第105章

Withherownlittlehandsshecutoff，astenderlyasapearispeeled，thebridal-dress，sosteepedandstained，andthenwithherdaintytransparentfingers(nolargerthanapencil)sheprobedthevilewoundintheside，andfetchedthereekingbulletforth；andthenwiththecoldestwaterstanchedtheflowingofthelife-blood。Allthiswhilemydarlinglayinsensible，andwhiteasdeath；andneedednothingbuthermaidenshroud。

ButRuthstillspongedthepoorsideandforehead，andwatchedthelongeyelashesflatuponthemarblecheek；

andlaidherpurefaceonthefaintheart，andbadethemfetchherSpanishwine。Thenshepartedthepearlyteeth(feeblyclenchedonthehoveringbreath)，andpouredinwinefromachristeningspoon，andraisedthegracefulneckandbreast，andstrokedthedelicatethroat，andwaited；andthenpouredinalittlemore。

Annieallthewhilelookedonwithhorrorandamazement，countingherselfnosecond-ratenurse，andthisasagainstalltheory。ButthequietliftingofRuth’shand，andoneglancefromherdarkbrighteyes，toldAnniejusttostandaway，andnotintercepttheairso。AndattheverymomentwhenalltheresthadsettledthatRuthwasasimpleidiot，butcouldnotharmthedeadmuch，alittleflutterinthethroat，followedbyashortlowsigh，madethempause，andlookandhope。

Forhours，however，anddays，shelayattheveryvergeofdeath，keptalivebynothingbutthecare，theskill，thetenderness，andtheperpetualwatchfulnessofRuth。LuckilyAnniewasnotthereveryoften，soastomeddle；forkindandclevernurseasshewas，shemusthavedonemoreharmthangood。Butmybrokenrib，whichwassetbyadoctor，whochancedtobeatthewedding，wasallottedtoAnnie’scare；andgreatinflammationensuing，itwasquiteenoughtocontenther。ThisdoctorhadpronouncedpoorLornadead；

whereforeRuthrefusedmostfirmlytohaveaughttodowithhim。Shetookthewholecaseonherself；andwithGod’shelpsheboreitthrough。

NowwhetheritwerethelightandbrightnessofmyLorna’snature；orthefreedomfromanxiety——forsheknewnotofmyhurt；——or，assomepeoplesaid，herbirthrightamongwoundsandviolence，orhermannerofnotdrinkingbeer——Ileavethatdoctortodeterminewhopronouncedherdead。Butanyhow，onethingiscertain；

sureasstarsofhopeaboveus；Lornarecovered，longereIdid。

Forthegriefwasonmestillofhavinglostmyloveandloveratthemomentshewasmine。Withthepoweroffateuponme，andtheblackcauldronofthewizard’sdeathboilinginmyheatedbrain，Ihadnofaithinthetalestheytold。IbelievedthatLornawasinthechurchyard，whiletheserogueswerelyingtome。Forwithstrengthofbloodlikemine，andpowerofheartbehindit，abrokenbonemustburnitself。

Minewenthardwithfiresofpain，beingofsuchsizeandthickness；andIwasashamedofhimforbreakingbyreasonofapistol-ball，andthemerehugofaman。

Anditfetchedmedowninconceitofstrength；sothatIwascarefulafterwards。

Allthiswasalessontome。Allthismademeveryhumble；illnessbeingathing，asyet，altogetherunknowntome。NotthatIcriedsmall，orskulked，orfearedthedeathwhichsomeforetold；shakingtheirheadsaboutmortification，andagreenappearance。

OnlythatIseemedquitefittogotoheaven，andLorna。Forinmysickdistractedmind(stirredwithmanytossings)，likethebeadinthespreadoffrog-spawncarriedbythecurrent，hungtheblackandcentralessenceofmyfuturelife。AlifewithoutLorna；atadpolelife。Allstupidhead；andnobody。

Manymenmaylikesuchlife；anchorites，fakirs，high-priests，andsoon；buttomymind，itisnotthenativethingGodmeantforus。Mydearestmotherwasashow，withcryingandwithfretting。TheDoones，asshethought，wereborntodestroyus。Scarcehadshecometosomeliveliness(thoughsprinkledwithtears，everynowandthen)afterhergreatbereavement，andtenyears’timetodwellonit——whenlo，herewasherhusband’sson，thepetchildofherowngoodJohn，murderedlikehisfather!Well，thewaysofGodwerewonderful!

Sotheywere，andsotheyare；andsotheyeverwillbe。Letusdebatethemaswewill，arewaysareHis，andmuchthesame；onlysecond-handfromHim。AndI

expectedsomethingfromHim，eveninmyworstoftimes，knowingthatIhaddonemybest。

Thisisnotedifyingtalk——asourNonconformistparsonsays，whenhecangetnomoretodrink——thereforeletmeonlytellwhatbecameofLorna。Oneday，Iwassittinginmybedroom，forIcouldnotgetdownstairs，andtherewasnoonestrongenoughtocarryme，evenifIwouldhaveallowedit。

Thoughitcostmesoretroubleandweariness，IhadputonallmySundayclothes，outofrespectforthedoctor，whowascomingtobleedmeagain(ashealwaysdidtwiceaweek)；anditstruckmethathehadseemedhurtinhismind，becauseIworemyworstclothestobebledin——forlieinbedIwouldnot，aftersixo’clock；

andeventhatwasgreatlaziness。

Ilookedatmyrighthand，whosegrasphadbeenlikethatofablacksmith’svice；anditseemedtomyselfimpossiblethatthiscouldbeJohnRidd’s。Thegreatframeofthehandwasthe