservedit)，IbelieveIcouldgohomeandstaythere——

andIknowIwouldcarelittlefortheworld’spraiseorblame。

Thereisnosatisfactionintheworld’spraiseanyhow，andithasnoworthtomesaveinthewayofbusiness。Itriedtogatherupitscomplimentstosendyou，buttheworkwasdistastefulandIdroppedit。

YouobservethatunderacheerfulexteriorIhavegotaspiritthatisangrywithmeandgivesmefreelyitscontempt。Icangetawayfromthatatsea，andbetranquilandsatisfied；andso，withmypartingloveandbenedictionforOrionandallofyou，Isaygood—byandGodblessyouall—andwelcomethewindthatwaftsawearysoultothesunnylandsoftheMediterranean！

Yrs。forever，SAM

LX

THEINNOCENTSATSEA

HOLYLANDPLEASUREEXCURSION

Steamer：QuakerCity。

CaptainC。C。Duncan。

LeftNewYorkat2P。m。，June8，1867。

Roughweather——anchoredwithintheharbortolayallnight。

ThatfirstnoterecordedaneventmomentousinMarkTwain’scareer——aneventofsupremeimportance；ifweconcedethatanylinkinachainregardlessofsizeisofmoreimportancethananyotherlink。

Undoubtedlyitremainsthemostconspicuousevent，astheworldviewsitnow，inretrospect。

Thenotefurtherheadsanewchapterofhistoryinsea—voyaging。Nosuchthingasthesailingofanoceansteamshipwithapleasure—partyonalongtransatlanticcruisehadeveroccurredbefore。Asimilarprojecthadbeenundertakenthepreviousyear，butowingtoacholerascareintheEastithadbeenabandoned。Nowthedreamhadbecomeafact——astupendousfactwhenweconsiderit。Suchanimportantbeginningasthatnowwouldinalllikelihoodfurnishthechiefnewsstoryoftheday。

Buttheyhaddifferentideasofnewsinthosedays。TherewerenoheadlinesannouncingthedepartureoftheQuakerCity——onlythebarestmentionoftheship’ssailing，thoughaprominentpositionwasgiventoanaccountofasenatorialexcursion—partywhichsetoutthatsamemorningovertheUnionPacificRailway，thenunderconstruction。Everynameinthatpoliticalpartywassetdawn，andnotoneofthemexceptGeneralHancockwilleverbeheardofagain。TheNewYorkTimes，however，hadsomeoneonitseditorialstaffwhothoughtitworthwhiletocommentalittleonthehistory—makingQuakerCityexcursion。Thewriterwaspleasantlycomplimentarytoofficersandpassengers。HereferredtoMosesS。Beach，oftheSun，whowastakingwithhimtypeandpress，wherebyhewould"skilfullyutilizethebrainsofthecompanyfortheirmutualedification。"Mr。BeecherandGeneralShermanwouldfindtalentenoughaboardtomakethehoursgopleasantly(evidentlythewriterhadnotinterestedhimselfsufficientlytoknowthatthesegentlemenwerenotalong)，andtheparagraphclosedbyprophesyingothersuchexcursions，andwishingthetravelers"goodspeed，ahappyvoyage，andasafereturn。"

Thatwashandsome，especiallyforthosedays；onlynow，somefineday，whenanairshipshallstartwithabandofhappyargonautstolandbeyondthesunriseforthefirsttimeinhistory，weshallfeatureitandemblazonitwithpicturesintheSundaypapers，andweeklies，andinthemagazines。——[TheQuakerCityideawassounheard—ofthatinsomeoftheforeignportsvisited，theofficialscouldnotbelievethatthevesselwassimplyapleasure—craft，andweresuspiciousofsomedark，ulteriorpurpose。]

ThatHenryWardBeecherandGeneralShermanhadconcludednottogowasaheavydisappointmentatfirst；butitprovedonlyatemporarydisaster。

Theinevitableamalgamationofallshipcompaniestookplace。Thesixty—

seventravelersfellintocongenialgroups，ortheymingledanddevisedamusements，andgossipedandbecameabigfamily，ashappyandasfreefromcontentionasfamiliesofthatsizearelikelytobe。

TheQuakerCitywasagoodenoughshipandsizableforhertime。Shewasregisteredeighteenhundredtons——aboutone—tenththesizeofMediterraneanexcursion—steamerstoday——andwhenconditionswerefavorableshecouldmaketenknotsanhourundersteam——or，atleast，shecoulddoitwiththehelpofherauxiliarysails。Altogethershewasacozy，satisfactoryship，andtheywereafortunatecompanywhohadheralltothemselvesandwentoutonheronthatlong—agooceangipsying。

Shehasgrownsincethen，eventotheproportionsoftheMayflower。ItwasnecessaryforhertogrowtoholdallofthosewhoinlatertimesclaimedtohavesailedinheronthatvoyagewithMarkTwain。——[TheQuakerCitypassengerlistwillbefoundunderAppendixF，attheendoflastvolume。]

TheywerenotallministersanddeaconsaboardtheQuakerCity。Clemensfoundothercongenialspiritsbesideshisroom—mateDanSlote——amongthemtheship’ssurgeon，Dr。A。ReeveJackson(theguide—destroying"Doctor"ofTheInnocents)；JackVanNostrand，ofNewJersey("Jack")；

