第14章

Oh，whatacontrastdidO’Connoraffordashelayinalltheabjecthelplessnessofundisguisedterroruponhisdeath-bed，totheproudcomposurewithwhichhehadtakenthefieldthatmorning。Ihadalwaysbeforethoughtofdeathasofaquietsleepstealinggraduallyuponexhaustednature，madewelcomebysuffering，or，atleast，softenedbyresignation；

Ihadneverbeforestoodbythesideofoneuponwhomthehandofdeathhadbeenthussuddenlylaid；Ihadneverseenthetyrantarrayedinhisterrortillthen。

NeverbeforeorsincehaveIseenhorrorsointenselydepicted。ItseemedactuallyasifO’Connor’smindhadbeenunsettledbytheshock；thefewwordsheutteredweremarkedwithalltheincoherenceofdistraction；butitwasnotwordsthatmarkedhisdespairmoststrongly，theappallingandheart-sickeninggroansthatcamefromtheterror-strickenanddyingmanmusthauntmewhileI

live；theexpression，too，ofhopeless，imploringagonywithwhichheturnedhiseyesfromobjecttoobject，Icanneverforget。Atlength，appearingsuddenlytorecollecthimself，hesaid，withstartlingalertness，butinavoicesoalteredthatIscarcecouldrecognisethetones：

’Purcell，Purcell，goandtellmypoormother；shemustknowall，andthen，quick，quick，quick，callyouruncle，bringhimhere；Imusthaveachance。’Hemadeaviolentbutfruitlessefforttorise，andafteraslightpausecontinued，withdeepandurgentsolemnity：’Doctor，howlongshallIlive？Don’tflatterme。

Complimentsatadeath-bedareoutofplace；doctor，forGod’ssake，asyouwouldnothavemysoulperishwithmybody，donotmockadyingman；haveIanhourtolive？’

’Certainly，’repliedthesurgeon；’ifyouwillbutendeavourtokeepyourselftranquil；

otherwiseIcannotanswerforamoment。’

’Well，doctor，’saidthepatient，’Iwillobeyyou；now，Purcell，myfirstanddearestfriend，willyouinformmypoormotherof——ofwhatyousee，andreturnwithyouruncle；Iknowyouwill。’

Itookthedearfellow’shandandkissedit，itwastheonlyanswerIcouldgive，andlefttheroom。IaskedthefirstfemaleservantIchancedtomeet，ifhermistresswereyetup，andwasansweredintheaffirmative。Withoutgivingmyselftimetohesitate，Irequestedhertoleadmetoherlady’sroom，whichsheaccordinglydid；sheenteredfirst，Isupposedtoannouncemyname，andIfollowedclosely；

thepoormothersaidsomething，andheldoutherhandstowelcomeme；Istroveforwords；Icouldnotspeak，butnaturefoundexpression；Ithrewmyselfatherfeetandcoveredherhandswithkissesandtears。Mymannerwasenough；withaquicknessalmostpreternaturalsheunderstooditall；shesimplysaidthewords：

’O’Connoriskilled；’sheutterednomore。

HowIlefttheroomIknownot；I

rodemadlytomyuncle’sresidence，andbroughthimbackwithme——alltherestisablank。IrememberstandingbyO’Connor’sbedside，andkissingthecoldpallidforeheadagainandagain；Irememberthepaleserenityofthebeautifulfeatures；IrememberthatIlookeduponthedeadfaceofmyfriend，andIremembernomore。

FormanymonthsIlaywrithingandravinginthefrenzyofbrainfever；ahundredtimesIstoodtotteringatthebrinkofdeath，andlongaftermyrestorationtobodilyhealthwasassured，itappeareddoubtfulwhetherIshouldeverberestoredtoreason。ButGoddealtverymercifullywithme；Hismightyhandrescuedmefromdeathandfrommadnesswhenoneorotherappearedinevitable。

AssoonasIwaspermittedpenandink，Iwrotetothebereavedmotherinatoneborderinguponfrenzy。Iaccusedmyselfofhavingmadeherchildless；Icalledmyselfamurderer；Ibelievedmyselfaccursed；Icouldnotfindtermsstrongenoughtoexpressmyabhorrenceofmyownconduct。But，oh!whatananswerI

received，somild，sosweet，fromthedesolate，childlessmother!itswordsspokeallthatisbeautifulinChristianity——itwasforgiveness——itwasresignation。Iamconvincedthattothatletter，operatingasitdiduponamindalreadypredisposed，isowingmyfinaldeterminationtodevotemyselftothatprofessioninwhich，formorethanhalfacentury，Ihavebeenahumbleminister。

