第33章

Ibroughtittohimatonce，andhetookitsolemnly，laiditwiththerestofhischange，andneitherofusreferredtoitagain。Itmayhavebeenoneofhisjokes，butIthinkitmorelikelythatherememberedhavinghadafive—centpiece，probablyreservedforcarfare，andthatitwasmissing。

Morethanonce，inWashington，hehadsaid：

"Drawplentyofmoneyforincidentalexpenses。Don’tbothertokeepaccountofthem。"

Soitwasnotmiserliness；itwasjustapeculiarity，acuriousattentiontoatriflingdetail。

HehadafondnessforridingonthethennewlycompletedSubway，whichhecalledtheUnderground。Sometimeshewouldsay：

"I’llpayyourfareontheUndergroundifyouwanttotakearidewithme。"Andhealwaysinsistedonpayingthefare，andoncewhenIrodefarup—townwithhimtoaplacewherehewasgoingtoluncheon，andhadtakenhimtothedoor，heturnedandsaid，gravely：

"Hereisfivecentstopayyourwayhome。"AndItookitinthesamespiritinwhichithadbeenoffered。ItwasprobablythistraitwhichcausedsomeoneoccasionallytoclaimthatMarkTwainwascloseinmoneymatters。Perhapstheremayhavebeentimesinhislifewhenhewasparsimonious；but，ifso，Imustbelievethatitwaswhenhewassorelypressedandexercisingthenaturalinstinctofself—preservation。Hewishedtoreceivethefullvalue(whodoesnot？)ofhislaborsandproperties。Hetookachildishdelightinpilingupmoney；butitbecamegreedonlywhenhebelievedsomeonewithwhomhehaddealingswastryingtogetanunfairdivisionofprofits。Thenitbecamesomethingbesidesgreed。Itbecameanindignationthatamountedtomalevolence。IwasconcernedinanumberofdealingswithMarkTwain，andataperiodinhislifewhenhumantraitsaresupposedtobecomeexaggerated，whichistosayoldage，andifhehadanynaturaltendencytobeunfair，orsmall，orgreedyinhismoneydealingsIthinkIshouldhaveseenit。

Personally，Ifoundhimliberaltoexcess，andIneverobservedinhimanythinglessthangenerositytothosewhowerefairwithhim。

Oncethatwinter，whenalettercamefromSteveGillissayingthathewasaninvalidnow，andwouldhaveplentyoftunetoreadSam’sbooksifheownedthem，Clemensorderedanexpensivesetfromhispublishers，anddidwhatmeanttohimevenmorethanthecostinmoney——heautographedeachofthosetwenty—fivevolumes。Thenhesentthem，chargespaid，tothatfarCalifornianretreat。Itwashardlytheactofastingyman。

Hehadthehumanfondnessforacomplimentwhenitwasgenuineandfromanauthoritativesource，andIrememberhowpleasedhewasthatwinterwithProf。WilliamLyonPhelps’swidelypublishedopinion，whichrankedMarkTwainasthegreatestAmericannovelist，anddeclaredthathisfamewouldoutliveanyAmericanofhistime。PhelpshadplacedhimaboveHolmes，Howells，James，andevenHawthorne。HehaddeclaredhimtobemoreAmericanthananyofthese——moreAmericaneventhanWhitman。

ProfessorPhelps’spositioninYaleCollegegavethisopinionacertainofficialweight；butIthinkthefactofPhelpshimselfbeingawriterofgreatforce，withanAmericanfreshnessofstyle，gaveitastillgreatervalue。

AmongthepleasantthingsthatwinterwasameetingwithEugeneF。Ware，ofKansas，withwhosepenname——"Ironquill"——Clemenshadlongbeenfamiliar。

WarewasabreezyWesterngeniusofthefinesttype。Ifhehadabandonedlawforpoetry，thereisnotellinghowfarhisfamemighthavereached。