JuliusMoulton，ofSt。Louis("Moult")，andothercare—freefellows，thesmoking—roomcrowdwhichislikelytomakecomradeshipitschiefwatchword。Therewerecompanionablepeopleinthecabincrowdalso——

fine，intelligentmenandwomen，especiallyoneofthelatter，amiddle—

aged，intellectual，motherlysoul——Mrs。A。W。Fairbanks，ofCleveland，Ohio。Mrs。Fairbanks——herselfanewspapercorrespondentforherhusband’spaper，theClevelandHeraldhadalargeinfluenceonthecharacterandgeneraltoneofthoseQuakerCityletterswhichestablishedMarkTwain’slargerfame。Shewasanablewriterherself；herjudgmentwasthoughtful，refined，unbiased——altogetherofasuperiorsort。SheunderstoodSamuelClemens，counseledhim，encouragedhimtoreadhislettersaloudtoher，becameinreality"MotherFairbanks，"astheytermedher，tohimandtoothersofthatshipwhoneededherkindlyoffices。

Inoneofhishomeletters，later，hesaidofher：

Shewasthemostrefined，intelligent，cultivatedladyintheship，andaltogetherthekindestandbest。Shesewedmybuttonson，keptmyclothinginpresentabletrim，fedmeonEgyptianjam(whenI

behaved)，lecturedmeawfullyonthequarter—deckonmoonlitpromenadingevenings，andcuredmeofseveralbadhabits。Iamunderlastingobligationstoher。Shelooksyoungbecausesheissogood，butshehasagrownsonanddaughterathome。

InoneoftheearlyletterswhichMrs。Fairbankswrotetoherpapersheisscarcelylesscomplimentarytohim，evenifinadifferentway。

WehaveD。D。’sandM。D。’s——wehavemenofwisdomandmenofwit。

Thereisonetablefromwhichissuretocomeapealoflaughter，andalleyesareturnedtowardMarkTwain，whosefaceis，perfectlymirth—provoking。Sittinglazilyatthetable，scarcelygenteelinhisappearance，thereissomething，Iknownotwhat，thatinterestsandattracts。Isawto—dayatdinnervenerabledivinesandsage—

lookingmenconvulsedwithlaughterathisdrolleriesandquaint，oddmanners。

Itrequiresonlyafewdaysonshipboardforacquaintancestoform，andpresentlyalittleafternoongroupwasgatheringtohearMarkTwainreadhisletters。Mrs。Fairbankswasthere，ofcourse，alsoMr。andMrs。S。

L。Severance，likewiseofCleveland，andMosesS。Beach，oftheSun，withhisdaughterEmma，agirlofseventeen。DanSlotewaslikelytobethere，too，andJack，andtheDoctor，andCharlesJ。Langdon，ofElmira，NewYork，aboyofeighteen，whohadconceivedadeepadmirationforthebrilliantwriter。Theywerefortunateoneswhofirstgatheredtohearthosedaring，wonderfulletters。

Butthebenefitwasamutualone。Hefurnishedapricelessentertainment，andhederivedsomethingequallypricelessinreturn——thetestofimmediateaudienceandtheboonofcriticism。Mrs。Fairbanksespeciallywasfranklysincere。Mr。Severancewroteafterward：

OneafternoonIsawhimtearingupabunchofthesoft，whitepaper—

copypaper，Iguessthenewspaperscallit—onwhichhehadwrittensomething，andthrowingthefragmentsintotheMediterranean。I

inquiredofhimwhyhecastawaythefruitsofhislaborsinthatmanner。

"Well，"hedrawled，"Mrs。Fairbanksthinksitoughtn’ttobeprinted，and，likeasnot，sheisright。"

AndEmmaBeach(Mrs。AbbottThayer)remembershearinghimsay：

"Well，Mrs。Fairbankshasjustdestroyedanotherfourhours’workforme。"

SometimesheplayedchesswithEmmaBeach，whothoughthimagreatherobecause，oncewhenacrowdofmenweretormentingayounglad，apassenger，MarkTwaintooktheboy’spartandmadethemdesist。

"IamsureIwasright，too，"shedeclares；"heroismcamenaturaltohim。"

Mr。Severancerecallsanotherincidentwhich，ashesays，wastrivialenough，butnoteasytoforget：

WewerehavingalittlecelebrationoverthebirthdayanniversaryofMrs。

Duncan，wifeofourcaptain。MarkTwaingotupandmadealittlespeech，inwhichhesaidMrs。DuncanwasreallyolderthanMethuselahbecausesheknewalotofthingsthatMethuselahneverheardof。Thenhementionedanumberofmoreorlessmoderninventions，andwoundupbysaying，"WhatdidMethuselahknowaboutabarbed—wirefence？"

ExceptFollowingtheEquator，TheInnocentsAbroadcomesnearertobeinghistorythananyotherofMarkTwain’stravel—books。Thenotesforitweremadeonthespot，andtherewasplentyoffact，plentyoffresh，newexperience，plentyofincidenttosetdown。Hisideaofdescriptivetravelinthosedayswastotellthestoryasithappened；also，perhaps，hehadnotthenacquiredthecourageofhisinventions。WemaybelievethattheadventureswithJack，Dan，andtheDoctorareelaboratedhereandthere；buteventhosehappenedsubstantiallyasrecorded。Thereislittletoadd，then，tothestoryofthathalcyontrip，andnotmuchtoelucidate。