Yearsrollaway，andwecountthemnotastheypass，buttheirinfluenceisnotthelesscertainthatitissilent；thedeepestwoundsaregraduallyhealed，thekeenestgriefsaremitigated，andwe，incharacter，feelings，tastes，andpursuits，becomesuchalteredbeings，thatbutforsomefewindeliblemarkswhichpasteventsmustleavebehindthem，whichtimemaysoften，butcanneverefface；ourveryidentitywouldbedubious。Whohasnotfeltallthisatonetimeorother？Whohasnotmournfullyfeltit？Thistrite，butnaturaltrainofreflectionfilledmymindasIapproachedthedomainofCastleConnorsometenyearsaftertheoccurrenceoftheeventsabovenarrated。EverythinglookedthesameaswhenIhadleftit；theoldtreesstoodasgracefulandasgrandasever；noploughhadviolatedthesoftgreensward；noutilitarianhandhadconstrainedthewanderingsoftheclearandsportivestream，ordisturbedthelichen-

coveredrocksthroughwhichitgushed，orthewildcoppicethatover-shadoweditssequesterednooks——buttheeyethatlookeduponthesethingswasaltered，andmemorywasbusywithotherdays，shroudinginsadnesseverybeautythatmetmysight。

AsIapproachedthecastlemyemotionsbecamesoacutelypainfulthatIhadalmostreturnedthewayIcame，withoutaccomplishingthepurposeforwhichIhadgonethusfar；andnothingbuttheconvictionthatmyhavingbeenintheneighbourhoodofCastleConnorwithoutvisitingitsdesolatemistresswouldrendermejustlyliabletotheseverestcensure，couldovercomemyreluctancetoencounteringtheheavytaskwhichwasbeforeme。I

recognisedtheoldservantwhoopenedthedoor，buthedidnotknowme。Iwascompletelychanged；sufferingofbodyandmindhadalteredmeinfeatureandinbearing，asmuchasincharacter。Iaskedthemanwhetherhismistresseversawvisitors。Heanswered：

’Butseldom；perhaps，however，ifsheknewthatanoldfriendwishedtoseeherforafewminutes，shewouldgratifyhimsofar。’

AtthesametimeIplacedmycardinhishand，andrequestedhimtodeliverittohismistress。Hereturnedinafewmoments，sayingthathisladywouldbehappytoseemeintheparlour，andI

accordinglyfollowedhimtothedoor，whichheopened。Ienteredtheroom，andwasinamomentatthesideofmyearlyfriendandbenefactress。Iwastoomuchagitatedtospeak；Icouldonlyholdthehandswhichshegaveme，while，spiteofeveryeffort，thetearsflowedfastandbitterly。

’Itwaskind，very，verykindofyoutocometoseeme，’shesaid，withfarmorecomposurethanIcouldhavecommanded；

’Iseeitisverypainfultoyou。’

Iendeavouredtocomposemyself，andforalittletimeweremainedsilent；shewasthefirsttospeak：

’Youwillbesurprised，Mr。Purcell，whenyouobservethecalmnesswithwhichIcanspeakofhimwhowasdearesttome，whoisgone；butmythoughtsarealwayswithhim，andtherecollectionsofhislove’——hervoicefalteredalittle——’andthehopeofmeetinghimhereafterenablesmetobearexistence。’

IsaidIknownotwhat；somethingaboutresignation，Ibelieve。

’IhopeIamresigned；Godmadememore：so，’shesaid。’Oh，Mr。Purcell，I

haveoftenthoughtIlovedmylostchildTOOwell。Itwasnatural——hewasmyonlychild——hewas——’Shecouldnotproceedforafewmoments：’ItwasverynaturalthatIshouldlovehimasIdid；butitmayhavebeensinful；Ihaveoftenthoughtso。Idoateduponhim——Iidolisedhim——I

thoughttoolittleofotherholieraffections；

andGodmayhavetakenhimfromme，onlytoteachme，bythisseverelesson，thatIowedtoheavenalargershareofmyheartthantoanythingearthly。I

cannotthinkofhimnowwithoutmoresolemnfeelingsthanifhewerewithme。

Thereissomethingholyinourthoughtsofthedead；Ifeelitso。’Afterapause，shecontinued——’Mr。Purcell，doyourememberhisfeatureswell？theywereverybeautiful。’IassuredherthatIdid。