TherewasinhisworkthatsamespiritofAmericanismandhumorandhumanitythatisfoundinMarkTwain’swritings，andhehadtheaddedfacultyofrhymeandrhythm，whichwouldhavesethiminaplaceapart。

IhadknownWarepersonallyduringaperiodofWesternresidence，andlater，whenhewasCommissionerofPensionsunderRoosevelt。IusuallysawhimwhenhecametoNewYork，anditwasagreatpleasurenowtobringtogetherthetwomenwhoseworkIsoadmired。TheymetatasmallprivateluncheonatThePlayers，andPeterDunnewasthere，andRobertCollier，anditwassuchanafternoonasHowellshastoldofwhenheandAldrichandBretHarteandthoseotherstalkeduntilthedayfadedintotwilight，andtwilightdeepenedintoevening。ClemenshadputinmostofthedaybeforereadingWare’sbookofpoems，’TheRhymesofIronquill’，andhaddeclaredhisworktorankwiththeverygreatestofAmericanpoetry——IthinkhecalleditthemosttrulyAmericaninflavor。I

rememberthatattheluncheonhenotedWare’sbig，splendidphysiqueandhisWesternlibertiesofsyntaxwithacuriousintentness。Ibelieveheregardedhimasbeingnearerhisowntypeinmindandexpressionthananyonehehadmetbefore。

AmongWare’spoemshehadbeenespeciallyimpressedwiththe"Fables，"

andwithsomeversesentitled"Whist，"which，thoughrathermoreoptimistic，conformedtohisownphilosophy。Theyhaveadistinctly"Western"feeling。

WHIST

Hourafterhourthecardswerefairlyshuffled，Andfairlydealt，andstillIgotnohand；

Themorningcame；butI，withmindunruffled，Didsimplysay，"Idonotunderstand。"

Lifeisagameofwhist。FromunseensourcesThecardsareshuffled，andthehandsaredealt。

BlindareoureffortstocontroltheforcesThat，thoughunseen，arenolessstronglyfelt。

Idonotlikethewaythecardsareshuffled，ButstillIlikethegameandwanttoplay；

Andthroughthelong，longnightwillI，unruffled，PlaywhatIget，untilthebreakofday。

EndMarkTwain，ABiography，1907—1910

ByAlbertBigelowPaineVOLUMEIII，Part2：1907—1910

CCLVI

HONORSFROMOXFORD

ClemensmadeabrieftriptoBermudaduringthewinter，takingTwichellalong；theirfirstreturntotheislandsincethetripwhentheyhadpromisedtocomebacksosoon—nearlythirtyyearsbefore。Theyhadbeencomparativelyyoungmenthen。Theywereoldnow，buttheyfoundthegreenislandasfreshandfullofbloomasever。Theydidnotfindtheiroldlandlady；theycouldnotevenrememberhernameatfirst，andthenTwichellrecalledthatitwasthesameasanauthorofcertainschoolbooksinhisyouth，andClemenspromptlysaid，"Kirkham’sGrammar。"

Kirkhamwastrulythename，andtheywenttofindher；butshewasdead，andthedaughter，whohadbeenayounggirlinthatearliertime，reignedinhersteadandentertainedthesuccessorsofhermother’sguests。Theywalkedanddroveabouttheisland，anditwasliketakingupagainalong—discontinuedbookandreadinganotherchapterofthesametale。ItgaveMarkTwainafreshinterestinBermuda，onewhichhedidnotallowtofadeagain。

Laterintheyear(March，1907)Ialsomadeajourney；ithavingbeenagreedthatIshouldtakeatriptotheMississippiandtothePacificcoasttoseethoseoldfriendsofMarkTwain’swhoweresorapidlypassingaway。JohnBriggswasstillalive，andotherHannibalschoolmates；alsoJoeGoodmanandSteveGillis，andafewmoreoftheearlypioneers——alleminentlyworthseeinginthematterofsuchworkasIhadinhand。Thebilliardgameswouldbeinterrupted；butwhateverreluctancetotheplantheremayhavebeenonthataccountwasputasideinviewofprospectivebenefits。Clemens，infact，seemedtoderivejoyfromthethoughtthathewascommissioningakindofpersonalemissarytohisoldcomrades，andprovidedmewithaletterofcredentials。