Theoldnote—booksgivealighthereandtherethatisinteresting。Itiscurioustobelookingthroughthemnow，tryingtorealizethatthesepenciledmemorandawerethefresh，firstimpressionsthatwouldpresentlygrowintotheworld’smostdelightfulbookoftravel；thattheyweresetdownintheverymidstofthatcare—freelittlecompanythatfrolickedthroughItaly，climbedwearilythearidSyrianhills。Theyarealldeadnow；buttoustheyareasaliveandyoungto—dayaswhentheyfollowedthefootprintsoftheSonofManthroughPalestine，andstoodatlastbeforetheSphinx，impressedandawedbyits"fivethousandslow—

revolvingyears。"

Someoftheitemsconsistofnomorethanafewterse，suggestivewords——

serious，humorous，sometimesprofane。Othersarestatistical，descriptive，elaborated。Alsotherearedrawings——"notcopied，"hemarksthem，withapridenotalwaysjustifiedbytheresult。Theearliernotesaremainlycommentsonthe"pilgrims，"thefreakpilgrims："theFrenchy—

lookingwomanwhoownsadogandkeepsupaninterminablebiographyofhimtothepassengers"；the"long—legged，simple，wide—mouthed，horse—

laughingyoungfellowwhooncemadeaseavoyagetoFortressMonroe，andquoteseternallyfromhisexperiences"；also，thereisreferencetoanotheryoungman，"good，accommodating，pleasantbutfearfullygreen。"

Thisyoungpersonwouldbecomethe"InterrogationPoint，"induetime，andhavehispictureonpage71(oldedition)，whileoppositehim，onpage70，wouldappearthe"oracle，"identifiedasoneDoctorAndrews，who(thenote—booksays)hadthehabitof"smellinginguide—booksforknowledgeandthentryingtoplayitforoldinformationthathasbeenfesteringinhisbrain。"Sometimesthereareabstractnotessuchas：

HowluckyAdamwas。Heknewwhenhesaidagoodthingthatnoonehadeversaiditbefore。

Ofthe"character"notes，themostimportantandelaboratedisthatwhichpresentsthe"PoetLariat。"Thisistheentry，somewhatepitomized：

BLOODGOODH。CUTTER

Heisfiftyyearsold，andsmallofhisage。Hedressesinhomespun，andisasimple—minded，honest，old—fashionedfarmer，withastrangeproclivityforwritingrhymes。Hewritesthemonallpossiblesubjects，andgetsthemprintedonslipsofpaper，withhisportraitatthehead。Thesehewillgivetoanymanwhocomesalong，whetherhehasanythingagainsthimornot……

Dansaid：

"Itmustbeagreathappinesstoyoutositdownatthecloseofdayandputitseventsalldowninrhymesandpoetry，likeByronandShakespeareandthosefellows。"

"Ohyes，itis——itis——Why，many’sthetimeI’vehadtogetupinthenightwhenitcomesonme：

Whetherwe’reontheseaorthelandWe’veallgottogoatthewordofcommand——

Hey！how’sthat？"

AcuriouscharacterwasCutter——aLongIslandfarmerwiththeobsessionofrhyme。Inhisoldage，inaninterview，hesaid：

"Markwasgenerallywritingandhewasglum。Hewouldwritewhatweweredoing，andIwouldwritepoetry，andMarkwouldsay：

"’ForHeaven’ssake，Cutter，keepyourpoemstoyourself。’

"Yes，Markwasprettyglum，andhewasgenerallywriting。"

PooroldPoetLariat——deadnowwithsomanyothersofthathappycrew。

WemaybelievethatMarklearnedtobe"glum"whenhesawtheLariatapproachingwithhissheafofrhymes。Wemaybelieve，too，thathewas"generallywriting。"Hecontributedfifty—threeletterstotheAltaduringthatfivemonthsandsixtotheTribune。Theywouldaverageabouttwocolumnsnonpareileach，whichistosayfourthousandwords，orsomethingliketwohundredandfiftythousandwordsinall。Toturnoutanaverageoffifteenhundredwordsaday，withcontinuoussight—seeingbesides，onemustbegenerallywritingduringanyoddintervals；thosewhoarewonttoregardMarkTwainaslazymayconsiderthesestatistics。

Thathedetestedmanuallaboristrueenough，butattheworkforwhichhewasfittedandintendeditmaybesetdownhereuponauthority(anddespitehisownfrequentassertionstothecontrary)thattohislastyearhewasthemostindustriousofmen。

LXI

THEINNOCENTSABROAD

ItwasDan，Jack，andtheDoctorwhowithMarkTwainwandereddownthroughItalyandleftmoralfootprintsthatremaintothisday。TheItalianguidesarewaryaboutshowingpiecesoftheTrueCross，fragmentsoftheCrownofThorns，andthebonesofsaintssincethen。Theyshowthem，itistrue，butwithasmile；thenameofMarkTwainisatouch—

stonetotesttheirstatements。NotaguideinItalybuthasheardthetaleofthaticonoclasticcrew，andofthebookwhichturnedtheirmarvelsintomyths，theirrelicsintobywords。

ItwasDoctorJackson，ColonelDenny，DoctorBirch，andSamuelClemenswhoevadedthequarantineandmadetheperilousnighttriptoAthensandlookedupontheParthenonandthesleepingcitybymoonlight。Itisallsetdowninthenotes，andtheaccountvarieslittlefromthatgiveninthebook；onlyhedoesnottellusthatCaptainDuncanandthequartermaster，Pratt，connivedattheescapade，orhowthelatterwatchedtheshoreinanxioussuspenseuntilheheardthewhistlewhichwastheirsignaltobetakenaboard。Itwouldhavemeantsixmonths’imprisonmentiftheyhadbeencaptured，fortherewasnodiscretionintheGreeklaw。

