第87章

hadnotdoneformanyayear；presentlyadeliciousfeelingstoleoverme。Iwasbeginningtoenjoyexistence。Ishallneverforgetthathour。Iflungmyselfonthesoil，andkissedit；then，springingupwithasuddenimpulse，Irushedintothedepthsofaneighbouringwood，and，fallinguponmyknees，didwhatIhadnotdoneforalong，longtime-prayedtoGod。

’Achange，anentirechange，seemedtohavecomeoverme。Iwasnolongergloomyanddespairing，butgayandhappy。Myslumberswerelightandeasy；notdisturbed，asbefore，byfrightfuldreams。I

arosewiththelark，andlikehimutteredacheerfulsongofpraisetoGod，frequentlyandearnestly，andwasparticularlycautiousnottodoanythingwhichIconsideredmightcauseHisdispleasure。

’AtchurchIwasconstant，andwhentherelistenedwithdeepestattentiontoeverywordwhichproceededfromthemouthoftheminister。InalittletimeitappearedtomethatIhadbecomeagood，verygood，youngman。Attimestherecollectionofthesinwouldreturn，andIwouldfeelamomentarychill；butthethoughtquicklyvanished，andIagainfelthappyandsecure。

’OneSundaymorning，afterIhadsaidmyprayers，Ifeltparticularlyjoyous。IthoughtoftheinnocentandvirtuouslifeI

wasleading；andwhentherecollectionofthesinintrudedforamoment，said，“IamsureGodwillneverutterlycastawaysogoodacreatureasmyself。“Iwenttochurch，andwasasusualattentive。

ThesubjectofthesermonwasonthedutyofsearchingtheScriptures：allIknewofthemwasfromtheliturgy。Inow，however，determinedtoreadthem，andperfectthegoodworkwhichI

hadbegun。Myfather’sBiblewasupontheshelf，andonthateveningItookitwithmetomychamber。Iplaceditonthetable，andsatdown。Myheartwasfilledwithpleasinganticipation。I

openedthebookatrandom，andbegantoread；thefirstpassageonwhichmyeyeslightedwasthefollowing：-

’“HewhocommitteththesinagainsttheHolyGhostshallnotbeforgiven，eitherinthisworldorthenext。“’

HerePeterwasseizedwithconvulsivetremors。Winifredsobbedviolently。Igotup，andwentaway。Returninginaboutaquarterofanhour，Ifoundhimmorecalm；hemotionedmetositdown；and，afterashortpause，continuedhisnarration。

CHAPTERLXXVI

Hastyfarewell-Loftyrock-WrestlingsofJacob-Norest-WaysofProvidence-Twofemales-FootoftheCross-Enemyofsouls-

Perplexed-Luckyhour-Valetudinarian-Methodists-Ferventinprayer-YouSaxons-Weakcreatures-Veryagreeable-Almosthappy-Kindnessandsolicitude。

’WHEREwasI，youngman？Oh，Iremember，atthefatalpassagewhichremovedallhope。IwillnotdwellonwhatIfelt。Iclosedmyeyes，andwishedthatImightbedreaming；butitwasnodream，butaterrificreality：Iwillnotdwellonthatperiod，Ishouldonlyshockyou。Icouldnotbearmyfeelings；so，biddingmyfriendsahastyfarewell，Iabandonedmyselftohorroranddespair，andranwildthroughWales，climbingmountainsandwadingstreams。

’Climbingmountainsandwadingstreams，Iranwildabout，Iwasburntbythesun，drenchedbytherain，andhadfrequentlyatnightnoothercoveringthanthesky，orthehumidroofofsomecave；butnothingseemedtoaffectmyconstitution；probablythefirewhichburnedwithinmecounteractedwhatIsufferedfromwithout。DuringthespaceofthreeyearsIscarcelyknewwhatbefellme；mylifewasadream-awild，horribledream；morethanonceIbelieveI

wasinthehandsofrobbers，andonceinthehandsofgypsies。I

likedthelastdescriptionofpeopleleastofall；Icouldnotabidetheiryellowfaces，ortheirceaselessclabber。Escapingfromthesebeings，whosecountenancesandgodlessdiscoursebroughttomymindthedemonsofthedeepUnknown，IstillranwildthroughWales，Iknownothowlong。Ononeoccasion，cominginsomedegreetomyrecollection，Ifeltmyselfquiteunabletobearthehorrorsofmysituation；lookingroundIfoundmyselfnearthesea；

instantlytheideacameintomyheadthatIwouldcastmyselfintoit，andthusanticipatemyfinaldoom。Ihesitatedamoment，butavoicewithinmeseemedtotellmethatIcouldd