Itwasalong，successfultripthatImade，anditwasundertakennonetoosoon。JohnBriggs，agentle—heartedman，wasalreadyenteringthevalleyoftheshadowashetalkedtomebyhisfireonememorableafternoon，andreviewedthepranksofthosedaysalongtheriverandinthecaveandonHolliday’sHill。Ithinkitwassixweekslaterthathedied；andtherewereothersofthatscatteringprocessionwhodidnotreachtheendoftheyear。JoeGoodman，stillfullofvigor(in1912)，journeyedwithmetothegreenanddreamysolitudesofJackassHilltoseeSteveandJimGillis，andthatwasanunforgetableSundaywhenSteveGillis，aninvalid，butwiththefirestillinhiseyesandspeech，satuponhiscouchinhislittlecabininthatArcadianstillnessandtoldoldtalesandadventures。WhenIlefthesaid：

"TellSamI’mgoingtodieprettysoon，butthatIlovehim；thatI’velovedhimallmylife，andI’lllovehimtillIdie。ThisisthelastwordI’lleversendtohim。"JimGillis，downinSonora，wasalreadylyingatthepointofdeath，andsoforhimthevisitwastoolate，thoughhewasabletoreceiveamessagefromhisancientminingpartner，andtosendbackapartingword。

IreturnedbywayofNewOrleansandtheMississippiRiver，forIwishedtofollowthatabandonedwaterhighway，andtovisititspresidinggenius，HoraceBixby，——[HediedAugust2，1912，attheageof86]——stillaliveandinserviceaspilotofthegovernmentsnagboat，hisheadquartersatSt。Louis。

Cominguptheriverononeoftheoldpassengersteamboatsthatstillexist，InoticedinapaperwhichcameaboardthatMarkTwainwastoreceivefromOxfordUniversitytheliterarydoctor’sdegree。TherehadbeennohintofthiswhenIcameaway，anditseemedrathertoosuddenandtoogoodtobetrue。Thatthelittlebarefootladthathadplayedalongtheriver—banksatHannibal，andreceivedsuchmeageradvantagesinthewayofschooling——whosehighestambitionhadbeentopilotsuchacraftasthisone——wasabouttobecrownedbytheworld’sgreatestinstitutionoflearning，toreceivethehighestrecognitionforachievementintheworldofletters，wasathingwhichwouldnotbelikelytohappenoutsideofafairytale。

ReturningtoNewYork，IranouttoTuxedo，wherehehadtakenahomeforthesummer(foritwasalreadyMay)，andwalkingalongtheshadedpathsofthatbeautifulsuburbanpark，hetoldmewhatheknewoftheOxfordmatter。

MoberlyBell，oftheLondonTimes，hadbeenoverinApril，andsoonafterhisreturntoEnglandtherehadcomewordoftheproposedhonor。Clemensprivatelyandopenly(toBell)attributeditlargelytohisinfluence。

Hewrotetohim：

DEARMR。BELL，——Yourhandisinit&youhavemybestthanks。

AlthoughIwouldn’tcrossanoceanagainforthepriceoftheshipthatcarriedmeIamgladtodoitforanOxforddegree。IshallplantosailforEnglandashadebeforethemiddleofJune，sothatIcanhaveafewdaysinLondonbeforethe26th。

Adayortwolater，whenthetimeforsailinghadbeenarranged，heovertookhisletterwithacable：

Iperceiveyourhandinit。Youhavemybestthanks。SailonMinneapolisJune8th。DueinSouthamptontendayslater。