ItwasT。D。Crocker，A。N。Sanford，Col。PeterKinney，andWilliamGibsonwhoweredelegatedtodrafttheaddresstotheEmperorofRussiaatYalta，withSamuelL。Clemensaschairmanofthatcommittee。Thechairmanwrotetheaddress，theopeningsentenceofwhichhegrewsowearyofhearing：

WeareahandfulofprivatecitizensofAmerica，travelingsimplyforrecreation，andunostentatiously，asbecomesourunofficialstate。

Theaddressisallsetdowninthenotes，andtherealsoexiststhefirstroughdraft，withtheemendationsinhisownhand。Hedeploresthetimeitrequired：

Thatjobisover。Writingaddressestoemperorsisnotmystrongsuit。However，ifitisnotasgoodasitmightbeitdoesn’tsignify——theothercommitteemenoughttohavehelpedmewriteit；

theyhadnothingtodo，andIhadmyhandsfull。ButforbotheringwiththisIwouldhavecaughtupentirelywithmyNewYorkTribunecorrespondenceandnearlyupwiththeSanFrancisco。

TheywantedhimalsotoreadtheaddresstotheEmperor，buthepointedoutthattheAmericanconsulwastheproperpersonforthatoffice。Hetellshowtheaddresswaspresented：

August26th。TheImperialcarriageswereinwaitingateleven，andattwelvewewereatthepalace……

TheConsulforOdessareadtheaddressandtheCzarsaidfrequently，"Good——verygood；indeed"——andattheclose，"Iamvery，verygrateful。"

Itwasnotimproperforhimtosetdownallthis，andmuchmore，inhisownnote—book——notthenforpublication。Itwasinfactaveryproperrecord——fortoday。

OneincidentoftheimperialaudienceMarkTwainomittedfromhisbook，perhapsbecausethehumorofithadnotyetbecomesufficientlyevident。

"Thehumorousperceptionofathingisaprettyslowgrowthsometimes，"

heonceremarked。ItwasaboutseventeenyearsbeforehecouldlaughenjoyablyataslightmistakehemadeattheEmperor’sreception。Hesetdownamemorandumofit，then，forfearitmightbelost：

TherewereanumberofgreatdignitariesoftheEmpirethere，andalthough，asageneralthing，theyweredressedincitizen’sclothing，Iobservedthatthemostofthemworeaverysmallpieceofribboninthelapelsoftheircoats。Thatlittletouchofcolorstruckmyfancy，anditseemedtomeagoodideatoaddittomyownattractions；notimaginingthatithadanyspecialsignificance。SoIsteppedaside，huntedupabitofredribbon，andornamentedmylapelwithit。Presently，CountFestetics，theGrandMasterofceremonies，andtheonlymantherewhowasgorgeouslyarrayed，infullofficialcostume，begantoshowmeagreatmanyattentions。Hewasparticularlypolite，andpleasant，andanxioustobeofservicetome。Presently，heaskedmewhatorderofnobilityIbelongedto？

Isaid，"Ididn’tbelongtoany。"ThenheaskedmewhatorderofknighthoodIbelongedto？Isaid，"None。"Thenheaskedmewhattheredribboninmybuttonholestoodfor？Isaw，atonce，whatanassIhadbeenmakingofmyself，andwasaccordinglyconfusedandembarrassed。Isaidthefirstthingthatcameintomymind，andthatwasthattheribbonwasmerelythesymbolofaclubofjournaliststowhichIbelonged，andIwasnotpursuedwithanymoreofCountFestetic’sattentions。

Later，Igotonveryfamiliartermswithanoldgentleman，whomI

tooktobetheheadgardener，andwalkedhimallaboutthegardens，slippingmyarmintohiswithoutinvitation，yetwithoutdemuronhispart，andbyandbywasconfusedagainwhenIfoundthathewasnotagardeneratall，buttheLordHighAdmiralofRussia！I

almostmadeupmymindthatIwouldnevercallonanEmperoragain。

LikeallMediterraneanexcursionists，thosefirstpilgrimswereinsatiablecollectorsofcurios，costumes，andallmannerofoutlandishthings。DanSlotehadthestateroomhungandpiledwithsuchgleanings。

AtConstantinoplehisroom—matewrites：

IthoughtDanhadgotthestate—roomprettyfullofrubbishatlast，butawhileagohisdragomanarrivedwithabrand—newghastlytombstoneoftheOrientalpattern，withhisnamehandsomelycarvedandgiltedonitinTurkishcharacters。ThatfellowwillbuyaCircassianslavenext。

ItwasChurch，Denny，Jack，Davis，Dan，Moult，andMarkTwainwhomadethe"longtrip"throughSyriafromBeiruttoJerusalemwiththeirelaboratecampingoutfitanddecrepitnags"Jericho，""Baalbec，"andtherest。ItwasbettercampingthanthatHumboldtjourneyofsixyearsbefore，thoughthehorseswerenotsodissimilar，andaltogetheritwasahard，nerve—rackingexperience，climbingthearidhillsofPalestineinthattorridsummerheat。Nobodymakesthattripinsummer—timenow。

TouristshurryoutofSyriabeforethefirstofApril，andtheydonotgobackbeforeNovember。OnebriefquotationfromMarkTwain’sbookgivesusanideaofwhatthatearlypartyofpilgrimshadtoundergo：

