第88章

OnedayatthebeginningofJuly，Icamehomefrommowingaboutnoon，oralittlelater，tofetchsomeciderforallofus，andtoeatamorselofbacon。Formowingwasnojokethatyear，thesummerbeingwonderfullywet(evenforourwetcountry)，andtheswathefallingheavieroverthescythethaneverIcouldrememberit。Weweredrenchedwithrainalmosteveryday；butthemowingmustbedonesomehow；andwemusttrusttoGodforthehaymaking。

InthecourtyardIsawalittlecart，withironbrakesunderneathit，suchasfastidiouspeopleusetodeadenthejoltingoftheroad；butfewmenunderalordorbaronetwouldbesoparticular。ThereforeIwonderedwhoournoblevisitorcouldbe。ButwhenIenteredthekitchen-place，brushingupmyhairforsomebody，beholditwasnoonegreaterthanourAnnie，withmygodsoninherarms，andlookingpaleandtear-begone。Andatfirstshecouldnotspeaktome。Butpresentlyhavingsatdownalittle，andreceivedmuchpraiseforherbaby，shesmiledandblushed，andfoundhertongueasifshehadnevergonefromus。

’Hownaturalitalllooksagain!Oh，Ilovethisoldkitchenso!Babydear，onlylookatitwidhimpitty，pittyeyes，andhimtongueoutofhismousy!Butwhoputtheflour-riddleupthere。Andlookatthepestleandmortar，andrustIdeclareinthepattypans!Andabook，positivelyadirtybook，wherethecleanskewersoughttohang!Oh，Lizzie，Lizzie，Lizzie!’

’Youmayjustaswellceaselamenting，’Isaid，’foryoucan’talterLizzie’snature，andyouwillonlymakemotheruncomfortable，andperhapshaveaquarrelwithLizzie，whoisproudasPunchofherhousekeeping。’

’She，’criedAnnie，withallthecontemptthatcouldbecompressedinasyllable。’Well，John，nodoubtyouarerightaboutit。Iwilltrynottonoticethings。

Butitisahardthing，afterallmycare，toseeeverythinggoingtoruin。ButwhatcanbeexpectedofagirlwhoknowsallthekingsofCarthage？’

’TherewerenokingsofCarthage，Annie。Theywerecalled，whyletmesee——theywerecalled——oh，somethingelse。’

’Nevermindwhattheywerecalled，’saidAnnie；’willtheycookourdinnerforus？Butnow，John，Iaminsuchtrouble。Allthistalkismake-believe。’

’Don’tyoucry，mydear：don’tcry，mydarlingsister，’

Ianswered，asshedroppedintothewornplaceofthesettle，andbentaboveherinfant，rockingasifboththeirheartswereone：’don’tyouknow，Annie，Icannottell，butIknow，oratleastImean，Ihaveheardthemenofexperiencesay，itissobadforthebaby。’

’PerhapsIknowthataswellasyoudo，John，’saidAnnie，lookingupatmewithagleamofheroldlaughing：’buthowcanIhelpcrying；Iaminsuchtrouble。’

’Tellmewhatitis，mydear。Anygriefofyourswillvexmegreatly；butIwilltrytobearit。’

’Then，John，itisjustthis。Tomhasgoneoffwiththerebels；andyoumust，oh，youmustgoafterhim。’

MovedasIwasbyAnnie’stears，andgentlestyleofcoaxing，andmostofallbymyloveforher，IyetdeclaredthatIcouldnotgo，andleaveourhouseandhomestead，farlessmydearmotherandLizzie，atthemercyofthemercilessDoones。

’Isthatallyourobjection，John？’askedAnnie，inherquickpantingway：’wouldyougobutforthat，John？’

’Now，’Isaid，’beinnosuchhurry’——forwhileIwasgraduallyyielding，Ilikedtopassitthroughmyfingers，asifmyfingersshapedit：’therearemanythingstobethoughtabout，andmanywaysofviewingit。’

’Oh，younevercanhavelovedLorna!Nowonderyougaveherupso!John，youcanlovenobody，butyouroat-ricks，andyourhay-ricks。’

’Sistermine，becauseIrantnot，neitherraveofwhatIfeel，canyoubesoshallowastodreamthatIfeelnothing？WhatisyourloveforTomFaggus？Whatisyourloveforyourbaby(prettydarlingasheis)tocomparewithsuchaloveasforeverdwellswithme？

BecauseIdonotprateofit；becauseitisbeyondme，notonlytoexpress，butevenformtomyownheartinthoughts；becauseIdonotshapemyface，andwouldscorntoplaytoit，asathingofacting，andlayitoutbeforeyou，areyoufoolsenoughtothink——’buthereIstopped，havingsaidmorethanwasusualwithme。

’Iamverysorry，John。DearJohn，Iamsosorry。

WhatashallowfoolIam!’

’Iwillgoseekyourhusband，’Isaid，tochangethesubject，foreventoAnni