第86章

Icouldnotstayverylong，because，myhorsebeingquiteunfittotravelfromtheinjurieswhichhisviolenceandvicehadbroughtuponhim，therewasnothingformebuttogoonfoot，asnoneofUncleBen’shorsescouldtakemetoPlover’sBarrows，withoutdownrightcruelty：andthoughtherewouldbeaharvest-moon，RuthagreedwithmethatImustnotkeepmymotherwaiting，withnoideawhereImightbe，untilalatehourofthenight。ItoldRuthallaboutourAnnie，andhernoblefurniture；andthelittlemaidwasverylively(althoughherwoundswerepainingherso，thathalfherlaughtercame’onthewrongsideofhermouth，’aswerathercoarselyexpressit)；especiallyshelaughedaboutAnnie’snew-fangledclosetforclothes，orstanding-press，asshecalledit。ThishadfrightenedmesothatIwouldnotcomewithoutmysticktolookatit；forthefrontwasinlaidwithtwofierydragons，andaglasswhichdistortedeverything，makingevenAnnielookhideous；andwhenitwasopened，awoman’sskeleton，allinwhite，revealeditself，inthemidstofthreestandingwomen。’Itisonlytokeepmybestfrocksinshape，’Anniehadexplainedtome；

’hangingthemupdoesruinthemso。ButIownthatI

wasafraidofit，John，untilIhadgotallmybestclothesthere，andthenIbecameveryfondofit。Butevennowitfrightensmesometimesinthemoonlight。’

HavingmadepoorRuthalittlecheerful，withafullaccountofallAnnie’sfrocks，material，pattern，andfashion(ofwhichIhadtakenalistformymother，andforLizzie，lesttheyshouldcryoutatman’sstupidityaboutanythingofrealinterest)，Iproceededtotellheraboutmyowntroubles，andthesuddendepartureofLorna；concludingwithalltheshowofindifferencewhichmypridecouldmuster，thatnowInevershouldseeheragain，andmustdomybesttoforgether，asbeingsofaraboveme。Ihadnotintendedtospeakofthis，butRuth’sfacewassokindandearnest，thatI

couldnotstopmyself。

’Youmustnottalklikethat，CousinRidd，’shesaid，inalowandgentletone，andturningawayhereyesfromme；’noladycanbeaboveaman，whoispure，andbrave，andgentle。Andifherheartbeworthhaving，shewillneverletyougiveherup，forhergrandeur，andhernobility。’

Shepronouncedthoselastfewwords，asIthought，withalittlebitterness，unperceivedbyherselfperhaps，foritwasnotinherappearance。ButI，attachinggreatimportancetoamaiden’sopinionaboutamaiden(becauseshemightjudgefromexperience)，wouldhaveledherfurtherintothatsubject。Butshedeclinedtofollow，havingnownomoretosayinamattersoremovedfromher。ThenIaskedherfullandstraight，andlookingatherinsuchamannerthatshecouldnotlookaway，withoutappearingvanquishedbyfeelingsofherown——whichthingwasveryvileofme；butallmenaresoselfish，——

’Dearcousin，tellme，onceforall，whatisyouradvicetome？’

’Myadvicetoyou，’sheansweredbravely，withherdarkeyesfullofpride，andinsteadofflinching，foilingme，——’istodowhateverymanmustdo，ifhewouldwinfairmaiden。Sinceshecannotsendyoutoken，neitherisfreetoreturntoyou，followher，payyourcourttoher；showthatyouwillnotbeforgotten；andperhapsshewilllookdown——Imean，shewillrelenttoyou。’

’Shehasnothingtorelentabout。Ihavenevervexednorinjuredher。Mythoughtshaveneverstrayedfromher。

Thereisnoonetocomparewithher。’

’Thenkeepherinthatsamemindaboutyou。Seenow，I

canadvisenomore。Myarmisswellingpainfully，inspiteofallyourgoodness，andbittertaskofsurgeonship。Ishallhaveanotherpoulticeon，andgotobed，Ithink，CousinRidd，ifyouwillnotholdmeungrateful。Iamsosorryforyourlongwalk。Surelyitmightbeavoided。GivemylovetodearLizzie：oh，theroomisgoingroundso。’

AndshefaintedintothearmsofSally，whowascomejustintimetofetchher：nodoubtshehadbeensufferingagonyallthetimeshetalkedtome。LeavingwordthatIwouldcomeagaintoinquireforher，andfetchKickumshome，sosoonastheharvestpermittedme，Igavedirectionsaboutthehorse，andstridingawayfromtheancienttown，wassoonuponthemoorlands。

Now，throughthewholeofthatlongwalk——thelatterpartofwhichwasledbystarlight，tillthemoonarose——Idwelt，inmyyoungandfoolishway，upontheorderingofourstepsbyaPowerbeyondus。ButasI

couldnotbringmymindtoanyclearnessuponthismatter，andthestarsshednolightuponit，butratherconfusedmewithwonderinghowtheirLordcouldattendtothemall，andyettoapunyfoollikeme，itcametopassthatmythoughtsonthesubjectwerenotworthink，ifIknewthem。

Butitisperhapsworthinktorelate，sofarasIcandoso，mother’sdelightatmyreturn，whenshehadalmostabandonedhope，andconcludedthatIwasgonetoLondon，indisgustatherbehaviour。Andnowshewaslookingupthelane，attheriseoftheharvest-moon，indespair，asshesaidafterwards。Butifshehaddespairedintruth，whatusetolookatall？YetaccordingtotheepigrammadebyagoodBlundellite，——

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