WeleftDamascusatnoonandrodeacrosstheplainacoupleofhours，andthenthepartystoppedawhileintheshadeofsomefig—

treestogivemeachancetorest。Itwasthehottestdaywehadseenyet——thesun—flamesshotdownliketheshaftsoffirethatstreamoutbeforeablow—pipe；theraysseemedtofallinadelugeontheheadandpassdownwardlikerainfromaroof。IimaginedI

coulddistinguishbetweenthefloodsofrays。IthoughtIcouldtellwheneachfloodstruckmyhead，whenitreachedmyshoulders，andwhenthenextonecame。Itwasterrible。

HehadbeenillwithcholeraatDamascus，alightattack；butanyattackofthatdreaddiseaseisseriousenough。Hetellsofthisinthebook，buthedoesnotmention，eitherinthebookorinhisnotes，theattackwhichDanSlotehadsomedayslater。ItremainedforWilliamF。Church，oftheparty，torelatethatincident，foritwasthekindofthingthatMarkTwainwasnotlikelytorecord，oreventoremember。DoctorChurchwasadeaconwithorthodoxviewsanddidnotapproveofMarkTwain；hethoughthimsinful，irreverent，profane。

"HewastheworstmanIeverknew，"Churchsaid；thenheadded，"Andthebest。"

Whathappenedwasthis：Attheendofaterribledayofheat，whenthepartyhadcampedontheedgeofasqualidSyrianvillage，Danwastakensuddenlyill。Itwascholera，beyonddoubt。Dancouldnotgoon——hemightnevergoon。Thechanceswerethatway。Itwasaseriousmatterallaround。TowaitwithDanmeanttoupsettheirtravelschedule——itmightmeantomisstheship。Consultationwasheldandaresolutionpassed(thepilgrimswerealwayspassingresolutions)toprovideforDanaswellaspossible，andleavehimbehind。Clemens，whohadremainedwithDan，suddenlyappearedandsaid：

"Gentlemen，IunderstandthatyouaregoingtoleaveDanSloteherealone。I’llbed———difIdo！"

Andhedidn’t。HestayedthereandbroughtDanintoJerusalem，afewdayslate，butconvalescent。

PerhapsmostofthemwerenotalwaysreverentduringthatHolyLandtrip。

Itwasatryingjourney，andafterfiercedaysofdeserthillsthereactionmightnotalwaysspareeventheholiestmemories。Jackwasparticularlysinful。WhentheylearnedthepriceforaboatonGalilee，andthedeaconswhohadtravelednearlyhalfaroundtheworldtosailonthatsacredwaterwereconfoundedbythecharge，Jacksaid：

"Well，Denny，doyouwondernowthatChristwalked？"

ItwastheirreverentJackwhoonemorning(theyhadcampedthenightbeforebytheruinsofJericho)refusedtogetuptoseethesunriseacrosstheJordan。DeaconChurchwenttohistent。

"Jack，myboy，getup。HereistheplacewheretheIsraelitescrossedoverintothePromisedLand，andbeyondarethemountainsofMoab，whereMosesliesburied。"

"Moseswho！"saidJack。

"Oh，Jack，myboy，Moses，thegreatlawgiver——wholedtheIsraelitesoutofEgypt—fortyyearsthroughthewilderness——tothePromisedLand。"

"Fortyyears！"saidJack。"Howfarwasit？"

"Itwasthreehundredmiles，Jack；agreatwilderness，andhebroughtthemthroughinsafety。"

Jackregardedhimwithscorn。"Huh，Moses——threehundredmilesfortyyears——why，BenHolidaywouldhavebroughtthemthroughinthirty—sixhours！"——[BenHoliday，owneroftheOverlandstages，andamanofgreatexecutiveability。Thisincident，atrueone，ismoreelaboratelytoldinRoughingIt，butitseemspertinenthere。]

JackprobablylearnedmoreabouttheBibleduringthattrip—itshistoryanditsheroes—thanduringallhisformeryears。NorwasJacktheonlyoneofthatgroupthusbenefited。ThesacredlandmarksofPalestineinspireaburninginterestintheScriptures，andMarkTwainprobablydidnotnowregretthoseearlySunday—schoollessons；certainlyhedidnotfailtoreviewthemexhaustivelyonthatjourney。Hisnote—booksfairlyoverflowwithBiblereferences；theSyrianchaptersinTheInnocentsAbroadarepermeatedwiththepoetryandlegendarybeautyoftheBiblestory。ThelittleBiblehecarriedonthattrip，boughtinConstantinople，waswellwornbythetimetheyreachedtheshipagainatJaffa。Hemusthavereaditwithalargeandpersistentinterest；alsowithadoublebenefit。For，besidestheknowledgeacquired，hewasharvestingaprofit——probablyunsuspectedatthetime———viz。，theinfluenceofthemostdirectandbeautifulEnglish——theEnglishoftheKingJamesversion——whichcouldnotfailtoaffecthisownliterarymethodatthatimpressionableage。Wehavealreadynotedhisearlieradmirationforthatnobleandsimplepoem，"TheBurialofMoses，"whichinthePalestinenote—bookiscopiedinfull。Allthetendencyofhisexpressionlaythatway，andtheintenseconsiderationofstatelyBiblephraseandimagerycouldhardlyfailtoinfluencehismentalprocesses。

Theverydistinctdifferenceofstyle，asshowninTheInnocentsAbroadandinhisearlierwritings，wemaybelievewasinnosmallmeasureduetohisstudyoftheKingJamesversionduringthoseweeksinPalestine。

