第73章

’Yes，’saidmyhost，sighing，’mynameissoandso，andIamtheauthorofsoandso；itismorethanprobablethatyouhaveheardbothofmynameandworks。Iwillnotdetainyoumuchlongerwithmyhistory；thenightisadvancing，andthestormappearstobeupontheincrease。Mylifesincetheperiodofmybecominganauthormaybesummedbrieflyasanalmostuninterruptedseriesofdoubts，anxieties，andtrepidations。Iseeclearlythatitisnotgoodtoloveanythingimmoderatelyinthisworld，butithasbeenmymisfortunetoloveimmoderatelyeverythingonwhichIhavesetmyheart。Thisisnotgood，Irepeat-butwhereistheremedy？

Theancientswerealwaysinthehabitofsaying，“Practisemoderation，“buttheancientsappeartohaveconsideredonlyoneportionofthesubject。Itisverypossibletopractisemoderationinsomethings，indrinkandthelike-torestraintheappetites-

butcanamanrestraintheaffectionsofhismind，andtellthem，sofaryoushallgo，andnofarther？Alas，no!forthemindisasubtleprinciple，andcannotbeconfined。Thewindsmaybeimprisoned；HomersaysthatOdysseuscarriedcertainwindsinhisship，confinedinleathernbags，butHomerneverspeaksofconfiningtheaffections。Itwerebutrightthatthosewhoexhortusagainstinordinateaffections，andsettingourheartstoomuchupontheworldanditsvanities，wouldtellushowtoavoiddoingso。

’IneedscarcelytellyouthatnosoonerdidIbecomeanauthorthanIgavemyselfupimmoderatelytomyvocation。Itbecamemyidol，and，asanecessaryconsequence，ithasprovedasourceofmiseryanddisquietudetome，insteadofpleasureandblessing。I

hadtroubleenoughinwritingmyfirstwork，andIwasnotlongindiscoveringthatitwasonethingtowriteastirringandspiritedaddresstoasetofcountyelectors，andanotherwidelydifferenttoproduceaworkatallcalculatedtomakeanimpressionuponthegreatworld。Ifelt，however，thatIwasinmypropersphere，andbydintofunwearieddiligenceandexertionIsucceededinevolvingfromthedepthsofmyagitatedbreastaworkwhich，thoughitdidnotexactlypleaseme，Ithoughtwouldservetomakeanexperimentuponthepublic；soIlaiditbeforethepublic，andthereceptionwhichitmetwithwasfarbeyondmywildestexpectations。Thepublicweredelightedwithit，butwhatweremyfeelings？

Anything，alas!butthoseofdelight。Nosoonerdidthepublicexpressitssatisfactionattheresultofmyendeavours，thanmyperverseimaginationbegantoconceiveathousandchimericaldoubts；forthwithIsatdowntoanalyseit；andmyworstenemy，andallpeoplehavetheirenemies，especiallyauthors-myworstenemycouldnothavediscoveredorsoughttodiscoveratenthpartofthefaultswhichI，theauthorandcreatoroftheunfortunateproduction，foundorsoughttofindinit。Ithasbeensaidthatlovemakesusblindtothefaultsofthelovedobject-commonlovedoes，perhaps-theloveofafathertohischild，orthatofalovertohismistress，butnottheinordinateloveofanauthortohisworks，atleastnotthelovewhichonelikemyselfbearstohisworks：tobebrief，Idiscoveredathousandfaultsinmywork，whichneitherpublicnorcriticsdiscovered。However，Iwasbeginningtogetoverthismisery，andtoforgivemyworkallitsimperfections，when-andIshakewhenImentionit-thesamekindofideawhichperplexedmewithregardtothehawksandthegypsyponyrushedintomymind，andIforthwithcommencedtouchingtheobjectsaroundme，inordertobaffletheevilchance，asyoucallit；itwasneithermorenorlessthanadoubtofthelegalityofmyclaimtothethoughts，expressions，andsituationscontainedinthebook；thatis，toallthatconstitutedthebook。HowdidIgetthem？Howdidtheycomeintomymind？DidIinventthe