第94章

Bysomestrangechanceshesawme。Orwasitthroughourdestiny？Whilewitheyeskeptsedulouslyonthemarblefloor，toshuntheweightofadmirationthrusttooboldlyonthem，whilewithshyquickstepsshepassed，someone(perhapswithpurpose)trodontheskirtofherclearwhitedress，——withthequicknesstaughtherbymanyasceneofdanger，shelookedup，andhereyesmetmine。

AsIgazeduponher，steadfastly，yearningly，yetwithsomereproach，andmoreofpridethanhumility，shemademeoneofthecourtlybowswhichIdosomuchdetest；yeteventhatwassweetandgraceful，whenmyLornadidit。Butthecolourofherpureclearcheekswasnearlyasdeepasthatofmyown，whenshewentonforthereligiouswork。Andtheshiningofhereyeswasowingtoanunpaiddebtoftears。

UponthewholeIwassatisfied。Lornahadseenme，andhadnot(accordingtothephraseofthehighworldthen)eventriedto’cut’me。Whetherthislowphraseisbornoftheirownstupidmeanness，orwhetheritcomesofnecessityexercisedonamanwithoutmoney，I

knownot，andIcarenot。ButonethingIknowrightwell；anymanwho’cuts’aman(exceptforviceormeanness)shouldbequarteredwithoutquarter。

AlltheseproudthoughtsrosewithinmeasthelovelyformofLornawentinside，andwasnomoreseen。AndthenIfelthowcoarseIwas；howapttothinkstrongthoughts，andsoon；withoutbrainstobearmeout：

evenasahen’segg，laidwithoutenoughoflime，andlookingonlyapoorjelly。

Nevertheless，Iwaitedon；asmyusualmanneris。Fortobebeaten，whilerunningaway，istentimesworsethantofaceitout，andtakeit，andhavedonewithit。SoatleastIhavealwaysfound，becauseofreproachofconscience：andallthethingsthosecleverpeoplecarriedoninside，atlarge，mademelongforourParsonBowdenthathemightknowhowtoact。

WhileIstoredup，inmymemory，enoughtokeepourparsongoingthroughsixpipesonaSaturdaynight——tohaveitasrightascouldbenextday——aleanmanwithayellowbeard，toothinforagoodCatholic(whichreligionalwaysfattens)，cameuptome，workingsideways，inthemannerofafemalecrab。

’Thisisnottomyliking，’Isaid：’ifaughtthouhast，speakplainly；whiletheymakethathorriblenoiseinside。’

Nothinghadthismantosay；butwithmanysighs，becauseIwasnotoftheproperfaith，hetookmyreprobatehandtosaveme：andwithseveralreligioustears，lookedupatme，andwinkedwithoneeye。

Althoughtheskinofmypalmswasthick，Ifeltalittlesuggestionthere，asofagentleleafinspring，fearingtoseemtooforward。Ipaidtheman，andhewenthappy；forthestandardofhereticalsilverispurerthanthatoftheCatholics。

ThenIliftedupmylittlebillet；andinthatdarkcornerreadit，withastrongrainbowofcolourscomingfromtheangledlight。Andinmineeyestherewasenoughtomakerainbowofstrongestsun，asmyangercloudedoff。

Notthatitbegansowell；butthatinmyheartIknew(erethreelineswerethroughme)thatIwaswithallheartloved——andbeyondthat，whomayneed？Thedarlingofmylifewenton，asifIwereofherownrank，orevenbetterthanshewas；andshedottedher’i’s，’andcrossedher’t’s，’asifIwereatleastaschoolmaster。Allofitwasdoneinpencil；butasplainasplaincouldbe。Inmycoffinitshalllie，withmyringandsomethingelse。ThereforewillInotexposeittoeverymanwhobuysthisbook，andhaplythinksthathehasboughtmetothebottomofmyheart。

Enoughformenofgentlebirth(whoneverareinquisitive)thatmylovetoldme，inherletter，justtocomeandseeher。

Iranaway，andcouldnotstop。Tobeholdevenher，atthemoment，wouldhavedashedmyfancy’sjoy。Yetmybrainwassoamiss，thatImustdosomething。

ThereforetotheriverThames，withallspeed，I

hurried；andkeepingallmybestclotheson(induedforsakeofLorna)，intothequietstreamIleaped，andswamasfarasLondonBridge，andatenoblerdinnerafterwards。

Althoughamanmaybeassimpleastheflowersofthefield；knowingwhen，butscarcelywhy，heclosestothebitterwind；andfeelingwhy，butscarcelywhen，heopenstothegenialsun；yetwithouthisquestingmuchintothec