HeboughtanotherBibleatJerusalem；butitwasnotforhimself。Itwasalittlesouvenirvolumeboundinoliveandbalsamwood，andonthefly—

leafisinscribed：

Mrs。JaneClemensfromherson。Jerusalem，Sept。24，1867。

Thereisonemorecircumstanceofthatlongcruise—recordedneitherinthebooknorthenotes——anincidentbrief，butofmoreimportanceinthelifeofSamuelClemensthananyheretoforesetdown。ItoccurredinthebeautifulBayofSmyrna，onthefifthorsixthofSeptember，whilethevessellaytherefortheEphesustrip。

ReferencehasbeenmadetoyoungCharlesLangdon，ofElmira(the"Charley"oncementionedintheInnocents)，asanadmirerofMarkTwain。

Therewasagooddealofdifferenceintheirages，andtheywereseldomofthesameparty；butsometimestheboyinvitedthejournalisttohiscabinand，boy—like，，exhibitedhistreasures。Hehadtwosistersathome；andofOlivia，theyoungest，hehadbroughtadaintyminiaturedoneonivoryindelicatetints——asweet—picturedcountenance，fineandspiritual。OnthatfatefuldayinthedayofSmyrna，SamuelClemens，visitinginyoungLangdon’scabin，wasshownthisportrait。Helookedatitwithlongadmiration，andspokeofitreverently，forthedelicatefaceseemedtohimtobesomethingmorethanamerehumanlikeness。Eachtimehecame，afterthat，heaskedtoseethepicture，andonceevenbeggedtobeallowedtotakeitawaywithhim。Theboywouldnotagreetothis，andtheeldermanlookedlongandsteadilyattheminiature，resolvinginhismindthatsomedayhewouldmeettheownerofthatlovelyface——apurposeforonceinaccordwiththatwhichthefateshadarrangedforhim，inthedaywhenallthingswerearranged，thedayofthefirstbeginning。

LXII

THERETURNOFTHEPILGRIMS

Thelastnote—bookentrybearsdateofOctober11th：

Atsea，somewhereintheneighborhoodofMalta。Verystormy。

Terribledeathtobetalkedtodeath。Thestormhasblowntwosmalllandbirdsandahawktoseaandtheycameonboard。Seafullofflying—fish。

Thatisall。Thereisnorecordoftheweek’stravelinSpain，whichalittlegroupoffourmadeunderthepicturesqueGibraltarguide，Benunes，stilllivingandquiteaspicturesqueatlastaccounts。Thisside—tripiscoveredinasinglebriefparagraphintheInnocents，andtheonlyaccountwehaveofitisinahomeletter，fromCadiz，ofOctober24th：

WeleftGibraltaratnoonandrodetoAlgeciras(4hours)，thusdodgingthequarantine——tookdinner，andthenrodehorsebackallnightinaswingingtrot，andatdaylighttookacaleche(a—wheeledvehicle)，androde5hours——thentookcarsandtraveledtilltwelveatnight。ThatlandedusatSeville，andwewereoverthehardpartofourtripandsomewhattired。Sincethenwehavetakenthingscomparativelyeasy，driftingaroundfromonetowntoanotherandattractingagooddealofattention——forIguessstrangersdonotwanderthroughAndalusiaandtheothersouthernprovincesofSpainoften。ThecountryispreciselywhatitwaswhenDonQuixoteandSanchoPanzawerepossiblecharacters。

ButIseenowwhatthegloryofSpainmusthavebeenwhenitwasunderMoorishdomination。No，Iwillnotsaythat——butthenwhenoneiscarriedaway，infatuated，entranced，withthewondersoftheAlhambraandthesupernaturalbeautyoftheAlcazar，heisapttooverflowwithadmirationforthesplendidintellectsthatcreatedthem。

Wemaywishthathehadleftusachapterofthatidyllicjourney，butitwillneverbewrittennow。AnightortwobeforethevesselreachedNewYorktherewastheusualgood—byassembly，andforthisoccasion，atMrs。

Severance’srequest，MarkTwainwrotesomeverses。Theywerenotespeciallynotable，formeterandrhymedidnotcomeeasytohim，butonepropheticstanzaisworthremembering。Intheopeninglinesthepassengersarereferredtoasafleetofvessels，thenfollows：

Lo！othershipsofthatpartedfleetShallsufferthisfateorthat：

Oneshallbewrecked，anothershallsink，Orgroundontreacherousflat。

SomeshallbefamedinmanylandsAsgoodships，fastandfair，Andsomeshallstrangelydisappear，Menknownotwhenorwhere。

TheQuakerCityreturnedtoAmericaonNovember19，1867，andMarkTwainfoundhimself，ifnotfamous，atleastinverywiderepute。Thefifty—

threeletterstotheAltaandthehalf—dozentotheNewYorkTribunehadcarriedhiscelebrityintoeverycorneroftheStatesandTerritories。

Vivid，fearless，fulloffreshcolor，humor，poetry，theycameasarevelationtoapublicwearyofthedriveling，tiresometravel—lettersofthatperiod。Theypreachedanewgospelintravel—literature：thegospelofseeingwithanoverflowinghonesty；agospelofsincerityinaccordingpraisestowhateverseemedgenuine，andridiculetothethingsconsideredsham。ItwasthegospelthatMarkTwainwouldcontinuetopreachduringhiswholecareer。Itbecamehischiefliterarymessagetotheworld—aworldwaitingforthatmessage。