’Thenyoucantellmeifyouthinkthisafaithfullikeness。’Shetookfromadraweracaseinwhichlayaminiature。Itookitreverentlyfromherhands；itwasindeedverylike——touchinglylike。Itoldherso；

andsheseemedgratified。

Astheeveningwaswearingfast，andI

hadfartogo，Ihastenedtoterminatemyvisit，asIhadintended，byplacinginherhandaletterfromhersontome，writtenduringhissojournupontheContinent。I

requestedhertokeepit；itwasoneinwhichhespokemuchofher，andintermsofthetenderestaffection。Asshereaditscontentstheheavytearsgatheredinhereyes，andfell，onebyone，uponthepage；

shewipedthemaway，buttheystillflowedfastandsilently。Itwasinvainthatshetriedtoreadit；hereyeswerefilledwithtears：soshefoldedtheletter，andplaceditinherbosom。Irosetodepart，andshealsorose。

’Iwillnotaskyoutodelayyourdeparture，’saidshe；’yourvisitheremusthavebeenapainfulonetoyou。I

cannotfindwordstothankyoufortheletterasIwouldwish，orforallyourkindness。IthasgivenmeapleasuregreaterthanIthoughtcouldhavefallentothelotofacreaturesoverydesolateasIam；

mayGodblessyouforit!’Andthusweparted；IneversawCastleConnororitssolitaryinmatemore。

THEDRUNKARD’SDREAM。

BeingaFourthExtractfromtheLegacyofthelateF。

Purcell，P。P。ofDrumcoolagh。

’AllthisHEtoldwithsomeconfusionandDismay，theusualconsequenceofdreamsOftheunpleasantkind，withnoneathandToexpoundtheirvainandvisionarygleams，I’veknownsomeoddoneswhichseemedreallyplannedProphetically，asthatwhichonedeems“Astrangecoincidence，“touseaphraseBywhichsuchthingsaresettlednowadays。’

BYRON。

Dreams!Whatage，orwhatcountryoftheworld，hasnotandacknowledgedthemysteryoftheiroriginandend？Ihavethoughtnotalittleuponthesubject，seeingitisonewhichhasbeenoftenforceduponmyattention，andsometimesstrangelyenough；andyetIhaveneverarrivedatanythingwhichatallappearedasatisfactoryconclusion。Itdoesappearthatamentalphenomenonsoextraordinarycannotbewhollywithoutitsuse。Weknow，indeed，thatintheoldentimesithasbeenmadetheorganofcommunicationbetweentheDeityandHiscreatures；andwhen，asIhaveseen，adreamproducesuponamind，toallappearancehopelesslyreprobateanddepraved，aneffectsopowerfulandsolastingastobreakdowntheinveteratehabits，andtoreformthelifeofanabandonedsinner，weseeintheresult，inthereformationofmoralswhichappearedincorrigible，inthereclamationofahumansoulwhichseemedtobeirre-

trievablylost，somethingmorethancouldbeproducedbyamerechimeraoftheslumberingfancy，somethingmorethancouldarisefromthecapriciousimagesofaterrifiedimagination；butoncepresented，webeholdinallthesethings，andintheirtremendousandmysteriousresults，theoperationofthehandofGod。AndwhileReasonrejectsasabsurdthesuperstitionwhichwillreadaprophecyineverydream，shemay，withoutviolencetoherself，recognise，eveninthewildestandmostincongruousofthewanderingsofaslumberingintellect，theevidencesandthefragmentsofalanguagewhichmaybespoken，whichHASbeenspoken，toterrify，towarn，andtocommand。Wehavereasontobelievetoo，bythepromptnessofactionwhichintheageoftheprophetsfollowedallintimationsofthiskind，andbythestrengthofconvictionandstrangepermanenceoftheeffectsresultingfromcertaindreamsinlattertimes，whicheffectsweourselvesmayhavewitnessed，thatwhenthismediumofcommunicationhasbeenemployedbytheDeity，theevidencesofHispresencehavebeenunequivocal。

Mythoughtsweredirectedtothissubject，inamannertoleavealastingimpressionuponmymind，bytheeventswhichI

shallnowrelate，thestatementofwhich，howeverextraordinary，isneverthelessACCURATELYCORRECT。