Clemenssaidthathisfirstwordofthematterhadbeenanewspapercablegram，andthathehadbeendoubtfulconcerningituntilacablegramtohimselfhadconfirmedit。

"Ineverexpectedtocrossthewateragain，"hesaid；"butIwouldbewillingtojourneytoMarsforthatOxforddegree。"

Heputthematterasidethen，andfelltotalkingofJimGillisandtheothersIhadvisited，dwellingespeciallyonGillis’sastonishingfacultyforimprovisingromances，recallinghowhehadstoodwithhisbacktothefireweavinghisendless，grotesqueyarns，withnootherguidethanhisfancy。Itwasalong，happywalkwehad，thoughratherasadoneinitsmemories；andheseemedthatday，inasense，toclosethegateofthoseearlyscenesbehindhim，forheseldomreferredtothemafterward。

Hewasbackat21FifthAvenuepresently，arrangingforhisvoyage。

Meantime，cableinvitationsofeverysortwerepouringin，fromthisandthatsocietyanddignitary；invitationstodinnersandceremonials，andwhatnot，anditwasclearenoughthathisEnglishsojournwastobeabusyone。Hehadhopedtoavoidthis，andbeganbydecliningallbuttwoinvitations——adinner—partygivenbyAmbassadorWhitelawReidandaluncheonproposedbythe"Pilgrims。"Butitbecameclearthatthiswouldnotdo。Englandwasnotgoingtoconferitsgreatestcollegiatehonorwithoutbeingpermittedtopayitswiderandmorepopulartribute。

Clemensengagedaspecialsecretaryforthetrip——Mr。RalphW。Ashcroft，ayoungEnglishmanfamiliarwithLondonlife。Theysailedonthe8thofJune，byacuriouscoincidenceexactlyfortyyearsfromthedayhehadsailedontheQuakerCitytowinhisgreatfame。Iwentwithhimtotheship。Hisfirstelationhadpassedbythistime，andheseemedalittlesad，remembering，Ithink，thewifewhowouldhaveenjoyedthishonorwithhimbutcouldnotshareitnow。

CCLVII

ATRUEENGLISHWELCOME

MarkTwain’stripacrosstheAtlanticwouldseemtohavebeenapleasantone。TheMinneapolisisafine，bigship，andtherewasplentyofcompany。Prof。ArchibaldHenderson，BernardShaw’sbiographer，wasaboard；——[Professor。HendersonhassincethenpublishedavolumeonMarkTwain—aninterestingcommentaryonhiswritings—mainlyfromthesociologicalpointofview。]——alsoPresidentPatton，ofthePrincetonTheologicalSeminary；awell—knowncartoonist，Richards，andsomeveryattractiveyoungpeople——school—girlsinparticular，suchasallthroughhislifehadappealedtoMarkTwain。Indeed，inhislaterlifetheymadeastrongerappealthanever。Theyearshadrobbedhimofhisownlittleflock，andalwayshewastryingtoreplacethem。Oncehesaid：

"Duringthoseyearsaftermywife’sdeathIwaswashingaboutonaforlornseaofbanquetsandspeech—makinginhighandholycauses，andthesethingsfurnishedmeintellectualcheer，andentertainment；buttheygotatmyheartforaneveningonly，thenleftitdryanddusty。Ihadreachedthegrandfatherstageoflifewithoutgrandchildren，soIbegantoadoptsome。"

HeadoptedseveralonthatjourneytoEnglandandonthereturnvoyage，andhekeptonadoptingothersduringtherestofhislife。Thesecompanionshipsbecameoneofthehappiestaspectsofhisfinaldays，asweshallseebyandby。