Moreover，theletterswereliterature。Hehadreceived，fromwhateversource，alargeandverypositiveliteraryimpulse，aloftierconceptionandexpression。ItwasatTangierthathefirststruckthegranderchord，thethrobbingcadenceofhumanstory。

HereisacrumblingwallthatwasoldwhenColumbusdiscoveredAmerica；

oldwhenPetertheHermitrousedtheknightlymenoftheMiddleAgestoarmforthefirstCrusade；oldwhenCharlemagneandhispaladinsbeleagueredenchantedcastlesandbattledwithgiantsandgeniiinthefableddaysoftheoldentime；oldwhenChristandhisdiscipleswalkedtheearth；stoodwhereitstandsto—daywhenthelipsofMemnonwerevocalandmenboughtandsoldinthestreetsofancientThebes。

Thisispurepoetry。Hehadnevertouchedsohighastrainbefore，buthereacheditoftenafterthat，andalwayswithanever—increasingmasteryandconfidence。InVenice，inRome，inAthens，throughtheHolyLand，hisretrospectionbecomesastatelyepicsymphony，aprocessionalcrescendothatswingseverhigheruntilitreachesthatsublimestrain，theagelesscontemplationoftheSphinx。Wecannotforegoaparagraphortwoofthatword—picture：

Afteryearsofwaitingitwasbeforemeatlast。Thegreatfacewassosad，soearnest，solonging，sopatient。Therewasadignitynotofearthinitsmien，andinitscountenanceabenignitysuchasneveranythinghumanwore。Itwasstone，butitseemedsentient。

Ifeverimageofstonethought，itwasthinking。Itwaslookingtowardthevergeofthelandscape，yetlookingatnothing——nothingbutdistanceandvacancy。Itwaslookingoverandbeyondeverythingofthepresent，andfarintothepast……Itwasthinkingofthewarsofthedepartedages；oftheempiresithadseencreatedanddestroyed；ofthenationswhosebirthithadwitnessed，whoseprogressithadwatched，whoseannihilationithadnoted；ofthejoyandsorrow，thelifeanddeath，thegrandeuranddecay，offivethousandslow—revolvingyears……

TheSphinxisgrandinitsloneliness；itisimposinginitsmagnitude；itisimpressiveinthemysterythathangsoveritsstory。Andthereisthatintheovershadowingmajestyofthiseternalfigureofstone，withitsaccusingmemoryofthedeedsofallages，whichrevealstoonesomethingofwhatweshallfeelwhenweshallstandatlastintheawfulpresenceofGod。

ThenthatclosingwordofEgypt。Heelaborateditforthebook，anddidnotimproveit。Letuspreservehereitsoriginalform。

WearegladtohaveseenEgypt。WearegladtohaveseenthatoldlandwhichtaughtGreeceherletters——andthroughGreece，Rome——andthroughRome，theworld——thatvenerablecradleofcultureandrefinementwhichcouldhavehumanizedandcivilizedtheChildrenofIsrael，butallowedthemtodepartoutofherborderssavages——thoseChildrenwhomwestillrevere，stilllove，andwhosesadshortcomingswestillexcuse——notbecausetheyweresavages，butbecausetheywerethechosensavagesofGod。

TheHolyLandlettersalonewouldhavebroughthimfame。TheypresentedthemostgraphicandsympatheticpictureofSyriantraveleverwritten——

onethatwillneverbecomeantiquatedorobsoletesolongashumannatureremainsunchanged。Frombeginningtoendthetaleisrarely，reverentlytold。Itsclosingparagraphhasnotbeensurpassedinthevoluminousliteratureofthatsolemnland：

Palestinesitsinsackclothandashes。Overitbroodsthespellofacursethathaswithereditsfieldsandfettereditsenergies。

WhereSodomandGomorrahrearedtheirdomesandtowersthatsolemnseanowfloodstheplain，inwhosebitterwatersnolivingthingexists——overwhosewavelesssurfacetheblisteringairhangsmotionlessanddead——aboutwhosebordersnothinggrowsbutweedsandscatteringtuftsofcane，andthattreacherousfruitthatpromisesrefreshmenttoparchinglips，butturnstoashesatthetouch。

Nazarethisforlorn；aboutthatfordofJordanwherethehostsofIsraelenteredthePromisedLandwithsongsofrejoicingonefindsonlyasqualidcampoffantasticBedouinsofthedesert；Jerichotheaccursedliesamolderingruintoday，evenasJoshua’smiracleleftitmorethanthreethousandyearsago；BethlehemandBethany，intheirpovertyandtheirhumiliation，havenothingaboutthemnowtoremindonethattheyonceknewthehighhonoroftheSaviour’spresence；thehallowedspotwheretheshepherdswatchedtheirflocksbynight，andwheretheangelssangPeaceonearth，goodwilltomen，isuntenantedbyanylivingcreature，andunblessedbyanyfeaturethatispleasanttotheeye。RenownedJerusalemitself，thestateliestnameinhistory，haslostallitsancientgrandeur，andisbecomeapaupervillage；therichesofSolomonarenolongertheretocompeltheadmirationofvisitingOrientalqueens；thewonderfultemplewhichwastheprideandthegloryofIsraelisgone，andtheOttomancrescentisliftedabovethespotwhere，onthatmostmemorabledayintheannalsoftheworld，theyrearedtheHolyCross。ThenotedSeaofGalilee，whereRomanfleetsoncerodeatanchorandthedisciplesoftheSavioursailedintheirships，waslongagodesertedbythedevoteesofwarandcommerce，anditsbordersareasilentwilderness；Capernaumisashapelessruin；