Therewereentertainmentsontheship，oneofthemgivenforthebenefitoftheSeamen’sOrphanage。Oneofhisadoptedgranddaughters——"Charley"

hecalledher——playedaviolinsoloandClemensmadeaspeech。Laterhisautographsweresoldatauction。Dr。Pattonwasauctioneer，andoneautographedpostalcardbroughttwenty—fivedollars，whichisperhapstherecordpriceforasingleMarkTwainsignature。Heworehiswhitesuitonthisoccasion，andinthecourseofhisspeechreferredtoit。Hetoldfirstofthemanydefectsinhisbehavior，andhowmembersofhishouseholdhadalwaystriedtokeephimstraight。Thechildren，hesaid，hadfallenintothehabitofcallingit"dustingpapaoff。"Thenhewenton：

WhenmydaughtercametoseemeofflastSaturdayattheboatsheslippedanoteinmyhandandsaid，"Readitwhenyougetaboardtheship。"Ididn’tthinkofitagainuntildaybeforeyesterday，anditwasa"dustingoff。"AndifIcarryoutalltheinstructionsthatIgotthereIshallbemorecelebratedinEnglandformybehaviorthanforanythingelse。Igotinstructionshowtoactoneveryoccasion。Sheunderscored"Now，don’tyouwearwhiteclothesonshiporonshoreuntilyougetback，"andIintendedtoobey。I

havebeenusedtoobeyingmyfamilyallmylife，butIworethewhiteclothesto—nightbecausethetrunkthathasthedarkclothesinitisinthecellar。Iamnotapologizingforthewhiteclothes；

Iamonlyapologizingtomydaughterfornotobeyingher。

HereceivedagreatwelcomewhentheshiparrivedatTilbury。Athrongofrapid—firereportersandphotographersimmediatelysurroundedhim，andwhenhelefttheshipthestevedoresgavehimaroundofcheers。Itwasthebeginningofthatalmostunheard—ofdemonstrationofaffectionandhonorwhichneverforamomentceased，butaugmentedfromdaytodayduringthefourweeksofhisEnglishsojourn。

Inadictationfollowinghisreturn，MarkTwainsaid：

Whobeganit？TheverypeopleofallpeopleintheworldwhomI

wouldhavechosen：ahundredmenofmyownclass——grimysonsoflabor，therealbuildersofempiresandcivilizations，thestevedores！Theystoodinabodyonthedockandchargedtheirmasculinelungs，andgavemeawelcomewhichwenttothemarrowofme。

J。Y。W。MacAlisterwasattheSt。Pancrasrailwaystationtomeethim，andamongothersontheplatformwasBernardShaw，whohadcomedowntomeetProfessorHenderson。ClemensandShawwerepresented，andmeteagerly，foreachgreatlyadmiredtheother。Athronggathered。MarkTwainwasextricatedatlast，andhurriedawaytohisapartmentsatBrown’sHotel，"aplacid，subdued，homelike，old—fashionedEnglishinn，"

hecalledit，"wellknowntomeyearsago，ablessedretreatofasortnowrareinEngland，andbecomingrarereveryyear。"

ButBrown’swasnotplacidandsubduedduringhisstay。TheLondonnewspapersdeclaredthatMarkTwain’sarrivalhadturnedBrown’snotonlyintoaroyalcourt，butapost—office——thattheprocessionofvisitorsandthebundlesofmailfullywarrantedthisstatement。Itwas，infact，anexperiencewhichsurpassedingeneralmagnitudeandmagnificenceanythinghehadhithertoknown。HisformerLondonvisits，beginningwiththatof1872，hadbeendistinguishedbyhighattentions，butallofthemcombinedcouldnotequalthis。WhenEnglanddecidestogetupanovation，herpeoplearenottobeoutdoneevenbythelavishAmericans。

Anassistantsecretaryhadtobeengagedimmediately，anditsometimesrequiredfromsixteentotwentyhoursadayfortwoskilledandbusymentoreceivecallersandreducethepileofcorrespondence。