MagdalaisthehomeofbeggaredArabs；BethsaidaandChorazinhavevanishedfromtheearth，andthe"desertplaces"roundaboutthemwherethousandsofmenoncelistenedtotheSaviour’svoiceandatethemiraculousbreadsleepinthehushofasolitudethatisinhabitedonlybybirdsofpreyandskulkingfoxes。

Palestineisdesolateandunlovely。Andwhyshoulditbeotherwise？

CanthecurseoftheDeitybeautifyaland？

Itwouldbeeasytoquotepageshere——apictorialsequencefromGibraltartoAthens，fromAthenstoEgypt，aradiantpanoramicmarch。Intimehewouldwritetechnicallybetter。Hewouldavoidsolecism，hewouldbecomeagreatermasterofvocabularyandphrase，butinalltheyearsaheadhewouldnevermatchthelambentbloomandspontaneityofthosefresh，firstimpressionsofMediterraneanlandsandseas。Noneedtomentionthehumor，theburlesque，thefearless，unrestrainedridiculeofoldmastersandofsacredrelics，socalled。Thesewehavekeptfamiliarwithmuchrepetition。Only，thehumorhadgrownmoresubtle，morerestrained；theburlesquehadbecomeimpersonalandharmless，theridiculesofrankandgood—natured，thateventheoldmastersthemselvesmighthaveenjoyedit，whilethemostdevotedchurchman，unlessblindedbybigotry，wouldfindinitsatisfaction，ratherthansacrilege。

ThefinalletterwaswrittenfortheNewYorkHeraldafterthearrival，andwasaltogetherunlikethosethatprecededit。Gailysatiricalandpersonal——inclusivelyso——itmightbetterhavebeenleftunwritten，foritwouldseemtohavegivenneedlessoffensetoanumberofgoodlypeople，whosechiefsinwasthesedatenessofyears。However，itisallpastnow，andthosewhowereoldthen，andperhapsqueerandpiousandstingy，donotmindanymore，andthosewhowereyoungandfrivoloushaveallgrownoldtoo，andmostofthemhavesetoutonthestillfarthervoyage。Somewhere，itmaybe，theygather，now；andthen，andlightly，tenderlyrecalltheirold—timejourneying。

LXIII

INWASHINGTON——APUBLISHINGPROPOSITION

ClemensremainedbutonedayinNewYork。SenatorStewarthadwritten，aboutthetimeofthedepartureoftheQuakerCity，offeringhimthepositionofprivatesecretary——apositionwhichwastogivehimleisureforliterarywork，withasupportingsalaryaswell。Stewartnodoubtthoughtitwouldbeconsiderablytohisadvantagetohavethebrilliantwriterandlecturerattachedtohispoliticalestablishment，andClemenslikewisesawpossibilitiesinthearrangement。FromNaples，inAugust，hehadwrittenacceptingStewart’soffer；helostnotimenowindiscussingthematterinperson。——[Inaletterhome，August9th，hereferredtothearrangement："IwrotetoBillStewartto—dayacceptinghisprivatesecretaryshipinWashington，nextwinter。"]

Thereseemstohavebeenlittledifficultyinconcludingthearrangement。

WhenClemenshadbeeninWashingtonaweekwefindhimwriting：

DEARFOLKS，Tiredandsleepy——beeninCongressalldayandmakingnewspaperacquaintances。StewartistolookupaclerkshipinthePatentOfficeforOrion。Thingsnecessarilymoveslowlywherethereissomuchbusinessandsucharmiesofoffice—seekerstobeattendedto。Iguessitwillbeallright。Iintenditshallbeallright。

Ihave18invitationstolecture，at$100each，invariouspartsoftheUnion——havedeclinedthemall。Iamforbusinessnow。

BelongontheTribuneStaff，andshallwriteoccasionally。Amofferedthesameberthto—dayontheHeraldbyletter。ShallwriteMr。Bennettandaccept，assoonasIhearfromTribunethatitwillnotinterfere。Amprettywellknownnow——intendtobebetterknown。

AmhobnobbingwiththeseoldGeneralsandSenatorsandotherhumbugsfornogoodpurpose。Don’thaveanymoretroublemakingfriendsthanIdidinCalifornia。Allserene。Good—by。ShallcontinueontheAlta。

Yoursaffectionately，SAM。

P。S。——IroomwithBillStewartandboardatWillard’sHotel。

Butthesecretaryarrangementwasabriefmatter。ItisimpossibletoconceiveofMarkTwainasanybody’ssecretary，especiallyasthesecretaryofSenatorStewart。

——[InSenatorStewart’smemoirsherefersunpleasantlytoMarkTwain，andafterrelatingseveralincidentsthatbearonlystrainedrelationstothetruth，statesthatwhenthewriterreturnedfromtheHolyLandhe(Stewart)offeredhimasecretaryshipasasortofcharity。HeaddsthatMarkTwain’sbehavioronhispremiseswassuchthatathreatofathrashingwasnecessary。Thereasonforsuchstatementsbecomesapparent，however，whenheaddsthatin’RoughingIt’theauthoraccuseshimofcheating，printsapictureofhimwithahatchoverhiseye，andclaimstohavegivenhimasoundthrashing，noneofwhichstatements，saveonlytheoneconcerningthepicture(anapparentlyunforgivableoffensetohisdignity)，istrue，asthereadermayeasilyascertainforhimself。]