Apileofinvitationshadalreadyaccumulated，andothersflowedin。

LadyStanley，widowofHenryM。Stanley，wrote：

YouknowIwanttoseeyouandjoinrighthandtorighthand。I

mustseeyourdearfaceagain……Youwillhavenopeace，rest，orleisureduringyourstayinLondon，andyouwillendbyhatinghumanbeings。Letmecomebeforeyoufeelthatway。

MaryCholmondeley，theauthorofRedPottage，nieceofthatlovableReginaldCholmondeley，andherselfanoldfriend，sentgreetingsandurgentinvitations。ArchdeaconWilberforcewrote：

IhavejustbeenpreachingaboutyourindictmentofthatscoundrelkingoftheBelgiansandtellingmypeopletobuythebook。IamonlyahumbleitemamongtheverymanywhoofferyouacordialwelcomeinEngland，butwelongtoseeyouagain，andIshouldliketochangehatswithyouagain。Doyouremember？

TheAthenaeum，theGarrick，andadozenotherLondonclubshadanticipatedhisarrivalwithcardsofhonorarymembershipfortheperiodofhisstay。Everyleadingphotographerhadputinaclaimforsittings。

ItwassuchareceptionasCharlesDickenshadreceivedinAmericain1842，andagainin1867。ALondonpaperlikenedittoVoltaire’sreturntoParisin1778，whenFrancewentmadoverhim。ThereissimplynolimittoEnglishaffectionand，hospitalityoncearoused。Clemenswrote：

Surelysuchweeksasthismustbeveryrareinthisworld：Ihadseennothinglikethembefore；Ishallseenothingapproachingthemagain！

SirThomasLiptonandBramStoker，oldfriends，wereamongthefirsttopresentthemselves，andtherewasnobreakinthelineofcallers。

Clemens’sresolutionsforsecludinghimselfweresweptaway。OntheverynextmorningfollowinghisarrivalhebreakfastedwithJ。HennikerHeaton，fatherofInternationalPennyPostage，attheBathClub，justacrossDoverStreetfromBrown’s。HelunchedattheRitzwithMarjorieBowenandMissBisland。IntheafternoonhesatforphotographsatBarnett’s，andmadeoneortwocalls。Hecouldnomoreresistthesethingsthanadebutanteinherfirstseason。

HewasbreakfastingagainwithHeatonnextmorning；lunchingwith"Toby，M。P。，"andMrs。Lucy；andhavingteawithLadyStanleyintheafternoon，andbeingelaboratelydinednextdayatDorchesterHousebyAmbassadorandMrs。Reid。Thesewerealloldandtriedfriends。Hewasnotastrangeramongthem，hesaid；hewasathome。AlfredAustin，ConanDoyle，AnthonyHope，AlmaTadema，E。A。Abbey，EdmundGoss，GeorgeSmalley，SirNormanLockyer，HenryW。Lucy，SidneyBrooks，andBramStokerwereamongthoseatDorchesterHouse——alloldcomrades，asweremanyoftheotherguests。

"Iknewfullyhalfofthosepresent，"hesaidafterward。

MarkTwain’sburstinguponLondonsocietynaturallywasmadethemostofbytheLondonpapers，andallhismovementsweretabulatedandelaborated，andwhentherewasanyopportunityforhumorinthesituationitwasnotleftunimproved。ThecelebratedAscotracing—cupwasstolenjustatthetimeofhisarrival，andthepaperssuggestivelymingledtheirhead—lines，"MarkTwainArrives：AscotCupStolen，"andkeptthejokegoinginoneformoranother。Certainstatejewelsandotherregaliaalsodisappearedduringhisstay，andthenewsoftheseburglarieswasreportedinsuspiciousjuxtapositionwiththenewsofMarkTwain’sdoings。

EnglishreportersadoptedAmericanhabitsfortheoccasion，andinventedorembellishedwhenthedemandforanewsensationwasurgent。Once，whenfollowingthecustomoftheplace，hedescendedthehotelelevatorinaperfectlyproperandheavybrownbathrobe，andsteppedacrossnarrowDoverStreettotheBathClub，thepapersflamednextdaywiththestorythatMarkTwainhadwanderedaboutthelobbyofBrown’sandpromenadedDoverStreetinasky—bluebathrobeattractingwideattention。

ClaraClemens，acrosstheocean，wasnaturallyatrifledisturbedbysuchreports，andcabledthisdelicate"dustingoff"：

"Muchworried。Rememberproprieties。"

Towhichheanswered：

"Theyallpatternafterme，"areplytothelastdegreecharacteristic。

Itwasonthefourthdayafterhisarrival，June22d，thatheattendedtheKing’sgarden—partyatWindsorCastle。Therewereeighty—fivehundredguestsattheKing’sparty，andifwemayjudgefromtheLondonnewspapers，MarkTwainwasquiteasmuchafigureinthatgreatthrongasanymemberoftheroyalfamily。HispresentationtotheKingandtheQueenissetdownasanespeciallynotableincident，andtheirconversationisquitefullygiven。Clemenshimselfreported：

HisMajestywasverycourteous。InthecourseoftheconversationIremindedhimofanepisodeoffifteenyearsago，whenIhadthehonortowalkamilewithhimwhenhewastakingthewatersatHomburg，inGermany。IsaidthatIhadoftentoldaboutthatepisode，andthatwheneverIwasthehistorianImadegoodhistoryofitanditwasworthlisteningto，butthatithadfounditswayintoprintonceortwiceinunauthenticwaysandwasbadlydamagedthereby。IsaidIshouldliketogoonrepeatingthishistory，butthatIshouldbequitefairandreasonablyhonest，andwhileI

shouldprobablynevertellittwiceinthesamewayIshouldatleastneverallowittodeteriorateinmyhands。HisMajestyintimatedhiswillingnessthatIshouldcontinuetodisseminatethatpieceofhistory；andheaddedacompliment，sayingthatheknewgoodandsoundhistorywouldnotsufferatmyhands，andthatifthisgoodandsoundhistoryneededanyimprovementbeyondthefactshewouldtrustmetofurnishthatimprovement。

IthinkitisnotanexaggerationtosaythattheQueenlookedasyoungandbeautifulasshedidthirty—fiveyearsagowhenIsawherfirst。Ididnotsaythistoher，becauseIlearnedlongagonevertosaytheobviousthing，butleavetheobviousthingtocommonplaceandinexperiencedpeopletosay。Thatshestilllookedtomeasyoungandbeautifulasshedidthirty—fiveyearsagoisgoodevidencethattenthousandpeoplehavealreadynoticedthisandhavementionedittoher。Icouldhavesaiditandspokenthetruth，butIwastoowiseforthat。IkepttheremarkunutteredandsavedherMajestythevexationofhearingittheten—thousand—and—onethtime。

AllthatreportaboutmyproposaltobuyWindsorCastleanditsgroundswasafalserumor。Istarteditmyself。

OnenewspapersaidIpattedhisMajestyontheshoulder——animpertinenceofwhichIwasnotguilty；IwasrearedinthemostexclusivecirclesofMissouriandIknowhowtobehave。TheKingrestedhishanduponmyarmamomentortwowhilewewerechatting，buthediditofhisownaccord。ThenewspaperwhichsaidItalkedwithherMajestywithmyhatonspokethetruth，butmyreasonsfordoingitweregoodandsufficient——infactunassailable。Rainwasthreatening，thetemperaturehadcooled，andtheQueensaid，"Pleaseputyourhaton，Mr。Clemens。"Ibeggedherpardonandexcusedmyselffromdoingit。Afteramomentortwoshesaid，"Mr。Clemens，putyourhaton"——withaslightemphasisontheword"on""Ican’tallowyoutocatchcoldhere。"Whenabeautifulqueencommandsitisapleasuretoobey，andthi